INFLUENCE FATIGUE: Staying Clear-Minded When Everyone’s Competing for Your Buy-In

If you’re in senior leadership, chances are everyone around you is trying to influence you, from your team to your board. The higher up in the organization you go, the more it shows up. Senior leaders face influence from every direction: employees seeking buy-in, peers pitching ideas, leaders setting new expectations, partners promoting initiatives, board members driving accountability, and customers shaping demands. It’s no wonder it can feel relentless. Without a system to manage the constant input, leaders can easily find themselves overloaded, reactive, or simply tuning out. Influence fatigue is real.

THE OVERLOAD PROBLEM

One senior executive I coach described it perfectly: “By lunchtime, I’ve already been pitched, persuaded, or pulled in ten different directions. And by 3 p.m., I’m mentally fried.” Those moments of fatigue don’t come from lack of commitment; they come from the sheer volume of persuasion that hits senior leaders every day.

The desire to influence is everywhere: it shows up in our inboxes, in team meetings and presentations, in hallway conversations and one-on-ones. Nearly every interaction carries an agenda, whether it’s an ask, a pitch, or a subtle call to action.

When everyone is trying to influence us, the mental load can become overwhelming. Research shows that constant exposure to persuasive messages and competing demands taxes the brain’s executive functions, reducing decision-making efficiency and accuracy (Pashler & Johnston, 1998, Annual Review of Psychology; Mark, Gudith & Klocke, 2008, Human Factors). Multitasking and frequent interruptions have been shown to lower productivity by up to 40 percent and significantly increase stress (American Psychological Association, 2019). Over time, this barrage of input erodes focus, weakens problem-solving, and diminishes our capacity to respond thoughtfully. When every conversation carries an influence agenda, the result isn’t engagement, it’s exhaustion.

Coaching reflection: What happens in your brain when everyone around you is trying to influence you? Do you lean in? Shut down? Get annoyed? Something else?

THE NEUROSCIENCE OF RESISTANCE

Understanding these neurological triggers isn’t just about how we influence others; it’s also about how we manage being influenced ourselves. Recognizing when your brain is shifting into stress or threat mode gives you the chance to pause, breathe, and stay anchored in discernment instead of reaction.

In The Influence Triangle (LinkedIn, 2024, link), I wrote that real persuasion doesn’t start with pressure; it starts with presence. The human brain cannot be influenced when it feels cornered or depleted.

When we sense urgency or manipulation, the stress response increases, flooding the system with cortisol and adrenaline. These chemicals narrow attention, limit creativity, and reduce empathy (McEwen, 2017, Annual Review of Neuroscience). It’s why people rarely say “yes” during high-pressure sales calls or heated meetings; they’re neurologically unavailable.

I once coached a VP who couldn’t understand why his brilliant transformation pitch wasn’t landing. His logic was flawless, but his timing wasn’t. He presented at the end of a full-day budget meeting, when cognitive energy was at its lowest. His colleagues weren’t rejecting his idea; they simply didn’t have the bandwidth to process it.

The brain’s openness to influence rests on three levers: timing, emotion, and connection.

• Timing ensures your message lands when someone has the capacity to hear it.

• Emotion activates meaning-making pathways in the brain, helping information stick.

• Connection builds trust, supported by the release of oxytocin, a neurochemical associated with social bonding and cooperation.

When any of these levers are missing, even the best argument falls flat.

WHAT AUTHENTIC INFLUENCE LOOKS LIKE NOW

For senior leaders, being influenced is about discernment. It means knowing which ideas, perspectives, and requests deserve your attention and which can be set aside. With so many competing voices trying to shape your thinking, developing your ability to filter what deserves your attention helps you to stay open without becoming swayed by every strong opinion, emotional appeal, or urgent ask. The key is managing signal versus noise.

HOW TO MANAGE SIGNAL VERSUS NOISE

This is a skill that strengthens over time. The more you practice identifying what deserves your attention, the easier it becomes to separate what’s meaningful from what’s merely loud.

How do we build those discernment muscles? Well, purpose and clarity help us decide which conversations truly deserve our consideration and which ones can pass by without reaction. Here are several questions to help you triage them:

• Timing: Do I have the cognitive and emotional bandwidth to process this right now? Even great ideas need the right conditions.

• Energy Cost: How much time or attention will this require? Does the investment match the potential return?

• Relevance: Does this align with my strategic priorities or current direction? If not, it may not warrant my full attention right now.

• Credibility: Is the information reliable? Does this person or data point have proven insight or influence?

• Impact: What would be the consequence of engaging or not engaging with this influence attempt? Will it meaningfully move something forward?

Using these criteria helps us remain open and curious without becoming reactive or depleted. It turns the daily flood of persuasion into manageable, intentional choices.

Authentic leadership influence isn’t just about how much we convince others; it’s also about how thoughtfully we allow ourselves to be influenced. When we stay grounded in discernment, we preserve clarity, purpose, energy, and trust. Others sense that steadiness, and paradoxically, that’s when our own influence becomes strongest.

YOUR COACHING CHALLENGE

Influence fatigue builds from how much you allow others’ persuasion to enter your awareness. Before your next big week of meetings or decisions, try this short exercise.

COACHING PRACTICE: Reset Your Influence Filter

Take ten quiet minutes at the start of the week to set your focus:

1. List your true priorities. Identify the three areas of work that genuinely require your attention and influence.

2. Anticipate possible influence attempts. Think ahead to who will likely try to sway your time, decisions, or focus, and note which deserve your full engagement and which can wait.

3. Name your triggers and vulnerabilities. Notice where you tend to overreact or get pulled into other people’s urgency.

4. Set your boundaries. Decide what kinds of input you’ll welcome and what you’ll decline, kindly but firmly.

Then experiment with these during the week. Pause once a day and ask, “Am I reacting to influence or responding with intention?” That simple question will help you keep your attention where it belongs: on what truly matters. And the more intentional you are about filtering influence, the more focused you’ll feel as a leader.

WHEN CANDOUR BACKFIRES: The Risk of Being “Too Real” At Work

Every leader knows that knot-in-the-stomach feeling before saying something tough. You spot a flaw in the strategy your boss is championing. You need to tell a high performer that their style is alienating the team. Or you’re about to voice the only dissenting view in a room full of nodding heads. These moments test your courage. And they test your skill. Because candour can land like a gift or a gut punch.

WHEN CANDOUR CLOSES DOORS

I once worked with a talented, passionate woman who proudly called herself a “straight-talker.” Her feedback was always honest and never sugar-coated and many colleagues, including me, valued her candour, even if it was sometimes hard to hear. She genuinely believed that being blunt built trust. The problem? Over time, some of her colleagues started describing her as prickly, demanding, and impossible to please. She had strong ideas about what needed to change, but no one wanted to listen. Her accuracy wasn’t the problem. Her delivery was.

That’s what happens when candour is used like a blunt instrument. We think we’re being authentic, but what others hear is harshness or judgment. Instead of opening doors, it slams them shut.

Bravery and bluntness aren’t the same thing. Saying the tough thing in its rawest form isn’t courageous, it’s lazy, and it often triggers defensiveness, sidelining the very point we’re trying to make. When people feel attacked, their stress response kicks in: cortisol spikes, reasoning plummets, and they literally can’t process what we’re saying. The harder we push, the more they resist. Real bravery is being intentional and skilful, delivering the hard truth in ways that keep people open long enough to be able to take it in.

Harvard’s Professor of Leadership Amy Edmondson has shown through her groundbreaking research on psychological safety that people can only absorb tough feedback when they feel safe in the relationship. Neuroscience confirms this: when people feel threatened, cortisol floods the system and reasoning goes offline. Practical tools like the SBI model (Situation–Behaviour–Impact) help ground feedback in specifics, while Kim Scott’s Radical Candor highlights that true candour means challenging directly while caring personally. Used together, these insights show that candour done well strikes a balance that keeps people open rather than defensive.

I once worked with a senior leader at a Canadian non-profit who needed to push back on her board chair’s aggressive expansion plans. Her instinct was to challenge him directly at the next Board meeting, but she understood that would likely create resistance. Instead, she framed her intent around protecting the organisation’s reputation, backed her points with financial data, and raised her deeper leadership concerns privately. The conversation led to a more sustainable plan. No fireworks, no fallout, just progress.

Candour only works if the other person stays open. That means paying attention to how, when, and where you say it. Here are a few ways to do that:

• Frame your intent. Signal why you’re raising the issue. “I want to flag something that could help us avoid risk.” That shifts you from critic to ally, putting you on the same side of the table, looking at the problem together.

• Ground in specifics. Vague feedback invites defensiveness. Concrete examples invite reflection.

• Ask questions. They turn confrontation into collaboration. “What do you think was happening there?” lands differently than “You always interrupt.”

• Pick your stage wisely. Some truths belong in private, not in front of a crowd. If your feedback could cause embarrassment or touches on personal behaviours, it should be delivered one-on-one rather than in a group setting.

• Choose timing with care. At the end of a long day, or during a challenging event, even valid feedback can feel like an attack.

• Balance candour with care. Acknowledge strengths or intentions alongside the tough message.

• Check your motive. Are you trying to help, or just venting? Only the first one builds trust.

• Watch non-verbals. Notice body language and tone to gauge how your message is landing. And don’t assume you’re right. Check in and ask.

WHEN “TOO REAL” IS JUST SELF-INDULGENT

We’ve all heard someone brush off someone’s reaction to their harsh comments with, “I’m just being real.” At first, that sounds admirable. Who doesn’t want authenticity? But “being real” can quickly become careless. If your candour leaves people bruised, blindsided, or frustrated, that’s not candour. That’s self-indulgence. Dumping unfiltered thoughts might clear your conscience, but it won’t build trust.

Real candour is relational in that it makes your message useful for the person receiving it. That means choosing words that invite reflection, balancing critique with acknowledgement of strengths, and checking if the timing will allow the other person to take it in fully. Without this calibration step, “just being real” is just offloading.

TWO SIDES OF THE CANDOUR COIN

One senior leader I coached was working on taking up her full leadership space in her new role on the executive team. She realized that she needed to give her peers feedback that their aversion to risk was stifling innovation. “We’ve always done it this way” had become the default mindset, and any fresh ideas from below were met with suspicion or dismissed as too ‘out there’.

Her instinct at first was to stay quiet, to avoid being labelled as disruptive or reckless. Instead, we focused on carefully preparing her for this crucial conversation. During the executive committee meeting, she clarified her motives and framed her candour as being in service of the organisation’s growth. She highlighted specific missed opportunities and tied them to the organisation’s own goals around customer growth. Because she chose her timing and messaging wisely, her peers stayed open. What could have been dismissed as contrarian turned into a real conversation about risk-friendly, test-and-learn innovation pilots.

Another executive client faced the opposite issue. He had a reputation for sharp wit and “telling it like it is.” His communication style got laughs, but it also made colleagues become guarded around him, nervous at the prospect of becoming his next punchline.

Over time, he realised that his humour was a shield for his own insecurity about being challenged. Jokes let him stay one step ahead of others and avoid vulnerability. Once he understood that pattern, he experimented with softening his delivery, clarifying his intent, and creating space for others to respond. By taking the risk of being more open, he shifted from sarcastic critic to trusted challenger, and his candour started to build, rather than break, relationships.

YOUR COACHING CHALLENGE

Candour is essential for trust, culture, and performance. Without it, leaders become echo chambers. With it, they spark growth, accountability, and innovation. The risk lies in mistaking candour for a licence to say whatever you want, without considering how it will land with others.

Here’s a quick practice that combines courage with care:

1. Identify your audience. Ask yourself: Is this the right audience, and the right moment for them?

2. Check your motive. Are you speaking to help the other person grow, or to clear your own frustration?

3. Frame your intent. Start with why you are raising it, so the other person knows your purpose is constructive.

4. Ground in specifics. Share clear examples of what you saw or heard and describe the impact.

5. Balance with care. Acknowledge a strength or positive intent alongside your challenge.

6. Ask, don’t tell. Invite reflection with a question that keeps the door open.

7. Pair challenge with care. As you raise the hard message, make it clear you respect and value them, and you genuinely care about them.

8. Reflect and revise. Notice what happens: do people lean in and open into conversation, or shut down and disengage? The difference will tell you how skilfully you’ve used candour.

Candour is a leadership skill that can build trust and momentum when used with care, or that can erode relationships when used carelessly. Mastering the art of speaking truth to power with the right amount of candour can be a real career booster when done well. If you want to strengthen your ability to deliver tough truths in ways that keep people open and engaged, executive coaching can help. Reach out for a free exploratory conversation at www.leslierohonczy.com to learn how coaching can support your leadership growth.

MICRO-YES LEADERSHIP: How Small Agreements Build Big Momentum

Some of the most pivotal leadership decisions are invisible. They aren’t made in boardrooms; they’re made during side chats, hallway run-ins, and Teams threads where no one is keeping score. Influence isn’t earned in a single moment. It’s built in fragments. This article is about that invisible work.

Micro-Yes Leadership is the practice I created for intentionally building momentum through small, cumulative agreements. Not the sweeping yes at the end of the strategy deck. But the little yeses that come long before: the raised eyebrows of curiosity, the half-nods in hallway conversations, the "I hadn't thought of it that way" a-ha moments during early stakeholder chats. It's the art of collecting permission, trust, and alignment in bits and pieces, long before the big meeting even happens.

 It's not persuasion. It's not consensus-seeking. It's influence, scaled down to human size.

WHY MICRO-YES LEADERSHIP MATTERS

In most organizations, change doesn’t happen by declaration. It happens through relationship. It happens because someone felt seen. Because someone felt safe. Because the idea wasn’t dropped on them cold.

Micro-Yeses are like trail markers. They let you know someone is still with you, even if they’re not ready for the whole hike yet.

When a leader overlooks these smaller moments, they often end up surprised when their brilliant pitch lands with a thud. "But the strategy was solid," they say. Maybe so. But alignment isn't an event. It is a process.

WHAT MICRO-YES LEADERS DO DIFFERENTLY

Micro-Yes Leaders listen for subtle cues: curiosity, hesitation, invitation. They notice when someone is warming to an idea, even if they're not ready to say yes just yet. They don't rush the moment; they honour it.

They create the space and time needed for engagement before commitment. They test ideas gently, adapt their language, and check for readiness. They understand that "yes" has many flavours: "Yes, I hear you." "Yes, I trust you." "Yes, I’ll keep thinking about it." 

Micro-Yes Leaders don't bulldoze their vision through the organization. They build it with others, one conversation at a time.

HOW TO BUILD YOUR OWN MICRO-YES PRACTICE

Start by shifting how you define progress. Instead of measuring influence by the number of decisions made, start tracking the number of meaningful engagements. Who asked you a thoughtful question? Who stayed behind after the meeting to clarify something? Who referenced your idea a week later in a different setting?

Here are a few micro-practices you can experiment with that build momentum:

• Pre-socialize the idea. Share early thinking with a few trusted voices before bringing it to a larger group. Let them react. Adapt based on what you learn.

• Ask for input, not agreement. "How does this land with you?" goes further than "Do you agree?"

• Name the trail markers. Say, "It sounds like you're not on board yet, but you're open to exploring." That creates space for evolving commitment.

• Celebrate the half-yes. Recognize movement, even if it’s not a full endorsement.

THE REAL WIN

Micro-Yes Leadership isn't about manipulation or slow-walking people into things. It's about building trust, and recognizing that real influence is built in informal moments that can feel quiet, impromptu, and unimportant at the time. Until they're not.

If you're waiting for the 'big meeting' to make your case, you might be too late. The decision has often already been made in fragments, in hallways, and in those micro-yes moments you didn’t see. But when you know what to look for, you start to notice how influence actually works: quietly, relationally, and while in motion. You may be amazed at the opportunities you find to shape momentum in small ways that stick.

So look hard. Listen closely. And start where great leadership always starts: with one person, one conversation, and one well-earned yes.

THE INVISIBLE RULEBOOK: What Women Should Know About the Politics of Visibility

Leslie Rohonczy, IMC™, PCC, Executive Coach, Leadership Expert, Speaker, Author

A few months ago, I had a free exploratory conversation with a senior leader who was looking for an executive coach. She was smart, strategic, and deeply respected by her team. But her frustration was real. “I’m doing everything I’ve been told to do,” she said. “I work hard, I deliver results, I’m easy to work with. And... someone else keeps getting the spotlight.”

If you’re a career-oriented woman, you’ve likely had some version of that conversation with yourself. Or with a friend, or a coach. And it’s not your imagination. You can do everything right, exceed expectations, lead with integrity, even deliver exceptional results, and still watch someone else get the promotion, the credit, the opportunity, or the decision-making authority.

As women, we likely have been told to speak up more. And to speak less. To be assertive. But not intimidating. To show confidence. But not too much confidence, or we'll be seen as arrogant. And most of all, to trust that the results will speak for themselves and our hard work will be rewarded. But results don’t speak; people do. And the people who tend to be heard, seen, and promoted are the ones who’ve learned to navigate the invisible rules of power and influence. They’ve figured out how 'visibility politics' works, when it’s most useful, when it’s risky, and how quickly it can be used against them.

THE MYTH OF MERITOCRACY: HARD WORK ISN’T ENOUGH

There’s a deeply ingrained narrative that if you just put your head down and focus on doing good work, good things will follow. But at the senior leadership level, performance is only one part of the equation. The rest is about power dynamics, relationships, sponsorship, perception, and visibility: do people know who you are, associate your name with strategic value, and see you as someone who belongs in the next-level room?

The traditional old-school leadership pipeline wasn’t designed with women’s experiences, responsibilities, or communication styles in mind. So it’s no wonder that playing by the old rules doesn’t always get us in the game.

Does this feel unfair? Of course it does, because it is! But acknowledging this doesn’t mean we accept it; it means we stop pretending it doesn’t exist. This simple move gives women a clearer picture of the landscape they’re operating in, so they can make some strategic choices about the power dynamics they’re navigating.

What I see too often are brilliant women opting out of the political layer of leadership because it feels manipulative and inauthentic. They just don’t want to play the game. But opting out doesn’t make the game go away. It just means someone else is influencing the outcome.

I'm not suggesting you become someone you’re not, of course. But what about becoming more familiar with how power flows and how to work with it, without compromising your values?

EXECUTIVE INFLUENCE ISN’T LOUD. IT’S STRATEGIC

Executive presence isn’t just about the content of your messages in meetings. It’s also about how you carry yourself, how you build trust, challenge others, and how you calibrate your message for the room you’re in.

Real influence happens through three key channels:

• TRUST: People believe in your judgment and character because you consistently demonstrate credibility, reliability, and a deep commitment to your work and values. You follow through on your promises, own your decisions, and show up with integrity, even when it’s difficult. That kind of consistency builds trust over time.

• ALIGNMENT: You understand and speak to what matters most to others and to the mission of the company. While others may get caught up in details, urgency, or distractions, you’re able to zoom out, see the bigger picture, and help others make meaningful connections between priorities, strategy, and outcomes.

• VISIBILITY: Your work, presence, and voice are known, valued, and repeated in the right rooms. And others carry your message forward even when you’re not in the room. You are seen as influential and strategic, even in your absence. Visibility is not the same as exposure. Women are often visible in the sense of being busy, productive, and praised, but exposure is about being seen by the right people, in the right context, connected to the right conversations.

This isn’t about self-promotion. It’s about strategic participation: knowing when to lean in, when to amplify others, when to ask the hard question, and when to plant a seed and let it grow.

HEALTHY POLITICS VS. TOXIC POWER PLAYS

Let’s define some terms. Office politics, at its best, is just the art of working with people, navigating competing priorities, influencing decisions, and building alliances.

Toxic politics, on the other hand, thrives in environments where trust is low and ‘playing the game’ is rewarded. And unfortunately, when women step into influential roles in these toxic cultures, they often face double standards or are labelled as ‘too much.’

Women are often asked to take on support roles and to help smooth conflict, in order to keep teams functioning, but these roles rarely get rewarded. Meanwhile, access to off-the-record conversations or informal sponsors often happens in places they don’t have access to, or are not invited.

So is the system flawed? Hellya it is. But waiting for the system to change isn’t a viable career strategy. Learning how to work within it, authentically, wisely, and strategically, is a leadership imperative.

WHO GETS CREDIT, WHO GETS HEARD, AND WHO GETS SEEN

One of the most frustrating dynamics I hear from the women leaders I coach is this: they share an idea in a meeting, and no one responds. Ten minutes later, a man repeats it, and suddenly, it’s a brilliant idea.

This is not your imagination. Multiple studies show that men are more likely to be given credit, airtime, and perceived authority, even when women bring equal or better ideas to the table. By the way, this happens to racialized leaders, too. And it’s a double-whammy if you’re a woman of colour.

So what can you do?

• Take up your full space. Not just physically, but vocally and energetically. Speak early. Speak with intention. Don’t qualify your points with “I could be wrong but…” or “just my two cents…” Those seemingly humble and deferential qualifiers are credibility-killers.

• Own your ideas. If someone piggybacks off your contribution without acknowledging you, follow up with: “I’m glad that point resonated. Building on what I shared earlier, here’s how I think we could move it forward…”

• Leverage your allies. Front-load where you can by previewing your ideas with trusted colleagues who can reinforce and validate your input in the room.

HOW COACHING HELPS

Learning to navigate visibility, without apology, performance anxiety, or burnout, is not something most of us were taught. But it can be practiced, built, and even enjoyed.

Many women I coach don’t realize how often they’re unconsciously opting out of influence, minimizing their contributions, avoiding strategic visibility, or underestimating their political capital.

Coaching helps surface these blind spots and offers real-time practice to help you speak with more conviction, hold your power in a room, ask for sponsorship without apology, and decode the invisible rules that are specific to your workplace, all without betraying your values.

In coaching sessions, we work on presence, mindset, on the micro-moves that shift perception. And most importantly, we work on what feels authentic, because influence is not about being louder; it’s about being clear, intentional, and visible in the moments that matter.

Ready to stop waiting to be noticed and start leading on purpose? Reach out for a free exploratory conversation at www.leslierohonczy.com. You don’t need to change who you are to lead powerfully. You just need to stop sitting on the sidelines of your own influence.

INFLUENCE MAPPING: A Tool for Strategic Career Growth

Leslie Rohonczy, IMC™, PCC, Executive Coach, Leadership Expert, Speaker, Author

I started working with a senior leader a few months ago, and was excited to help him explore his coaching topic. He wanted to become a high-performing executive and strengthen trust with his peer group. His intention was clear and his commitment seemed high.

In one of our early sessions, I asked him to walk me through his key relationships; the people whose support, trust, and collaboration would be essential to his success. He paused, then said, “Well… I think I have good relationships with most people.”

It wasn’t a bad answer. But it was vague, which told me we’d struck a golden coaching opportunity. I walked him through a powerful tool I developed called the Influence Map. This deceptively simple visual tool helped us map out who mattered most, how much trust existed, whether the influence flowed one way or both, and what kind of emotional cost each relationship carried.

Within minutes, the picture was clear. He was pouring energy into a relationship that wasn’t strategic, avoiding a critical alliance because it felt hard, and underestimating how much invisible credibility he’d already earned in a few places where he’d assumed indifference. He realized that, when it came to strategic relationships, he didn’t need more effort; he needed more precision.

Influence mapping makes visible the invisible social ecosystem you’re leading in. And once you see it, you can lead inside it with far more intention and confidence.

 WHY INFLUENCE MAPPING MATTERS

Influence at the executive level doesn’t follow job titles or org charts. It moves through the channels of trust, clarity, alignment, and shared purpose. If you're trying to drive change, shape culture, or lead cross-functionally, you need more than positional authority. You need strategic influence.

 The Influence Map helps you:

• Clarify who matters most to your success

• Diagnose the quality and direction of those relationships

• Get conscious about where you're spending too much or too little energy

• Make behavioural choices that improve trust and impact

Many leaders don’t realise until they map it out that they’re overspending influence capital in the wrong places, under-investing in key allies, or coasting in relationships that are quietly draining their credibility.

HOW TO USE THE INFLUENCE MAP

STEP 1: IDENTIFY THE KEY PLAYERS
Using the Influence Map template, place your name in the centre. Then, in the surrounding circles, add the names of individuals who significantly impact your ability to succeed, grow, and lead effectively. Think beyond your immediate team: include your boss, cross-functional partners, direct reports, key external stakeholders, or influential board members. Influence is about proximity to power and perception, not just title.

 STEP 2: TAKE A RELATIONSHIP SNAPSHOT
For each individual, reflect on these four indicators:

• Trust Level (Low, Medium, High): Is this relationship built on mutual trust?

• Influence Flow (One-Way or Two-Way): Do you influence each other, or is the flow lopsided?

• Current Currency: What do you bring to this relationship that earns you influence? Clarity? Calm? Creativity? Reliability? Insight?

• Emotional Cost (Low, Medium, High): How much energy does this person require from you?

This step alone can surface powerful insights. I’ve seen clients realise that the person they’re working hardest to impress doesn’t actually influence the outcomes that matter most.

STEP 3: DEFINE YOUR STRATEGIC INTENT
Ask yourself:

• What is the strategic purpose of this relationship?

• What would make this connection more effective?

• What’s one behavioural shift I could try to improve it?

Maybe it’s slowing your pace with a fast-moving peer. Or being more transparent with a cautious, trust-sensitive stakeholder. Or having clearer asks with someone who always offers support but rarely follows through.

 STEP 4: PRIORITISE YOUR INFLUENCE
Use simple symbols to code your map:

• STAR = Needs your attention

• CHECKMARK = Strong and stable

• TRIANGLE = Draining without enough return

 Then ask:

• Who are your allies and advocates?

• Who represents active friction?

• Where is there untapped opportunity?

Mapping this visually helps you spot patterns. Maybe all your strong relationships are downward, and you’ve neglected peer or upward influence. Or maybe one draining connection is hijacking your attention and causing unproductive spirals.

EXPLORE POWER DYNAMICS AND POLITICAL ACUMEN

Influence is relational, but it’s also political. Not in the Machiavellian sense, but in the sense of understanding where power lives and how decisions are made.

For each person on your map, ask:

• What motivates or unsettles them?

• How do they like to receive information?

• How is power expressed in this relationship, and how do I tend to respond?

• What other relationship could help me improve this one?

One client discovered that his most difficult cross-functional partner was deeply influenced by someone he hadn’t built a strong connection with – a surprising but powerful pivot point. Strengthening that second relationship softened the resistance in the first.

ACTION PLAN: WHERE TO START

Choose one relationship on your map that is costing you significant energy but yielding low influence or trust in return. Ask yourself:

• What am I trying to get from this relationship?

• Is that realistic, or am I overplaying it?

• Could a shift to curious diplomacy help? Or is a strategic withdrawal more appropriate?

Influence is rarely about pushing harder. It’s about choosing where and how to invest, creating conditions where trust can take root, and where alignment becomes possible.

READY TO MAP YOUR INFLUENCE?

You don’t need to overhaul your entire relationship strategy overnight. But you do need to look at it. Influence is one of your most valuable leadership assets, and yet most executives don’t take the time to map, audit, or recalibrate it.

Try the Influence Map. Get curious. And if you want help unpacking the patterns or crafting a game plan to lead with more impact and less friction, let’s talk.

I coach senior leaders to build trust, navigate power dynamics, and lead with clarity, confidence, and connection. Reach out today to grow your leadership influence, at www.leslierohonczy.com.

BUILDING TRUST UPWARD: Strategies for New Managers

by Leslie Rohonczy, Executive Coach, IMC, PCC | ©2024 | www.leslierohonczy.com

Congratulations on your new leadership role!

As a new manager, your natural focus will be on getting to know your new employees and building team trust. And it’s equally essential for your success and the smooth functioning of your team to focus on building trust with your own leader and your peers.

Investing in building trust with your leadership team fosters open communication, facilitates collaboration, and can significantly contribute to your own professional growth and career advancement.

Here are strategies to help new managers build trust upwards, with examples of some common challenges you may experience as a new leader, and some of the best practices you can experiment with.

UNDERSTANDING COMMON CHALLENGES

1. Navigating Unfamiliar Dynamics: New managers often face unfamiliar organizational dynamics and may struggle to understand their bosses' and peers' priorities and expectations.

2. Balancing Authority and Approachability: Striking the right balance between being authoritative and approachable can be difficult, especially when dealing with more experienced peers or superiors.

3. Managing Perceptions: New managers must carefully manage how they are perceived to establish credibility and avoid being seen as inexperienced or overconfident.

BEST PRACTICES TO OVERCOME CHALLENGES

1. Effective Communication

Example: Imagine a new manager, Sarah, who has just taken over a team in a large organization. Sarah regularly updates her boss on her team's progress through concise, clear reports and sets up bi-weekly one-on-one meetings to discuss key issues and seek feedback.

Practice: Maintain transparent and consistent communication. Share progress updates, challenges, and successes openly. This shows that you are proactive and accountable.

Tip: Utilize tools like project management software to keep everyone informed and reduce misunderstandings.

2. Building Relationships

Example: Praveen, a new manager, takes the initiative to invite his peers for casual coffee meetings. During these informal chats, he learns about their projects, challenges, and how they prefer to work, fostering a sense of camaraderie and understanding.

Practice: Invest time in building relationships with your peers and superiors. Show genuine interest in their work and offer your support where possible.

Tip: Attend cross-departmental meetings and social events to expand your network and understand the broader organizational landscape.

3. Demonstrating Competence and Reliability

 Example: Emily, a newly promoted manager, consistently delivers on her promises. When she commits to a deadline, she meets it or communicates any potential delays well in advance. Her boss and peers quickly learn that they can rely on her.

 Practice: Be dependable and consistent. Meet your deadlines, keep your promises, and be prepared for meetings. Demonstrate your competence through your actions and decisions.

Tip: Document your achievements and challenges, and be ready to discuss them during performance reviews or informal check-ins.

4. Seeking and Acting on Feedback

 Example: Tom regularly seeks feedback from his boss and his peers. He then takes actionable steps to address any concerns and shares his progress with those who provided the feedback, showing that he values their input.

 Practice: Actively seek feedback and act on it. This shows that you are committed to continuous improvement and value the perspectives of others.

 Tip: Use tools like anonymous surveys or suggestion boxes if direct feedback is not forthcoming.

5. Leading by Example

 Example: Mei leads by example by adhering to the company's values and ethics. And when her team experiences conflict , Mei supports them by modelling transparency, and by facilitating problem-solving conversations that explore assumptions and collaboration challenges. This demonstrates her commitment to the team’s success and earns their respect and trust.

 Practice: Model the behavior you want to see in others. Show integrity, respect, and dedication in all your interactions.

 Tip: Highlight and reward examples of positive behavior in your team, reinforcing the standards you set.

WHAT ‘SUCCESS’ LOOKS LIKE

 As we’ve explored, building trust upward as a new manager requires a combination of effective communication, relationship-building, reliability, openness to feedback, and leading by example.

 Here are two examples to illustrate how new managers can establish strong, trust-based relationships with their bosses, their leader’s bosses, and their peers, by addressing common challenges with these best practices.

CASE STUDY 1 | Transforming Team Dynamics

 Michael, a new manager at a tech company, faced resistance from his team and peers due to his young age. By consistently communicating his vision, involving his team in decision-making, and demonstrating his technical expertise, Michael gradually earned their trust. His efforts culminated in a successful product launch that exceeded company expectations, earning him accolades from his boss and peers.

 Situation: Michael was promoted to manage a team of experienced software developers. Some team members doubted his capabilities due to his age and perceived lack of experience.

 Actions Taken:

• Communication: Michael held a series of team meetings to clearly communicate his vision and goals for the team. He encouraged open dialogue and invited team members to share their thoughts and concerns.

• Involvement in Decision-Making: He involved his team in key decisions, such as choosing the technology stack for a new project. This inclusion made the team feel valued and respected.

• Demonstrating Expertise: Michael took the lead on a critical part of the project, showcasing his technical skills and problem-solving abilities. He also organized knowledge-sharing sessions where team members, including himself, could present on their areas of expertise.

 Outcome: The team's initial skepticism turned into respect and trust. The collaborative approach led to innovative solutions, and the project was completed ahead of schedule with high-quality results. The successful product launch earned Michael recognition from his superiors and helped him solidify his leadership role.

 Try-Its:

• Hold Regular Team Meetings: Schedule weekly or bi-weekly meetings to discuss project progress, address concerns, and share updates.

• Encourage Open Dialogue: Create a safe space for team members to voice their opinions and ideas without fear of judgment.

• Lead by Example: Take on challenging tasks and demonstrate your expertise to inspire confidence in your team.

CASE STUDY 2 | Overcoming Initial Resistance

 Linda, a new marketing manager, found herself at odds with a more experienced peer who felt overlooked for the promotion. Linda addressed the issue head-on by inviting her peer to collaborate on a high-visibility project. By acknowledging her peer's expertise and working together, they developed a strong working relationship, and her peer became one of her biggest advocates.

 Situation: Linda was promoted over a colleague, James, who had more years of experience in the company. James felt slighted and was initially uncooperative, creating tension in the department.

  Actions Taken:

• Open Conversation: Linda invited James for a coffee to discuss his concerns. She listened actively and acknowledged his feelings, expressing her respect for his experience and contributions.

• Collaboration: Linda proposed that they co-lead a major marketing campaign, leveraging James's expertise and her fresh perspective. She delegated key responsibilities to James, empowering him to take charge of important aspects of the project.

• Recognition: Throughout the project, Linda publicly recognized James' contributions, in team meetings and reports to upper management.

 Outcome: James appreciated Linda's approach and began to see her as a collaborator rather than a rival. Their combined efforts led to a highly successful marketing campaign, which significantly boosted the company's brand visibility. This success not only improved their working relationship, it also earned them both praise from senior executives.

 Try-Its:

• Address Conflicts Early: Don’t ignore tension or conflict. Address it openly and constructively.

• Leverage Strengths: Identify and utilize the strengths of your team members, giving them opportunities to shine.

• Acknowledge Contributions: Publicly recognize and celebrate the contributions of your peers and team members.