We celebrate resilience like it’s an Olympic sport. 'Bouncing back', 'pushing through', and 'grinding away' all sound noble, but at some point, determination turns into stubbornness, and perseverance starts to work against us.
Leaders are often praised for their ability to endure the tough stuff (and we're all dealing with some really tough stuff these days, aren't we?) But the longer we’re rewarded for holding the line, the harder it becomes to recognise when the line has moved.
A STORY FROM THE COACHING ROOM
I was fortunate to work with a Director a few years ago who was leading her team through a bold (read: complex and unpopular) transformation mandate. For months, she pushed herself and her people relentlessly to get on board with the process and mindset shifts needed to make it work. When some of her peers showed signs of resistance or slowing down, she dug in even harder. As the organizational changes took shape, she was in the thick of merging teams and shifting headcount, as her span of control broadened. And like a good soldier, she absorbed all of the extra work and kept pushing for more.
At our coaching session, I asked her what mindset was driving her ‘digging in’ behaviour, and she said proudly, “I am modelling resilience for everyone around me.”
By the end of that year, a clear had pattern emerged: after a round of planned headcount reductions, some of her best employees also chose to leave, and the ones who remained were scared, disengaged, and tired. And she hadn’t taken a proper break in over a year herself! This wasn’t about demonstrating resilience anymore; she was unintentionally modelling depletion and martyrdom.
Her a-ha moment came during a triangulation meeting with me and her VP. While we were reviewing her employee engagement survey results, her VP commented, “We admire your stamina, but your team is running on fumes.” She told me afterward that, in that moment, she felt a hot wave of recognition wash over her as she realized that her definition of resilience was in fact just a marathon of sacrificial endurance for its own sake.
NAMING THE SHIFT
This is the moment where resilience starts to change shape. It is the shift from a healthy ability to adapt under stress to an overextended state where our brains and bodies begin to pay a hidden cost. Neuroscience helps explain what happens when persistence becomes counterproductive, and how our wiring pushes us to keep going even when it’s time to stop. These next three ideas reveal why that happens, and what it costs us if we ignore the signs.
Stress physiology: Chronic exposure to stress hormones like cortisol impairs the hippocampus, the part of the brain that regulates flexibility and learning. Bruce McEwen’s research on allostatic load shows that over time, the body and mind pay a biological price for constant adaptation.
Sunk-cost bias and reward circuitry: Once we have invested time or resources, classic sunk-cost bias kicks in, and even our reward circuits can make disengaging feel costly. Behavioral economist Daniel Kahneman and others have explored how these biases compel us to stay the course even when logic says “cut losses.”
Cognitive narrowing: Under sustained stress, the prefrontal cortex shifts into survival mode, favoring short-term fixes and repetitive behaviors instead of creative problem-solving.
The irony is that leaders under prolonged stress often become less adaptable, the very opposite of what resilience was supposed to achieve.
WHEN RESILIENCE TURNS INTO RIGIDITY
Resilience becomes counterproductive when it crosses the invisible line from resourcefulness to resistance.
Fighting sunk costs: “We’ve invested too much to stop now” becomes a badge of honour.
Over-functioning: Leaders take on more and more to keep things afloat, unintentionally teaching their teams to rely on them.
Modelling burnout: Teams mirror what they see. When leaders glorify endurance, employees learn that exhaustion equals commitment.
Avoiding change: Perseverance turns into attachment to the familiar. “This is how we’ve always done it” starts to sound like leadership wisdom.
Organizational psychologist Barry Staw first described this pattern as escalation of commitment, and it has been widely popularized by several thought leaders, including Adam Grant. The message is clear: the longer we persist, the harder it becomes to admit that persistence itself might be the problem.
A TALE OF TWO COMPANIES
In the early 2000s, Kodak epitomized corporate resilience. It survived countless market shifts over a century by doubling down on what it knew best: film. The company even invented the first digital camera in 1975 and buried it. Why? Because the business model of selling film was too entrenched to abandon. Resilience had hardened into rigidity.
By contrast, Netflix faced similar uncertainty when DVD rentals began to decline. Instead of doubling down on its original model, it bet on streaming and later, original content. The difference wasn’t intelligence or resources; it was psychological flexibility.
Leaders who treat resilience as an identity often cling to what worked before. Leaders who treat it as a tool know when to put it down.
CULTURAL RESEARCH
The World Health Organization officially classified burnout as an occupational phenomenon in 2019, defining it as “chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed.”
Canadian data show sustained strain. In May 2024, one third of Canadian workers were in a high mental-health risk category, underscoring the real cost of endurance without recovery. Yet in leadership programs and performance reviews, “resilience” remains one of the most celebrated traits.
Maybe it’s time we stopped glorifying it and started interrogating it.
THE NEUROSCIENCE OF RECOVERY
Recovery isn’t weakness; it’s recalibration.
Rest and neuroplasticity: Sleep and rest restore the prefrontal cortex’s ability to integrate complex data and manage emotional regulation.
Emotional regulation: Activities like mindfulness, music, and physical exercise reduce amygdala hyperactivity and reset attention systems.
Perspective shifting: Downtime activates the brain’s default network, which supports perspective shifting, creativity, empathy, and strategic insight.
Leaders who build recovery into their rhythm are not “less driven.” They are creating the mental conditions for adaptability, the real heart of resilience.
YOUR COACHING CHALLENGE
Practice: Persistence or Rigidity?
Doing:
Identify one initiative you are holding onto mainly out of persistence. Define three signals that would justify pivoting or letting go and share them with a trusted peer or mentor.
What to Notice:
What emotions surface when I imagine stepping back from this initiative?
Do my reasons for continuing come from purpose, pride, or fear of loss?
How does my team respond when I talk about this work, with energy or fatigue?
Reflection Questions:
What assumptions am I holding onto tightly that no longer serve?
What would it take to release this project with grace and redirect energy elsewhere?
Who could give me honest feedback on whether it is time to pivot?
What might become possible if I stopped equating resilience with endurance?
True resilience is not about bouncing back or enduring more... it’s about knowing when to bend, when to rest, and when to pivot and move on with intention. It’s the wisdom and courage to release what no longer serves.
Reach out for a free exploratory Executive Coaching conversation. Email: leslierohonczy@live.com