'ME-FIRST' CULTURE AT WORK: The Demise of ‘WE’ in the Age of ‘ME’

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Last year, I sat in on a senior leadership meeting that felt less like a strategy session and more like an orchestra rehearsal gone wrong. It felt chaotic! Everyone was playing their hearts out, and no one was listening. Each leader came armed with their slides, metrics, updates, entrenched points of view, and well-rehearsed arguments. Every function was defending its priorities. Everyone was articulate, intelligent, passionate, and striving to be 'seen'. There was no shared tempo; no collective score, and no one stepping back to ask, “What is best for the collective? What does the whole need?”

I have been noticing this pattern for years, in coaching sessions, in corporate events, and across media feeds: a steady tilt toward self-protection and self-promotion over shared purpose. Call it ambition if you like, but it feels like something deeper to me. The rise of a “me-first” workplace has been building for a long time.

HOW DID WE GET HERE?

Over the past three decades, Western societies have undergone a measurable shift toward hyper-individualism. Sociologist Robert Putnam wrote about the decline in civic participation and social capital in his book, Bowling Alone, showing how community involvement, from clubs to volunteerism, steadily decreased across North America. The patterns he identified in the 1990s have only intensified.

Journalist Sebastian Junger explored a related theme in his book Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging, which is one of my favourite books about how we are stronger together. Drawing on history, anthropology, and his reporting on war veterans, Junger points out that humans are wired for tight-knit interdependence, and that modern Western society has weakened many of the shared hardships and collective bonds that once gave people a sense of meaning. When belonging erodes, people don't simply become more independent; they often become more anxious, more isolated, and more likely to build their identity around status rather than contribution. That observation has profound implications for workplace culture.

Technology is also reshaping how we construct identity. Sherry Turkle’s work at MIT points to how digital platforms nudge us to 'perform ourselves' rather than fully engage with others authentically. Algorithms reward visibility and amplification. Attention, likes and follows become currency, and we learn to chase it.

Add to this the rise of monetized identity, influencer culture, and personal brand as career insurance in unstable labour markets. LinkedIn profiles become highlight reels, Instagram turns daily life into curated narratives, and the gig economy encourages workers to market themselves continuously. In many Western democracies, competitive market thinking has gradually pushed the language of individual rights to the forefront, with no room for conversations about shared responsibility.

Layer in performance-at-all-costs organizational environments, where individual metrics, dashboards, and promotion systems reward personal achievement far more visibly than collective contribution.

None of these forces are malicious. They evolved gradually, and responded to real economic and technological shifts. But together, they've shifted our centre of gravity. As a culture, we've elevated individual identity above shared responsibility and obligation. We've optimized for recognition over reciprocity, and it's showing up at work.

WHERE THE DRIFT BECOMES VISIBLE

We see this slide into soloist mode appears inside organizations, in leaders who protect their function instead of tending to the enterprise as a whole. Or when personal brand building starts to consume more energy than team building. “Not my job” thinking creeps into conversations. We celebrate the hero who stayed late to save the day, but overlook the disciplined and collective coordination that would have prevented the crisis in the first place. Performance conversations begin to feel like personal threats rather than shared calibration. Visibility edges out contribution, and underneath much of it sits our old pal, anxiety.

Research on social comparison theory by psychologist Leon Festinger, and later extended in contemporary social media studies, shows that constant exposure to curated success increases comparison behaviour. And comparison fuels insecurity, which narrows the focus toward self-protection. When leaders feel perpetually evaluated, they protect reputation. When employees feel constantly compared, they guard status. When attention narrows to self-preservation, collective awareness declines.

Belonging research consistently shows that strong social connection predicts wellbeing and performance. When connection weakens, anxiety increases. And when anxiety increases, collaboration suffers. It becomes a reinforcing loop. More comparison, more self-focus, less collective trust, and more anxiety.

We are social pack animals, and evolutionary psychology is clear on this point. Human survival historically depended on cooperation, shared labour, and mutual protection. “Every person for themselves” has never been a sustainable survival strategy. And yet culturally, here we are.

WHY THIS MATTERS FOR ORGANIZATIONAL PERFORMANCE

If you look at Edelman’s annual Trust Barometer, you’ll see just how shaky institutional trust has become across Western democracies, including here in Canada. Trust is not abstract; it's a performance variable. When trust declines, decision-making slows, innovation drops, and defensive behaviours increase.

McKinsey has done some interesting research using their Organizational Health Index which shows that companies scoring highest on shared direction and collective accountability are significantly more likely to outperform their peers financially.

When leaders optimize for personal recognition over shared outcomes, there are always telltale signs. See if any of these sound familiar: silo protection increases, succession planning weakens, cross-functional friction grows, innovation slows as risk becomes reputational, and burnout rises as individuals feel they must constantly prove their value.

Think back to that leadership meeting that felt like a rehearsal gone wrong. A real orchestra is disciplined, coordinated in their desire to create something collectively, and anchored in a shared purpose. Musicians spend years learning not just how to play, but how to listen. They watch the conductor. They track subtle shifts in dynamics, and soften when another section carries the melody. They know when their role is to lead and when their role is to support. And everyone is playing from the same score.

When that discipline disappears, and each musician pushes for the spotlight, the result is chaotic noise. Volume replaces harmony, timing fractures, and the piece loses its shape. In organizations, the same thing happens in the absence of shared intent and collective restraint. Having a team of strong soloists doesn't create better performance; it creates distortion.

THE CULTURAL WAKE-UP CALL

This 'me-first' culture we're witnessing reflects a broader cultural current that's been building for years. As leaders, we decide which behaviours get reinforced, so if we reward individual heroics over collective stewardship, we accelerate the drift. Corporate incentives tied to individual performance often create counterproductive behaviours, damage relationships and create burnout in their wake. Why would we want to reward the amplification of personal brand more than enterprise contribution?

When we prioritize what is individually visible over what advances a shared objective, we make our values unmistakable: in effect, our metrics and incentives teach people that personal exposure matters more than collective impact. Left unchecked, that lesson becomes the culture.

This reaches far beyond workplace harmony. Organizations that can't coordinate beyond individual ambition struggle and even collapse when conditions tighten. And most leaders I work with can feel that tightening in their bones. The margin for error is thinner, decisions travel faster, and reputational consequences land harder. You can feel it in your calendar, in your inbox, in the pace of change your teams are absorbing. This moment in time demands that we think beyond ourselves and act for the good of the whole.

Prioritizing the collective good is key to institutional resilience, and yet, much of our development energy still tilts toward individual visibility and positioning. Far less attention goes to teaching leaders how to share power, hold tension, or step back so the whole can move forward.

A corporate culture that prizes the soloist over the symphony eventually forgets how to play together. And as complexity accelerates around us, losing that collective capacity carries real consequences for trust and performance. A room full of screeching soloists creates one hell of a cacophonous noise. But beautiful music happens when every player focuses on contributing to the collective whole.

YOUR COACHING CHALLENGE: 30-MINUTE LEADERSHIP DISCUSSION GUIDE

Share this article with your peers and leader, and put it on the agenda for your next weekly meeting. Use the handy discussion guide below to have a conversation about how this shows up in your organization, and how you might address some of the challenges that come along with it.

Facilitation Guidance
• Allocate 30 minutes for the discussion, and frame it as a curious, blame-free exploration of the topic
• Encourage candour without defensiveness
• Capture patterns and themes, not names

PART 1: OBSERVATION

1. Where do we see “me-first” behaviour inside our own organization?

2. What behaviours are we currently rewarding that may unintentionally reinforce individual over collective thinking?

3. Where do we see personal brand overtaking enterprise stewardship?

PART 2: IMPACT
4. How is this affecting cross-functional trust?
5. Where has anxiety or reputational fear limited collaboration?
6. What is the cost to performance when we protect our own metrics rather than the shared outcome?

PART 3: SELF-EXAMINATION
7. In what ways might I personally be reinforcing individual recognition over shared responsibility?
8. What would it look like for our team to operate more like an orchestra and less like competing soloists?

If you see any of the following behaviours, gently guide participants back to the discussion objectives:

• Leaders defending territory more than strategy

• Reluctance to share credit

• Hesitation to challenge peers for fear of optics

• Metrics optimized locally but not globally

• High visibility, low cohesion

Close the discussion by asking: What is one behaviour we will experiment with and consciously shift over the next quarter, to strengthen the “we”?

If you or your leadership team want help in facilitating these important cultural conversations in your organization, reach out for a free exploratory conversation at www.leslierohonczy.com.

'SOFT SKILLS' ARE FOR SOFT LEADERS: Skipping the Hardest Part of the Job

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“Soft skills” are for soft leaders. There. I said it.

I know... You probably didn’t expect to hear that from me. When I first typed the title for this article, I thought, “Well, this feels a bit spicy for LinkedIn!” But stay with me.

The phrase “soft skills” has always given me hives. Not because I don't value the things that people usually mean when they say it, or that I think these things are optional or less important than technical skills. It’s because this limiting language massively underplays what relational skills actually bring to and demand from a leader.

And when I refer to “soft leaders”, I mean the ones who intentionally avoid or dismiss the EQ side of their work. By sidestepping, outsourcing, or dismissing them altogether, they're choosing to leave these core leadership skills undeveloped. Which means they’re only doing half their job.

Think about it this way: by the time someone reaches a senior leadership role, technical competence is rarely the hardest part of the job anymore. Most leaders I work with are smart and capable; they know their industry, their numbers, and how to make decisions under pressure. None of that is new territory.

But what many wish they had a playbook for is 'that people stuff', as one senior VP I worked with called it. While I find that phrase rash-inducing, too, it does capture what shows up when the org chart gets taller and the culture stakes get higher.

This is relational leadership work, and it’s not soft, optional, or incidental. It’s the work of leading humans, the ongoing responsibility of building trust, regulating yourself, repairing relationships, and creating the conditions for other people to do great work.

It's things like emotional heavy lifting, relational clean up, continuous self-regulation, and the cognitive load of making consequential decisions while absorbing other people’s anxiety. It's also about holding the dynamic role tension of staying calm, decisive, compassionate, and contained, often all at once, while steadying a room, staying grounded during conflict, and repairing trust after small but consequential cracks appear.

Somehow, we’ve decided to call all of this soft skills, as if they’re a collection of fluffy, nonessential, nice little extras that we can squeeze in after the real work is done. We can't. (Unless, of course, you’ve solved the space-time continuum itself, and if you have, please call me!)

In fact, this relational work doesn't sit alongside leadership. It is the leadership work.

THE PROBLEM WITH THE WORD “SOFT”

The word soft also suggests ease, or something that comes naturally, or implies that if this stuff feels difficult, you must be overthinking it.

That framing does real damage, because the skills required to lead people well are anything but easy. Not because the behaviours themselves require some elusive talent or mysterious art, but because of what they demand in the moment: the ongoing cognitive load, the emotional containment, the internal strain of holding competing expectations while still being watched, interpreted, and responded to in real time.

Some people have strong relational instincts; others don’t. Either way, the work of leadership still requires intention, experimentation, practice, and being able to apply it deliberately, especially when the pressure is on. It takes awareness, repetition, feedback, and a willingness to stay uncomfortable long enough to grow new muscle. If anything, these are strength skills, and while some organisations do track the relational side of leadership behaviours well, many still struggle to name, measure, and invest in them with the same rigour as technical performance. Think of this gap as an opportunity, not an excuse.

WHEN THE ROLE TURNS MORE HUMAN, AND HEAVIER

I hear versions of this in coaching sessions all the time: “I honestly thought this job would be about bigger decisions and clearer priorities. I didn’t realize how much of my day would be taken up by managing emotions, including my own.”

What they’re naming isn’t a gap in competence; it’s a gap in their approach to leadership. As scope increases, complexity follows, and decisions ripple farther. Conversations carry more weight. People pay attention not just to what you decide, but to how you show up while deciding it. The work shifts from doing the job yourself to creating the conditions for other people to do their best work.

GOING SOFT ON THE HARD STUFF IS COSTLY

Let me be very clear here: finding this side of leadership hard doesn’t make someone a weak leader. But avoiding it does.

Leaders who wave off relational work as “that people stuff,” or treat emotional regulation as secondary, are putting themselves and their teams at risk.

Minimizing this work comes at a real cost. Decades of research from organisations like Gallup consistently show that poor management and low trust drive disengagement, burnout, and turnover, all of which carry measurable performance and financial consequences. When leaders avoid or downgrade this part of the role, tension lingers longer, decisions slow down, and issues that could have been addressed early become far more expensive to fix later.

This is where the phrase soft leaders actually belongs, not as a moral judgment, but as a description of what happens when leaders neglect the hardest muscles to build. When authority, intellect, or expertise do all the heavy lifting and the human side stays underdeveloped, trust erodes, performance plateaus, top talent leaves, and the leader’s credibility is damaged. Strong leadership isn’t about being nice. It’s about being able to stay present, steady, and clear when things get messy, which they inevitably do.

Doing this work well means growing your ability to sit in discomfort without rushing to fix. It means giving feedback with clarity and compassion and without shaming. And it means noticing when a relationship needs attention and addressing it before it hardens into something that will need repairs down the road.

The leaders I've seen who do this well invest in developing their people not because it feels warm and fuzzy, but because it works. They understand that performance follows trust, and trust follows consistent, regulated leadership behaviour. There’s nothing soft about that. It’s disciplined, demanding work.

THE RELIEF MANY LEADERS NEED TO HEAR

If you find this relational side of leadership exhausting, demanding, or harder than you expected, nothing has gone wrong. You’re not deficient, and you’re not failing some invisible leadership test. You’ve simply uncovered muscles that this role now requires you to build.

What you do with that discovery can vary. Some lean into the work and start building those muscles deliberately. Some minimize its importance because it feels uncomfortable or inefficient, or they don't know where to start. Others resist it outright, often because it asks for capacities that feel foreign to their innate wiring. Each response says something important about how a leader understands the role, and what they believe leadership is actually for.

Although we're seeing some improvements in corporate leadership training, the fact is that most leaders were never trained on how to grow and use their relational leadership EQ superpowers. Leadership development still tends to prioritize strategy, execution, and frameworks, while expecting leaders to learn the relational work on the fly, often while feeling exposed and underprepared.

Naming this matters. It helps you shift from interpreting the struggle as a personal weakness to simply treating it as your next leadership skill set that deserves intentional investment.

YOUR COACHING CHALLENGE

Over the next week, run a simple self-observation experiment. No fixing. No improving. Just noticing.

STEP 1: TRACK WHERE THE ENERGY GOES

At the end of each day, jot down one or two moments where the people-facing demands of the role required real effort. This might be a conversation you delayed, a meeting that drained you more than expected, or a moment where you had to regulate yourself before responding.

STEP 2: NOTICE YOUR DEFAULT MOVE

For each moment you capture, note what you did next. Did you lean in, smooth it over, push it aside, delegate it, or tell yourself it could wait? There’s no right answer here. You’re simply building awareness of your default response.

STEP 3: NAME WHAT WAS AT STAKE

Ask yourself what really mattered in that moment. Trust? Clarity? Alignment? Psychological safety? Future performance? This step helps separate discomfort from consequence.

REFLECTION QUESTIONS (JOURNAL AFTER THE WEEK)

Once you’ve observed several moments, take 15–20 minutes to reflect in writing:

• Which situations consistently required the most self-regulation or emotional effort?

• When I avoided, minimized, or rushed through the relational work, what did those choices cost me, the team, or the work in the short term?

• What do my default responses to relational work suggest about how I currently define leadership?

• What strength am I being asked to build next as a leader?

This isn’t about judging yourself. It’s about making the invisible work of leadership visible, so you can choose how deliberately you want to engage with it going forward.

If you’d like support developing this side of your leadership, reach out for a free exploratory Executive Coaching conversation at www.leslierohonczy.com.

WHEN LEADERS CARRY TOO MUCH: Why Decisions Keep Landing with You

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Have you ever noticed that moment after you step out of a meeting, when progress seems to pause until you return? Decisions wait, conversations stall, and capable people hesitate. That’s often the first flicker of awareness that decision-making has reorganized itself around you.

I’ve lived this pattern, and I think we’ve all experienced it in some way in our lives. I see it repeatedly in the leaders I coach, too. These are not weak or inexperienced leaders; they are trusted, competent, and deeply conscientious. But how does this pattern form in the first place?

It's typically not through a single misstep, but through a series of small, reasonable choices that accumulate over time: that extra check-in; the decision you tidy up; one risk you absorb so no one else has to; that moment where stepping in feels safer than stepping back. It becomes “the way we do the work,” and over time, that solidifies into your team’s unspoken operating system.

No one sets out with the intention to disempower anyone, or to become an indispensable bottleneck. Yet many leaders become the place where everyone’s fear comes to rest. This isn’t a delegation failure. It’s a signal that fear is moving through your system, and you’ve become the reliable container for it.

The Story We Don’t Realize We’re Telling

Years ago, I worked with a senior leader who prided herself on being the calm port in the storm. In meetings, she leaned forward, listened closely, and asked sharp questions. When something felt unresolved, she stepped in, often with a sentence that began, “Why don’t we just…”

Her team adored her, and they brought her everything, not because they were incapable, but because over time, they’d learned that clarity would certainly come from her if they waited. She would synthesize, decide, and make it feel safer to wait for her input. They weren’t avoiding responsibility; they were responding to a well-worn pattern.

She came to our first executive coaching meeting frustrated. “I know I’m not supposed to own all of this,” she said, “and yet, when I don’t step in, I feel like I'm being negligent.” 

That word matters more than it first appears.

When Identity Overrides Role

Most leaders understand their role intellectually. They can describe it clearly and can point to job descriptions, mandates, and governance structures. But what often runs the show isn’t found in these leadership toolkits, structures, models, and frameworks that are meant to distribute responsibility. What does run the show? Identity. Or more specifically, a certain limiting belief about what leadership is. 

For example, if somewhere along the way you learned that being seen as valuable meant being the helpful person who steps in early, or the one who sees risks before others do, then this pattern makes sense. Some might call it jumping to solution, people-pleasing, over-functioning, or carrying the emotional and decision-making load for others. But whatever label you use, it isn’t a flaw; it’s a protective strategy that once worked beautifully for you. And now that the game has changed, along with the leadership context, this strategy has become a liability.

High-performance leadership asks for something different. It asks you to tolerate the unresolved space; to let others struggle a little and learn along the way, while you try your best to remain present without absorbing or overriding.

To be clear, this isn’t a delegation issue; it’s an identity negotiation. When fear pulls decisions upward, authority and accountability drift out of alignment. Decision-making isn't happening at the right level, so leaders end up holding calls that should sit closer to the work, robbing their employees of the chance to build judgment, confidence, and accountability muscles.

The Signals We Send

Our teams are highly perceptive. They interpret posture, tone, pacing, non-verbals, and micro-expressions, and react to the unspoken trans-contextual information that lives between the cold, hard facts. Then they use it to make sense of their own roles and objectives.

When you lean in too fast, finish sentences, rescue awkward pauses, or offer solutions before the problem has been fully unfolded, you aren’t being inefficient. From your point of view, you may feel that you’re being generous. But this kind of generosity, left unexamined, does more than shape behaviour; it erodes confidence. Over time, people begin to doubt their own judgment, second-guess their instincts, or disengage altogether. Individual initiative gives way to collective caution, and responsibility is deferred upward, not because people don’t care, but because they can no longer trust themselves to get it right.

Over time, the message received is unmistakable: "Bring it to me. I’ve got this."

When Competence Creates Dependence

No one becomes a bottleneck intentionally. You deliver under pressure, respond quickly, and steady things when they wobble. Each time you do, your organization learns something important about you; not just that you are capable, but that they can safely hand things off to you. Over time, decisions, risks, and unresolved issues begin to gravitate in your direction. Eventually, more and more gets routed to you, not because others can't carry it, but because you have consistently shown that you will. What began as reliability slowly turns into dependence.

The cost is not only the additional workload that should be done by those under you. It's also relational. When leaders hold too much, teams stay smaller than they need to be, confidence weakens, initiative dulls, and people look upward rather than outward or inward.

This is not really about being dependable, having a good work ethic, or wanting to be in control for its own sake; those are downstream effects. At its core, the pattern is driven by the need to regulate fear and identity, which is why it persists, even in highly capable teams. 

Here are the typical drivers I see in the leaders I coach. It's common for a few to overlap, and you may recognise more than one in play for you:

1. Self-soothing through intervention
   Jumping in reduces uncertainty and can help settle the nervous system. You feel calmer once you’ve checked, clarified, or corrected. That relief is real and immediate, which makes the behaviour sticky.

2. Fear-based verification
   “I’ll just take a look.” “Let me sanity-check that.” “I want to make sure this won’t blow back on us.” This is less about mistrust of others and more about mistrust of outcomes in a system where consequences feel personal.

3. Identity reinforcement
   Stepping in confirms a deeply held belief that you add value by being sharp, early, and right. Not stepping in can feel like abdication of responsibility, unnecessary exposure, or even downright negligence.

4. Contextual threat amplification
   In many organisations, risk is personalised. Bonuses, reputations, and roles feel precarious, so leaders absorb responsibility because the system rewards those who do. Over time, the costs show up clearly in slower decisions, thinner benches, and leaders who can’t step away without work stalling.

A Different Way to Hold Your Leadership Role

The shift isn’t about doing less, it’s about holding your role differently. It starts with noticing the moment just before you step in: the breath you take; the urge to tidy things up; the familiar sense that it would be easier if you just handled it yourself.

That moment is where the work actually lives. Stay with it. Letting the room feel unfinished. Ask a question instead of offering an answer. Sit back in your chair, literally and metaphorically. This is leadership presence, not leadership absence, even if it may feel counterintuitive at first.

Your Coaching Challenge

For the next five working days, treat this as an observation practice, not a behaviour change exercise. Each day, deliberately observe yourself in action as you move through your workday. Watch for one moment where work, decisions, or emotional weight start to move toward you by default. When it happens, slow the moment down and make note of the following:

• What specifically is being handed to me right now, a decision, a risk, reassurance, or responsibility?

• What belief or fear gets activated in me that makes stepping in feel necessary or safer?

• What signal might I be sending, intentionally or not, that draws this toward me?

• What is the smallest possible way I could stay present here without absorbing or resolving this for them?

• Where does this decision or judgment properly belong in the system, and what would help it exist at a lower level, instead of with me?

Do not intervene or do anything differently yet; just notice. The goal is to build your awareness about how fear, identity, and habit shape your leadership posture in real time.

At the end of the week, reflect on this question: Where have I been acting as the container for other people’s uncertainty, and what is that costing my team, and me?

You are not being asked to let go of care or standards. You are being invited to decide more consciously what is truly yours to carry.

If this pattern feels familiar and you’re curious about how to shift it without losing your sense of care and accountability, reach out for a free exploratory Executive Coaching conversation at www.leslierohonczy.com.

GRACE UNDER PRESSURE: Finding Steady Ground at Year-End

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The holidays are rarely peaceful. On the work front, year-end means deadlines, performance reviews, and budget crunches. On the home front, it’s travel plans, family gatherings, and a growing list of to-dos, all wrapped in the expectation to somehow radiate good cheer through it all. It's a perfect storm under the glittering lights of December: professional pressure colliding with personal performance anxiety.

It’s no wonder that even the most grounded among us feel stretched thin. In my coaching practice, I see clients this time of year trying to power through exhaustion, stress, and overwhelm by sheer willpower, convinced that the finish line is just around the corner. But that last-ditch sprint through the holidays may just have you crawling into January depleted, not renewed.

WHEN EVERYTHING PEAKS AT ONCE
This end-of-year frenzy doesn’t just drain our calendars; it drains our cognitive reserves. Decision fatigue sets in after a long stretch of intense thinking, leaving us more reactive, less patient, and more likely to default to old habits. By December, our mental bandwidth is often running on fumes, and our nervous systems are signaling for recovery we rarely allow.

The real challenge isn’t simply managing time; it’s managing energy. Every deadline, conversation, and expectation draws from the same well. Without deliberate restoration, we end up spending emotional energy faster than we can replenish it.

So instead of pushing harder, this is the moment to become more strategic about recovery. Micro-breaks between meetings, shorter decision windows, deliberately slower pacing, and brief moments of mindful breathing actually protect your executive function. At home, try applying the same principles: fewer commitments, more intentional rest, and gatherings that nourish instead of deplete.

This season can be a quiet teacher if you let it: what if the pressure itself is a signal to recalibrate, rather than to double down?

WHAT “GRACE UNDER PRESSURE” ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE
The phrase 'grace under pressure' often brings to mind the image of staying calm no matter what, maintaining a flawless exterior while the world spins around you. In truth, grace under pressure is not about perfection or polished composure; it’s about staying connected to yourself while everything else demands more of you. It’s about self-awareness in motion, the subtle shift that allows you to pause, breathe, and respond with intention rather than reaction. That moment of mindful presence is what keeps grace genuine instead of performative.

Here’s what it can look like in real life:

A client of mine in the energy sector now blocks “Transition Time” between her last meeting and her evening commute. These "TT" time blocks are sacred to her, and her admin staff knows they are off-limits to rescheduling. It's a ritual that allows her to turn off her laptop, take three minutes to breathe, and visualize leaving her workday behind. “It sounds trivial,” she said, “but it’s the difference between arriving home as the 'Restless Hurricane' (one of her coaching metaphors) or as myself.”

Another client at a financial firm now labels December as a “compassion month.” When tension peaks, she deliberately softens her tone and reminds herself that everyone, including her boss, is probably overtired. By giving others the benefit of the doubt, she releases her grip on judgment and creates space for understanding instead of escalation. The outcome? Fewer conflicts and a noticeable shift in atmosphere: more patience for (and from) others, more meaningful conversations, and a genuine sense of connection on the team.

And one more: a client who used to equate December success with overachievement now uses a single word, “HOMIE”, which stands for 'how much is enough' to help her decide what gets done and what gets dropped. She says it’s the most freeing leadership practice she’s ever tried. So simple, and so effective!

YOUR COACHING CHALLENGE: A MORE HUMAN APPROACH TO YEAR-END CLARITY
This season asks us to do the opposite of what our calendars demand. Instead of accelerating, take stock, and recalibrate. Before the year closes, ask yourself: What actually needs my full attention, and what just feels urgent because of the date on the calendar? Who needs my empathy and attention more than my efficiency and urgent pressure right now? Where am I running on habit instead of intention?

Each day during this busy holiday period, pick one moment to practice grace under pressure with intention:

• Notice when tension rises or impatience surfaces, like when your inbox pings again at 6 p.m., or when someone’s bad mood collides with yours.

• In that moment, pause, take a slow breath to the bottom of your lungs, and turn your attention inward.

• Notice your body: Is your jaw tight? Are your shoulders tense? What is your breath doing?

• Ask yourself: “What would grace under pressure feel like right now?” Allow the answer to shape your next action, even if that action is simply stillness.

After each practice, take two minutes to reflect on what you noticed:

• What emotion was most strongly present, and what might be underneath it?

• What shifted in me when I paused?

• What will I do differently next time?

Capture a few notes or simply sit with your awareness. Over time, these daily pauses will start to build a steady rhythm of grace, teaching you how presence can be both your anchor and your reset button.

You may find that grace isn’t something you have to earn or schedule. It’s something you create by choosing presence in the middle of pressure.

Wishing you a season of calm energy, smooth edges, and kind hearts.

Reach out for a free exploratory Executive Coaching conversation at www.leslierohonczy.com.

BEYOND THE BONUS: Why Most Year-End Recognition Programs Miss the Mark

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Money might buy effort, but it doesn’t buy connection. We’ve built entire corporate traditions around saying “thank you” with money, especially this time of year. It’s easy, measurable, but no one ever said, “Wow, that Starbucks gift card changed my life!” The brain forgets gift cards; what it remembers are the moments between humans, especially if those moments are charged with emotion and authenticity. Meaningful recognition is personal and precise: it honours each person’s unique wiring, lands in the way they most like to be seen, and tells the story of how their contribution truly mattered.

THE GIFT CARD PROBLEM

Handing someone a $100 gift card feels like a tidy solution: it's quick, fair, and measurable. But it is not memorable.

Neuroscientific research shows that monetary rewards can trigger a short-term dopamine spike, but the effect fades quickly once the novelty wears off. Recognition that connects emotionally, however, activates the brain’s social reward pathways and releases hormones associated with trust and connection. Once the moment of appreciation passes without personal meaning attached, the brain simply files it away as routine. That is why the gift card gets spent and forgotten (or sometimes just forgotten altogether).

Leaders who rely solely on financial gestures miss the opportunity to reinforce culture, values, and shared purpose.

THE PSYCHOLOGY OF APPRECIATION

According to Harvard Business Review (2022) in "The Power of Recognition: Why Appreciation Matters More Than Ever," by Josh Bersin and Jennifer Goler, people who regularly receive meaningful, personal recognition are more than twice as likely to describe themselves as thriving at work. When we feel appreciated by someone we respect, our brains associate that interaction with belonging and safety. It signals, “You matter here.”

Research from the University of North Carolina, led by Sara Algoe and her colleagues (Algoe, Fredrickson, and Gable, 2013, Frontiers in Psychology), found that expressions of gratitude stimulate the brain’s medial prefrontal cortex, which governs empathy and moral reasoning. Their studies show that gratitude strengthens relational bonds, promotes prosocial behaviour, and reinforces a shared sense of humanity. When recognition is genuine and specific, both the giver and receiver experience a measurable boost in emotional connection and trust.

This is what makes appreciation such a powerful leadership tool: it strengthens the relational tissue of your organization, one moment at a time.

THE POWER OF SPECIFICITY

Generic praise such as “Great work this quarter” barely registers. Our brains are wired to notice detail, context, and meaning. Specificity gives recognition its staying power because it anchors the compliment in real evidence.

Instead of saying, “Thanks for your hard work,” try: “Your calm and steady leadership during that product launch helped the team stay focused and confident under pressure. I noticed how the team really watches you for cues, so thank you for being a role model for how to stay grounded when the ground is shifting.” That precision tells the recipient what mattered and why it mattered. It also teaches them what to repeat.

To make recognition truly land, it must also fit the person’s wiring. Some people feel seen through words; others through visible trust, responsibility, or autonomy. An introverted analyst might appreciate a quiet one-to-one thank you, while an extroverted salesperson might thrive on a public shout out at the next team meeting.

As a leader, think about each person’s preferences, communication style, and motivation triggers:

• Drivers and fast thinkers often respond best to recognition that is linked to results and impact: “Your strategic clarity helped us close that deal ahead of schedule.”

• Relational and harmony-oriented types value appreciation that focuses on collaboration and connection: “Your empathy and focus on teamwork really helped this new team gel and connect with each other.”

• Analytical personalities feel validated by recognition that is tied to competence and accuracy: “Your attention to detail in the design phase saved us eight hours of rework and prevented a major error from reaching the client.”

• Visionary innovators are motivated by purpose and growth: “Your creative improvement ideas completely reframed how we think about this challenge, and we now have a new perspective on what is possible.”

• Grounded stabilizers appreciate recognition that acknowledges dependability, consistency, and care: “Your reliability and calm presence helped keep everyone steady through a demanding season.”

Understanding these nuances ensures your appreciation is heard in the language that resonates most deeply with them.

WHEN RECOGNITION GETS PERSONAL

One VP client I worked with wrote a handwritten note to every one of his 40+ employees before the holidays. Each card mentioned one specific thing that person had done to make a difference to the business, the team, or the culture. It took him two weeks, some purposeful reflection about each person, and a commitment to being authentic and intentional. Many employees kept those notes on their desks months later. The message they remembered was simple: “You matter here.”

PITFALLS OF FORCED GRATITUDE

Mass emails thanking “all our rockstars” rarely land well. They often feel obligatory rather than authentic. Forced gratitude can backfire, creating cynicism rather than appreciation. Real recognition names the specific effort, describes the impact, and acknowledges the human quality that made it possible. It tells a story about contribution rather than issuing a generic compliment.

Authenticity matters more than volume. The goal is not to praise everyone equally; it is to connect meaningfully with each person in a way that reflects who they are and what they value.

REFRAMING RECOGNITION: LEADERS AS STORYTELLERS

True recognition goes beyond thank yous. It is storytelling. Great leaders narrate contribution instead of counting output. They help employees see how their actions shape the larger story of the organization. When you tell the story of how someone’s effort led to a client success, a culture shift, or a team breakthrough, you translate performance into purpose.

Meaningful recognition sounds like this:

• “Because you challenged that assumption in the meeting, we ended up opening up new opportunities for growth we wouldn't have explored otherwise.”

• “You probably didn’t realize it at the time, but the way you handled that difficult customer modelled what great customer support looks like and set the tone for the whole team.”

Recognition that tells a story has the power to shape identity. People begin to see themselves as contributors to something bigger than their job description.

YOUR COACHING CHALLENGE

Before the year ends, take time to make your recognition intentional.

1. Reflect: Think about the people whose work made a genuine difference this year. What did they contribute that strengthened the team, the culture, or your leadership? What emotion comes up when you think about them (gratitude, admiration, respect, pride)? Capture that first feeling; it will guide your message.

2. Tailor: Consider how each person prefers to be appreciated. Do they enjoy public acknowledgment, or does that make them uncomfortable? Would they rather receive a personal note, a quick coffee chat, a quiet expression of trust, or a shoutout in a team meeting?

3. Articulate: Express your thanks in a way that connects. Be specific about what they did, describe the impact, and name the quality it revealed about them that you admire.

4. Anchor: End with how it matters to you personally or to the organization. “That moment reminded me why I am so proud to lead this team.”

Finally, consider that recognition done well is not a seasonal task; it is a leadership habit that builds your culture all year long.

THE LEADERSHIP YEAR-IN-REVIEW: Your Most Important Meeting of the Year is With Yourself

(LISTEN TO THE NARRATED AUDIOARTICLE VERSION)

Have you noticed that about this time every year, leaders start to resemble marathon runners rounding the final turn: sweaty, focused, and running mostly on adrenaline? That finish line is in sight, but everything around it is a blur. By December, the flurry of activity is about driving performance to hit year-end objectives, wrapping up budgets, writing impact reports, and squeezing in some last-ditch hail Mary efforts before the holidays hit. You’ve been pushing all year, but are you processing what actually happened this year?

We’re typically rewarded for activity and output, not for reflection. But reflection is where growth is born. Without pausing to connect the dots, we carry our old blind spots, limiting beliefs, bad habits, and frustrations into a new year, dressed up as shiny new goals.

In coaching conversations, even accomplished leaders who've met all their targets have told me they can feel a sense of drift rather than satisfaction. It’s not burnout or boredom, but a subtle realization that what they’re craving is integration and insight: the ability to make meaning from a whirlwind year before charging into the next one. Let’s talk about how to end 2025 with insight, not exhaustion.

THE COST OF NON-REFLECTION

Our brains need purpose and closure. Cognitive scientists call it the Zeigarnik Effect: the mind fixates on unfinished business; incomplete tasks create a kind of mental tension that keeps them active in our memories until they're resolved. This 'open loop' effect manifests as unresolved conversations, incomplete projects, or vague priorities that pop up in your thoughts at 3 a.m. Reflection helps the brain tie up loose ends and consolidate learning. Without it, we stay mentally cluttered, and that clutter follows us into January disguised as urgency.

After I completed a 'Hindsight/Insight/Foresight' coaching session with a senior VP client of mine, I asked her about the impact of that tool, and what she thought of the investment of attention and time it required. “I never realized how little I reflected on how I was leading. This exercise only took an hour and a half, but I came away with insights that changed how I’ll lead next year. It’s amazing how a short pause can reveal what months of motion can’t”.

She discovered patterns she’d never seen before; she'd realized that her best strategic calls were made when she slowed down; she noticed how overcommitment was her recurring derailment; and she was surprised at how rarely she stopped to celebrate wins. Her Q1 priorities the next year were simpler, sharper, and far more grounded.

YOUR COACHING CHALLENGE

Coaching Practice: HINDSIGHT/INSIGHT/FORESIGHT Framework™
The Hindsight/Insight/Foresight Framework™ is my proprietary coaching model, designed to help leaders translate reflection into strategy. In one focused 90-minute session, this practice helps leaders extract lessons from the past year, integrate insights, and turn reflection into purposeful forward planning.

Find a quiet space (both physically and in your calendar), take a few minutes to settle in and connect with your intention to reflect and explore with genuine curiosity. Bring a journal or note pad and pen. The physical act of writing your answers to the following prompts is a powerful part of the process. There are multiple questions in each step - answer them all to the best of your ability. Take your time. Don't edit yourself, just brain-dump.

HINDSIGHT
First, let's reflect on the past year, from your present moment perspective, using three lenses:

• What worked? Identify the conditions that enabled your best results. Where did you feel most in flow? Which relationships strengthened your impact? What decisions paid off because of courage, not convenience? What systems, processes, or data contributed to successful outcomes? Where did you experience personal growth, and what allowed that to happen?

• What didn’t? This isn’t about blame; it’s about recognizing patterns across all dimensions. Where did your mindset or emotional state hold you back? Which relationships drained your energy or limited collaboration? What decisions created unintended outcomes? Which systems or structures failed to support your goals? Where did you notice misalignment between your intentions and actions?

• What surprised you? Every year teaches us something unexpected. What moments revealed new truths about your motivations, values, or blind spots? Where did others respond differently than you anticipated? What new data or feedback shifted your perspective? How did your environment, systems, or team dynamics reveal something you hadn’t seen before?

INSIGHTS
Now it's time to review your brain dump notes, and to create meaning and insights from what you’ve written. Journal your answers to these questions: What do you notice? What patterns stand out? What lessons do you see emerging? Where did your values, emotions, or decision-making have the greatest influence on outcomes? These insights become the bridge between experience and growth.

FORESIGHT
Finally, turn reflection into direction by journaling about the following questions: How will I apply these insights to shape how I lead in 2026? What new habits will I commit to developing? What boundaries do I need to set, or to hold accountable? Which priorities will keep me aligned with what matters most?

WHY THIS MATTERS

It can be tempting to roll straight from performance reviews into next-year planning - especially if you're feeling exhausted at year-end. But without the important step of reflecting on the past, from the perspective of the present, in order to plan the future, it’s like a pilot powering up without checking the instruments, verifying the destination, or confirming the flight path. It's like flying blind. Reflection is your pre-flight check: it restores perspective, and ensures you’re heading to the right destination, at the right altitude.

The benefits are many: when you pause to harvest the lessons of the year, you build what psychologists call adaptive intelligence: the ability to learn from experience and apply it faster next time. And your team is watching how you close the year, so when you model curiosity, humility, and gratitude rather than fatigue, panic, or frustration, you give them permission to do the same. That shapes culture more powerfully than any year-end message or fruit basket ever could.

Before the full flurry of December overtakes you, block one uninterrupted 90-minute appointment with yourself, and give yourself the powerful gift of reflection. And if you'd like to explore this reflection as a strategic leadership tool with the support of an executive coach and leadership development expert, reach out for a free exploratory conversation at www.leslierohonczy.com.

LEADING THROUGH POLARIZATION: Staying Steady When the World Feels Divided

Two smart people sit across from each other in a meeting room. Both are calm. Both are right. And both are getting increasingly frustrated. What begins as a discussion about a company initiative morphs into something else: a collision of values, identity, and certainty. Each leaves the room convinced they were the reasonable one, and the other person is being difficult.

What happens when everyone is certain, and no one is listening?

THE NEW WORKPLACE DIVIDE

It used to be that politics stayed outside the office. Not anymore. From boardrooms to lunchrooms, polarization has seeped into corporate life, fueled by social media and the growing expectation that organizations must take public stands on social issues.

Recent research confirms how polarization can take a measurable toll on performance and retention. The Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM) reported in 2022 that one in four employees had considered leaving a job because workplace discussions around political or social issues became toxic. These trends show that polarization is not just a social problem; it has real consequences for innovation, engagement, and talent stability.

And according to the 2024 Edelman Trust Barometer, 63% of employees say they expect their CEO to take a stand on societal issues, yet only 30% of executives feel confident doing so. And trust in institutions, government, media, and business alike, continues to erode. The same report found that fewer than half of respondents trust “most people” they meet, a striking decline from a decade ago.

The result? A climate of fear and fatigue. Leaders tiptoe around sensitive topics. Employees scan for alignment before speaking openly. Diversity of thought, once celebrated, now feels risky. And polarization settles in like a heavy fog that clouds decision-making, trust, and collaboration across the organization.

But pretending the divide doesn’t exist isn’t neutral; it’s avoidance. So how do we create psychological safety in a world where safety itself can feel political?

WHY POLARIZATION FEELS SO PERSONAL

When someone challenges our deeply held beliefs, it doesn’t just feel like disagreement; it feels like threat. Studies by cognitive neuroscientist Jonas Kaplan and colleagues at the University of Southern California (2016) found that when people’s core beliefs are challenged, the brain activates the same regions associated with physical pain and self-protection. The amygdala lights up, cortisol spikes, and we default to fight, flight, freeze, or submit.

From a coaching lens, this is where identity and “shadow projection” come into play. When we’re triggered by another person’s view, it often isn’t just about their words. It’s about what we’ve disowned in ourselves, the traits or values we reject and then unconsciously project onto others. The conversation stops being about the topic and becomes a battle for belonging.

Social psychologist Jonathan Haidt captures this idea in The Righteous Mind, noting that we tend to be emotional creatures who occasionally think, rather than rational ones who occasionally feel. Our moral intuitions drive us first, and reasoning arrives later, usually to justify what we already believe.

In polarized times, the human brain is doing its job. It’s protecting us. But when we understand this biological response, we can choose curiosity over reactivity, allowing space for difference without making it dangerous.

SKILLS FOR LEADING ACROSS THE DIVIDE

Before diving into practical tools, it’s worth acknowledging that leading through polarization is less about having clever arguments and more about developing emotional stamina. The modern workplace is a microcosm of society’s divisions, and leaders often find themselves caught between opposing expectations from employees, customers, and even shareholders. Holding that tension without losing balance is a core leadership skill. The following practices are designed to help leaders stay steady, keep communication constructive, and rebuild trust when views diverge.

1. Listen for values, not positions.
Underneath every strong opinion is a value trying to express itself. If someone argues passionately about a policy, ask what that issue represents for them. Is it fairness? Safety? Freedom? When you reflect those values back, the tension often diffuses.

2. Frame conversations around shared purpose.
Teams can tolerate disagreement when they’re anchored in something bigger than the argument itself. A leader might say, “We don’t all need to think alike, but we do need to work toward the same outcome.” Purpose restores perspective.

3. Practise the discipline of neutrality.
Neutrality doesn’t mean silence or fence-sitting. It means creating the conditions where every voice can be heard without fear of ridicule or reprisal. The discipline is internal, holding your own judgments lightly, so others can show up fully.

4. Model curiosity over conviction.
When you lead with curiosity (“Help me understand what’s important to you about that”), you lower defences. Neuroscience research from the Centre for Creative Leadership (2023) shows that curiosity increases empathy and trust within teams, particularly in cross-ideological settings.

5. Create structured dialogue spaces.
A senior leader I coached had inherited a team who were divided over a corporate decision, and their team meetings had become emotionally charged. She convened a “listening circle,” where each person had three minutes to share their perspective uninterrupted. The only rule: others could only ask clarifying questions, not rebuttals. By the end, tensions had softened enough to create opportunities to build shared understanding, without the need for everyone to agree on all points.

YOUR COACHING CHALLENGE: FIND THE COMMON SENTENCE

To deepen learning and accountability, journal your reflections after each practice, or share your observations with a trusted peer or coach. This helps integrate the insights and reinforces new habits over time.

1. Pause and observe. In your next polarizing conversation, notice what is happening in real time.

2. Notice your reactions. Pay attention to any urge to defend, persuade, withdraw, or mentally check out.

3. Observe your body. Scan for signals such as a tightening jaw, tense shoulders, fidgeting, shallow breathing, or a raised voice.

4. Name the value at stake. Ask yourself, “What value of mine feels threatened here, such as fairness, autonomy, safety, or respect?”

5. Prepare two neutral questions. Before or during the meeting, use values-based questions that focus on shared goals, for example: “What do we both want for this team?” or “What would success look like for everyone here?”

6. Structure the dialogue. Invite one minute of uninterrupted sharing per person, followed by clarifying questions only. Listen specifically for points of alignment.

7. Capture the common sentence. Write down one sentence both sides could genuinely say “yes” to, such as, “We both care deeply about this company,” or, “We both want people to feel safe.”

8. Reflect and plan the next experiment. Journal three prompts: what shifted when I led with curiosity, what I would repeat next time, and what I will change in a higher stakes moment. Share one takeaway with a peer or coach and schedule the next opportunity to practice.

INFLUENCE FATIGUE: Staying Clear-Minded When Everyone’s Competing for Your Buy-In

If you’re in senior leadership, chances are everyone around you is trying to influence you, from your team to your board. The higher up in the organization you go, the more it shows up. Senior leaders face influence from every direction: employees seeking buy-in, peers pitching ideas, leaders setting new expectations, partners promoting initiatives, board members driving accountability, and customers shaping demands. It’s no wonder it can feel relentless. Without a system to manage the constant input, leaders can easily find themselves overloaded, reactive, or simply tuning out. Influence fatigue is real.

THE OVERLOAD PROBLEM

One senior executive I coach described it perfectly: “By lunchtime, I’ve already been pitched, persuaded, or pulled in ten different directions. And by 3 p.m., I’m mentally fried.” Those moments of fatigue don’t come from lack of commitment; they come from the sheer volume of persuasion that hits senior leaders every day.

The desire to influence is everywhere: it shows up in our inboxes, in team meetings and presentations, in hallway conversations and one-on-ones. Nearly every interaction carries an agenda, whether it’s an ask, a pitch, or a subtle call to action.

When everyone is trying to influence us, the mental load can become overwhelming. Research shows that constant exposure to persuasive messages and competing demands taxes the brain’s executive functions, reducing decision-making efficiency and accuracy (Pashler & Johnston, 1998, Annual Review of Psychology; Mark, Gudith & Klocke, 2008, Human Factors). Multitasking and frequent interruptions have been shown to lower productivity by up to 40 percent and significantly increase stress (American Psychological Association, 2019). Over time, this barrage of input erodes focus, weakens problem-solving, and diminishes our capacity to respond thoughtfully. When every conversation carries an influence agenda, the result isn’t engagement, it’s exhaustion.

Coaching reflection: What happens in your brain when everyone around you is trying to influence you? Do you lean in? Shut down? Get annoyed? Something else?

THE NEUROSCIENCE OF RESISTANCE

Understanding these neurological triggers isn’t just about how we influence others; it’s also about how we manage being influenced ourselves. Recognizing when your brain is shifting into stress or threat mode gives you the chance to pause, breathe, and stay anchored in discernment instead of reaction.

In The Influence Triangle (LinkedIn, 2024, link), I wrote that real persuasion doesn’t start with pressure; it starts with presence. The human brain cannot be influenced when it feels cornered or depleted.

When we sense urgency or manipulation, the stress response increases, flooding the system with cortisol and adrenaline. These chemicals narrow attention, limit creativity, and reduce empathy (McEwen, 2017, Annual Review of Neuroscience). It’s why people rarely say “yes” during high-pressure sales calls or heated meetings; they’re neurologically unavailable.

I once coached a VP who couldn’t understand why his brilliant transformation pitch wasn’t landing. His logic was flawless, but his timing wasn’t. He presented at the end of a full-day budget meeting, when cognitive energy was at its lowest. His colleagues weren’t rejecting his idea; they simply didn’t have the bandwidth to process it.

The brain’s openness to influence rests on three levers: timing, emotion, and connection.

• Timing ensures your message lands when someone has the capacity to hear it.

• Emotion activates meaning-making pathways in the brain, helping information stick.

• Connection builds trust, supported by the release of oxytocin, a neurochemical associated with social bonding and cooperation.

When any of these levers are missing, even the best argument falls flat.

WHAT AUTHENTIC INFLUENCE LOOKS LIKE NOW

For senior leaders, being influenced is about discernment. It means knowing which ideas, perspectives, and requests deserve your attention and which can be set aside. With so many competing voices trying to shape your thinking, developing your ability to filter what deserves your attention helps you to stay open without becoming swayed by every strong opinion, emotional appeal, or urgent ask. The key is managing signal versus noise.

HOW TO MANAGE SIGNAL VERSUS NOISE

This is a skill that strengthens over time. The more you practice identifying what deserves your attention, the easier it becomes to separate what’s meaningful from what’s merely loud.

How do we build those discernment muscles? Well, purpose and clarity help us decide which conversations truly deserve our consideration and which ones can pass by without reaction. Here are several questions to help you triage them:

• Timing: Do I have the cognitive and emotional bandwidth to process this right now? Even great ideas need the right conditions.

• Energy Cost: How much time or attention will this require? Does the investment match the potential return?

• Relevance: Does this align with my strategic priorities or current direction? If not, it may not warrant my full attention right now.

• Credibility: Is the information reliable? Does this person or data point have proven insight or influence?

• Impact: What would be the consequence of engaging or not engaging with this influence attempt? Will it meaningfully move something forward?

Using these criteria helps us remain open and curious without becoming reactive or depleted. It turns the daily flood of persuasion into manageable, intentional choices.

Authentic leadership influence isn’t just about how much we convince others; it’s also about how thoughtfully we allow ourselves to be influenced. When we stay grounded in discernment, we preserve clarity, purpose, energy, and trust. Others sense that steadiness, and paradoxically, that’s when our own influence becomes strongest.

YOUR COACHING CHALLENGE

Influence fatigue builds from how much you allow others’ persuasion to enter your awareness. Before your next big week of meetings or decisions, try this short exercise.

COACHING PRACTICE: Reset Your Influence Filter

Take ten quiet minutes at the start of the week to set your focus:

1. List your true priorities. Identify the three areas of work that genuinely require your attention and influence.

2. Anticipate possible influence attempts. Think ahead to who will likely try to sway your time, decisions, or focus, and note which deserve your full engagement and which can wait.

3. Name your triggers and vulnerabilities. Notice where you tend to overreact or get pulled into other people’s urgency.

4. Set your boundaries. Decide what kinds of input you’ll welcome and what you’ll decline, kindly but firmly.

Then experiment with these during the week. Pause once a day and ask, “Am I reacting to influence or responding with intention?” That simple question will help you keep your attention where it belongs: on what truly matters. And the more intentional you are about filtering influence, the more focused you’ll feel as a leader.

THE DOWNSIDE OF RESILIENCE: When to Call ‘Uncle’ and Move On

We celebrate resilience like it’s an Olympic sport. 'Bouncing back', 'pushing through', and 'grinding away' all sound noble, but at some point, determination turns into stubbornness, and perseverance starts to work against us.

Leaders are often praised for their ability to endure the tough stuff (and we're all dealing with some really tough stuff these days, aren't we?) But the longer we’re rewarded for holding the line, the harder it becomes to recognise when the line has moved.

A STORY FROM THE COACHING ROOM

I was fortunate to work with a Director a few years ago who was leading her team through a bold (read: complex and unpopular) transformation mandate. For months, she pushed herself and her people relentlessly to get on board with the process and mindset shifts needed to make it work. When some of her peers showed signs of resistance or slowing down, she dug in even harder. As the organizational changes took shape, she was in the thick of merging teams and shifting headcount, as her span of control broadened. And like a good soldier, she absorbed all of the extra work and kept pushing for more.

At our coaching session, I asked her what mindset was driving her ‘digging in’ behaviour, and she said proudly, “I am modelling resilience for everyone around me.”

By the end of that year, a clear had pattern emerged: after a round of planned headcount reductions, some of her best employees also chose to leave, and the ones who remained were scared, disengaged, and tired. And she hadn’t taken a proper break in over a year herself! This wasn’t about demonstrating resilience anymore; she was unintentionally modelling depletion and martyrdom.

Her a-ha moment came during a triangulation meeting with me and her VP. While we were reviewing her employee engagement survey results, her VP commented, “We admire your stamina, but your team is running on fumes.” She told me afterward that, in that moment, she felt a hot wave of recognition wash over her as she realized that her definition of resilience was in fact just a marathon of sacrificial endurance for its own sake.

NAMING THE SHIFT

This is the moment where resilience starts to change shape. It is the shift from a healthy ability to adapt under stress to an overextended state where our brains and bodies begin to pay a hidden cost. Neuroscience helps explain what happens when persistence becomes counterproductive, and how our wiring pushes us to keep going even when it’s time to stop. These next three ideas reveal why that happens, and what it costs us if we ignore the signs.

• Stress physiology: Chronic exposure to stress hormones like cortisol impairs the hippocampus, the part of the brain that regulates flexibility and learning. Bruce McEwen’s research on allostatic load shows that over time, the body and mind pay a biological price for constant adaptation.

• Sunk-cost bias and reward circuitry: Once we have invested time or resources, classic sunk-cost bias kicks in, and even our reward circuits can make disengaging feel costly. Behavioral economist Daniel Kahneman and others have explored how these biases compel us to stay the course even when logic says “cut losses.”

• Cognitive narrowing: Under sustained stress, the prefrontal cortex shifts into survival mode, favoring short-term fixes and repetitive behaviors instead of creative problem-solving.

The irony is that leaders under prolonged stress often become less adaptable, the very opposite of what resilience was supposed to achieve.

WHEN RESILIENCE TURNS INTO RIGIDITY

Resilience becomes counterproductive when it crosses the invisible line from resourcefulness to resistance.

• Fighting sunk costs: “We’ve invested too much to stop now” becomes a badge of honour.

• Over-functioning: Leaders take on more and more to keep things afloat, unintentionally teaching their teams to rely on them.

• Modelling burnout: Teams mirror what they see. When leaders glorify endurance, employees learn that exhaustion equals commitment.

• Avoiding change: Perseverance turns into attachment to the familiar. “This is how we’ve always done it” starts to sound like leadership wisdom.

Organizational psychologist Barry Staw first described this pattern as escalation of commitment, and it has been widely popularized by several thought leaders, including Adam Grant. The message is clear: the longer we persist, the harder it becomes to admit that persistence itself might be the problem.

A TALE OF TWO COMPANIES

In the early 2000s, Kodak epitomized corporate resilience. It survived countless market shifts over a century by doubling down on what it knew best: film. The company even invented the first digital camera in 1975 and buried it. Why? Because the business model of selling film was too entrenched to abandon. Resilience had hardened into rigidity.

By contrast, Netflix faced similar uncertainty when DVD rentals began to decline. Instead of doubling down on its original model, it bet on streaming and later, original content. The difference wasn’t intelligence or resources; it was psychological flexibility.

Leaders who treat resilience as an identity often cling to what worked before. Leaders who treat it as a tool know when to put it down.

CULTURAL RESEARCH

The World Health Organization officially classified burnout as an occupational phenomenon in 2019, defining it as “chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed.”

Canadian data show sustained strain. In May 2024, one third of Canadian workers were in a high mental-health risk category, underscoring the real cost of endurance without recovery. Yet in leadership programs and performance reviews, “resilience” remains one of the most celebrated traits.

Maybe it’s time we stopped glorifying it and started interrogating it.

THE NEUROSCIENCE OF RECOVERY

Recovery isn’t weakness; it’s recalibration.

• Rest and neuroplasticity: Sleep and rest restore the prefrontal cortex’s ability to integrate complex data and manage emotional regulation.

• Emotional regulation: Activities like mindfulness, music, and physical exercise reduce amygdala hyperactivity and reset attention systems.

• Perspective shifting: Downtime activates the brain’s default network, which supports perspective shifting, creativity, empathy, and strategic insight.

Leaders who build recovery into their rhythm are not “less driven.” They are creating the mental conditions for adaptability, the real heart of resilience.

YOUR COACHING CHALLENGE

Practice: Persistence or Rigidity?

Doing:
Identify one initiative you are holding onto mainly out of persistence. Define three signals that would justify pivoting or letting go and share them with a trusted peer or mentor.

What to Notice:

• What emotions surface when I imagine stepping back from this initiative?

• Do my reasons for continuing come from purpose, pride, or fear of loss?

• How does my team respond when I talk about this work, with energy or fatigue?

Reflection Questions:

1. What assumptions am I holding onto tightly that no longer serve?

2. What would it take to release this project with grace and redirect energy elsewhere?

3. Who could give me honest feedback on whether it is time to pivot?

4. What might become possible if I stopped equating resilience with endurance?

True resilience is not about bouncing back or enduring more... it’s about knowing when to bend, when to rest, and when to pivot and move on with intention.  It’s the wisdom and courage to release what no longer serves.

Reach out for a free exploratory Executive Coaching conversation. Email: leslierohonczy@live.com

DEVELOPING YOUR BULLSH*T DETECTOR: Cutting Through Hype, Jargon, and Polished Nonsense in 2025

“Revolutionary! Transformative!! Game-changing!!!” If you hear those words in the first five minutes of a pitch, your inner alarm bell should be ringing. We’ve all sat through those pitches. The buzzwords fly, the slides look amazing, and for a moment you catch yourself nodding along. But jargon doesn’t equal substance.

Leaders at WeWork once talked about “elevating the world’s consciousness,” while selling what was essentially office space with free beer. Investors bought the story, not the fundamentals, and the company’s $47-billion valuation evaporated almost overnight. Even smart executives can get dazzled by shiny language and big promises. That is why developing a BS detector is not a luxury in 2025; it is a leadership survival skill.

A MAGICAL METAPHOR TO REMEMBER

Think of a magician’s sleight of hand. The flourish distracts your eyes while the real trick happens elsewhere. Corporate spin works the same way. A charismatic founder’s over-hyped vision, a glossy report with flawless graphics and no meat, or an “innovation lab” demo of the best case scenario can all act like the magician’s flourish. They dazzle us so we don’t notice what is missing: evidence, substance, or common sense.

WHY OUR BRAINS GET FOOLED

Neuroscience offers some clues as to why BS is so effective at sneaking past smart people.

• Halo effect: When something looks polished, we assume it must also be competent. The brain’s shortcut is ‘shiny equals credible’.

• Amygdala and certainty: Under stress, our amygdala is activated, and we crave certainty. A slick answer feels like relief from the stress, even if it is hollow.

• Dopamine hits: Novelty lights up our reward system, giving us a rush that feels like progress. “New and improved” is rocket fuel for our brains.

• Social proof: If others nod along, our reward system pushes us to conform. Our need to belong can trump our instinct to question.

This is why entire boards, investment funds, and senior leadership teams can all walk straight into illusions without a single person stopping to ask, “Wait, does this actually make sense?”

FIVE FILTER QUESTIONS

To cut through the illusion, try this lens:

1. What evidence supports this claim?

2. How would it work in practice, not just theory?

3. What problem does it actually solve?

4. Who benefits most if we do this?

5. If it fails, what is Plan B?

Asking even one of these questions often changes the entire conversation. Suddenly the flourish disappears, and the real substance is revealed.

CULTURAL RELEVANCE

Robert Cialdini’s research on persuasion shows how the halo effect can blind us to flaws in logic. And Daniel Kahneman’s work on decision fatigue is clear: we stop asking clarifying questions when our mental energy is low.

History is littered with cautionary tales. Nikola Motors once released a video of its zero-emission truck cruising down a highway. The catch: it was rolling downhill with no powertrain. Investors believed the story, and the company briefly hit a $30-billion valuation before reality set in. Nikola is a reminder that polish and storytelling can deceive even the most seasoned executives.

And there’s no shortage of examples: Juicero raised over $100 million for a Wi-Fi-connected juicer, only for customers to discover they could squeeze the juice packs by hand; Theranos promised hundreds of blood tests from a single drop, fooling investors and board members across multiple industries; and FTX was once valued at $32 billion before collapsing into one of the biggest financial frauds in recent history.

Each case shows how leaders can be seduced by big promises and polished delivery, only to see their budgets and credibility evaporate when the truth emerges.

YOUR COACHING CHALLENGE

Practice: The Clarity Filter

Doing:
In your next three meetings, ask at least one of the five filter questions listed above. Write down what shifted in the conversation when you did.

What to Notice:

• What shifts in the energy of the room after you ask the question

• How the explanation of the idea evolves once it was explored more deeply?

• People’s body language or tone, and what new perspective it can give you about their level of confidence or conviction

Reflection Questions:

1. What surprised me about how people responded to my question?

2. How did the question change the conversation in ways I did not expect?

3. What did I learn about the strength, relevance, or practicality of the idea being discussed?

4. What does this tell me about my own comfort with disrupting group consensus?

We don’t need to become cynical skeptics, but in a world where polish is cheap and empty promises are plentiful, we do need sharper questions.

Reach out for a free exploratory Executive Coaching conversation at www.leslierohonczy.com