YOU DON'T NEED TO BE LESS HUMAN TO BECOME MORE STRATEGIC: Growing into Senior Leadership Without Losing Yourself

Leslie Rohonczy, IMC, PCC, Executive Coach & Author

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I don’t often write about the end of a coaching engagement. Usually, the stories I share in these Leadership articles come from the beginning, when a leader is naming the thing that isn’t working, or from the messy middle, where self-awareness is rising, old habits are getting exposed, and trying on different ways of leading can feel awkward, vulnerable, and occasionally a bit like wearing someone else’s shoes. The ending is different. It's where you find out what actually changed.

I recently wrapped up a coaching program with a senior leader I’ve had the genuine pleasure of working with over several months. Near the end of our conversation, she named something that many leaders I've coached have wrestled with. She reflected on how much of her early career success had come from being deeply involved, highly responsive, emotionally available, and someone people could count on without hesitation. She built strong teams, led in a highly hands-on, relational way, and noticed what others missed.

She said, “What I’m realizing is that the strengths that helped me succeed as a Manager and Director still matter, but how I express them has to change as I grow into a more senior role.”

That landed, because I have heard versions of this tension many times in coaching conversations. A leader gets promoted because they are capable, dependable, thoughtful, and trusted. They build a reputation by being the person who gets things done, notices what others miss, responds quickly, supports their people, and carries a lot without complaint. Then, somewhere along the way, the feedback changes. Suddenly, they are being told to be more strategic, to lead at a higher level, to stay out of the operational weeds, or to focus less on execution and more on enterprise thinking.

And what many deeply relational leaders hear in that feedback is something far more unsettling. "Does that mean I need to stop caring so much? Be less available? Become one of those polished executives who have mastered the art of sounding profound while saying almost nothing at all?"

It can create a genuine identity wobble because, for many leaders, especially high performers, the behaviours that built their early success were quite intentional. They became trusted because they were emotionally present for their people. They became promotable because they were dependable and productive. They earned influence because people experienced them as thoughtful, caring, and deeply committed. So when leadership growth requires change, it can create a real fear that the people around you may experience you as less caring, less accessible, or somehow less 'you'. Becoming more strategic can feel unsettlingly close to becoming less recognisable to yourself.

My client said something else in our closing conversation that I suspect will resonate with more than a few people. We were talking about confidence in the context of external validation, positive feedback, visible signs of success, and being seen as capable. She said, “Even just becoming aware of that has shifted my thinking.” Because once you notice that your confidence has been partly outsourced to the reactions of others, you begin to reclaim some authorship over it.

She also described a deeply human aspect of this coaching work: we build insight and self-awareness, and our confidence can feel steady for weeks, until something comes along that throws us off balance, and we find ourselves slipping back into old habits of thinking and reacting. That’s normal. Greater self-awareness does not mean those moments disappear forever. It means we recognize them faster. With practice, the distance between being triggered and catching ourselves in our 'old way' gets shorter and shorter. We still have the occasional wobble. We just recover quicker.

I see this pattern so often in coaching with leaders growing into more senior leadership roles. Many eventually discover that some of their most valued strengths become 'over-strengths' at more senior levels. Responsiveness can become reflexive order-taking, where the instinct to be helpful overrides the discipline to assess whether the ask actually belongs at your altitude. Inclusiveness can become over-consulting, where the desire to bring people along starts slowing decision-making long after sufficient input has been gathered. Ownership can become over-functioning, where personal accountability turns into doing work that should be delegated, because trusting others feels riskier than stepping in yourself. Emotional generosity can become protective insulation, where the instinct to care protects people from meaningful accountability, hard truths, and the consequences that would ultimately help them grow.

Those qualities are not inherently problematic. The challenge is that leadership context changes, and with it, what the role actually requires. Many of the skills that help someone thrive as a manager aren't the same ones required for senior or executive leaders to be successful. If you remain endlessly accessible, when do you think? If every decision requires broad consensus, when do you decide? If you keep solving problems your team should be solving, how do they grow? And if your calendar looks like a losing game of executive Tetris, where exactly is strategic leadership supposed to happen?

This is where many leaders give me the hairy eyeball, because this developmental ask can feel emotionally confusing, as the internal questions sound like: "Am I becoming colder? Am I losing what made me effective? Am I becoming less authentic?"

In my experience, the leaders who successfully navigate this transition don't become less human as they grow, but they do become more discerning. They get clearer about where their time creates the most value, become more intentional with their energy and attention, stop equating constant 'doing' with leadership contribution, and learn that protecting thinking time is part of the role, not an indulgence. They also become more willing to disappoint someone in the short term if the longer-term decision serves the broader organization. That is leadership maturity in action.

Let me put on the gender lens for a minute. For many women, there can be extra complexity layered into this transition. I say this thoughtfully, not as a sweeping generalization. Many women have spent years being socially rewarded for being accommodating, relational, highly capable, emotionally tuned in, and endlessly dependable. Add perfectionism, caregiving conditioning, or internalized pressure to be both competent and likeable, and this transition can carry extra emotional texture. And that means the leadership identity work can sometimes be more nuanced for women.

What I have consistently seen in leaders who navigate this transition well is something I deeply respect. They don't harden or become emotionally beige, and they don't confuse detachment with sophistication. They keep their humanity, while becoming much more deliberate about where that humanity gets expressed.

Before we wrapped up, my client said something that captured this beautifully: “It’s really about becoming more aware of where I put my energy and time. The things that helped me succeed still matter. But how I do them has just evolved.” That is leadership growth. Learning how to lead in a way that matches the altitude of the role, without losing the parts of yourself that made people want to follow your lead in the first place.

YOUR COACHING CHALLENGE

For the next two weeks, become a curious observer of your own leadership habits.

Pay attention to moments where you instinctively step in, respond immediately, over-consult, solve a problem that arguably belongs to someone else, say yes when your calendar is already gasping for oxygen, or stay deeply involved in work that may no longer require your altitude.

The goal is not to change anything immediately. The goal is to notice. Catch yourself in real time and ask: Is this a strength serving the current role, or a legacy habit from an earlier chapter of leadership?

At the end of your observation period, spend some time reflecting on these questions:

1. Which behaviour(s) showed up most often?

2. Which of these once served you well, and how?

3. What leadership need were these behaviours originally helping you meet: competence, control, belonging, approval, usefulness, certainty, or something else?

4. Which of these habits now creates drag, exhaustion, bottlenecks, or unintended consequences for you and/or others?

5. Where might your team, your peers, or your organization need something different from you now?

6. What is one small experiment you could try that would better match the altitude of your current role?

If you're a leader navigating this leadership transition and want to grow your strategic impact without losing the humanity that helps people trust you, reach out for a free exploratory Executive Coaching conversation at www.leslierohonczy.com

VISIBILITY IS NOT SELF-PROMOTION: Legible Leadership Presence

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You can be respected, competent, and indispensable, and still be invisible where power and influence are actually shaped. You do great work, deliver on objectives, carry responsibility, and when the strategic conversation shifts, your voice isn’t helping to shape it. Not because you weren’t invited to the table, but because you assumed your contribution would speak loudly enough on its own. Then, when decisions move ahead without your perspective, disappointment lands with a thud.

VISIBILITY IS NOT SELF-PROMOTION

Many leaders carry the limiting belief that seeking better visibility equals ego. It's as if the desire to be seen gets tangled up with the idea of performative posturing, self-promotion, or 'playing the game.' If we value substance, humility, and doing work that actually matters, that association feels off-putting, distasteful, or risky. So we keep our head down and trust that our good work will speak for itself. 

For a long time, that approach worked. It doesn’t anymore. Not because organisations have suddenly lost their values, but because the system has changed. Complexity has increased, decisions move faster, work is more distributed, and influence now depends not just on contribution, but on whether that contribution is visible, understood, and connected to what the organization is trying to do next. Think of visibility not as noise, but as legibility.

WHEN GOOD WORK STAYS INVISIBLE

Most leaders who struggle with building their visibility aren’t disengaged or insecure. They’re often deeply committed, values-driven, humble, and thoughtful about not centering themselves unnecessarily. They don’t want to dominate airtime or oversell. And they definitely don’t want to be mistaken for someone who talks more than they deliver.

So they wait until the work is perfect; until they’re asked; until the moment feels fully earned. And by the time they speak, the conversation has often moved on. This isn’t a personal shortcoming. It’s a mismatch between how leadership actually works now and how we may have been taught it works.

Decades of research in organizational psychology show that decision makers rely heavily on what is accessible in the moment, not on what exists elsewhere in the system. This cognitive shortcut is known as availability bias, and it shapes far more leadership decisions than anyone likes to admit. If your contribution isn’t present where meaning is being made, it doesn’t shape the outcome, no matter how solid it is.

EXECUTIVE PRESENCE IS FELT, NOT PERFORMED

Executive presence is often misunderstood as polish, confidence, or gravitas. Like a jacket you put on, a tone you adopt, or a posture you perfect.

In practice, presence is something other people experience. It’s the sense that you’re here, that you’re tracking what matters, and that you’re willing to offer your thinking into the shared space in service of the work. Presence helps people orient by providing context and making complexity easier to navigate.

While it may feel like restraint or good manners, when leaders pull back in the name of humility, the system doesn’t experience it that way. It experiences them as absent, and that absence has consequences.

THE COST OF BEING UNSEEN

When capable leaders remain unseen, organisations pay a price: decision-making narrows, risks go unnamed, and familiar patterns repeat. Over time, the same voices shape the future, not because they are always right, or even the most insightful, but because they are the most present. This is how organisations end up under-leveraging talent while wondering why innovation feels harder than it should.

It is also how leaders begin to disengage. Being overlooked rarely triggers anger first; it more often creates doubt. You may start questioning whether your perspective is wanted, if your instincts are sound, or if it feels safer to remain in execution than to step into influence.

That internal contraction is easy to miss, but over time, it steadily erodes confidence, connection, and impact.

VISIBILITY AS LEGIBILITY

Here’s the reframe that changes the conversation: visibility isn’t about drawing attention to yourself; it’s about making your thinking, contribution, and intent legible to the system you’re part of, so others can work with it.

By 'legibility', I mean making your thinking visible enough that others can easily understand what you see, what you’re prioritizing and why, and how you’re making sense of the situation. Legibility answers questions people are often already carrying, whether they say them out loud or not. What are you noticing that others may be missing? What do you believe matters most here, and why? How does this decision connect to where the organization is heading? Who will be most impacted and how?

This kind of visibility is about presence, and doesn’t require broadcasting or self-promotion. It requires the willingness to place your perspective into that shared space early enough that it can still shape understanding.

Sometimes that presence shows up as naming a pattern no one else has articulated yet, or as linking today’s decision to a downstream consequence that others haven't considered. Or it can look like offering context that helps the group see the situation more clearly. None of this is about elevating yourself; it’s about stewardship of the work and the system you are responsible for.

THE CANADIAN CONTEXT

There is an additional layer worth naming here. Our Canadian culture is steeped in norms of politeness, humility, and not drawing undue attention to ourselves. Standing out can feel uncomfortable, even suspect. Speaking too directly can feel impolite. Naming one’s contribution can feel uncomfortably close to self-promotion. These instincts, baked into us as Canadians, are cultural strengths that support trust, collaboration, and social cohesion.

The tension shows up when those same instincts mute our leadership voice. Withholding our perspectives in the name of humility, particularly in organizations that rely on consensus and shared decision-making, doesn’t protect the collective; it leaves the group working at a disadvantage, with less information, context, and perspectives.

Think of it this way: visibility is not about individual advancement; it’s about serving the collective intelligence of the group. Making your thinking legible to others helps others orient, connect dots, and make better decisions together. This is not the self-oriented, ego-driven personal branding cliché that many of us find so distasteful. It’s a contribution to the collective act of leadership.

Seen through this lens, presence is not about asserting yourself. It’s about contributing your share of clarity so the whole system can function more intelligently.

WHY VISIBILITY FEELS UNCOMFORTABLE

For many leaders, discomfort with visibility isn’t about capability so much as deeply personal patterns formed early in their careers or lives. Some learned early on that speaking up carried risk. Others learned that being visible attracted scrutiny they didn’t want. For some, visibility became associated with being judged, misunderstood, or sidelined rather than supported.

Those patterns don’t dissolve just because we have a senior title. They often travel with us, shaping how much space we take up, how quickly we offer our perspective, and how long we wait before entering a conversation.

When these instincts run the show without being examined, they begin to limit impact. Not in obvious or dramatic ways, but through a gradual narrowing of influence and participation. The work isn’t to override or bulldoze those instincts. It’s to look at them honestly and ask whether the cost of staying invisible now outweighs the risk of being seen. In most senior roles, I can tell you it does.

CONTRIBUTION WITHOUT BROADCASTING

There is a middle ground between disappearing and showboating, where we find the most effective leaders contributing with intention and grounded in relevance rather than self-protection or self-promotion.

It often looks like offering our perspective early enough to shape direction, rather than waiting until it feels completely safe to share our opinion. It means speaking to the work and the system, rather than narrating our own effort. It also means trusting that our thinking adds value, even when it is still forming.

Leaders who work this way don't necessarily speak more than others. They speak when it matters, and in service of clarity. Presence, in this sense, is not about volume or dominance. It is about timing, orientation, insight, and contribution.

YOUR COACHING CHALLENGE

This challenge is not about becoming louder, more polished, or more visible for visibility’s sake. It is about allowing more of your thinking to be seen in places where it can genuinely make a difference for the work and for the collective.

Treat this as a practice rather than a personality change. The aim is to experiment with presence, not to perform or self-promote.

1. CHOOSE THE RIGHT CONTEXT: Select one recurring meeting, forum, or decision-making space over the next two weeks where direction is set, priorities are shaped, or meaning is being made (not a purely operational or transactional update meeting).

2. NOTICE YOUR HABITUAL PATTERN: Before the meeting, take a few minutes to reflect on how you usually show up in this space. Where do you tend to hold back? Where do you wait until you are asked? Where do you assume your work will speak for itself?

3. IDENTIFY YOUR LEGIBLE CONTRIBUTION: Ask yourself the following reflection questions: What am I noticing here that would help others orient? What context, pattern, or implication might be missing from the conversation? How does this decision connect to what we are trying to achieve more broadly?

Choose one observation that feels useful to the system or to the collective knowledge of the group (not impressive to you).

1. PLACE YOUR THINKING EARLIER: In the meeting, offer that observation earlier than you normally would. Keep it simple and grounded. Avoid over-explaining, justifying, or softening your point with excessive caveats. Your task is to make your thinking legible, not to massage or defend it.

2. OBSERVE THE IMPACT: After the meeting, reflect on two things. First, what shifted in the room once your perspective was introduced? Second, what did you notice in yourself when you chose presence over restraint?

This practice is not about ego or performance. Practiced this way, visibility becomes a generous act of leadership and a contribution to the collective intelligence of the system.

If this article resonates, and you want to grow your leadership visibility, reach out for a free exploratory Executive Coaching conversation at www.leslierohonczy.com

SILENT DEALBREAKERS: Invisible Habits That Kill Your Leadership Brand

You can deliver flawless results and still stall your career. You can ace the big presentation and still erode trust. You can check every box on the leadership competency list and still be overlooked. Why? Because invisible habits can quietly chip away at your credibility, until they become silent dealbreakers.

A STORY CLOSE TO HOME

Years ago, I was the Director of IT Strategy at one of Canada’s Crown corporations. One of my peers, who I considered a good friend, pulled me aside after I presented to the executive team and said, “Leslie, do you realise you often end your thoughts with, ‘Does that make sense?’ It’s killing your credibility a little bit each time.” I was so surprised! I had no idea I was doing it. To me, it just seemed like a friendly, humble way to check in, but in reality, it was diluting my voice, and making it sound like I was doubting myself, or worse, doubting my audience’s ability to follow along.

Within weeks of paying attention to that little phrase and what was driving it, I was able to drop the habit. Mostly. (Full disclosure, it still creeps into my conversations now and then... does that make sense?) And something unexpected happened as a result: I noticed others leaning in more, opening up to me in new ways, asking me to expand on my points, trusting me with their difficult issues.

THE PERCEPTION GAP

Tasha Eurich’s research in Harvard Business Review found that while 95% of people believe they are self-aware, only about 10–15% actually are (HBR, 2018). In fact, many leaders significantly overestimate how positively they are perceived by their peers, and more than half of us assume we are coming across stronger than we are. This perception gap is where silent dealbreakers thrive.

We have perception gaps because people often feel uncomfortable pointing out our weaknesses or blind spots. It’s not often that someone and has our back enough to tell us, “Hey, your hedging language is eroding trust.” Instead, they keep that valuable information to themselves, affecting their perception of us, and that’s going to have an impact: a peer stops inviting you into early-stage brainstorming because they sense hesitation; a direct report chooses not to share an innovative idea with you because they’re unsure how you’ll respond; a board member wonders why you don’t speak with more conviction; a client feels less trust in you with the bigger piece of their business.

This pattern is rarely named. But you will feel the consequences later; the missed opportunities, the roles or projects that quietly go to someone else, the sense that your influence is not growing at the pace it should.

THE BRAIN’S ROLE IN MICRO-MOMENTS

Since I’m a neuroscience factoid junkie, let’s unpack a few principles to understand how our brain signals can betray us, what silent signals it monitors, and why small habits matter so much.

• Mirror neurons: These fire when we observe behaviour in others. If you appear disengaged, colleagues unconsciously mirror it, and the whole room’s energy drops.

• Amygdala sensitivity: The amygdala, our threat-detection system, is highly attuned to incongruence. If you promise something and then fail to follow through, others’ trust circuits register it as a red flag.

• Prefrontal fatigue: Our prefrontal cortex tires quickly, especially under stress. That’s when we slip into filler language, avoidance, or multitasking. Others notice these lapses, even when we’re unaware of them.

• Oxytocin and trust: Oxytocin is a chemical released in our brains and bodies during positive, consistent social interactions. It supports bonding, reliability, and connection. When our behaviour feels inconsistent or unpredictable, the social signals that trigger oxytocin are disrupted, and people feel less inclined to trust us deeply.

These insights matter because they explain why small, often invisible behaviours carry so much weight. Your brain’s signals are constantly broadcasting cues about presence, reliability, and congruence, and everyone else’s brains are tuned to receive them. That’s why the micro-moments you think no one notices can shape the story people tell about your leadership. Understanding what drives those signals gives you the power to recalibrate them intentionally, before they become silent dealbreakers.

A WATCH LIST OF INVISIBLE HABITS

Here are a few examples of the most common silent dealbreakers I see in coaching leaders:

• Hedging language: “I might be wrong, but…” (which is similar to my old ‘Does that make sense’ line). It was said by a senior VP in a merger meeting. His team later stopped fighting for his ideas because he didn’t sound confident in them.

• Dropping commitments: A Director who routinely promised to “circle back tomorrow” but rarely did. Her reliability rating tanked with the other Directors in her group, even though she saw herself as responsive.

• Unintentional interrupting: An executive who habitually cut people off mid-sentence thought he was helping the conversation to move along faster (his communication style preference). His team described him as dismissive and over-bearing.

• Being physically present but mentally elsewhere: A leader in a hybrid meeting who often answered text messages while her team presented their project updates. Employees stopped tracking their progress, which created an unnecessary risk to the team’s key projects. “Why bother, if she is not listening?”

• Inconsistent tone: A VP who alternated between being approachable one week and grumpy the next. People stopped confiding in him because they never knew which version they would get, and his unpredictability felt risky.

CULTURAL RESEARCH

Gallup’s State of the Global Workplace 2023 found that employees are nearly four times more likely to be engaged when leaders consistently follow through on their promises. Consistency, even in small commitments like returning a call when promised, matters more than grand gestures.

And it turns out that reliability is a stronger predictor of engagement than charisma or vision. A Deloitte Insights survey on trust in leadership (2022) reported that 79% of employees who viewed their leaders as reliable also rated their organisations as “highly engaging places to work.”

Research from the Center for Creative Leadership has also shown that leaders who demonstrate behavioural consistency are rated significantly higher in effectiveness by both peers and direct reports. Those small patterns, like showing up prepared, or keeping one’s word, compound into reputational capital.

Put together, the message is clear that organisations reward leaders who eliminate silent dealbreakers. Reliability is not just a personal virtue; it is cultural currency.

YOUR COACHING CHALLENGE

Spot Your Silent Dealbreakers

Doing:
For the next week, ask two trusted colleagues to observe you in meetings and interactions. Invite them to share one or two small habits that might unintentionally dilute your credibility (hedging language, inconsistent tone, multitasking, etc.). Choose one of these habits and commit to experimenting with it for seven days.

What to Notice:

• How often does the habit show up when you are under stress or pressed for time?

• What changes in the energy of the room when you catch yourself and shift?

• Do colleagues respond differently when you deliver a point with clarity instead of hedging, or when you follow through consistently?

Reflection Questions:

1. Which micro-habit surfaced most often this week, and do you notice any themes or patterns?

2. What impact did you observe in others’ responses when you shifted it?

3. How did it feel internally to hold yourself differently?

4. What would it take to make this shift sustainable?

5. Which other micro-habit might be worth experimenting with next?

This practice is not about eliminating every habit at once. It is about raising awareness and testing whether small, consistent shifts create visible changes in how others experience you.

 Your leadership brand is not built in keynotes or strategy decks. It is built in micro-moments. The question is, are your moments compounding your credibility or eroding it?

If you’re interested in executive coaching to help you address your silent deal-breakers, reach out for a free exploratory conversation at www.leslierohonczy.com.

TELLING WOMEN TO 'JUST SPEAK UP': The Problem with Performative Confidence

“You just need to speak up more.”

That’s the feedback my coaching client received from someone on the executive team. She’s a brilliant woman, promoted six months ago, building her team, and is delivering consistent results. Her response? “Speak up more? I’m going hoarse trying to be heard.” 

This is what lazy feedback sounds like. It lands with a thud and no instruction manual. It’s like being told to ‘just play better’ – without knowing which game you’re in, what the rules are, or who’s even keeping score. And yet, women still show up, adapt, and perform. That’s not a confidence gap – that’s a context gap. 

CONFIDENCE ISN’T A CHARACTER TRAIT 

Often, signs of wobbly confidence are treated like a personal failing, or like something women need to ‘fix.’ But that’s not how confidence works. Confidence is a response to context. It’s not that women lack confidence. It’s that they’ve learned there is a cost to displaying it. 

Research from Yale, McKinsey, and Catalyst confirms what many women already know in their bones because they’ve lived it: when we assert ourselves, advocate for our work, or step confidently into leadership space, we’re often judged more critically than our male peers. In cultures like these, success doesn’t automatically follow confidence; it follows calibration. Women learn to weigh every word, tone, and gesture to reduce the potential risk of backlash.

Women don’t dial themselves down out of fear; they do it because experience has taught them how the room tends to respond. We see it every time our ideas are restated by others and only then are taken seriously; when we’re interrupted mid-sentence in a way our male peers aren’t; or when we’re judged as abrasive for using the same tone that makes a man “decisive”. 

THE CREDIBILITY-COMPETENCE TIGHTROPE 

Here’s the impossible equation women are expected to solve: Be warm AND authoritative. Approachable AND assertive. Powerful but NOT pushy. Focus too much on competence, and you’re labelled cold. Lead with approachability, and you’re often underestimated. 

This dynamic, often called the “competence-likability trade-off,” shows up consistently in executive coaching conversations. Sheryl Sandberg described it in her acclaimed book ‘Lean In’ as one of the core tensions women face in leadership. While this pattern is especially well-documented for women, it also affects racialized leaders, neurodiverse professionals, and anyone whose communication style doesn’t match the dominant leadership norms that reward confidence only when it looks and sounds a certain way. 

It creates a constant pressure to perform, but only within a narrow set of rules. “Be confident, but not cocky. Speak up, but don’t overshadow. Be authentic, but only in ways that feel familiar and safe to others.” Telling women to "just project more confidence" doesn’t fix that tension. At best, this advice is unhelpful. At worst, it quietly holds women responsible for navigating a system that still penalises them for showing up fully. 

THE REAL COST OF PERFORMATIVE CONFIDENCE 

I’ve coached hundreds of women who had mastered the ‘act’: the composed tone, carefully measured eye contact, impeccable posture, firm handshake, and polished executive presence. They’d done everything ‘right’. And still, many felt invisible, disconnected from their own voice, and bone-tired from keeping up the performance. 

Performative confidence doesn’t empower – it depletes. 

Grounded confidence feels different. It’s anchored in purpose, emotional congruence, and what I call your ‘ness’: the distinctive wiring that makes you uniquely you. This isn’t about acting. It’s about aligning. We don’t need more women adapting to a narrow version of leadership. We need more workplaces that create the conditions for authentic confidence to thrive. 

SO WHAT ACTUALLY HELPS? 

Here’s what I’ve learned from almost two decades of coaching: 

1. Confidence grows in context, not in isolation. Instead of asking, “Why doesn’t she speak up?”, ask, “What makes this environment unsafe for her to contribute fully?”

2. Visibility is relational. Confidence doesn’t live inside one person. It grows in rooms where people are invited in, where their contributions are amplified, and where feedback fuels growth, not fear.

3. Self-awareness beats self-promotion. Encouraging women to double down on their authentic leadership identity – their ‘ness’ – is far more powerful than any tips on vocal tone or standing tall.

4. The real work is rewiring the system. Instead of ‘fixing’ women with one-size-fits-all advice, we need to take a closer look at the systems and cultures that still reward confidence in some forms – and penalise it in others. The question isn’t “How do we help women show up more confidently?” It’s “What needs to shift so their confidence can actually land?” 

READY FOR A CHANGE? 

If you're a woman in leadership, you don’t need to fake anything, or turn up the volume, or fit into someone else’s version of presence. You need the space to ground yourself in your wiring, your values, your way of leading. And if you're a leader or ally who wants to support that, the shift starts with curiosity, not critique.  

Try asking:

• What messages do we send about who gets to speak up, and how are those messages being communicated, implicitly or explicitly?

• How is confidence interpreted differently depending on who’s expressing it, and who’s listening?

• In what ways does our culture invite real presence, and when might we be unintentionally rewarding performative behaviours instead?

• What might shift or become possible if we broadened our definition of executive presence to include a wider range of authentic leadership styles?

Confidence isn’t something women are missing. It’s something that’s often misinterpreted, undervalued, or penalised, depending on who’s expressing it and how closely they match the ‘acceptable’ template. 

If you're a woman in leadership ready to trade performative behaviours for authentic presence, let's talk. Executive coaching can help you reconnect with your voice, your values, and a leadership style that doesn’t require you to shrink or shape-shift. 

And if you're a leader or ally working to foster a more inclusive leadership culture, coaching can help you examine how confidence is encouraged, interpreted, and rewarded in your organisation – and what may need to evolve.

THE INVISIBLE RULEBOOK: What Women Should Know About the Politics of Visibility

Leslie Rohonczy, IMC™, PCC, Executive Coach, Leadership Expert, Speaker, Author

A few months ago, I had a free exploratory conversation with a senior leader who was looking for an executive coach. She was smart, strategic, and deeply respected by her team. But her frustration was real. “I’m doing everything I’ve been told to do,” she said. “I work hard, I deliver results, I’m easy to work with. And... someone else keeps getting the spotlight.”

If you’re a career-oriented woman, you’ve likely had some version of that conversation with yourself. Or with a friend, or a coach. And it’s not your imagination. You can do everything right, exceed expectations, lead with integrity, even deliver exceptional results, and still watch someone else get the promotion, the credit, the opportunity, or the decision-making authority.

As women, we likely have been told to speak up more. And to speak less. To be assertive. But not intimidating. To show confidence. But not too much confidence, or we'll be seen as arrogant. And most of all, to trust that the results will speak for themselves and our hard work will be rewarded. But results don’t speak; people do. And the people who tend to be heard, seen, and promoted are the ones who’ve learned to navigate the invisible rules of power and influence. They’ve figured out how 'visibility politics' works, when it’s most useful, when it’s risky, and how quickly it can be used against them.

THE MYTH OF MERITOCRACY: HARD WORK ISN’T ENOUGH

There’s a deeply ingrained narrative that if you just put your head down and focus on doing good work, good things will follow. But at the senior leadership level, performance is only one part of the equation. The rest is about power dynamics, relationships, sponsorship, perception, and visibility: do people know who you are, associate your name with strategic value, and see you as someone who belongs in the next-level room?

The traditional old-school leadership pipeline wasn’t designed with women’s experiences, responsibilities, or communication styles in mind. So it’s no wonder that playing by the old rules doesn’t always get us in the game.

Does this feel unfair? Of course it does, because it is! But acknowledging this doesn’t mean we accept it; it means we stop pretending it doesn’t exist. This simple move gives women a clearer picture of the landscape they’re operating in, so they can make some strategic choices about the power dynamics they’re navigating.

What I see too often are brilliant women opting out of the political layer of leadership because it feels manipulative and inauthentic. They just don’t want to play the game. But opting out doesn’t make the game go away. It just means someone else is influencing the outcome.

I'm not suggesting you become someone you’re not, of course. But what about becoming more familiar with how power flows and how to work with it, without compromising your values?

EXECUTIVE INFLUENCE ISN’T LOUD. IT’S STRATEGIC

Executive presence isn’t just about the content of your messages in meetings. It’s also about how you carry yourself, how you build trust, challenge others, and how you calibrate your message for the room you’re in.

Real influence happens through three key channels:

• TRUST: People believe in your judgment and character because you consistently demonstrate credibility, reliability, and a deep commitment to your work and values. You follow through on your promises, own your decisions, and show up with integrity, even when it’s difficult. That kind of consistency builds trust over time.

• ALIGNMENT: You understand and speak to what matters most to others and to the mission of the company. While others may get caught up in details, urgency, or distractions, you’re able to zoom out, see the bigger picture, and help others make meaningful connections between priorities, strategy, and outcomes.

• VISIBILITY: Your work, presence, and voice are known, valued, and repeated in the right rooms. And others carry your message forward even when you’re not in the room. You are seen as influential and strategic, even in your absence. Visibility is not the same as exposure. Women are often visible in the sense of being busy, productive, and praised, but exposure is about being seen by the right people, in the right context, connected to the right conversations.

This isn’t about self-promotion. It’s about strategic participation: knowing when to lean in, when to amplify others, when to ask the hard question, and when to plant a seed and let it grow.

HEALTHY POLITICS VS. TOXIC POWER PLAYS

Let’s define some terms. Office politics, at its best, is just the art of working with people, navigating competing priorities, influencing decisions, and building alliances.

Toxic politics, on the other hand, thrives in environments where trust is low and ‘playing the game’ is rewarded. And unfortunately, when women step into influential roles in these toxic cultures, they often face double standards or are labelled as ‘too much.’

Women are often asked to take on support roles and to help smooth conflict, in order to keep teams functioning, but these roles rarely get rewarded. Meanwhile, access to off-the-record conversations or informal sponsors often happens in places they don’t have access to, or are not invited.

So is the system flawed? Hellya it is. But waiting for the system to change isn’t a viable career strategy. Learning how to work within it, authentically, wisely, and strategically, is a leadership imperative.

WHO GETS CREDIT, WHO GETS HEARD, AND WHO GETS SEEN

One of the most frustrating dynamics I hear from the women leaders I coach is this: they share an idea in a meeting, and no one responds. Ten minutes later, a man repeats it, and suddenly, it’s a brilliant idea.

This is not your imagination. Multiple studies show that men are more likely to be given credit, airtime, and perceived authority, even when women bring equal or better ideas to the table. By the way, this happens to racialized leaders, too. And it’s a double-whammy if you’re a woman of colour.

So what can you do?

• Take up your full space. Not just physically, but vocally and energetically. Speak early. Speak with intention. Don’t qualify your points with “I could be wrong but…” or “just my two cents…” Those seemingly humble and deferential qualifiers are credibility-killers.

• Own your ideas. If someone piggybacks off your contribution without acknowledging you, follow up with: “I’m glad that point resonated. Building on what I shared earlier, here’s how I think we could move it forward…”

• Leverage your allies. Front-load where you can by previewing your ideas with trusted colleagues who can reinforce and validate your input in the room.

HOW COACHING HELPS

Learning to navigate visibility, without apology, performance anxiety, or burnout, is not something most of us were taught. But it can be practiced, built, and even enjoyed.

Many women I coach don’t realize how often they’re unconsciously opting out of influence, minimizing their contributions, avoiding strategic visibility, or underestimating their political capital.

Coaching helps surface these blind spots and offers real-time practice to help you speak with more conviction, hold your power in a room, ask for sponsorship without apology, and decode the invisible rules that are specific to your workplace, all without betraying your values.

In coaching sessions, we work on presence, mindset, on the micro-moves that shift perception. And most importantly, we work on what feels authentic, because influence is not about being louder; it’s about being clear, intentional, and visible in the moments that matter.

Ready to stop waiting to be noticed and start leading on purpose? Reach out for a free exploratory conversation at www.leslierohonczy.com. You don’t need to change who you are to lead powerfully. You just need to stop sitting on the sidelines of your own influence.

DOES EMOTION HAVE A PLACE IN LEADERSHIP? How High-Performing Leaders Use EQ

Leslie Rohonczy, IMC™, PCC, Executive Coach, Leadership Expert, Speaker, Author

A few days ago, my son-in-law, a psychology student, asked me a deceptively simple question as part of his research project: “How do you define emotion?” It stopped me in my tracks, not because I didn’t have an answer, but because I realised that, when anyone asks me about emotion, it's usually in the context of "how do I stop feeling these uncomfortable emotions, and get more of the feel-good ones?"

 We often use the word emotion, assuming that everyone knows what we mean. Yet most of us would struggle to pin down exactly what emotion is, especially in the context of leadership. I sat with his question for a moment, recognising that this was more than just a question for a student paper. It was a doorway into one of the most misunderstood aspects of being human, and one of the most underutilised leadership assets.

 Ask a thousand people what emotion is, and you’ll get a thousand different definitions. But here’s the one I gave my son-in-law, and it’s the one I’ve come to believe as an executive coach, after years of witnessing leaders, teams, and organizations grow and thrive because of what emotion makes visible.

Emotion is data. It is the body’s first response to a stimulus, often milliseconds before our conscious mind has time to interpret it. From a neuroscience perspective, our amygdala (the emotional processing centre) activates more quickly than our prefrontal cortex (our logic and analysis centre). In other words, emotion is faster than logic, louder than reason, and inconveniently immune to our efforts to suppress or ignore it. That can feel unsettling, particularly for those who pride themselves on rational decision-making and derive their leadership credibility from cognitive mastery.

 But emotion is also meaning. It’s how we register what matters. Whether it’s joy lighting us up, anger alerting us to a boundary, or fear waving a bright red flag, emotion helps us locate ourselves in the world, and in leadership, in real time.

 And yet, despite being one of the most common and trustworthy internal indicators we have, emotion has long been treated like a professional liability. Too unpredictable. Too messy. Too… human.

THE CULTURE OF EMOTIONAL SUPPRESSION

 Most of us were taught to manage emotion by suppressing it: Don’t take it personally. Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve. Don't be 'too much'. Don’t let them see you sweat. In other words: don’t feel. Or, at least, don’t show that you feel.

 We’ve been sold the myth that emotional neutrality equals professionalism; that stoicism is strength. But that approach often backfires because when leaders minimize emotion, they don’t actually regulate it, they repress it. And repressed emotion doesn’t disappear. Ever. It goes underground, festering, until it leaks out sideways, in sarcasm, defensiveness, and passive-aggressive emails, contributing to a culture of fear and silence. The result is disconnected leaders, disengaged teams, and decisions that lack empathy, context, and alignment.

EMOTION AS BUSINESS INTELLIGENCE

 Let’s reframe the story. Emotion isn’t just a personal experience; it’s a form of business intelligence, a critical input to high-quality decision-making, strategy, and leadership effectiveness.

 When we learn to tune into emotion with curiosity rather than judgment, we begin to access a deeper form of intelligence: emotional intelligence. But to make that shift, we first need to understand what emotion actually is from a scientific and leadership lens. Here are four key insights:

 1.      The body feels it first. Neuroscience confirms that the brain’s emotional system (particularly the amygdala) reacts to stimuli milliseconds before the logical prefrontal cortex kicks in. Researchers like Joseph LeDoux and Antonio Damasio have shown that bodily sensations and gut feelings often precede conscious awareness. So yes, your body does feel it before your brain can make sense of it.

2.      Emotions aren’t sent by a signal; they are the signal. While it's poetic to say emotions "send us a message," what’s actually happening is that emotions are the message. They are automatic responses designed to draw our attention to something important. Emotions arise to prepare us for action, not to confuse us. They're not disruptive, but they're not directions for action just yet.

3.      The story follows. Once the body responds, the brain interprets the emotional signal by constructing a narrative. This is how we make sense of the feeling: we assign it meaning based on past experiences, current context, and our personal wiring. Sometimes the story is accurate. Sometimes it isn’t. But it's always our brain’s best attempt to explain what we’re feeling based on what we already know.

4.      There’s a moment of choice, if we’re trained to notice it. Viktor Frankl famously wrote that between stimulus and response there is a space, and in that space lies our power to choose. While not everyone has easy access to this space automatically, research shows that self-awareness practices like mindfulness and coaching can expand it. Leaders who are trained to pause, reflect, and regulate their emotional response gain tremendous power to act with intention instead of reacting out of habit.

 When leaders learn to interpret emotion as data, in themselves and in others, they gain access to vital, often overlooked business signals: early warning signs of disengagement, shifts in culture, misalignment in values, or momentum behind innovation. When emotion and reason are aligned, we make sharper business decisions with greater clarity, integrity, and human impact. When we ignore one or the other, we miss half the picture.

THE LEADER’S ROLE: EMOTIONAL FLUENCY

So what does this mean for leadership, specifically? It means that the most effective leaders don’t try to suppress or avoid emotion; they learn to work with it intentionally and strategically, integrating it into their decision-making and leadership presence. They become emotionally fluent, able to recognise what they are feeling, accurately name it, and use that information wisely. But emotional fluency isn’t just about personal regulation; it’s also about leadership effectiveness in action.

 Emotionally fluent leaders use emotion in two essential ways:

1.      With Themselves: They notice what they’re feeling in real time, pause before reacting, and use those internal cues as insight into what matters most. For example, if a surge of frustration arises in a meeting, they pause to consider what boundary may have been crossed or what expectation may have been missed. Instead of ignoring or rationalising the feeling, they investigate it, from a calm and curious stance. This helps them lead with intention rather than impulse.

2.      With Others: Emotionally fluent leaders are attuned to emotional cues in their teams. They notice when morale dips, when someone’s energy shifts, or when a room suddenly goes quiet. They ask thoughtful questions like, “How did that decision land for you?” or “What are we not saying out loud right now?” They listen not just for content, but for emotional subtext. They know that emotional safety is a precondition for innovation, collaboration, and trust.

 This is the difference between reactivity and presence, between saying “I’m fine” with a clenched jaw, and pausing to say, “I’m frustrated by how this landed; let’s talk it through,” between powering through and quietly burning out.

 Emotionally fluent leaders don’t just model composure; they model the courage to feel, to acknowledge, to navigate complex human dynamics with openness and clarity. They create cultures where feelings are acknowledged, not feared; where feedback isn’t a threat, it’s an opportunity; and where humanity is not a weakness, but a leadership asset.

 And the impact is profound: trust increases, innovation grows, psychological safety expands, and teams become more cohesive and resilient because individuals feel seen, heard, and valued, not just for what they do, but for who they are as people.

THE COST OF EMOTIONAL ILLITERACY

 Let’s flip the script again. What happens when leaders don’t engage with or allow for the full range of human emotion?

 We see defensiveness instead of accountability, silence instead of honest feedback, leaders who bulldoze through meetings, wondering why no one speaks up, cultures that reward perfection over progress, and compliance over creativity and innovation. Do you notice any of these in your culture?

 That gap, or ‘leadership disconnect’, is what happens when a leader’s self-perception is out of step with how they’re actually experienced by others. And it often stems not from a lack of awareness, but from a resistance to the vulnerability required to acknowledge, express, and work with emotion, both in themselves and in those around them.

TURNING AWARENESS INTO ACTION

 So, how do we shift this and move from emotional avoidance to emotional fluency? We start by understanding that feeling is thinking. Emotional fluency isn’t just about managing discomfort. It’s also about amplifying insight from the moments when things feel aligned; when we’re proud, inspired, grateful, joyful, or at ease. These so-called positive emotions are often overlooked, but they hold vital clues about what’s working, what matters most, and what we want more of in our leadership.

 Take a minute right now to reflect on your leadership journey, where you've come from, and where you're going. Then use these questions to help translate emotional awareness into practical insight:

• What emotion am I experiencing right now? Name it clearly. Is it frustration, anxiety, hope, pride? Here's a handy tool to help you identify your emotions: WHEEL OF EMOTIONS

• Where do I feel it in my body? Notice the sensation. Is it tension in your shoulders, heaviness in your belly, a tight jaw, flutters in your chest, tingling on your scalp, or something else?

• What is this emotion telling me? Is it pointing to a value being challenged, a boundary that was crossed, a need for reassurance, an opportunity to be explored, gratitude to be expressed, or something else?

• What’s the story I’m telling myself about this situation, and is it true? Could there be a different interpretation, a limiting belief, or an assumption to challenge?

 Once we’ve created some space between the feeling and the action, we can choose the response that aligns with who we are, and the impact we want to have. Emotionally intelligent leadership is the ability to feel fully and respond wisely. We are emotional beings who think, not thinkers who happen to feel. And if we want to lead with clarity, connection, and courage, we treat emotion not as a liability but as the leadership superpower it truly is.

THE UNSCRIPTED LEADER: When Over-Preparing is Under-Performing

Leslie Rohonczy, IMC™, PCC, Executive Coach, Leadership Expert, Speaker, Author

 You’ve done the prep. Nailed the slides. Practiced every line. But if you’re being honest, there’s still that low buzz of anxiety in your body, making you feel unsettled, as if you’re holding your breath, hoping nothing goes off-script.

 It makes sense. When the stakes are high, over-preparing feels like a smart move. But trying to control every variable can quietly choke off your impact. Leaders who script everything often miss the moments that matter most; those unscripted, human, real-time moments where connection, trust, and credibility are built.

 And the leadership landscape today is anything but predictable. We’re navigating this post-pandemic, post-election, mid-polarization, emerging recession time that impacts every aspect of our businesses: supply chains, staffing, climate, policy, trade, employee wellness, and shareholder value. Everything is in flux. Leaders are asked to make bold decisions with often blurry or incomplete information, and to communicate clearly and confidently amid constant change. It's a big ask to show up with poise when predictability has left the building.

 But the greatest pressure may not be coming from 'out there'. It’s likely an 'inside' job.

 Feeling the need to over-prepare, over-script, and rehearse every move to avoid being seen as anything less than polished is a common executive coaching topic. One client, a brilliant and capable executive, would script every communication, rehearse for days, and second-guess himself constantly. He wasn’t lacking competence; in fact, he was overflowing with skills, capability, and drive. But he was trapped by a perfectionist inner critic. Wired for achievement and image-conscious, the more he tried to get it right, the more disconnected and stressed he became.

 This is the moment we’re in: external turbulence colliding with an internal craving for control and validation. But here’s a little nugget to hold onto the next time you’re feeling the urge to over-prepare:

 Detouring into uncertainty doesn't take you off the path. It is the path.

 So, how do you lead without a script? How do you stay fully present and in your body, in the moment, and in relationships, when the certainty you usually rely on isn’t there? How do you keep your voice clear and grounded when the pressure is rising and the path ahead is anything but obvious?

 As an executive coach, I meet clients right at this crossroads. It’s not that they need more information; they’re already swimming in data. Through coaching, they develop integration; a clearer sense of who they are as leaders; a vision for how they want to lead; and a way to tap into their internal compass to help them explore new paths with genuine curiosity. Most of all, they learn how to trust that they will find the words, the insightful perspectives and ideas, the next step, and their confidence in the moment; not because it was rehearsed, but because it was real.

 What Over-Preparing Steals from You

It might feel like you're taking the responsible approach, and of course, some preparation is necessary! But too much of it can dull your leadership edge.

 Here’s what can get lost in the process due to over-preparation:

• Spontaneity. Over-scripting blocks the kind of responsive, in-the-moment connection that builds trust.

• Presence. If you're focused on remembering your lines, you're not actually in the moment with your people, and they can often (more often than you may realize) feel the distance.

• Curiosity. Over-prepared leaders tend to stick to their script, rather than listening for new data or perspectives that might improve outcomes or understanding.

• Authenticity. This might be the most important one of all. When everything is polished and pre-planned, the unique qualities that make you you often disappear. And in times of change, that's exactly what people want to follow: realness, not rehearsed perfection.

 In other words, over-preparing might feel safe, but it quietly erodes the very things that make your leadership impactful.

 Here’s what I’ve learned: Leading without a script requires three things that coaching builds powerfully over time:

1.      VOICE CLARITY: Knowing What You Stand For
In times of uncertainty, people don’t just need direction, they need anchoring. Coaching helps leaders articulate their core values, strengths, and leadership principles so they can speak from a place of alignment, not performance. When your inner clarity is strong, you don’t need a script. You just need to show up.

 One leader I coached said, "I kept looking for the 'right' message. What I needed was to say something true, not perfect." Once she found the courage to name what she did know, and what she didn’t, her team leaned in, not away.

2.      PRESENCE UNDER PRESSURE: Staying Regulated When Others Are Spinning
When tension is high, people look to leaders not just for answers, but for energy regulation. Coaching helps leaders understand their own emotional wiring, build tools for emotional regulation, and manage their inner state so they can model calm in the chaos.

 One VP I worked with love the coaching practice that she called her "One-Minute Reset", a quick breathing practice combined with a reset phrase that she used before tough town halls or uncertain board presentations. She stopped trying to deliver the perfect answer. She showed up grounded, and her credibility soared.

3.      STRATEGIC EXPERIMENTATION: Leading with Curiosity Instead of Control
Leaders often think their value comes from having the answers. But in today's environment, it's more valuable to ask the right questions. Coaching supports a mindset shift: from prediction to experimentation. From control to curiosity.

 Instead of locking into a brittle plan, great leaders run their leadership like an innovation lab. They test. They learn. They adjust. Coaching provides the space to reflect on what’s working, what’s not, and what to try next.

Leading Without a Script

Leading without a script isn’t the same as leading without a net. In fact, leading without a script might just be your next level of leadership development. It is certainly a call to deepen your self-awareness and build a stronger presence through bolder experimentation. In an era of uncertainty, the leaders who rise aren’t the ones who always have the perfectly polished answer. They’re the ones who keep showing up, grounded, human, and clear on who they are.

 Leadership without a script isn’t a sign of failure. It’s an invitation to lead with more clarity, more presence, and more courage than ever before. If you’re tired of performing and ready to lead from a place of confidence and real connection, Executive Coaching can help. Let's talk about how to develop your leadership to be less filtered, more comfortably unscripted, and authentically you. 

 Reach out for a free exploratory conversation at www.leslierohonczy.com.

FORGET THE OFFICE: CAN YOU COMMAND A ROOM OVER ZOOM?

MASTERING VIRTUAL EXECUTIVE PRESENCE IN A HYBRID WORLD

by Leslie Rohonczy, Executive Coach, IMC, PCC | ©2024 | www.leslierohonczy.com

In a surprising twist, it looks like hybrid work isn’t going anywhere. Even as many companies are calling employees back to the office, recent data shows that hybrid work arrangements are actually growing.

In fact, 43% of U.S. companies have adopted hybrid policies in 2024, up from 29% the previous year. Here in Canada, hybrid work has become a significant aspect of our professional landscape. According to the C.D. Howe Institute, 26% of paid employees worked remotely in some way by the end of 2023, with hybrid models becoming increasingly prevalent. And according to the HR Reporter, 74% of Canadian business leaders have reduced their traditional office space by adopting hybrid models, resulting in average annual savings of about $400,000. And experts predict that even with an increase in return-to-office mandates, hybrid models will remain a significant part of the professional landscape through 2025.

As physical offices give way to blended virtual workspaces, the concept of executive presence has undergone a dramatic transformation. This dual reality requires leaders to master executive presence across both physical and virtual environments – to project authority, inspire trust, and foster connection through a screen. Making this shift requires a unique set of skills and strategies to help leaders command a room, even when the room is entirely digital.

THE NEW RULES OF EXECUTIVE PRESENCE

Executive presence has traditionally been defined by traits like confidence, poise, and the ability to connect with others in person. In virtual and hybrid environments, these traits are still crucial, but how we demonstrate them has shifted.

Here are the new rules:

1. Clarity is King: In a virtual setting, clarity in communication takes precedence. Leaders who articulate their ideas succinctly, and as transparently as possible, help to ensure their messages resonate, even without the benefit of physical cues like body language.

2. Non-Verbal Communication Matters More Than Ever: While body language in a physical space conveys authority and confidence, in virtual settings, it’s about how you use your voice, facial expressions, and gestures that appear within the frame.

3. The “Halo Effect” of Technology: Your tech setup (lighting, sound quality, and background) contributes significantly to how we are perceived. A well-lit and professional-looking environment can enhance our credibility.

4. Authenticity Rules: Let people see your personality (see my previous article ‘What’s Your ‘Ness’ and are you making the most of it?’). In a world of polished LinkedIn profiles and pre-recorded webinars, showing genuine authenticity stands out, because people connect with leaders who are transparent, relatable, and human.

STRATEGIES TO BOOST VIRTUAL LEADERSHIP PRESENCE

Here are a few strategies you can experiment with, to help you develop your virtual leadership presence:

Master Your Delivery

Your delivery – how you communicate your message – is critical:

• Storytelling: Put what you want to say in the form of a story. It’s how we humans learn and process information best.

• Intentional Pauses: Strategic pauses can emphasize key points and give your audience time to process your message. Resist filling your pauses with additional information. Use silence to your advantage.

• Active Listening: Demonstrate active listening by nodding, maintaining eye contact, and summarizing key points shared by others and why they resonated with you. Become aware of your listening style, and the mitigants you can use to remain present.

• Language: Be precise and concise. Avoid jargon and focus on clear, impactful language. Say what you mean and avoid over-massaging key points – your cautious wordsmithing may cause your point to be lost on others.

• Empathy: Acknowledge challenges and emotions, especially during difficult discussions. Authentic empathy builds vulnerability-based trust.

Manage Your Virtual Energy

The way you demonstrate your engagement and enthusiasm for what you’re talking about can help your audience deeply connect with your message:

• Eye Contact: Look directly at the camera to simulate eye contact. This small gesture creates a sense of connection and engagement. If you’re sharing presentation slides, stop presentation mode as soon as you’re able, so that participants can see your face fully.

• Facial Expressions: Smile when appropriate and use expressions to mirror the emotional tone of the conversation. Grow your awareness of what your face does when someone disagrees with you, presents a surprising point, or delights you.

• Hide Your Self-View: Once you’ve become familiar with your facial expressions, hide your self-view, so that you can’t see your own image. This simple move will improve your presence and help you to come across more authentically.

• Pace and Tone: Speak at a measured pace and modulate your tone to convey your energy and engagement. A monotonous delivery will lose your audience.

• Gestures: Use hand gestures within the frame to emphasize key points but avoid overdoing it.

Optimize Your Tech Setup

Your environment is your stage, and every element contributes to the impression you leave:

• Lighting: Natural light is ideal, but if that’s not an option, invest in a ring light or other soft lighting options to illuminate your face evenly.

• Camera Angle: Position your camera at eye level to simulate a face-to-face conversation. Avoid angles that look up at or down on you, as these can distort perception.

• Audio Quality: Poor audio can be distracting, and detract from your message, so invest in a clear and professional-sounding microphone.

• Background: Virtual backgrounds are acceptable but shouldn’t be distracting or overly artificial. Choose simple and professional options.

Measuring Your Virtual Executive Presence

How do you know if you’re succeeding in projecting a strong virtual executive presence? Here are some indicators you can use to measure your performance:

• Engagement Metrics: Are participants actively engaging with you during virtual meetings? Do they ask questions, participate in discussions, and provide feedback?

• Feedback: Solicit feedback from trusted colleagues, peers, other leaders, or mentors. Ask them to observe your virtual interactions and provide constructive feedback and ideas for improving your virtual presence.

• Self-Assessment: Record your virtual meetings and watch them back to identify areas you can improve, such as pacing, tone, clarity, or visual setup.

THE FUTURE OF EXECUTIVE PRESENCE

As the workplace continues to evolve, so will the expectations for executive presence. Leaders must stay adaptable, learning to leverage new technologies and approaches to lead their diverse and distributed teams well. Executive presence is no longer confined to physical spaces. It’s about making an impact, whether you’re face-to-face or behind a screen. The tools and strategies outlined here will help you embrace this new reality and thrive in the digital age of leadership.

Are you ready to elevate your virtual executive presence? Schedule a free consultation call with me today to explore how executive coaching can help you lead with impact, clarity, and confidence.

BUILDING EXECUTIVE PRESENCE: Elevate Your Impact

by Leslie Rohonczy, Executive Coach, IMC, PCC | ©2024 | www.leslierohonczy.com

As a leader on a career path to the Executive floor, you may have been told to invest in developing your ‘executive presence’. That term gets tossed around in leadership development discussions and HR conversations, often without a frame of reference for what it means or the specific actions required to develop it.

WHAT IS EXECUTIVE PRESENCE?

Pinning down a singular definition can be elusive. Definitions will vary across corporate cultures and can be influenced by the company’s strategic goals, your leader’s ‘wiring’, HR’s leadership competencies and talent grid criteria, the company’s culture around the level of accountability, the scope of decision-making at each leadership level, and your own beliefs about what it means to "take up your leadership space."

What constitutes executive presence in a brand-new tech startup might look very different from what it means in a traditional legal firm. But at its core, executive presence is the ability to project confidence, gravitas, and authenticity that inspires, influences, and steers the organization toward success.

ENABLER #1: AUTHENTICITY

Think about someone with an amazing leadership presence who you’ve observed in action. They likely come across as strong in their convictions, well-engaged with people, and passionate about ideas. They probably seem genuine in their thoughts and emotions and exude a balance of confidence, humility, and curiosity.

 In fact, a compelling leadership presence is fuelled by authenticity. There’s little point in projecting a false, curated version of yourself. For one thing, people can often suss that out a mile away; for another, it inhibits your ability to be present with others, or your capacity to focus on what’s happening in the moment. The drive to control others’ perceptions of you is performative and focused on the fear of others’ judgment. This ‘protection instinct’ can often get in the way of truly authentic executive presence.

Think of your leadership authenticity as a magnet, attracting people to you. When you are present, and demonstrating your authenticity, others will want to offer you their authentic selves as well. As I’ve covered in previous articles, the higher up in leadership you climb, the less willing people may be to speak truth to power. But when you can show up authentically, and fully present, you allow others to become present, too. They feel seen and heard by you and it becomes safer for them to tell you what they really think.

When your leadership presence brings out others’ authenticity, you elevate everyone. And authenticity is required to build trust with others. Trust doesn’t rely on facades. It lets others reveal their true thoughts and selves. And speaking of trust…

ENABLER #2: FIVE Cs of TRUST

Executive presence is the medium through which trust and ideas travel. Trust is the conduit of influence, and the only way to establish real trust is by being present. trust allows us to accept the possibility of failure while knowing that if we fail, we won’t be knocked off our axis as a result. And each of us pays attention to distinct aspects of trust, depending on our unique wiring.

Here are the ‘5 Cs of Trust’ – see if you can determine which one is your go-to, and which one(s) you want to experiment more with:

1. CONSISTENCY: How reliable we are to do what we say we will, and how intentional we are about our yeses and our nos. Our consistency can be observed in our actions, in how we hold ourselves accountable for commitments. It’s how we do what we say we’ll do, when we say we’ll do it.

2. COMPETENCE: Our abilities, standards, skills, and demonstration that we know what we’re talking about. It’s part facts, knowledge, theory, and skills; and part presence (how we look, act, speak, and communicate). It’s also humility to say we don’t know, when we don’t, instead of pretending to know more than we actually do. People often see through smoke and mirrors eventually.

3. COMMITMENT: Some people look for the passion in someone’s eyes to know they are trustworthy. Making our commitments visible helps inspire the trust of others. Commitment helps us have productive conflict that moves everyone forward.

4. CONNECTION: The focus is on creating close, open, accepting connections, others will open up to us more easily because they trust that we won’t judge or criticize them when they’re being vulnerable. They feel seen and heard and can be themselves when they most need to.

5. CARE: We show that we’re concerned with the welfare of others, rather than pushing our agenda solely for our own benefit. Showing care for others looks like being a good listener, genuinely wanting to understand others’ experiences and emotions, and help them. We demonstrate care with our congruent words and actions. Caring also means offering your observations and feedback with candor, to help the other person grow their awareness (care isn’t about being ‘nice’ while withholding important information the person needs in order to grow).

ENABLER #3: POWER SOURCING

Understanding the difference between personal power and social power is essential for developing executive presence.

Personal power is an internal resource that fuels your most confident and authentic self. It’s about being open, optimistic, and willing to take risks. Personal power gives us the ‘power to’ control our own emotions, states, and behaviors. It’s limitless and rooted in self-assurance, enabling us to lead with integrity and resilience. Personal power is driven by self-confidence and authenticity. Personal power fosters trust and open communication. Personal power is sustainable and grows with self-awareness and continuous improvement.

Social power, on the other hand, is about dominance, influence, or control over others. It’s a finite resource focused on having ‘power over’ others. Social power often seeks control and can lead to fear-based leadership, which undermines trust and collaboration. Social power is driven by a need for control and dominance. It can create fear and reduce team morale. Social power has limited longevity and can diminish over time because it depends on external validation.

As you grow your executive presence and experiment with balancing personal and social power, remember to dial up intimacy, not intimidation. Building relationships based on trust, empathy, and genuine connection is far more effective than exerting control. Contrary to the common myth, power doesn’t corrupt; it reveals. How you wield power, whether personal or social, reflects your character. Choose to lead with personal power to inspire and elevate those around you.

ENABLER #4: NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION

What we say with our bodies is far more extensive than what we say with our words. Non-verbal communication, including body language, facial expressions, gestures, and sounds, is a critical aspect of developing your executive presence.

Your body language should be congruent with your words, and when it’s not, others notice. A confident posture, firm handshake, and steady (although not creepily long) eye contact can convey authority and assurance. Standing tall with shoulders back and head held high projects confidence and readiness. Using hand gestures to emphasize points conveys enthusiasm and creates a powerful, engaged presence, but overuse can be distracting. Be mindful of your facial expressions to ensure they align with your message. Remember that when we’re under stress, others will believe our non-verbal reactions before our words.

ENABLER #5: ACCURATE SELF-ASSESSMENT

Developing executive presence requires a willingness to self-assess, seek feedback, experiment and adapt, and to continuously improve. Regularly observing your behavior in different situations, taking note of what works and what doesn’t, and then reflecting on your interactions will help you acknowledge your strengths, and identify areas for improvement.

Actively seeking feedback from colleagues, mentors, and peers can provide valuable insights into how others perceive your executive presence. Based on these third-party observations, and your own self-assessments, you can experiment with adjusting your approach and behaviors to see what resonates best with you and your audience.

Your commitment to ongoing growth and development (through experimentation, books, workshops, coaching, mentoring, and leadership trends) will enhance your executive presence over time.

SELF-OBSERVATION EXERCISE

To understand and develop your own executive presence, try this self-observation exercise:

1. Reflect on Influential Leaders: Think about leaders you admire. What qualities do they possess that contribute to their executive presence? Is it their communication style? Their ability to stay calm under pressure? Their knack for inspiring others? What is it that resonates for you?

2. Identify Your Strengths and Weaknesses: Take an honest inventory of your own leadership traits. Where do you excel? Where could you improve? Consider seeking feedback from trusted colleagues to gain additional insights.

3. Notice Where Your Power Comes From: Notice how you source your power. Is it an internal resource that helps you manage your emotions? Does it feel authentic or performative? Is it about dominance, influence, or control over others? What evidence do you check to know you’ve got the right balance?

4. Observe Your Body Language: Pay attention to how you carry yourself in different situations. Do you stand tall and make eye contact? Make yourself smaller to avoid confrontation? What small adjustments to your posture and gestures might change how you are perceived?

5. Evaluate Your Communication Skills: How effectively do you convey your ideas? Are you clear and concise, or rambling? Practice active listening and aim to be more deliberate in your speech.

Developing your executive presence is a continuous journey that requires self-awareness, humility, courage, and consistent practice.

If you're ready to take your executive presence to the next level and elevate your impact as a leader, I invite you to reach out and connect with me for Executive Coaching development. Together, we will create a tailored plan to enhance your inspirational leadership skills, build your confidence, and ensure you’re making the impact you aim to achieve.

WHAT’S YOUR ‘-NESS’ (And Are You Making the Most of It?)

Leslie Rohonczy, IMC™, PCC, Executive Coach, Leadership Expert, Speaker, Author

Finding Your '-Ness': The Journey to Your True Self

I get to work with some pretty amazing people every day, each on their own unique and personal journey of self-discovery and evolution. And with so much focus on running faster, jumping higher, and succeeding at any cost, it's easy to get caught up in thinking that our external achievements, titles, and accolades are what defines us. But there's a deeper, more profound definition of ourselves that beckons us all: the journey to find our '-ness'.

This concept can be elusive, but it is the essence of who we truly are; our soul, our intrinsic self. It takes practice, patience, and a lifetime of exploration, but it's a journey worth undertaking. In fact, some would argue (me, for one) that this hero’s journey is the one that matters most.

What is '-Ness'?

'-Ness' is a term that encapsulates the core of your being; the authentic self that exists beyond societal roles, expectations, and superficial layers. It's your unique combination of passions, values, strengths, talents, gifts, and quirks. Think of it as your soul’s personal fingerprint: distinctive, irreplaceable, and uniquely you.

For example, my own ‘Leslie-ness’ is related to creativity, empathy, and emotional intelligence. It makes me good at helping people understand their own wiring; at inspiring them to try something new; and at helping them to feel ‘seen’ and understood. My husband’s ‘Imre-ness’ is connected to planning, making others feel safe, and by being in service. How would you describe your own ‘-ness’?

Finding our '-ness' means connecting with our core self, below persona, beyond our title and training, to the deepest place that guides our beliefs, actions, decisions, and interactions. Consider other ‘-ness’ words: 'kind-ness,' 'bold-ness,' 'happi-ness,' and 'calm-ness'; each represents a state, or quality of being, that comes from within.

Your '-ness' is the sum of the authentic traits that blend together to form the essence of your true self. And finding your '-ness' means identifying and embracing those unique qualities and states of being.

When I’m coaching a client who wants to connect to his sense of purpose (let’s call him ‘Steve’), I’ll ask “what is your ‘Steve-ness’?” as a playful way to get him to tell me about himself; to better understand his gifts, how he sees himself, what he values about himself, and how he wants others to see him in return. -Ness is a valuable tool for us both!

The Lifelong Journey Within

For most of us, discovering our '-ness' is not an instant revelation, but rather, a gradual process that unfolds over a lifetime. It requires introspection, self-awareness, and a willingness to face both our light and shadow sides. The journey within can be exhilarating! It can also be challenging. And sometimes it’s both at the same time! But every step we take to discover and define our ‘-ness’ brings us closer to it.

1. Introspection and Self-Reflection

The first step in finding our '-ness' is introspection. This means setting aside time for self-reflection, away from the noise and distractions of everyday life. It involves reflecting on powerful questions: What truly matters to me? What are my core values? What activities bring me joy and fulfillment? What gifts do I value most in myself? Journaling, meditation, and spending time in nature can be powerful tools to guide this introspective process. And if these self-directed activities aren’t your jam, and you feel the need for more structured support, it can be powerful to work with a coach to help you dig deep.

2. Embracing Vulnerability

One of the most essential aspects of discovering your ‘-ness’ throughout this journey is embracing vulnerability. That means being honest with yourself about your fears, weak-nesses, and past mistakes. It’s about acknowledging that you are a work in progress and that it's okay to be imperfect. The renowned vulnerability researcher, Brené Brown, says in her book "Daring Greatly", that embracing our vulnerabilities is the path to greater creativity, innovation, and connection with others.

3. Listening to Your Inner Voice

In our busy lives, we often ignore our inner voice; the quiet, persistent whisper that guides us towards our true path. This inner voice is the manifestation of our '-ness'. Learning to listen to and trust this ‘knowing’ requires mindful-ness and a conscious effort to tune out external pressures and expectations. Practice mindful-ness meditation to help sharpen this inner listening.

4. Living Authentically

As you become more attuned to your '-ness', the next step is to look for more opportunities to live authentically in your ‘-ness’. This means aligning your actions and decisions with what allows you to be the most authentic version of yourself possible. It might involve making difficult choices, such as changing careers, ending relationships, or pursuing a path that others might not understand or accept. Authentic living is not about conforming to societal norms; it’s about honoring your unique essence.

5. Continuous Growth and Learning

Finding our '-ness' is not a one-time achievement; it’s an ongoing journey. As you grow and evolve, so will your understanding of your true self. This requires a commitment to continuous learning and self-improvement. When we stay curious, embrace new experiences, and are open to change, each new experience becomes an opportunity to discover more about ourselves.

The Rewards of Finding Your '-ness'

The journey to finding your '-ness' is challenging, but the rewards are profound. When you connect with your true self, you experience a sense of peace, purpose, and fulfillment that cannot be achieved through external accomplishments alone. Your relationships become more genuine; your work feels more meaningful; your life evolves to be more aligned with your deepest values.

Helping Others on Their Journey

As an executive coach, one of my most rewarding roles is to guide others on their journey to finding their '-ness'. I encourage my clients to explore their inner landscapes, name and confront fears, and embrace their authentic selves. Through this process, they not only become better leaders but also more fulfilled individuals.

Finding your '-ness' is not the end of the journey; it’s the beginning. Your ‘-ness’ becomes the foundation upon which you can build a life of true purpose and joy. It’s about being who you are meant to be, evolving and growing into your potential, and living a life that reflects your deepest truths. As you embark on this lifelong journey, remember that every step, no matter how small, brings you closer to your true self.

Embrace the most important journey of your life­­­: the one within. It is the only journey worth taking, and it is where the real adventure begins.

If you’re interested in discovering your '-ness' with the support of a certified Integral Master Coach™, reach out for a free consultation. I’d be happy to guide you through the transformative process that leads to greater self-aware-ness, authenticity, and fulfillment.

THE VULNERABILITY OF LEADERSHIP: Embracing Vulnerability & Authenticity for High-Performance Success

by Leslie Rohonczy, Executive Coach, IMC, PCC | ©2024 | www.leslierohonczy.com

In the realm of leadership, vulnerability is often perceived as a liability, a chink in the proverbial armor of strength and authority. We see this represented in media, movies, and television shows, like the inept and self-aggrandizing Michael Scott from ‘The Office’, whose misguided attempts at leadership and constant need for validation provide a stark contrast to the notion of vulnerability. His fear of being seen as incompetent leads him to maintain a facade of confidence, often at the expense of his team's well-being and morale.

Or the ruthless and uncompromising Frank Underwood from ‘House of Cards’’. Frank’s Machiavellian tactics and manipulative demeanor exemplify the dark side of leadership, where vulnerability is perceived as a threat to his dominance and authority.

Then there’s the exacting and brutal Miranda Priestly from ‘The Devil Wears Prada’. Her perfectionism and icy personality create a culture of fear and intimidation at ‘Runway’ magazine, stifling any semblance of vulnerability or authenticity among her subordinates.

These characters epitomize the traditional archetype of leadership, where vulnerability is viewed as a weakness to be concealed, rather than embraced. Their portrayals serve as cautionary tales, highlighting the pitfalls of prioritizing power and control over authenticity and connection.

Are these just fictional characters in some of our favourite shows? Well, yes. But also no. These caricatures of leadership are reflections of how our culture interprets and even underscores the message that vulnerability is antithetical to effective leadership, which in turn perpetuates the myth that to be a good leader, you must be invulnerable; impervious; unmoved; unflappable.

Not only is this a terrible way to lead because it ultimately undermines trust, collaboration, and engagement within organizations, but it also is a terrible way to live! Constructing an inauthentic, performative version of yourself can create physical and mental health concerns, career challenges, fractured relationships, poor results, and limited options.

But take a deeper dive into the complexities of leadership, and we see that true strength lies not in the absence of vulnerability, but in the willingness to embrace it. Yet, a growing body of research suggests that embracing vulnerability is not just courageous; it's paramount to becoming a high-performing, successful leader.

Let’s delve deeper, and explore the significance, benefits, and implications of embracing leadership vulnerability, and how it drives personal, team, and organizational success.

Rethinking Leadership: From Strength to Authenticity

When you think about strong leadership, who springs to mind? Our traditional ideas of leadership have often glorified decisiveness, assertiveness, strength, confidence, and even invulnerability. In this myopic, narrow definition, leaders are expected to project an image of unwavering confidence and infallibility, creating a facade of invincibility that leaves little room for doubt, uncertainty, or grace.

However, the landscape of leadership is evolving. In today's complex, dynamic business environment, where uncertainty and change are constants, the need for authentic leaders who aren’t afraid to show vulnerability, acknowledge their limitations, admit mistakes, and openly express their true thoughts and emotions has never been greater.

Consider the character of Captain Jean-Luc Picard from ‘Star Trek: The Next Generation.’ Despite his position of authority as the captain of the USS Enterprise, Picard is depicted as a leader who values empathy, compassion, and open communication. He is not afraid to seek advice from his crew, admit when he's wrong, or express his emotions when faced with difficult decisions. Picard's vulnerability humanizes him as a leader, earning the respect and loyalty of his team.

Or President Josiah Bartlet from "The West Wing" who is admired for his authentic leadership style. Bartlet's response to crises and moral dilemmas exemplifies empathy, compassion, and humility. He has open, transparent dialogue with his advisors, seeks diverse perspectives, and grapples with the ethical implications of his decisions. Bartlet's vulnerability as a leader resonates with audiences, inspiring them to believe in the possibility of principled and compassionate governance.

And let’s include the master of all things vulnerable, the wonderfully goofy human called Ted Lasso from the series of the same name. Ted provides another compelling example of vulnerable leadership. Despite being a fish out of water in his role as a soccer coach in England, Ted Lasso leads with unwavering optimism, kindness, and vulnerability. He openly acknowledges his lack of expertise in the sport and relies on his emotional intelligence and interpersonal skills to connect with his team and foster a supportive environment. Ted's vulnerability allows him to form genuine connections with his players and staff, ultimately leading to their success on and off the field.

These examples challenge the notion that vulnerability is a weakness in leadership and illustrate how embracing vulnerability can foster trust, collaboration, and resilience within organizations. Authentic leaders like Picard, Bartlet, and Lasso inspire others to do the same, creating a culture where authenticity is valued, and leadership is defined by empathy, integrity, and humility.

The Power of Vulnerability: Research Insights

Research in psychology and organizational behavior has shed light on the transformative power of vulnerability in leadership. Recent studies have shown that leaders who exhibit vulnerability are perceived as more authentic, relatable, and trustworthy by their followers. This authenticity fosters deeper connections and stronger relationships within teams.

A study published in the Journal of Applied Psychology (2020, Leroy et al) found that leaders who displayed vulnerability were seen as more approachable and were able to build stronger bonds with their team members.

And, embracing vulnerability has been linked to the creation of a culture of psychological safety within organizations. According to research published in the Journal of Management Development (2019, Day and Fleenor), leaders who create an environment where it's safe to take risks and share ideas foster a sense of belonging and empowerment among employees which, in turn, fuels innovation, creativity, and resilience, driving organizational performance and adaptability in the face of challenges.

Leading with Vulnerability: Strategies for Success

But embracing vulnerability doesn't mean relinquishing authority or competence; rather, it requires a shift in mindset and behaviors towards greater authenticity and humility.

Here are some strategies for integrating vulnerability into your leadership approach:

• Lead by Example: Sharing personal stories, challenges, and failures with your team fosters empathy and trust, and creates a culture where vulnerability is celebrated rather than stigmatized.

• Share Your Interior: Allow your employees to see your internal thought processes and emotional reactions, what lights you up, and what makes you nervous or uneasy. And when you don’t know something, just say so. These glimpses of your humanness foster empathy and help you create a culture of trust, where vulnerability is celebrated rather than stigmatized.

• Encourage Open Communication: Create opportunities for honest and transparent dialogue within your team, and make sure you’re creating psychological safety for them to be transparent, to share feedback, and to speak truth to power. Listen actively and acknowledge your own areas for growth. This sets the tone and promotes a culture of continuous learning and improvement.

• Embrace Failure as a Learning Opportunity: Share personal stories of your challenges and failures with your team. Instead of hiding mistakes or shortcomings, openly acknowledge them and use them as teachable mentoring moments. Cultivate a growth mindset that views failure not as a setback but as a learning opportunity.

• Empower Others: Remind your employees (and peers and leader, for that matter) to be authentic and vulnerable in their own interactions, fostering a culture of mutual support and accountability. Using vulnerability in this way is a sign of strength. Recognize your team members when you see them being vulnerable – it’ll help others to step into their power, too.

The Lasting Impact of Embracing Leadership Vulnerability

In this tumultuous modern business world, vulnerability isn't just a buzzword, it's a strategic imperative. It's time to shatter the myth that vulnerability is a weakness; in fact, consider it one of the most important indicators of true leadership potential.

By embracing vulnerability, leaders wield a powerful tool to cultivate authenticity, trust, and resilience within their organizations, igniting a chain reaction of success.

As you continue to lead, remember this: vulnerability isn't a sign of weakness; it's a badge of emotional maturity, courage, and authenticity. It's about daring to show up, flaws and all, and inviting others to do the same. By leading with vulnerability, you set the tone for a culture where authenticity thrives, and trust propels success.

So, let's make a bold commitment to leading with vulnerability, and create a workplace where authenticity isn't just valued—it's celebrated. Let's inspire our teams to embrace their vulnerabilities, take risks, learn by trying, and realize their full potential. The path to lasting leadership impact begins with embracing our own vulnerability first and then empowering others to do the same.

It's time to lead with courage, authenticity, and boldness. Are you ready to take the leap?