By Leslie Rohonczy, IMC™, PCC
Executive Coach | Leadership Development Expert | Author | Speaker | ©2026 | www.leslierohonczy.com
What if one of the most dangerous things we can ask a senior leader to do is leave their ego at the door? We say it when someone dominates the conversation or refuses to admit a mistake. Fair enough. But if a leader truly left their ego at the door, what would allow them the confidence to make a difficult call, acknowledge their authentic contribution, and stay grounded when someone challenges their judgement?
I think the C-suite requires more ego than we like to admit. The question is whether yours can handle reality, including the parts that are inconvenient or uncomfortable.
WHAT EGO ARE WE TALKING ABOUT?
In our everyday vernacular, we usually say “ego” when we mean an inflated opinion of oneself. The field of psychology describes ego strength in terms that include tolerating frustration and stress, delaying gratification, and adjusting desires to meet reality. That's a far cry from demanding applause every time you speak.
Perhaps “leave your ego at the door” is the wrong warning. A leader who needs to be right at all costs can shut down honest discussion. A leader who can’t recognise their own value may hold back when their judgement is needed. The updated warning I’d rather offer is this: pay attention to what happens to your sense of self when someone challenges you.
I think of leadership ego (my working definition, not a clinical label) as a grounded sense of who you are and what you can bring to bear. You can name your talents without apology or minimizing, see your gaps without collapsing or defending, and hold a position without treating disagreement as an attack on your worth.
The distinction becomes clearer when we look at how leaders respond when their judgement is tested. Some defend their position so fiercely that they crowd out other perspectives. Some discount what they bring and hesitate to use the authority they have earned. And some can stand behind their judgement while remaining open to what they may have missed.
TOO MUCH OF THE WRONG THING
We usually spot the defensive version first. I've seen executives ask for candour, then argue with anyone who offers it. I've also seen leaders call a team win “my achievement.” That was awkward for everyone on the team! And I've coached countless leaders who tend to mistake a different point of view for a challenge to their authority. After a while, people get practiced at agreeing instead.
That can give a leader a false sense of alignment and support, right up until the risk everyone saw coming comes back to bite them in the ass.
The tempting explanation is “too much ego.” I wonder whether the more useful question is about what that ego has to protect. If being wrong feels unbearable, a correction becomes a threat. If recognition is scarce, someone else’s contribution feels like a subtraction. None of us can infer a person’s inner life from one meeting, of course. What we can do is notice whether their reactions make honest conversations harder.
Research on narcissistic leadership gives us a reason to be careful with first impressions: the qualities that help us become leaders don't reliably translate into lasting leadership effectiveness. One study found that narcissistic rivalry was associated with declining effectiveness ratings over time. I don't recommend using these findings alone to diagnose your colleague, but they do challenge our habit of treating visible confidence as proof of leadership strength.
This is also why I asked, in WHO WILL DISAGREE WITH YOU TO YOUR FACE?: what happens after someone risks telling you something you don't want to hear?
TOO LITTLE OF WHAT YOU NEED
There's another leadership cost that attracts far less irritation: the executive who has excellent judgement but introduces every recommendation with three caveats. The new VP who can explain her gaps in exquisite detail but can't say what she is especially talented at. The leader who gives the team the credit they deserve, then edits their own contribution out of the story.
That can look like humility. Sometimes it is. And sometimes, it's actually uncertainty dressed up in humility's clothing. The self-doubt is about whether they have earned the right to lead at their own level, or the feeling of being an imposter. Either way, it leaves their colleagues to guess where they stand, what they recommend, and how much confidence to place in their expertise. Their work may be strong but the signal is weak.
I've written about identifying the strengths that feel so natural we overlook them in WHAT’S “RIGHT” WITH YOUR LEADERSHIP. At senior levels, recognizing our strengths becomes a responsibility, because others need to know what you can be counted on to contribute.
A STRONG EGO CAN SHARE THE AIR
Consider two leaders hearing the same objection: “I think we're missing a serious risk.” One immediately explains why the concern is unfounded. The other says, “Tell me what you are seeing that we might be missing.” Both may ultimately keep their original plan, but only one has made it easier to surface the risk next time.
That second response takes confidence, and trusting your own judgment enough to let it be examined. It also means trusting that you can change your mind, share credit, or admit a limit without losing your standing.
Research on humble leadership found positive associations with employee and team outcomes, though the strength and context of those relationships vary. Humility has room for conviction; it doesn't require shrinking.
That same strength at full volume, however, can become a liability. Decisiveness helps when a decision is needed and narrows the conversation when people need to contribute. Empathy builds trust and may make a difficult boundary harder to set. Knowing your strengths means knowing when to use them, and when to dial them down.
YOUR COACHING CHALLENGE
Think of a recent high-stakes moment: a disagreement, an unexpected criticism, or a decision for which you were accountable. Before judging your reaction, ask what you were trying to protect or prove. Then choose the question that makes you least comfortable, and reflect on it:
If you tend to defend your position quickly: What feedback or competing view did I make costly for someone to offer, and what might it have told me?
If you tend to understate your contribution: What do I know I bring to this decision, and what becomes harder for others when I leave it unsaid?
If you are still learning your pattern: When my judgment is challenged, do I get more curious, more forceful, or less visible, and what does that response help me avoid?
Your ego will come to work with you. Let it. Give it a job worthy of your leadership: helping you stand behind what you know, stay open to what you don’t, and make space for the best answer, even when it isn’t yours.
For more leadership articles, connect with Leslie Rohonczy on LinkedIn, or visit www.leslierohonczy.com