BEYOND THE BONUS: Why Most Year-End Recognition Programs Miss the Mark

(LISTEN TO THE NARRATED AUDIOARTICLE VERSION)

Money might buy effort, but it doesn’t buy connection. We’ve built entire corporate traditions around saying “thank you” with money, especially this time of year. It’s easy, measurable, but no one ever said, “Wow, that Starbucks gift card changed my life!” The brain forgets gift cards; what it remembers are the moments between humans, especially if those moments are charged with emotion and authenticity. Meaningful recognition is personal and precise: it honours each person’s unique wiring, lands in the way they most like to be seen, and tells the story of how their contribution truly mattered.

THE GIFT CARD PROBLEM

Handing someone a $100 gift card feels like a tidy solution: it's quick, fair, and measurable. But it is not memorable.

Neuroscientific research shows that monetary rewards can trigger a short-term dopamine spike, but the effect fades quickly once the novelty wears off. Recognition that connects emotionally, however, activates the brain’s social reward pathways and releases hormones associated with trust and connection. Once the moment of appreciation passes without personal meaning attached, the brain simply files it away as routine. That is why the gift card gets spent and forgotten (or sometimes just forgotten altogether).

Leaders who rely solely on financial gestures miss the opportunity to reinforce culture, values, and shared purpose.

THE PSYCHOLOGY OF APPRECIATION

According to Harvard Business Review (2022) in "The Power of Recognition: Why Appreciation Matters More Than Ever," by Josh Bersin and Jennifer Goler, people who regularly receive meaningful, personal recognition are more than twice as likely to describe themselves as thriving at work. When we feel appreciated by someone we respect, our brains associate that interaction with belonging and safety. It signals, “You matter here.”

Research from the University of North Carolina, led by Sara Algoe and her colleagues (Algoe, Fredrickson, and Gable, 2013, Frontiers in Psychology), found that expressions of gratitude stimulate the brain’s medial prefrontal cortex, which governs empathy and moral reasoning. Their studies show that gratitude strengthens relational bonds, promotes prosocial behaviour, and reinforces a shared sense of humanity. When recognition is genuine and specific, both the giver and receiver experience a measurable boost in emotional connection and trust.

This is what makes appreciation such a powerful leadership tool: it strengthens the relational tissue of your organization, one moment at a time.

THE POWER OF SPECIFICITY

Generic praise such as “Great work this quarter” barely registers. Our brains are wired to notice detail, context, and meaning. Specificity gives recognition its staying power because it anchors the compliment in real evidence.

Instead of saying, “Thanks for your hard work,” try: “Your calm and steady leadership during that product launch helped the team stay focused and confident under pressure. I noticed how the team really watches you for cues, so thank you for being a role model for how to stay grounded when the ground is shifting.” That precision tells the recipient what mattered and why it mattered. It also teaches them what to repeat.

To make recognition truly land, it must also fit the person’s wiring. Some people feel seen through words; others through visible trust, responsibility, or autonomy. An introverted analyst might appreciate a quiet one-to-one thank you, while an extroverted salesperson might thrive on a public shout out at the next team meeting.

As a leader, think about each person’s preferences, communication style, and motivation triggers:

• Drivers and fast thinkers often respond best to recognition that is linked to results and impact: “Your strategic clarity helped us close that deal ahead of schedule.”

• Relational and harmony-oriented types value appreciation that focuses on collaboration and connection: “Your empathy and focus on teamwork really helped this new team gel and connect with each other.”

• Analytical personalities feel validated by recognition that is tied to competence and accuracy: “Your attention to detail in the design phase saved us eight hours of rework and prevented a major error from reaching the client.”

• Visionary innovators are motivated by purpose and growth: “Your creative improvement ideas completely reframed how we think about this challenge, and we now have a new perspective on what is possible.”

• Grounded stabilizers appreciate recognition that acknowledges dependability, consistency, and care: “Your reliability and calm presence helped keep everyone steady through a demanding season.”

Understanding these nuances ensures your appreciation is heard in the language that resonates most deeply with them.

WHEN RECOGNITION GETS PERSONAL

One VP client I worked with wrote a handwritten note to every one of his 40+ employees before the holidays. Each card mentioned one specific thing that person had done to make a difference to the business, the team, or the culture. It took him two weeks, some purposeful reflection about each person, and a commitment to being authentic and intentional. Many employees kept those notes on their desks months later. The message they remembered was simple: “You matter here.”

PITFALLS OF FORCED GRATITUDE

Mass emails thanking “all our rockstars” rarely land well. They often feel obligatory rather than authentic. Forced gratitude can backfire, creating cynicism rather than appreciation. Real recognition names the specific effort, describes the impact, and acknowledges the human quality that made it possible. It tells a story about contribution rather than issuing a generic compliment.

Authenticity matters more than volume. The goal is not to praise everyone equally; it is to connect meaningfully with each person in a way that reflects who they are and what they value.

REFRAMING RECOGNITION: LEADERS AS STORYTELLERS

True recognition goes beyond thank yous. It is storytelling. Great leaders narrate contribution instead of counting output. They help employees see how their actions shape the larger story of the organization. When you tell the story of how someone’s effort led to a client success, a culture shift, or a team breakthrough, you translate performance into purpose.

Meaningful recognition sounds like this:

• “Because you challenged that assumption in the meeting, we ended up opening up new opportunities for growth we wouldn't have explored otherwise.”

• “You probably didn’t realize it at the time, but the way you handled that difficult customer modelled what great customer support looks like and set the tone for the whole team.”

Recognition that tells a story has the power to shape identity. People begin to see themselves as contributors to something bigger than their job description.

YOUR COACHING CHALLENGE

Before the year ends, take time to make your recognition intentional.

1. Reflect: Think about the people whose work made a genuine difference this year. What did they contribute that strengthened the team, the culture, or your leadership? What emotion comes up when you think about them (gratitude, admiration, respect, pride)? Capture that first feeling; it will guide your message.

2. Tailor: Consider how each person prefers to be appreciated. Do they enjoy public acknowledgment, or does that make them uncomfortable? Would they rather receive a personal note, a quick coffee chat, a quiet expression of trust, or a shoutout in a team meeting?

3. Articulate: Express your thanks in a way that connects. Be specific about what they did, describe the impact, and name the quality it revealed about them that you admire.

4. Anchor: End with how it matters to you personally or to the organization. “That moment reminded me why I am so proud to lead this team.”

Finally, consider that recognition done well is not a seasonal task; it is a leadership habit that builds your culture all year long.

WHEN TYPE BECOMES STEREOTYPE: The Problem with Over-Generalized Labels

“I start tuning out when type becomes stereotype.” That line came from my fellow Integral Master Coach, Michael Lamberti, during a recent exchange we had on LinkedIn, and I haven’t stopped thinking about it. In his post, Michael noted that some psychometrics teachers make irresponsible generalizations about their tools. And he’s right. I attended a workshop where a teacher told us that a certain personality type only had half of their emotions to work with. It made me roll my eyes so hard I could see my brain.

Personality frameworks and psychometric tools can be game-changing in leadership development, but when type turns into stereotype, we stop seeing the human being in front of us. It’s like mistaking a rough sketch for a finished painting. And when frameworks are distilled down too far, they risk becoming little more than an over-generalized sketch of the individual.

I’ve seen it happen in my work with teams, too. Someone reads their Enneagram Type 7 description to the group, and everyone around them assumes they must be the extroverted life of the party. A leader is tagged as an Insights “Cool Blue,” so the unspoken expectation is that they’ll be meticulous, logical, and great at budgets. Or someone is identified as a Myers-Briggs 'ENTJ,' and the stereotype is that they’ll automatically be a bold, take-charge executive. The problem is that these shorthand labels can blind us to a richer sense of a person's wiring: their values, communication preferences, decision-making styles, quirks, blind spots, limiting beliefs, assumptions, and untapped strengths. When we collapse someone down to the boilerplate description of a single 'type', we miss the richer, more complex portrait right in front of us.

THE DANGER OF ONE-DIMENSIONAL LABELS

Psychometric tools have enormous value. I use them frequently in designing coaching programs to meet my clients where they are, and to help me calibrate our live 1:1 coaching sessions. These tools can shine a light on how we process information, what motivates us, and how we’re wired under stress. But even when we make use of all the rich and robust aspects of a single psychometric model, it still offers just one window into a person. To see someone fully, we need to look through multiple lenses, each revealing different aspects of who they are and how they show up.

The danger comes when we let that single lens define the person. A DISC “C” detail-oriented leader may not actually be strong at planning or follow-through. An “influencing” style might not guarantee charisma or natural leadership. Labelling in this way becomes lazy shorthand and robs us of the deeper nuances of the real, evolving human sitting across from us. This is often how stereotypes are born: each of these psychometric tools has robust depth, with multiple layers of nuance and insight, but when people only memorize or repeat the surface-level summary, the richness is lost, and a flat stereotype takes its place.

This isn’t a new problem. Research on personality assessments has long cautioned against treating results as static or predictors of success. These tools reveal tendencies and preferences, not absolutes. And yet, I still hear leaders in meetings say things like: “Oh, she’s an Insights Yellow, she’ll love this project,” or “He’s an Enneagram 9, so conflict will always be hard for him,” or “Her Myers-Briggs ‘I’ is too high to be successful in that role.” That’s not development; that’s stereotyping.

WHY A DASHBOARD IS BETTER THAN A SINGLE GAUGE

Think about the dashboard in your car. When going on a road trip, you wouldn’t rely only on the speedometer and ignore the fuel gauge, oil pressure, or engine lights. Understanding people (and ourselves) also requires us to pay attention to a dashboard of indicators.

Here’s what that looks like in practice:

• Psychometrics give you a single lens on patterns and preferences.

• Feedback (formal and informal) gives you an external lens.

• Self-observation exercises looking for patterns and behaviours adds a third.

• Context and environment matter too; how someone shows up can shift depending on culture, stress, and team dynamics.

• Values and motivators offer another gauge, revealing what drives someone beneath the surface.

• Experimentation shows you what happens when you try something new, then reflect on the gap between what you expected and what actually happened.

• Coaching conversations, 360s, and stretch assignments each add data points to your dashboard.

The more gauges you can read, the more accurate your navigation becomes. Lean on just one, and you may think you’re cruising along safely, while in reality you’re going to run out of fuel in 20 kilometers.

MICHAEL LAMBERTI ON THE ENNEAGRAM

This is where I circle back to Michael’s terrific work with the Enneagram, a tool that, when used to its full depth, can surface profound insights about motivation and growth edges. It’s one of the most accurate and robust psychometric tools out there. But his caution is the same as mine: reducing people to stereotypes does them a tremendous disservice. If you’re curious to go deeper into the Enneagram and its applications for leadership, I encourage you to check out Michael Lamberti’s offerings on Substack and LinkedIn. He’s an excellent resource.

SO WHAT SHOULD LEADERS DO?

If you’re a leader using psychometric results to guide development, here’s my invitation:

• Treat assessments as conversation starters, not finish lines.

• Resist the urge to let a label explain away deeper nuances or complexity.

• Stay curious about contradictions: the “introvert” who loves public speaking, the “detail person” who thrives in chaos.

Your team is made up of multi-layered, surprising, sometimes contradictory human beings. Honour that complexity. When type becomes stereotype, you stop seeing potential. But when type is just one gauge on a broader dashboard, you get a far truer picture of the leader – and the person – in front of you.

And when it comes to your own development, choose a coach who works with multiple lenses. A one-dimensional coaching approach will give you a single rough sketch of yourself, which may or may not be useful. The most effective coaches bring in a variety of perspectives and lenses. In Integral Coaching, for example, we look through six interwoven lenses and more than 20 sub-lenses that explore different dimensions of a client’s way of being. Executive coaching then adds further angles such as live observation, feedback, and triangulation with the client’s leader, reflection on developmental objectives, and real-world experimentation. Together, this layered approach offers a far more complete picture of who someone is and how they can grow.

YOUR COACHING CHALLENGE

This week, make it a practice to notice when you or others fall into shorthand labelling. Each time you hear someone say, “She’s a Yellow,” or “He’s so Type 8,” pause and treat it as a piece of data – but not the whole story. Your challenge is to experiment with the mindset that ‘people are layered, dynamic, and evolving’ in your daily interactions.

Here’s how:

1. Observe one colleague through the lens you normally use, and label them. For example, my go-to lens is the Enneagram, so I would choose a person, and label them with what I think is their Ennea-type (E7w6).

2. Now, look at that colleague through at least three different lenses (eg: their behaviour under stress, their underlying motivators, their communication style, their values, their interpersonal skills, the cultural or team context they’re operating within, their internal mindset or state, and the systems or structures influencing them). These additional perspectives reflect the inner world, outer behaviour, relationships, and environment, all shaping who someone is and how they show up.

3. Journal a brief reflection: What were the built-in assumptions you made when you first typed them? What additional insights came when you looked again through additional lenses? Where did your assumptions limit your ability to see them fully before?

4. Next, try a small experiment in a conversation with this person: frame a question that draws out the very differences you noticed in your reflection. For example, if you assumed they were detail-oriented but discovered they are more motivated by big picture impact, ask what outcomes feel most meaningful to them. If you assumed they avoid conflict but saw signs of strongly held values under pressure, ask what principles guide them when the stakes are high. Pay attention to how their answers confirm, challenge, or expand your assumptions, and consider how you might adjust your approach to meet them where they actually are, rather than where you thought they were.

People are never one-dimensional. They are shaped by inner states, observable behaviours, relationships, and environments. When you consciously widen your view, you start to see the whole layered painting rather than just the roughly sketched outline.

If you’d like support building your own dashboard of lenses and experimenting with them in real life, reach out for a free exploratory conversation at www.leslierohonczy.com. I’d love to be your coach.

MICRO-YES LEADERSHIP: How Small Agreements Build Big Momentum

Some of the most pivotal leadership decisions are invisible. They aren’t made in boardrooms; they’re made during side chats, hallway run-ins, and Teams threads where no one is keeping score. Influence isn’t earned in a single moment. It’s built in fragments. This article is about that invisible work.

Micro-Yes Leadership is the practice I created for intentionally building momentum through small, cumulative agreements. Not the sweeping yes at the end of the strategy deck. But the little yeses that come long before: the raised eyebrows of curiosity, the half-nods in hallway conversations, the "I hadn't thought of it that way" a-ha moments during early stakeholder chats. It's the art of collecting permission, trust, and alignment in bits and pieces, long before the big meeting even happens.

 It's not persuasion. It's not consensus-seeking. It's influence, scaled down to human size.

WHY MICRO-YES LEADERSHIP MATTERS

In most organizations, change doesn’t happen by declaration. It happens through relationship. It happens because someone felt seen. Because someone felt safe. Because the idea wasn’t dropped on them cold.

Micro-Yeses are like trail markers. They let you know someone is still with you, even if they’re not ready for the whole hike yet.

When a leader overlooks these smaller moments, they often end up surprised when their brilliant pitch lands with a thud. "But the strategy was solid," they say. Maybe so. But alignment isn't an event. It is a process.

WHAT MICRO-YES LEADERS DO DIFFERENTLY

Micro-Yes Leaders listen for subtle cues: curiosity, hesitation, invitation. They notice when someone is warming to an idea, even if they're not ready to say yes just yet. They don't rush the moment; they honour it.

They create the space and time needed for engagement before commitment. They test ideas gently, adapt their language, and check for readiness. They understand that "yes" has many flavours: "Yes, I hear you." "Yes, I trust you." "Yes, I’ll keep thinking about it." 

Micro-Yes Leaders don't bulldoze their vision through the organization. They build it with others, one conversation at a time.

HOW TO BUILD YOUR OWN MICRO-YES PRACTICE

Start by shifting how you define progress. Instead of measuring influence by the number of decisions made, start tracking the number of meaningful engagements. Who asked you a thoughtful question? Who stayed behind after the meeting to clarify something? Who referenced your idea a week later in a different setting?

Here are a few micro-practices you can experiment with that build momentum:

• Pre-socialize the idea. Share early thinking with a few trusted voices before bringing it to a larger group. Let them react. Adapt based on what you learn.

• Ask for input, not agreement. "How does this land with you?" goes further than "Do you agree?"

• Name the trail markers. Say, "It sounds like you're not on board yet, but you're open to exploring." That creates space for evolving commitment.

• Celebrate the half-yes. Recognize movement, even if it’s not a full endorsement.

THE REAL WIN

Micro-Yes Leadership isn't about manipulation or slow-walking people into things. It's about building trust, and recognizing that real influence is built in informal moments that can feel quiet, impromptu, and unimportant at the time. Until they're not.

If you're waiting for the 'big meeting' to make your case, you might be too late. The decision has often already been made in fragments, in hallways, and in those micro-yes moments you didn’t see. But when you know what to look for, you start to notice how influence actually works: quietly, relationally, and while in motion. You may be amazed at the opportunities you find to shape momentum in small ways that stick.

So look hard. Listen closely. And start where great leadership always starts: with one person, one conversation, and one well-earned yes.

INFLUENCE MAPPING: A Tool for Strategic Career Growth

Leslie Rohonczy, IMC™, PCC, Executive Coach, Leadership Expert, Speaker, Author

I started working with a senior leader a few months ago, and was excited to help him explore his coaching topic. He wanted to become a high-performing executive and strengthen trust with his peer group. His intention was clear and his commitment seemed high.

In one of our early sessions, I asked him to walk me through his key relationships; the people whose support, trust, and collaboration would be essential to his success. He paused, then said, “Well… I think I have good relationships with most people.”

It wasn’t a bad answer. But it was vague, which told me we’d struck a golden coaching opportunity. I walked him through a powerful tool I developed called the Influence Map. This deceptively simple visual tool helped us map out who mattered most, how much trust existed, whether the influence flowed one way or both, and what kind of emotional cost each relationship carried.

Within minutes, the picture was clear. He was pouring energy into a relationship that wasn’t strategic, avoiding a critical alliance because it felt hard, and underestimating how much invisible credibility he’d already earned in a few places where he’d assumed indifference. He realized that, when it came to strategic relationships, he didn’t need more effort; he needed more precision.

Influence mapping makes visible the invisible social ecosystem you’re leading in. And once you see it, you can lead inside it with far more intention and confidence.

 WHY INFLUENCE MAPPING MATTERS

Influence at the executive level doesn’t follow job titles or org charts. It moves through the channels of trust, clarity, alignment, and shared purpose. If you're trying to drive change, shape culture, or lead cross-functionally, you need more than positional authority. You need strategic influence.

 The Influence Map helps you:

• Clarify who matters most to your success

• Diagnose the quality and direction of those relationships

• Get conscious about where you're spending too much or too little energy

• Make behavioural choices that improve trust and impact

Many leaders don’t realise until they map it out that they’re overspending influence capital in the wrong places, under-investing in key allies, or coasting in relationships that are quietly draining their credibility.

HOW TO USE THE INFLUENCE MAP

STEP 1: IDENTIFY THE KEY PLAYERS
Using the Influence Map template, place your name in the centre. Then, in the surrounding circles, add the names of individuals who significantly impact your ability to succeed, grow, and lead effectively. Think beyond your immediate team: include your boss, cross-functional partners, direct reports, key external stakeholders, or influential board members. Influence is about proximity to power and perception, not just title.

 STEP 2: TAKE A RELATIONSHIP SNAPSHOT
For each individual, reflect on these four indicators:

• Trust Level (Low, Medium, High): Is this relationship built on mutual trust?

• Influence Flow (One-Way or Two-Way): Do you influence each other, or is the flow lopsided?

• Current Currency: What do you bring to this relationship that earns you influence? Clarity? Calm? Creativity? Reliability? Insight?

• Emotional Cost (Low, Medium, High): How much energy does this person require from you?

This step alone can surface powerful insights. I’ve seen clients realise that the person they’re working hardest to impress doesn’t actually influence the outcomes that matter most.

STEP 3: DEFINE YOUR STRATEGIC INTENT
Ask yourself:

• What is the strategic purpose of this relationship?

• What would make this connection more effective?

• What’s one behavioural shift I could try to improve it?

Maybe it’s slowing your pace with a fast-moving peer. Or being more transparent with a cautious, trust-sensitive stakeholder. Or having clearer asks with someone who always offers support but rarely follows through.

 STEP 4: PRIORITISE YOUR INFLUENCE
Use simple symbols to code your map:

• STAR = Needs your attention

• CHECKMARK = Strong and stable

• TRIANGLE = Draining without enough return

 Then ask:

• Who are your allies and advocates?

• Who represents active friction?

• Where is there untapped opportunity?

Mapping this visually helps you spot patterns. Maybe all your strong relationships are downward, and you’ve neglected peer or upward influence. Or maybe one draining connection is hijacking your attention and causing unproductive spirals.

EXPLORE POWER DYNAMICS AND POLITICAL ACUMEN

Influence is relational, but it’s also political. Not in the Machiavellian sense, but in the sense of understanding where power lives and how decisions are made.

For each person on your map, ask:

• What motivates or unsettles them?

• How do they like to receive information?

• How is power expressed in this relationship, and how do I tend to respond?

• What other relationship could help me improve this one?

One client discovered that his most difficult cross-functional partner was deeply influenced by someone he hadn’t built a strong connection with – a surprising but powerful pivot point. Strengthening that second relationship softened the resistance in the first.

ACTION PLAN: WHERE TO START

Choose one relationship on your map that is costing you significant energy but yielding low influence or trust in return. Ask yourself:

• What am I trying to get from this relationship?

• Is that realistic, or am I overplaying it?

• Could a shift to curious diplomacy help? Or is a strategic withdrawal more appropriate?

Influence is rarely about pushing harder. It’s about choosing where and how to invest, creating conditions where trust can take root, and where alignment becomes possible.

READY TO MAP YOUR INFLUENCE?

You don’t need to overhaul your entire relationship strategy overnight. But you do need to look at it. Influence is one of your most valuable leadership assets, and yet most executives don’t take the time to map, audit, or recalibrate it.

Try the Influence Map. Get curious. And if you want help unpacking the patterns or crafting a game plan to lead with more impact and less friction, let’s talk.

I coach senior leaders to build trust, navigate power dynamics, and lead with clarity, confidence, and connection. Reach out today to grow your leadership influence, at www.leslierohonczy.com.

"I'M SO BUSY!" How Our Busyness Attachment Kills Trust & Impact

Leslie Rohonczy, IMC™, PCC, Executive Coach, Leadership Expert, Speaker, Author

“I’m just so busy.” We say it, hear it, and even wear it like a badge. But somewhere along the way, busy stopped being impressive – and started becoming a liability.

It’s time to challenge one of leadership’s most quietly damaging blind spots: the cult of busyness.

For years, “busy” has been shorthand for “important.” It signals hustle, responsibility, leadership weight. But there’s an uncomfortable truth beneath this 4-letter word: when busy becomes your default, your credibility takes the hit. Your team gets your leftovers. Strategy disappears. And trust is the first casualty.

Believe me, this is NOT a productivity article. Think of it more like a leadership reckoning. One that calls on high-performing, high-capacity professionals to stop hiding behind full calendars, and start showing up with full presence.

WHEN BUSY ISN’T BRAVE – IT’S BLIND

Many of the senior leaders I coach are smart, committed, and wildly capable. But they’re also often stuck, drowning in meetings, firefighting and problem-solving all day long, running from one obligation to the next with barely a breath in between. And when we dig into the research about this, something strange emerges: they often can’t remember what strategic work they actually did that week.

They’re not failing because they’re lazy. They’re failing because they’re too busy to lead. Here’s what that kind of busyness costs you:

• Trust erosion: When your team sees you rushing, cancelling, or distracted, they stop bringing you their best. They assume you don’t have time for real conversation.

• Tactical tunnel vision: Your attention is spent reacting, not shaping. Urgent wins. Important waits.

• Missed influence moments: Strategic presence isn’t just about being in the room. It’s about how you show up. If your energy is thin and transactional, so is your impact.

• Credibility creep: Leaders who are constantly busy but rarely available get labelled as unreliable, scattered, or avoidant – even if their intentions are solid.

The busyness bias tells you that filling your calendar is the same as fulfilling your role. It’s not.

A TIME ISSUE – OR A TRUTH ISSUE?

Let’s get clear: busyness isn’t always about workload or external pressure. More often, it’s an emotional decoy – a polished distraction that protects us from something deeper and more uncomfortable.

In coaching sessions, when I ask leaders what might be underneath their relentless pace, I often hear a pause. Then something raw emerges:

• "If I’m not busy, am I still valuable?"

• "If I slow down, will everything fall apart?"

• "If I delegate, will people realise I’m not as indispensable as they think?"

Busyness can serve as armour. It shields us from vulnerability. It lets us avoid the hard work of confronting our worth, our fear of irrelevance, or our struggle with control. But here’s the truth: filling your calendar won’t fill the gap left by uncertainty, self-doubt, or the need for external validation.

This isn’t a time management issue. It’s a mindset and meaning issue. And until we start asking better questions about what our busyness is really doing for us, we can’t lead with full presence.

So let me ask you the real question: What is your busyness protecting you from?

• “If I’m not busy, am I still valuable?”

• “If I slow down, will everything fall apart?”

• “If I delegate, will they realise they don’t need me?”

These are mindset issues, not time issues. And they’re incredibly common. We don’t just have a time management problem. We have a permission problem.

Permission to focus.

Permission to say no.

Permission to stop doing and start leading.

THE LEADERSHIP COST OF BUSY CULTURE

High-output cultures often reward busyness, but rarely examine its downstream impact.

Ask yourself:

• Do I equate visibility with value?

• Am I filling space or creating value?

• Do my actions signal strategic focus – or survival mode?

Because here’s what’s really happening in most “too busy” leaders:

They’re reactive, not responsive. They move fast but think shallow. And over time, they erode the trust, creativity, and collaboration that leadership depends on.

SO, WHAT’S THE ALTERNATIVE?

What does it look like to unhook from busy – and step into something more powerful?

It looks like this:

• A leader who blocks white space in their week to think, not just react.

• A VP who finishes meetings early to give people breathing room.

• An executive who says no with clarity, because strategy is about choosing.

And it sounds like this:

“Let’s revisit what matters most this quarter.”

“If I step back here, what does the team step into?”

“Where is my presence needed – not just my time?”

This isn’t about working less. It’s about leading more intentionally.

THREE PRACTICES TO BREAK THE BUSY BIAS

You don’t need a sabbatical. You need a reset. Here’s where to begin:

1. Audit Your Leadership Calendar

For one week, track your time. Label it: Operational? Relational? Strategic? Then ask yourself: What am I doing out of habit or fear? What am I avoiding? What am I missing? If your calendar doesn’t reflect your priorities, it’s time to renegotiate.

2. Notice the Story Underneath

Ask yourself: What am I afraid would happen if I weren’t so busy? What belief is driving your behaviour? Often, it’s about worth, fear of irrelevance, or discomfort with delegation. Awareness is the first step to choosing differently.

3. Create a Weekly White Space Ritual

Block 90 minutes each week to step out of the churn. No meetings. No messages. Just think, reflect, recalibrate. Ask: What does the organization need from me this week? What does my team need from me? Who haven’t I been fully present with?

BUSY ISN’T A BADGE. IT’S A BARRIER.

Let’s stop rewarding chronic overload like it’s leadership gold. Busyness isn’t your brand. Presence is. Trust doesn’t grow in chaos. Strategy doesn’t emerge from noise. And your influence doesn’t deepen when you’re double-booked and distracted. So the next time you’re tempted to lead with “I’m so busy,” try this instead:

“I’m focused on what matters most.”

“I have the space to think about that properly.”

“I’ve made time for this conversation because it’s important.”

Now that’s leadership impact.

Ready to Reclaim Your Strategic Presence?

If you’re ready to break free from busy and build a leadership brand based on clarity, trust, and presence – let’s talk. Executive coaching can help you rewire your leadership approach, redefine how you spend your time, and refocus your energy on what creates real impact.

Schedule a complimentary discovery session at www.leslierohonczy.com. Let’s stop being busy – and start being bold.

DOES EMOTION HAVE A PLACE IN LEADERSHIP? How High-Performing Leaders Use EQ

Leslie Rohonczy, IMC™, PCC, Executive Coach, Leadership Expert, Speaker, Author

A few days ago, my son-in-law, a psychology student, asked me a deceptively simple question as part of his research project: “How do you define emotion?” It stopped me in my tracks, not because I didn’t have an answer, but because I realised that, when anyone asks me about emotion, it's usually in the context of "how do I stop feeling these uncomfortable emotions, and get more of the feel-good ones?"

 We often use the word emotion, assuming that everyone knows what we mean. Yet most of us would struggle to pin down exactly what emotion is, especially in the context of leadership. I sat with his question for a moment, recognising that this was more than just a question for a student paper. It was a doorway into one of the most misunderstood aspects of being human, and one of the most underutilised leadership assets.

 Ask a thousand people what emotion is, and you’ll get a thousand different definitions. But here’s the one I gave my son-in-law, and it’s the one I’ve come to believe as an executive coach, after years of witnessing leaders, teams, and organizations grow and thrive because of what emotion makes visible.

Emotion is data. It is the body’s first response to a stimulus, often milliseconds before our conscious mind has time to interpret it. From a neuroscience perspective, our amygdala (the emotional processing centre) activates more quickly than our prefrontal cortex (our logic and analysis centre). In other words, emotion is faster than logic, louder than reason, and inconveniently immune to our efforts to suppress or ignore it. That can feel unsettling, particularly for those who pride themselves on rational decision-making and derive their leadership credibility from cognitive mastery.

 But emotion is also meaning. It’s how we register what matters. Whether it’s joy lighting us up, anger alerting us to a boundary, or fear waving a bright red flag, emotion helps us locate ourselves in the world, and in leadership, in real time.

 And yet, despite being one of the most common and trustworthy internal indicators we have, emotion has long been treated like a professional liability. Too unpredictable. Too messy. Too… human.

THE CULTURE OF EMOTIONAL SUPPRESSION

 Most of us were taught to manage emotion by suppressing it: Don’t take it personally. Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve. Don't be 'too much'. Don’t let them see you sweat. In other words: don’t feel. Or, at least, don’t show that you feel.

 We’ve been sold the myth that emotional neutrality equals professionalism; that stoicism is strength. But that approach often backfires because when leaders minimize emotion, they don’t actually regulate it, they repress it. And repressed emotion doesn’t disappear. Ever. It goes underground, festering, until it leaks out sideways, in sarcasm, defensiveness, and passive-aggressive emails, contributing to a culture of fear and silence. The result is disconnected leaders, disengaged teams, and decisions that lack empathy, context, and alignment.

EMOTION AS BUSINESS INTELLIGENCE

 Let’s reframe the story. Emotion isn’t just a personal experience; it’s a form of business intelligence, a critical input to high-quality decision-making, strategy, and leadership effectiveness.

 When we learn to tune into emotion with curiosity rather than judgment, we begin to access a deeper form of intelligence: emotional intelligence. But to make that shift, we first need to understand what emotion actually is from a scientific and leadership lens. Here are four key insights:

 1.      The body feels it first. Neuroscience confirms that the brain’s emotional system (particularly the amygdala) reacts to stimuli milliseconds before the logical prefrontal cortex kicks in. Researchers like Joseph LeDoux and Antonio Damasio have shown that bodily sensations and gut feelings often precede conscious awareness. So yes, your body does feel it before your brain can make sense of it.

2.      Emotions aren’t sent by a signal; they are the signal. While it's poetic to say emotions "send us a message," what’s actually happening is that emotions are the message. They are automatic responses designed to draw our attention to something important. Emotions arise to prepare us for action, not to confuse us. They're not disruptive, but they're not directions for action just yet.

3.      The story follows. Once the body responds, the brain interprets the emotional signal by constructing a narrative. This is how we make sense of the feeling: we assign it meaning based on past experiences, current context, and our personal wiring. Sometimes the story is accurate. Sometimes it isn’t. But it's always our brain’s best attempt to explain what we’re feeling based on what we already know.

4.      There’s a moment of choice, if we’re trained to notice it. Viktor Frankl famously wrote that between stimulus and response there is a space, and in that space lies our power to choose. While not everyone has easy access to this space automatically, research shows that self-awareness practices like mindfulness and coaching can expand it. Leaders who are trained to pause, reflect, and regulate their emotional response gain tremendous power to act with intention instead of reacting out of habit.

 When leaders learn to interpret emotion as data, in themselves and in others, they gain access to vital, often overlooked business signals: early warning signs of disengagement, shifts in culture, misalignment in values, or momentum behind innovation. When emotion and reason are aligned, we make sharper business decisions with greater clarity, integrity, and human impact. When we ignore one or the other, we miss half the picture.

THE LEADER’S ROLE: EMOTIONAL FLUENCY

So what does this mean for leadership, specifically? It means that the most effective leaders don’t try to suppress or avoid emotion; they learn to work with it intentionally and strategically, integrating it into their decision-making and leadership presence. They become emotionally fluent, able to recognise what they are feeling, accurately name it, and use that information wisely. But emotional fluency isn’t just about personal regulation; it’s also about leadership effectiveness in action.

 Emotionally fluent leaders use emotion in two essential ways:

1.      With Themselves: They notice what they’re feeling in real time, pause before reacting, and use those internal cues as insight into what matters most. For example, if a surge of frustration arises in a meeting, they pause to consider what boundary may have been crossed or what expectation may have been missed. Instead of ignoring or rationalising the feeling, they investigate it, from a calm and curious stance. This helps them lead with intention rather than impulse.

2.      With Others: Emotionally fluent leaders are attuned to emotional cues in their teams. They notice when morale dips, when someone’s energy shifts, or when a room suddenly goes quiet. They ask thoughtful questions like, “How did that decision land for you?” or “What are we not saying out loud right now?” They listen not just for content, but for emotional subtext. They know that emotional safety is a precondition for innovation, collaboration, and trust.

 This is the difference between reactivity and presence, between saying “I’m fine” with a clenched jaw, and pausing to say, “I’m frustrated by how this landed; let’s talk it through,” between powering through and quietly burning out.

 Emotionally fluent leaders don’t just model composure; they model the courage to feel, to acknowledge, to navigate complex human dynamics with openness and clarity. They create cultures where feelings are acknowledged, not feared; where feedback isn’t a threat, it’s an opportunity; and where humanity is not a weakness, but a leadership asset.

 And the impact is profound: trust increases, innovation grows, psychological safety expands, and teams become more cohesive and resilient because individuals feel seen, heard, and valued, not just for what they do, but for who they are as people.

THE COST OF EMOTIONAL ILLITERACY

 Let’s flip the script again. What happens when leaders don’t engage with or allow for the full range of human emotion?

 We see defensiveness instead of accountability, silence instead of honest feedback, leaders who bulldoze through meetings, wondering why no one speaks up, cultures that reward perfection over progress, and compliance over creativity and innovation. Do you notice any of these in your culture?

 That gap, or ‘leadership disconnect’, is what happens when a leader’s self-perception is out of step with how they’re actually experienced by others. And it often stems not from a lack of awareness, but from a resistance to the vulnerability required to acknowledge, express, and work with emotion, both in themselves and in those around them.

TURNING AWARENESS INTO ACTION

 So, how do we shift this and move from emotional avoidance to emotional fluency? We start by understanding that feeling is thinking. Emotional fluency isn’t just about managing discomfort. It’s also about amplifying insight from the moments when things feel aligned; when we’re proud, inspired, grateful, joyful, or at ease. These so-called positive emotions are often overlooked, but they hold vital clues about what’s working, what matters most, and what we want more of in our leadership.

 Take a minute right now to reflect on your leadership journey, where you've come from, and where you're going. Then use these questions to help translate emotional awareness into practical insight:

• What emotion am I experiencing right now? Name it clearly. Is it frustration, anxiety, hope, pride? Here's a handy tool to help you identify your emotions: WHEEL OF EMOTIONS (updated 2026).

• Where do I feel it in my body? Notice the sensation. Is it tension in your shoulders, heaviness in your belly, a tight jaw, flutters in your chest, tingling on your scalp, or something else?

• What is this emotion telling me? Is it pointing to a value being challenged, a boundary that was crossed, a need for reassurance, an opportunity to be explored, gratitude to be expressed, or something else?

• What’s the story I’m telling myself about this situation, and is it true? Could there be a different interpretation, a limiting belief, or an assumption to challenge?

 Once we’ve created some space between the feeling and the action, we can choose the response that aligns with who we are, and the impact we want to have. Emotionally intelligent leadership is the ability to feel fully and respond wisely. We are emotional beings who think, not thinkers who happen to feel. And if we want to lead with clarity, connection, and courage, we treat emotion not as a liability but as the leadership superpower it truly is.

SUCCESSFUL MERGERS: How Coaching Transforms Change from the Inside Out

Corporate mergers are high-stakes, high-pressure events that can determine the trajectory of an organization for years to come. Yet, despite the billions spent on due diligence, integration planning, and cultural assessments, one critical factor remains underutilized: executive coaching. Research consistently shows that leadership development and coaching during mergers lead to better financial outcomes, smoother transitions, and stronger organizational alignment. So why do so many companies ignore this powerful tool when they need it most?

The High Cost of Overlooking Leadership Development in Mergers

Organizations often delay investing in leadership development and coaching during a merger due to the belief that there is "no time for coaching now." However, prioritizing executive coaching during a merger can actually save time and money, mitigate integration challenges, and enhance long-term success. Consider these research-backed insights:

Cost Reduction

• Reduced Integration Costs: Poorly managed mergers can increase costs by 15-30% due to inefficiencies (EY, 2022). Leadership coaching helps teams anticipate challenges, resolve conflicts efficiently, and minimize redundancies (McKinsey, 2021).

• Return on Investment (ROI): The ICF Global Coaching Study reports an average coaching ROI of 5.7 times the initial investment. PwC’s analysis indicates an ROI of seven times the cost of employing a coach.

• Turnover Reduction: Misaligned cultures and uncertainty during mergers lead to higher turnover. Leadership coaching improves engagement, reducing turnover by up to 40% and saving replacement costs, which can be 1.5 to 2 times an employee’s annual salary (Harvard Business Review).

Efficiency Gains

• Improved Productivity: According to the International Coach Federation (ICF), 70% of coaching clients report improved work performance, and 51% note enhanced team effectiveness.

• Accelerated Decision-Making: Leaders receiving coaching are 86% more likely to make effective, timely decisions (Leadership Quarterly), preventing costly delays.

• Faster Integration Timelines: Companies with strong leadership during mergers report up to 22% faster integration timelines (McKinsey, 2021).

• Reduced Inefficiencies: Leadership alignment initiatives can reduce post-merger inefficiencies by 30% (Deloitte, 2022).

Change Management & Culture Integration

• Increased Likelihood of Success: Research by Boston Consulting Group shows that coaching senior leaders boosts the probability of successful transformations by over 70%.

• Stronger Stakeholder Confidence: Organizations demonstrating proactive leadership during mergers experience 20% higher stakeholder confidence (Boston Consulting Group, 2022).

• Cultural Alignment: Up to 70% of mergers fail due to cultural incompatibility (Deloitte, 2020). Leadership coaching helps integrate differing corporate cultures, unifying teams toward a shared vision.

• Higher Employee Retention: Companies prioritizing leadership coaching during mergers experience 40% higher employee retention rates (Boston Consulting Group, 2023).

Leadership Development: The Key to a Unified Strategy

• Stronger Leadership Strategies: Mergers with aligned leadership are 33% more likely to achieve their objectives (PwC, 2022).

• Better Team Performance: Executive coaching has been shown to increase team performance by 50%, fostering better communication and collaboration.

• Collaboration Gains: Harvard Business Review (2021) found that executive coaching programs led to a 70% improvement in cross-functional team collaboration during mergers.

• Increased Leadership Confidence: 95% of leaders report better utilization of new leadership behaviors after coaching, and 94% report increased confidence (International Coaching Federation).

• Improved Integration Outcomes: Companies investing in leadership development during mergers see a 25% improvement in integration outcomes (McKinsey, 2023).

Research on Executive Coaching in Mergers

If you’re still skeptical about the power of coaching in mergers, consider these groundbreaking studies:

• "Coming Together: A Grounded Theory Study of the Role of Coaching in the Mergers & Acquisitions Process" (2021) – Heiki Thomas & Jonathan Passmore found that coaching mitigates pressures and tensions, improving leadership, culture, and communication (CoachHub).

• "Guiding Through Turbulent Times: Coaching During Merger and Acquisition" (2024) – This qualitative study highlights how coaching supports employees in coping with merger transitions (Taylor & Francis Online).

• "Leadership Strategies for Improving Mergers and Acquisitions Performance" (2020) – Walden University research underscores the necessity of leadership development for post-merger integration success (Walden ScholarWorks).

• "Why a Winning Leadership Team Matters for M&A Strategy" (2022) – Korn Ferry identifies leadership development as a key predictor of M&A success, reinforcing the need for executive coaching (Korn Ferry).

Make Coaching Your Competitive Advantage

Organizations that invest in executive coaching during mergers are better positioned to reduce costs, improve efficiency, and accelerate integration timelines. Coaching equips leaders with the skills to navigate complexity, drive performance, and inspire their teams through uncertainty.

The question isn't whether you can afford to invest in leadership coaching—it’s whether you can afford not to.

If your organization is navigating a merger or acquisition, and you’re looking to align, integrate, and thrive in this high-stakes transition, let’s connect. Book a discovery call today to explore how executive coaching can be your secret weapon for merger success.

FORGET THE OFFICE: CAN YOU COMMAND A ROOM OVER ZOOM?

MASTERING VIRTUAL EXECUTIVE PRESENCE IN A HYBRID WORLD

by Leslie Rohonczy, Executive Coach, IMC, PCC | ©2024 | www.leslierohonczy.com

In a surprising twist, it looks like hybrid work isn’t going anywhere. Even as many companies are calling employees back to the office, recent data shows that hybrid work arrangements are actually growing.

In fact, 43% of U.S. companies have adopted hybrid policies in 2024, up from 29% the previous year. Here in Canada, hybrid work has become a significant aspect of our professional landscape. According to the C.D. Howe Institute, 26% of paid employees worked remotely in some way by the end of 2023, with hybrid models becoming increasingly prevalent. And according to the HR Reporter, 74% of Canadian business leaders have reduced their traditional office space by adopting hybrid models, resulting in average annual savings of about $400,000. And experts predict that even with an increase in return-to-office mandates, hybrid models will remain a significant part of the professional landscape through 2025.

As physical offices give way to blended virtual workspaces, the concept of executive presence has undergone a dramatic transformation. This dual reality requires leaders to master executive presence across both physical and virtual environments – to project authority, inspire trust, and foster connection through a screen. Making this shift requires a unique set of skills and strategies to help leaders command a room, even when the room is entirely digital.

THE NEW RULES OF EXECUTIVE PRESENCE

Executive presence has traditionally been defined by traits like confidence, poise, and the ability to connect with others in person. In virtual and hybrid environments, these traits are still crucial, but how we demonstrate them has shifted.

Here are the new rules:

1. Clarity is King: In a virtual setting, clarity in communication takes precedence. Leaders who articulate their ideas succinctly, and as transparently as possible, help to ensure their messages resonate, even without the benefit of physical cues like body language.

2. Non-Verbal Communication Matters More Than Ever: While body language in a physical space conveys authority and confidence, in virtual settings, it’s about how you use your voice, facial expressions, and gestures that appear within the frame.

3. The “Halo Effect” of Technology: Your tech setup (lighting, sound quality, and background) contributes significantly to how we are perceived. A well-lit and professional-looking environment can enhance our credibility.

4. Authenticity Rules: Let people see your personality (see my previous article ‘What’s Your ‘Ness’ and are you making the most of it?’). In a world of polished LinkedIn profiles and pre-recorded webinars, showing genuine authenticity stands out, because people connect with leaders who are transparent, relatable, and human.

STRATEGIES TO BOOST VIRTUAL LEADERSHIP PRESENCE

Here are a few strategies you can experiment with, to help you develop your virtual leadership presence:

Master Your Delivery

Your delivery – how you communicate your message – is critical:

• Storytelling: Put what you want to say in the form of a story. It’s how we humans learn and process information best.

• Intentional Pauses: Strategic pauses can emphasize key points and give your audience time to process your message. Resist filling your pauses with additional information. Use silence to your advantage.

• Active Listening: Demonstrate active listening by nodding, maintaining eye contact, and summarizing key points shared by others and why they resonated with you. Become aware of your listening style, and the mitigants you can use to remain present.

• Language: Be precise and concise. Avoid jargon and focus on clear, impactful language. Say what you mean and avoid over-massaging key points – your cautious wordsmithing may cause your point to be lost on others.

• Empathy: Acknowledge challenges and emotions, especially during difficult discussions. Authentic empathy builds vulnerability-based trust.

Manage Your Virtual Energy

The way you demonstrate your engagement and enthusiasm for what you’re talking about can help your audience deeply connect with your message:

• Eye Contact: Look directly at the camera to simulate eye contact. This small gesture creates a sense of connection and engagement. If you’re sharing presentation slides, stop presentation mode as soon as you’re able, so that participants can see your face fully.

• Facial Expressions: Smile when appropriate and use expressions to mirror the emotional tone of the conversation. Grow your awareness of what your face does when someone disagrees with you, presents a surprising point, or delights you.

• Hide Your Self-View: Once you’ve become familiar with your facial expressions, hide your self-view, so that you can’t see your own image. This simple move will improve your presence and help you to come across more authentically.

• Pace and Tone: Speak at a measured pace and modulate your tone to convey your energy and engagement. A monotonous delivery will lose your audience.

• Gestures: Use hand gestures within the frame to emphasize key points but avoid overdoing it.

Optimize Your Tech Setup

Your environment is your stage, and every element contributes to the impression you leave:

• Lighting: Natural light is ideal, but if that’s not an option, invest in a ring light or other soft lighting options to illuminate your face evenly.

• Camera Angle: Position your camera at eye level to simulate a face-to-face conversation. Avoid angles that look up at or down on you, as these can distort perception.

• Audio Quality: Poor audio can be distracting, and detract from your message, so invest in a clear and professional-sounding microphone.

• Background: Virtual backgrounds are acceptable but shouldn’t be distracting or overly artificial. Choose simple and professional options.

Measuring Your Virtual Executive Presence

How do you know if you’re succeeding in projecting a strong virtual executive presence? Here are some indicators you can use to measure your performance:

• Engagement Metrics: Are participants actively engaging with you during virtual meetings? Do they ask questions, participate in discussions, and provide feedback?

• Feedback: Solicit feedback from trusted colleagues, peers, other leaders, or mentors. Ask them to observe your virtual interactions and provide constructive feedback and ideas for improving your virtual presence.

• Self-Assessment: Record your virtual meetings and watch them back to identify areas you can improve, such as pacing, tone, clarity, or visual setup.

THE FUTURE OF EXECUTIVE PRESENCE

As the workplace continues to evolve, so will the expectations for executive presence. Leaders must stay adaptable, learning to leverage new technologies and approaches to lead their diverse and distributed teams well. Executive presence is no longer confined to physical spaces. It’s about making an impact, whether you’re face-to-face or behind a screen. The tools and strategies outlined here will help you embrace this new reality and thrive in the digital age of leadership.

Are you ready to elevate your virtual executive presence? Schedule a free consultation call with me today to explore how executive coaching can help you lead with impact, clarity, and confidence.

POWERFUL QUESTIONS & WHERE TO FIND THEM

by Leslie Rohonczy, Executive Coach, IMC, PCC | ©2024 | www.leslierohonczy.com 

As a leader, your role often involves sharing your wisdom and experience with employees, peers, partners, and superiors. But before offering advice, ask yourself a powerful question: “How might I help this person to create insights and grow awareness through asking a powerful question?”

You’ll know you’re on the receiving end of a powerful question by the impact you feel from its weight. A powerful question sparks significant "a-ha" moments, suddenly illuminating new perspectives, provoking insight and new awareness, and acting as a catalyst for personal and professional growth. The power of a powerful question is undeniable.

When we’re on the receiving end of a powerful question, our brains naturally go looking for an answer. We’re wired for it. But the effectiveness of this process largely depends on how, when, and what type of question is asked.

One of the most common questions I encounter in my coaching and leadership training sessions is, “What makes a question ‘powerful,’ and where can I find them?” Unfortunately, there’s no standard cheat sheet of powerful questions you can tuck into your back pocket and whip out when you need a good one – it just doesn’t work that way. The most powerful questions are created in the moment, born of genuine curiosity, emerging from what we’re hearing, and intended to create new insights.

THE NATURE OF POWERFUL QUESTIONS

Powerful questions prompt people to think in new ways, leading to new insights, actions, or commitments. They are delivered with a keen sense of timing and rapport, respecting the individual's current state. For instance, consider asking, “I understand this is a big decision for you and that it naturally causes some anxiety. How do you think you’ll feel once the decision is made and you’re ready to move forward?” This question acknowledges the present concern and guides the person towards visualizing a positive outcome.

Questions can vary greatly in their effectiveness. Closed-ended questions typically yield yes or no answers and may not encourage deeper thought. On the other hand, 'good enough' questions offer some value, helping individuals explore their feelings or instincts. For example, asking a colleague, “What does your instinct tell you to try next?” might help them tune into their intuition. However, the most impactful questions expand awareness while inspiring action. Avoid questions that merely suggest a course of action or present a laundry list of possible solutions without engaging deeper thinking.

WHAT MAKES A QUESTION POWERFUL?

The intention behind your question is critical; it should be to create new awareness in the other person. This requires genuine care and curiosity, with questions often starting with "What," "When," "How," "Who," or "If." Notice that “Why” isn’t listed. If you ask your employee "Why haven't you made a decision?", they may not know why. A more powerful question might be, “What are you most concerned about in making this decision?” This encourages the person to reflect on underlying fears or concerns.

DISCOVERING POWERFUL QUESTIONS

To find powerful questions, you must listen carefully to uncover the real issue and what's beneath the surface of what's being said. Stretch your thinking and encourage others to do the same. Often, the simplest questions are the most powerful. “What’s next?” “How will you do that?” “What might get in your way?” and “What do you want?” Listening attentively allows you to tailor your questions to the person's unique situation.

But not all questions are created equal. Avoid closed-ended questions and those that suggest solutions disguised as questions. For instance, asking, “Why don’t you try X?” is not as effective as asking, “What options have you considered?” Additionally, avoid multiple-choice questions that can overwhelm the person with choices. The most effective questions are open-ended and invite exploration, without fishing for specific answers.

EXAMPLES OF POWERFUL QUESTIONS

• "What would you like to achieve by the end of this 1:1 coaching conversation?"

• "What would you like more of in your life? Less of?"

• "If you could change just one thing right now, what would it be?"

• "What's the first (or easiest) step you could take within the next week?"

• “What are you avoiding? What do you NOT want to look at or talk about?”

• "How does that serve you?"

• “How might you show up differently if you weren’t worried about being judged”?

• "How will you celebrate reaching that milestone? Describe how it will feel to achieve it."

• “What do you need to see, feel, have, or do, in order to be brave?

• "What are you taking away from this conversation today?"

CHARACTERISTICS OF GREAT QUESTIONS

Three aspects make questions great: curiosity, authenticity, and fluidity. Great questions are curious: they reflect a genuine interest in the person’s experiences, beliefs, and assumptions. It’s essential to be comfortable with silence after asking a question and avoid filling the space with more words. Great questions are authentic: they do not lead the person to a preconceived answer.

Instead, they are open and exploratory. And great questions are fluid: they adapt, based on the responses you receive as the conversation evolves. If a question doesn’t yield a clear answer or deeper insight, approach the issue from a different angle.

TIPS FOR ASKING POWERFUL QUESTIONS

1. Minimize "why" questions: These can often be unproductive for two reasons: they may put the person on the defensive; or the person may not know ‘why’ they behave a certain way. Instead, get more specific in your question.

2. Avoid sharing similar experiences: Resist the ‘me too’ urge and stay in exploration mode with your employee. Their experience may feel familiar, but it’s not the same as your experience. Sharing your experience may come across as ‘counterfeit empathy’, stealing the learning opportunity away from your employee, and the coaching opportunity away from you.

3. Embrace silence: Give the person time to think and respond without rushing to fill the gap. This is especially true for more introverted types, who prefer to think before speaking. If you ask a great question, and then add more details to fill the silence, you’re interrupting their think time. Learn to sit in silence while someone processes your question.

4. Avoid multiple-choice questions: It isn’t helpful to offer potential ‘right answers’ (e.g.: “Did you miss the deadline because you’re over-capacity, or just not interested in this project?”). The truth may be completely different than the two choices you offered, but the question has them focused on which choice is closest to their truth. Multiple-choice questions can limit exploration and overwhelm the person.

THE COURAGE TO ASK QUESTIONS
Asking questions rather than offering advice takes courage. It requires you to resist the urge to provide solutions and instead foster a space where others can develop their own understanding and solutions. This process not only helps them grow, but also strengthens your mentoring and coaching abilities.

While there is no handy, back-pocket list of powerful questions (because they arise from what you’re hearing), Michael Bungay Stanier’s book "The Coaching Habit" is an excellent resource for learning how to amp up your question game. It delves into the various question types and provides practical examples to enhance your skills.

SEVEN AWESOME QUESTIONS TO GET YOU STARTED
While there isn’t a handy ‘cheat sheet of powerful questions’ to pull out when you’re stuck, thanks to Michael Bungay Stanier, author of The Coaching Habit, here are seven CATEGORIES of questions that can be super helpful:

1. The KICKSTARTER Question: It's a great opening question that replaces small talk with something a little crunchier. For example, ‘So what's on your mind today?’ This question says, "Let's talk about the thing that matters most to you."

2. The AWE Question: That's A.W.E., which is an acronym for ‘and what else?’ This magic little question creates a lot more wisdom, insight, self-awareness, and possibilities out of thin air. ‘And what else’ can also be ‘and who else’, or ‘and why else’, or ‘how else’.

3. The FOCUS Question: This helps you to help someone focus on and solve the right problem. It can help them grow a new problem-solving muscle while demonstrating that you're really interested in their input and can also help drive accountability and engagement.

4. The FOUNDATION Question: Sometimes this can cause a deer-in-the-headlights reaction in that the person may not be able to answer your question. That's okay… ask it anyway. It's planting a seed that they can reflect on which will create new insight for them and help them untangle their wants from their needs. For example, ‘What do you want and what is really driving that want?’

5. The LAZY Question: Sometimes, in our good intentions to be helpful, we can kind of get in the way. If, for example, we step in and take over or become too directive, it can create an unintended but uncomfortable power dynamic between the two of you. Instead, simply ask, ‘How can I help?’ An even more direct version of this is ‘What do you want from me?’ Just make sure that your tone is positive on that one.

6. The STRATEGIC Question: This is focused on what NOT to do. It helps your employee to be really clear and committed to their yeses, bringing clarity to both of you. For example, you can ask, ‘So if you're saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?’

7. The LEARNING Question: According to neuroscience research, most classroom learners will not retain most of the content they’re taught, unless they can put it into action quickly, actively processing and integrating the information. You can help to create the space for those learning moments when meeting with your employees. When they return from a conference, training session, or workshop, ask what was most useful to them in that learning experience. This helps them really make the connection between new information, and what's already within their awareness.

BUILDING TRUST UPWARD: Strategies for New Managers

by Leslie Rohonczy, Executive Coach, IMC, PCC | ©2024 | www.leslierohonczy.com

Congratulations on your new leadership role!

As a new manager, your natural focus will be on getting to know your new employees and building team trust. And it’s equally essential for your success and the smooth functioning of your team to focus on building trust with your own leader and your peers.

Investing in building trust with your leadership team fosters open communication, facilitates collaboration, and can significantly contribute to your own professional growth and career advancement.

Here are strategies to help new managers build trust upwards, with examples of some common challenges you may experience as a new leader, and some of the best practices you can experiment with.

UNDERSTANDING COMMON CHALLENGES

1. Navigating Unfamiliar Dynamics: New managers often face unfamiliar organizational dynamics and may struggle to understand their bosses' and peers' priorities and expectations.

2. Balancing Authority and Approachability: Striking the right balance between being authoritative and approachable can be difficult, especially when dealing with more experienced peers or superiors.

3. Managing Perceptions: New managers must carefully manage how they are perceived to establish credibility and avoid being seen as inexperienced or overconfident.

BEST PRACTICES TO OVERCOME CHALLENGES

1. Effective Communication

Example: Imagine a new manager, Sarah, who has just taken over a team in a large organization. Sarah regularly updates her boss on her team's progress through concise, clear reports and sets up bi-weekly one-on-one meetings to discuss key issues and seek feedback.

Practice: Maintain transparent and consistent communication. Share progress updates, challenges, and successes openly. This shows that you are proactive and accountable.

Tip: Utilize tools like project management software to keep everyone informed and reduce misunderstandings.

2. Building Relationships

Example: Praveen, a new manager, takes the initiative to invite his peers for casual coffee meetings. During these informal chats, he learns about their projects, challenges, and how they prefer to work, fostering a sense of camaraderie and understanding.

Practice: Invest time in building relationships with your peers and superiors. Show genuine interest in their work and offer your support where possible.

Tip: Attend cross-departmental meetings and social events to expand your network and understand the broader organizational landscape.

3. Demonstrating Competence and Reliability

 Example: Emily, a newly promoted manager, consistently delivers on her promises. When she commits to a deadline, she meets it or communicates any potential delays well in advance. Her boss and peers quickly learn that they can rely on her.

 Practice: Be dependable and consistent. Meet your deadlines, keep your promises, and be prepared for meetings. Demonstrate your competence through your actions and decisions.

Tip: Document your achievements and challenges, and be ready to discuss them during performance reviews or informal check-ins.

4. Seeking and Acting on Feedback

 Example: Tom regularly seeks feedback from his boss and his peers. He then takes actionable steps to address any concerns and shares his progress with those who provided the feedback, showing that he values their input.

 Practice: Actively seek feedback and act on it. This shows that you are committed to continuous improvement and value the perspectives of others.

 Tip: Use tools like anonymous surveys or suggestion boxes if direct feedback is not forthcoming.

5. Leading by Example

 Example: Mei leads by example by adhering to the company's values and ethics. And when her team experiences conflict , Mei supports them by modelling transparency, and by facilitating problem-solving conversations that explore assumptions and collaboration challenges. This demonstrates her commitment to the team’s success and earns their respect and trust.

 Practice: Model the behavior you want to see in others. Show integrity, respect, and dedication in all your interactions.

 Tip: Highlight and reward examples of positive behavior in your team, reinforcing the standards you set.

WHAT ‘SUCCESS’ LOOKS LIKE

 As we’ve explored, building trust upward as a new manager requires a combination of effective communication, relationship-building, reliability, openness to feedback, and leading by example.

 Here are two examples to illustrate how new managers can establish strong, trust-based relationships with their bosses, their leader’s bosses, and their peers, by addressing common challenges with these best practices.

CASE STUDY 1 | Transforming Team Dynamics

 Michael, a new manager at a tech company, faced resistance from his team and peers due to his young age. By consistently communicating his vision, involving his team in decision-making, and demonstrating his technical expertise, Michael gradually earned their trust. His efforts culminated in a successful product launch that exceeded company expectations, earning him accolades from his boss and peers.

 Situation: Michael was promoted to manage a team of experienced software developers. Some team members doubted his capabilities due to his age and perceived lack of experience.

 Actions Taken:

• Communication: Michael held a series of team meetings to clearly communicate his vision and goals for the team. He encouraged open dialogue and invited team members to share their thoughts and concerns.

• Involvement in Decision-Making: He involved his team in key decisions, such as choosing the technology stack for a new project. This inclusion made the team feel valued and respected.

• Demonstrating Expertise: Michael took the lead on a critical part of the project, showcasing his technical skills and problem-solving abilities. He also organized knowledge-sharing sessions where team members, including himself, could present on their areas of expertise.

 Outcome: The team's initial skepticism turned into respect and trust. The collaborative approach led to innovative solutions, and the project was completed ahead of schedule with high-quality results. The successful product launch earned Michael recognition from his superiors and helped him solidify his leadership role.

 Try-Its:

• Hold Regular Team Meetings: Schedule weekly or bi-weekly meetings to discuss project progress, address concerns, and share updates.

• Encourage Open Dialogue: Create a safe space for team members to voice their opinions and ideas without fear of judgment.

• Lead by Example: Take on challenging tasks and demonstrate your expertise to inspire confidence in your team.

CASE STUDY 2 | Overcoming Initial Resistance

 Linda, a new marketing manager, found herself at odds with a more experienced peer who felt overlooked for the promotion. Linda addressed the issue head-on by inviting her peer to collaborate on a high-visibility project. By acknowledging her peer's expertise and working together, they developed a strong working relationship, and her peer became one of her biggest advocates.

 Situation: Linda was promoted over a colleague, James, who had more years of experience in the company. James felt slighted and was initially uncooperative, creating tension in the department.

  Actions Taken:

• Open Conversation: Linda invited James for a coffee to discuss his concerns. She listened actively and acknowledged his feelings, expressing her respect for his experience and contributions.

• Collaboration: Linda proposed that they co-lead a major marketing campaign, leveraging James's expertise and her fresh perspective. She delegated key responsibilities to James, empowering him to take charge of important aspects of the project.

• Recognition: Throughout the project, Linda publicly recognized James' contributions, in team meetings and reports to upper management.

 Outcome: James appreciated Linda's approach and began to see her as a collaborator rather than a rival. Their combined efforts led to a highly successful marketing campaign, which significantly boosted the company's brand visibility. This success not only improved their working relationship, it also earned them both praise from senior executives.

 Try-Its:

• Address Conflicts Early: Don’t ignore tension or conflict. Address it openly and constructively.

• Leverage Strengths: Identify and utilize the strengths of your team members, giving them opportunities to shine.

• Acknowledge Contributions: Publicly recognize and celebrate the contributions of your peers and team members.