WHEN TYPE BECOMES STEREOTYPE: The Problem with Over-Generalized Labels

“I start tuning out when type becomes stereotype.” That line came from my fellow Integral Master Coach, Michael Lamberti, during a recent exchange we had on LinkedIn, and I haven’t stopped thinking about it. In his post, Michael noted that some psychometrics teachers make irresponsible generalizations about their tools. And he’s right. I attended a workshop where a teacher told us that a certain personality type only had half of their emotions to work with. It made me roll my eyes so hard I could see my brain.

Personality frameworks and psychometric tools can be game-changing in leadership development, but when type turns into stereotype, we stop seeing the human being in front of us. It’s like mistaking a rough sketch for a finished painting. And when frameworks are distilled down too far, they risk becoming little more than an over-generalized sketch of the individual.

I’ve seen it happen in my work with teams, too. Someone reads their Enneagram Type 7 description to the group, and everyone around them assumes they must be the extroverted life of the party. A leader is tagged as an Insights “Cool Blue,” so the unspoken expectation is that they’ll be meticulous, logical, and great at budgets. Or someone is identified as a Myers-Briggs 'ENTJ,' and the stereotype is that they’ll automatically be a bold, take-charge executive. The problem is that these shorthand labels can blind us to a richer sense of a person's wiring: their values, communication preferences, decision-making styles, quirks, blind spots, limiting beliefs, assumptions, and untapped strengths. When we collapse someone down to the boilerplate description of a single 'type', we miss the richer, more complex portrait right in front of us.

THE DANGER OF ONE-DIMENSIONAL LABELS

Psychometric tools have enormous value. I use them frequently in designing coaching programs to meet my clients where they are, and to help me calibrate our live 1:1 coaching sessions. These tools can shine a light on how we process information, what motivates us, and how we’re wired under stress. But even when we make use of all the rich and robust aspects of a single psychometric model, it still offers just one window into a person. To see someone fully, we need to look through multiple lenses, each revealing different aspects of who they are and how they show up.

The danger comes when we let that single lens define the person. A DISC “C” detail-oriented leader may not actually be strong at planning or follow-through. An “influencing” style might not guarantee charisma or natural leadership. Labelling in this way becomes lazy shorthand and robs us of the deeper nuances of the real, evolving human sitting across from us. This is often how stereotypes are born: each of these psychometric tools has robust depth, with multiple layers of nuance and insight, but when people only memorize or repeat the surface-level summary, the richness is lost, and a flat stereotype takes its place.

This isn’t a new problem. Research on personality assessments has long cautioned against treating results as static or predictors of success. These tools reveal tendencies and preferences, not absolutes. And yet, I still hear leaders in meetings say things like: “Oh, she’s an Insights Yellow, she’ll love this project,” or “He’s an Enneagram 9, so conflict will always be hard for him,” or “Her Myers-Briggs ‘I’ is too high to be successful in that role.” That’s not development; that’s stereotyping.

WHY A DASHBOARD IS BETTER THAN A SINGLE GAUGE

Think about the dashboard in your car. When going on a road trip, you wouldn’t rely only on the speedometer and ignore the fuel gauge, oil pressure, or engine lights. Understanding people (and ourselves) also requires us to pay attention to a dashboard of indicators.

Here’s what that looks like in practice:

• Psychometrics give you a single lens on patterns and preferences.

• Feedback (formal and informal) gives you an external lens.

• Self-observation exercises looking for patterns and behaviours adds a third.

• Context and environment matter too; how someone shows up can shift depending on culture, stress, and team dynamics.

• Values and motivators offer another gauge, revealing what drives someone beneath the surface.

• Experimentation shows you what happens when you try something new, then reflect on the gap between what you expected and what actually happened.

• Coaching conversations, 360s, and stretch assignments each add data points to your dashboard.

The more gauges you can read, the more accurate your navigation becomes. Lean on just one, and you may think you’re cruising along safely, while in reality you’re going to run out of fuel in 20 kilometers.

MICHAEL LAMBERTI ON THE ENNEAGRAM

This is where I circle back to Michael’s terrific work with the Enneagram, a tool that, when used to its full depth, can surface profound insights about motivation and growth edges. It’s one of the most accurate and robust psychometric tools out there. But his caution is the same as mine: reducing people to stereotypes does them a tremendous disservice. If you’re curious to go deeper into the Enneagram and its applications for leadership, I encourage you to check out Michael Lamberti’s offerings on Substack and LinkedIn. He’s an excellent resource.

SO WHAT SHOULD LEADERS DO?

If you’re a leader using psychometric results to guide development, here’s my invitation:

• Treat assessments as conversation starters, not finish lines.

• Resist the urge to let a label explain away deeper nuances or complexity.

• Stay curious about contradictions: the “introvert” who loves public speaking, the “detail person” who thrives in chaos.

Your team is made up of multi-layered, surprising, sometimes contradictory human beings. Honour that complexity. When type becomes stereotype, you stop seeing potential. But when type is just one gauge on a broader dashboard, you get a far truer picture of the leader – and the person – in front of you.

And when it comes to your own development, choose a coach who works with multiple lenses. A one-dimensional coaching approach will give you a single rough sketch of yourself, which may or may not be useful. The most effective coaches bring in a variety of perspectives and lenses. In Integral Coaching, for example, we look through six interwoven lenses and more than 20 sub-lenses that explore different dimensions of a client’s way of being. Executive coaching then adds further angles such as live observation, feedback, and triangulation with the client’s leader, reflection on developmental objectives, and real-world experimentation. Together, this layered approach offers a far more complete picture of who someone is and how they can grow.

YOUR COACHING CHALLENGE

This week, make it a practice to notice when you or others fall into shorthand labelling. Each time you hear someone say, “She’s a Yellow,” or “He’s so Type 8,” pause and treat it as a piece of data – but not the whole story. Your challenge is to experiment with the mindset that ‘people are layered, dynamic, and evolving’ in your daily interactions.

Here’s how:

1. Observe one colleague through the lens you normally use, and label them. For example, my go-to lens is the Enneagram, so I would choose a person, and label them with what I think is their Ennea-type (E7w6).

2. Now, look at that colleague through at least three different lenses (eg: their behaviour under stress, their underlying motivators, their communication style, their values, their interpersonal skills, the cultural or team context they’re operating within, their internal mindset or state, and the systems or structures influencing them). These additional perspectives reflect the inner world, outer behaviour, relationships, and environment, all shaping who someone is and how they show up.

3. Journal a brief reflection: What were the built-in assumptions you made when you first typed them? What additional insights came when you looked again through additional lenses? Where did your assumptions limit your ability to see them fully before?

4. Next, try a small experiment in a conversation with this person: frame a question that draws out the very differences you noticed in your reflection. For example, if you assumed they were detail-oriented but discovered they are more motivated by big picture impact, ask what outcomes feel most meaningful to them. If you assumed they avoid conflict but saw signs of strongly held values under pressure, ask what principles guide them when the stakes are high. Pay attention to how their answers confirm, challenge, or expand your assumptions, and consider how you might adjust your approach to meet them where they actually are, rather than where you thought they were.

People are never one-dimensional. They are shaped by inner states, observable behaviours, relationships, and environments. When you consciously widen your view, you start to see the whole layered painting rather than just the roughly sketched outline.

If you’d like support building your own dashboard of lenses and experimenting with them in real life, reach out for a free exploratory conversation at www.leslierohonczy.com. I’d love to be your coach.

WHEN CANDOUR BACKFIRES: The Risk of Being “Too Real” At Work

Every leader knows that knot-in-the-stomach feeling before saying something tough. You spot a flaw in the strategy your boss is championing. You need to tell a high performer that their style is alienating the team. Or you’re about to voice the only dissenting view in a room full of nodding heads. These moments test your courage. And they test your skill. Because candour can land like a gift or a gut punch.

WHEN CANDOUR CLOSES DOORS

I once worked with a talented, passionate woman who proudly called herself a “straight-talker.” Her feedback was always honest and never sugar-coated and many colleagues, including me, valued her candour, even if it was sometimes hard to hear. She genuinely believed that being blunt built trust. The problem? Over time, some of her colleagues started describing her as prickly, demanding, and impossible to please. She had strong ideas about what needed to change, but no one wanted to listen. Her accuracy wasn’t the problem. Her delivery was.

That’s what happens when candour is used like a blunt instrument. We think we’re being authentic, but what others hear is harshness or judgment. Instead of opening doors, it slams them shut.

Bravery and bluntness aren’t the same thing. Saying the tough thing in its rawest form isn’t courageous, it’s lazy, and it often triggers defensiveness, sidelining the very point we’re trying to make. When people feel attacked, their stress response kicks in: cortisol spikes, reasoning plummets, and they literally can’t process what we’re saying. The harder we push, the more they resist. Real bravery is being intentional and skilful, delivering the hard truth in ways that keep people open long enough to be able to take it in.

Harvard’s Professor of Leadership Amy Edmondson has shown through her groundbreaking research on psychological safety that people can only absorb tough feedback when they feel safe in the relationship. Neuroscience confirms this: when people feel threatened, cortisol floods the system and reasoning goes offline. Practical tools like the SBI model (Situation–Behaviour–Impact) help ground feedback in specifics, while Kim Scott’s Radical Candor highlights that true candour means challenging directly while caring personally. Used together, these insights show that candour done well strikes a balance that keeps people open rather than defensive.

I once worked with a senior leader at a Canadian non-profit who needed to push back on her board chair’s aggressive expansion plans. Her instinct was to challenge him directly at the next Board meeting, but she understood that would likely create resistance. Instead, she framed her intent around protecting the organisation’s reputation, backed her points with financial data, and raised her deeper leadership concerns privately. The conversation led to a more sustainable plan. No fireworks, no fallout, just progress.

Candour only works if the other person stays open. That means paying attention to how, when, and where you say it. Here are a few ways to do that:

• Frame your intent. Signal why you’re raising the issue. “I want to flag something that could help us avoid risk.” That shifts you from critic to ally, putting you on the same side of the table, looking at the problem together.

• Ground in specifics. Vague feedback invites defensiveness. Concrete examples invite reflection.

• Ask questions. They turn confrontation into collaboration. “What do you think was happening there?” lands differently than “You always interrupt.”

• Pick your stage wisely. Some truths belong in private, not in front of a crowd. If your feedback could cause embarrassment or touches on personal behaviours, it should be delivered one-on-one rather than in a group setting.

• Choose timing with care. At the end of a long day, or during a challenging event, even valid feedback can feel like an attack.

• Balance candour with care. Acknowledge strengths or intentions alongside the tough message.

• Check your motive. Are you trying to help, or just venting? Only the first one builds trust.

• Watch non-verbals. Notice body language and tone to gauge how your message is landing. And don’t assume you’re right. Check in and ask.

WHEN “TOO REAL” IS JUST SELF-INDULGENT

We’ve all heard someone brush off someone’s reaction to their harsh comments with, “I’m just being real.” At first, that sounds admirable. Who doesn’t want authenticity? But “being real” can quickly become careless. If your candour leaves people bruised, blindsided, or frustrated, that’s not candour. That’s self-indulgence. Dumping unfiltered thoughts might clear your conscience, but it won’t build trust.

Real candour is relational in that it makes your message useful for the person receiving it. That means choosing words that invite reflection, balancing critique with acknowledgement of strengths, and checking if the timing will allow the other person to take it in fully. Without this calibration step, “just being real” is just offloading.

TWO SIDES OF THE CANDOUR COIN

One senior leader I coached was working on taking up her full leadership space in her new role on the executive team. She realized that she needed to give her peers feedback that their aversion to risk was stifling innovation. “We’ve always done it this way” had become the default mindset, and any fresh ideas from below were met with suspicion or dismissed as too ‘out there’.

Her instinct at first was to stay quiet, to avoid being labelled as disruptive or reckless. Instead, we focused on carefully preparing her for this crucial conversation. During the executive committee meeting, she clarified her motives and framed her candour as being in service of the organisation’s growth. She highlighted specific missed opportunities and tied them to the organisation’s own goals around customer growth. Because she chose her timing and messaging wisely, her peers stayed open. What could have been dismissed as contrarian turned into a real conversation about risk-friendly, test-and-learn innovation pilots.

Another executive client faced the opposite issue. He had a reputation for sharp wit and “telling it like it is.” His communication style got laughs, but it also made colleagues become guarded around him, nervous at the prospect of becoming his next punchline.

Over time, he realised that his humour was a shield for his own insecurity about being challenged. Jokes let him stay one step ahead of others and avoid vulnerability. Once he understood that pattern, he experimented with softening his delivery, clarifying his intent, and creating space for others to respond. By taking the risk of being more open, he shifted from sarcastic critic to trusted challenger, and his candour started to build, rather than break, relationships.

YOUR COACHING CHALLENGE

Candour is essential for trust, culture, and performance. Without it, leaders become echo chambers. With it, they spark growth, accountability, and innovation. The risk lies in mistaking candour for a licence to say whatever you want, without considering how it will land with others.

Here’s a quick practice that combines courage with care:

1. Identify your audience. Ask yourself: Is this the right audience, and the right moment for them?

2. Check your motive. Are you speaking to help the other person grow, or to clear your own frustration?

3. Frame your intent. Start with why you are raising it, so the other person knows your purpose is constructive.

4. Ground in specifics. Share clear examples of what you saw or heard and describe the impact.

5. Balance with care. Acknowledge a strength or positive intent alongside your challenge.

6. Ask, don’t tell. Invite reflection with a question that keeps the door open.

7. Pair challenge with care. As you raise the hard message, make it clear you respect and value them, and you genuinely care about them.

8. Reflect and revise. Notice what happens: do people lean in and open into conversation, or shut down and disengage? The difference will tell you how skilfully you’ve used candour.

Candour is a leadership skill that can build trust and momentum when used with care, or that can erode relationships when used carelessly. Mastering the art of speaking truth to power with the right amount of candour can be a real career booster when done well. If you want to strengthen your ability to deliver tough truths in ways that keep people open and engaged, executive coaching can help. Reach out for a free exploratory conversation at www.leslierohonczy.com to learn how coaching can support your leadership growth.

THE KNOWING-DOING GAP: When Insight Does Not Create Impact

In my coaching work, I meet many leaders who already have loads of insight. In fact, can’t count the number of times a client has said to me, “I know what I should be doing… I’m just not doing it.” They’ll even rattle off (cue ominous music) “the list”: delegate more, ask better questions, listen to understand, stop over-functioning, have the tough conversation, get out of the weeds, make time for strategy.

They can talk about these things eloquently. They’ve attended the workshops, read the books, or journaled about it on a retreat. But when Monday morning rolls around and their calendars fill with the usual urgent meetings, all that knowing and good intentions get choked out by old habits and urgent priorities. And when one of those priorities starts flaming, it’s hard to remember what we ‘know’ but haven’t quite ‘embodied’ yet. And for many leaders, that’s where progress stalls.

The struggle to turn knowing into consistent behavioural change is real. Researchers Jeffrey Pfeffer and Robert Sutton at Stanford call this the knowing–doing gap – the persistent tendency for organizations and individuals to know what to do, but failing to act on it.

WHY KNOWING IS NOT ENOUGH

Pfeffer and Sutton’s research showed that the problem isn’t knowledge, it’s follow-through. Leaders nod along in agreement during training, then return to business as usual.

Neuroscience helps explain why. Aha moments have been linked to activity in our reward circuits, which helps to explain why it feels so good when we have an insight. That spike of reward makes us feel like something has shifted, but unless it’s paired with concrete practice, the idea remains an “interesting thought” rather than becoming encoded in us as a new behaviour.

In other words, insight is the spark, but repetition is the fuel.

DANIEL’S STORY: FROM INSIGHT TO IMPACT

My client Daniel had been in his VP role for 3 years. During a triangulation meeting at the kick-off of our coaching program, Daniel’s leader told me that he was a brilliant strategist, and deeply respected, but she worried about his pacing because he often seemed exhausted. At our next session, I asked Daniel about that comment, and he told me, “I know I should be delegating more, but when the stakes are high, it just feels faster if I do it myself.” His team had stopped bringing him fully formed solutions because they knew he’d jump in and fix things anyway, so why bother?

We didn’t start with a grand delegation overhaul. Instead, Daniel chose one recurring meeting (a weekly project status update from his team) and agreed to limit his contributions to clarifying questions only. No problem-solving, no swooping in to rescue, no taking the wheel because ‘his way’ was the ‘right way’. Just genuinely curious questions intended to help his team think more deeply about their progress.

The first week of experimenting was painful. “I bit my tongue so hard I thought it might bleed”, he told me in our next session. His team knew something felt different, but didn’t know quite what to make of this different version of Daniel. They presented their updates, looked at him for answers, and the silence made him squirmy – his people too. But he sat in the discomfort of it and managed to stay quiet.

By the third week, something shifted: one of his directors spoke up with a decision Daniel would normally have made. Another shared a bold idea that improved the way they did project oversight. Daniel told me later, “They weren’t perfect, but they were better than I expected them to be. And that’s when I realized that I’ve been underestimating them.”

Shortly after, the team was running the meeting without him stepping in at all. Delegation didn’t happen because Daniel suddenly “knew” he should. It happened because he behaved differently. Daniel had chosen one small, visible experiment and stuck with it long enough for this ‘new way’ to become ‘the way’.

THE TRAP OF “GOOD INTENTIONS”

For many leaders, reflection feels like progress, but without action, it isn’t enough. Sure, after a new aha moment, we can sometimes translate “knowing better” into “doing better.” But other times, awareness shakes us to the core, because we can see the gap clearly, yet have no idea how to close it.

Research from Harvard Business School (Gino & Pisano, 2014) shows that reflection paired with practice improves performance, while reflection on its own rarely shifts behaviour.

“I’ve been thinking about how I need to have that tough conversation.”
“I’ve been meaning to make more time for strategy.”
“I know I should stop filling silences in meetings.”

Thinking about it feels productive. But teams only experience behaviours, not intentions. If you intend to empower yet keep jumping in with answers, your impact is still disempowerment, no matter what you “know.”

BRIDGING THE GAP: WHAT WORKS

Here are four evidence-backed moves that help close the knowing–doing gap:

1. Tiny Experiments
Start small. Insights stick more reliably when translated into if–then plans and repeated practice. Instead of “be a better listener,” try “count to three before responding.” Instead of “do more strategy,” try “schedule 30 minutes every Friday to explore one strategic idea.”

2. Make It Visible
When people track and publicly share progress, they follow through more often. Tell someone what you’re experimenting with: your team, your coach, your peer, and invite feedback.

3. Tight Review Loops
Don’t wait a quarter to reflect. End the day with a simple check-in: Did I run the experiment? What happened? What behaviour do I need to adjust? What will I try tomorrow? Research shows short, structured reviews enhance learning and later performance.

4. Look For and Celebrate the Micro-Wins
Momentum matters. When you notice even a small improvement, pat yourself on the back. It helps you build the confidence to keep experimenting.

Leadership credibility isn’t built only on what you know. It’s built on what people see you do when it counts. So keep seeking out insights and then dare to act on them, letting those actions quietly reshape how you show up. The ripple effects will be visible in your team long before you may even notice them yourself.

Have you been sitting on an insight that hasn’t yet made its way into action? If you’re ready to close your own knowing–doing gap, you don’t have to figure it out alone. If you’re ready to explore, experiment, practice, and see real, lasting results, I’d love to be your coach. Let’s connect at www.leslierohonczy.com.

MENTOR, COACH, TEACHER, OR ADVOCATE: Choose Your Ally Wisely

My first career mentor was a petite powerhouse of a woman named Marie-Lyne. She didn’t hand me a checklist or a script. She encouraged me to get curious about my ‘wiring’, and what makes me tick. She saw my potential before I did. And she held up a mirror that changed how I saw myself and the people I was leading. That single experience transformed my leadership, and it taught me a lesson I return to often: the ally you choose doesn’t just matter; it can shape the leader you become and even change the course of your career.

I know this won’t come as a shock, but not all help is created equal. And if you’ve ever mixed up the role of a mentor with a coach, or a teacher with an advocate, you’re not alone. The lines can blur easily, so let’s get clear on who’s who in the zoo and what they do.

THE MENTOR: WISDOM ON LOAN

Mentors are the wise guides who share their lived experience. They’ve walked further down the road you’re on, and they can shine a light on what’s ahead, to help you see the potholes and boulders. The best mentors share their experiences navigating them by giving you their perspective on what worked for them, what didn’t, and what to watch out for.

Mentors can be inside your organization, offering insight into the culture, hidden rules, and landmines, or outside your company, bringing a broader industry or leadership perspective. Either way, the mentoring relationship is usually long-term and fluid, often lasting years.

Context: Let’s say you’re getting ready to deliver your first board presentation, and you’re nervous. A great mentor can tell you about when they were learning how to present in high-stakes situations, and the techniques they used to structure their presentation, and to calm their nerves.

Best moment to seek a mentor: when you’re at an inflection point in your career and need stories and context from someone who has already wrestled with the decisions you’re facing.

THE COACH: YOUR UNBIASED MIRROR

Coaching is different from mentoring in that the Coach doesn’t give you their experience or answers; they help you find your own. A qualified coach has a deep understanding of human development, and they use exploratory techniques like deep listening and powerful questions to create a safe, non-judgmental, structured space where you can unpack patterns, blind spots, and assumptions that no longer serve you, and experiment with new ways of approaching your coaching topic.

Where mentors lean on their experience, coaches focus on the process of self-exploration, awareness-building, and identifying limiting beliefs. Coaching is structured, with a well-defined topic, a clear aspirational future state, specific developmental goals, regularly scheduled sessions, and measurable outcomes. Unlike mentors or sponsors, a coach isn’t judging your performance or lobbying for your promotion. They walk alongside you, helping you bridge the gap between how you’re approaching your topic now and the vision you’re aiming for.

Context: One of my executive coaching clients explained our relationship to their leader this way: “My coach doesn’t give me advice. She gives me better questions than I was asking myself.” That’s the essence of coaching. In our board presentation example, a good coach will help you explore the limiting belief that triggers your nerves, and to develop techniques that quiet your inner critic in the moment.

Best moment to seek a coach: when you have a specific topic that you need to address, to shift not only what you’re doing but how you’re showing up.

THE TEACHER: BUILDING NEW KNOWLEDGE

When you have a knowledge gap, you need instruction. Teachers, trainers, and facilitators give you structured knowledge, practical tools, frameworks, techniques, and practice, so you can build your skills and capability.

Context: When you’re learning to deliver a board presentation, a teacher can show you the mechanics: how to structure slides, how to pace your delivery, how to manage Q&A. It’s skill-building, plain and simple.

Best moment to seek a teacher: when your gap is tactical and you need proven methods to close it quickly.

THE ADVOCATE: YOUR VOICE IN THE ROOM

Advocates, often called sponsors, open doors. They’re the senior leaders who mention your name when promotions or assignments are being discussed. They stake their reputation on your potential, and they make introductions that change the trajectory of your career.

Here’s the catch: you might not even know you HAVE a sponsor. You don’t usually choose an advocate the way you choose a mentor or coach. They choose you, based on what they’ve seen and the trust you’ve built. You can’t force it, but you can improve the odds by doing excellent work, making your contributions visible, and cultivating relationships with leaders who have influence.

Context: Your sponsor may have been tracking your progress for years, and when a board seat or a major assignment comes up, they’re the one who puts your name forward.

Best moment to seek an advocate: when you’re ready for the next level and need someone with power to clear the path.

A SIMPLE DIAGNOSTIC

Most leaders will need all four types of allies at different times in their career journeys. The mistake isn’t choosing the wrong ally once. It’s assuming one ally can fill every role forever.

So when you’re wondering “Who do I need right now?”, ask yourself:

• Do I need stories from lived experience? Mentors give hindsight.

• Do I need clarity and self-awareness? Coaches offer foresight and development.

• Do I need tactical skills? Teachers help you build skills.

• Do I need doors opened? Earn the trust of an advocate who can create access.

Marie-Lyne was the first person to show me how powerful the right ally can be. Over the years, I’ve had the privilege of learning from some wonderful mentors, coaches, teachers, and advocates. Their impact reminds me daily that the right support, offered at the right time, can transform a leader’s path.

If you’re at a crossroads and wondering what kind of support you need next, I’d be glad to have that conversation. And if it turns out that executive coaching is the ally you’re looking for, I’d love to explore how we can work together to help you move forward with confidence.

TELLING WOMEN TO 'JUST SPEAK UP': The Problem with Performative Confidence

“You just need to speak up more.”

That’s the feedback my coaching client received from someone on the executive team. She’s a brilliant woman, promoted six months ago, building her team, and is delivering consistent results. Her response? “Speak up more? I’m going hoarse trying to be heard.” 

This is what lazy feedback sounds like. It lands with a thud and no instruction manual. It’s like being told to ‘just play better’ – without knowing which game you’re in, what the rules are, or who’s even keeping score. And yet, women still show up, adapt, and perform. That’s not a confidence gap – that’s a context gap. 

CONFIDENCE ISN’T A CHARACTER TRAIT 

Often, signs of wobbly confidence are treated like a personal failing, or like something women need to ‘fix.’ But that’s not how confidence works. Confidence is a response to context. It’s not that women lack confidence. It’s that they’ve learned there is a cost to displaying it. 

Research from Yale, McKinsey, and Catalyst confirms what many women already know in their bones because they’ve lived it: when we assert ourselves, advocate for our work, or step confidently into leadership space, we’re often judged more critically than our male peers. In cultures like these, success doesn’t automatically follow confidence; it follows calibration. Women learn to weigh every word, tone, and gesture to reduce the potential risk of backlash.

Women don’t dial themselves down out of fear; they do it because experience has taught them how the room tends to respond. We see it every time our ideas are restated by others and only then are taken seriously; when we’re interrupted mid-sentence in a way our male peers aren’t; or when we’re judged as abrasive for using the same tone that makes a man “decisive”. 

THE CREDIBILITY-COMPETENCE TIGHTROPE 

Here’s the impossible equation women are expected to solve: Be warm AND authoritative. Approachable AND assertive. Powerful but NOT pushy. Focus too much on competence, and you’re labelled cold. Lead with approachability, and you’re often underestimated. 

This dynamic, often called the “competence-likability trade-off,” shows up consistently in executive coaching conversations. Sheryl Sandberg described it in her acclaimed book ‘Lean In’ as one of the core tensions women face in leadership. While this pattern is especially well-documented for women, it also affects racialized leaders, neurodiverse professionals, and anyone whose communication style doesn’t match the dominant leadership norms that reward confidence only when it looks and sounds a certain way. 

It creates a constant pressure to perform, but only within a narrow set of rules. “Be confident, but not cocky. Speak up, but don’t overshadow. Be authentic, but only in ways that feel familiar and safe to others.” Telling women to "just project more confidence" doesn’t fix that tension. At best, this advice is unhelpful. At worst, it quietly holds women responsible for navigating a system that still penalises them for showing up fully. 

THE REAL COST OF PERFORMATIVE CONFIDENCE 

I’ve coached hundreds of women who had mastered the ‘act’: the composed tone, carefully measured eye contact, impeccable posture, firm handshake, and polished executive presence. They’d done everything ‘right’. And still, many felt invisible, disconnected from their own voice, and bone-tired from keeping up the performance. 

Performative confidence doesn’t empower – it depletes. 

Grounded confidence feels different. It’s anchored in purpose, emotional congruence, and what I call your ‘ness’: the distinctive wiring that makes you uniquely you. This isn’t about acting. It’s about aligning. We don’t need more women adapting to a narrow version of leadership. We need more workplaces that create the conditions for authentic confidence to thrive. 

SO WHAT ACTUALLY HELPS? 

Here’s what I’ve learned from almost two decades of coaching: 

1. Confidence grows in context, not in isolation. Instead of asking, “Why doesn’t she speak up?”, ask, “What makes this environment unsafe for her to contribute fully?”

2. Visibility is relational. Confidence doesn’t live inside one person. It grows in rooms where people are invited in, where their contributions are amplified, and where feedback fuels growth, not fear.

3. Self-awareness beats self-promotion. Encouraging women to double down on their authentic leadership identity – their ‘ness’ – is far more powerful than any tips on vocal tone or standing tall.

4. The real work is rewiring the system. Instead of ‘fixing’ women with one-size-fits-all advice, we need to take a closer look at the systems and cultures that still reward confidence in some forms – and penalise it in others. The question isn’t “How do we help women show up more confidently?” It’s “What needs to shift so their confidence can actually land?” 

READY FOR A CHANGE? 

If you're a woman in leadership, you don’t need to fake anything, or turn up the volume, or fit into someone else’s version of presence. You need the space to ground yourself in your wiring, your values, your way of leading. And if you're a leader or ally who wants to support that, the shift starts with curiosity, not critique.  

Try asking:

• What messages do we send about who gets to speak up, and how are those messages being communicated, implicitly or explicitly?

• How is confidence interpreted differently depending on who’s expressing it, and who’s listening?

• In what ways does our culture invite real presence, and when might we be unintentionally rewarding performative behaviours instead?

• What might shift or become possible if we broadened our definition of executive presence to include a wider range of authentic leadership styles?

Confidence isn’t something women are missing. It’s something that’s often misinterpreted, undervalued, or penalised, depending on who’s expressing it and how closely they match the ‘acceptable’ template. 

If you're a woman in leadership ready to trade performative behaviours for authentic presence, let's talk. Executive coaching can help you reconnect with your voice, your values, and a leadership style that doesn’t require you to shrink or shape-shift. 

And if you're a leader or ally working to foster a more inclusive leadership culture, coaching can help you examine how confidence is encouraged, interpreted, and rewarded in your organisation – and what may need to evolve.

MICRO-YES LEADERSHIP: How Small Agreements Build Big Momentum

Some of the most pivotal leadership decisions are invisible. They aren’t made in boardrooms; they’re made during side chats, hallway run-ins, and Teams threads where no one is keeping score. Influence isn’t earned in a single moment. It’s built in fragments. This article is about that invisible work.

Micro-Yes Leadership is the practice I created for intentionally building momentum through small, cumulative agreements. Not the sweeping yes at the end of the strategy deck. But the little yeses that come long before: the raised eyebrows of curiosity, the half-nods in hallway conversations, the "I hadn't thought of it that way" a-ha moments during early stakeholder chats. It's the art of collecting permission, trust, and alignment in bits and pieces, long before the big meeting even happens.

 It's not persuasion. It's not consensus-seeking. It's influence, scaled down to human size.

WHY MICRO-YES LEADERSHIP MATTERS

In most organizations, change doesn’t happen by declaration. It happens through relationship. It happens because someone felt seen. Because someone felt safe. Because the idea wasn’t dropped on them cold.

Micro-Yeses are like trail markers. They let you know someone is still with you, even if they’re not ready for the whole hike yet.

When a leader overlooks these smaller moments, they often end up surprised when their brilliant pitch lands with a thud. "But the strategy was solid," they say. Maybe so. But alignment isn't an event. It is a process.

WHAT MICRO-YES LEADERS DO DIFFERENTLY

Micro-Yes Leaders listen for subtle cues: curiosity, hesitation, invitation. They notice when someone is warming to an idea, even if they're not ready to say yes just yet. They don't rush the moment; they honour it.

They create the space and time needed for engagement before commitment. They test ideas gently, adapt their language, and check for readiness. They understand that "yes" has many flavours: "Yes, I hear you." "Yes, I trust you." "Yes, I’ll keep thinking about it." 

Micro-Yes Leaders don't bulldoze their vision through the organization. They build it with others, one conversation at a time.

HOW TO BUILD YOUR OWN MICRO-YES PRACTICE

Start by shifting how you define progress. Instead of measuring influence by the number of decisions made, start tracking the number of meaningful engagements. Who asked you a thoughtful question? Who stayed behind after the meeting to clarify something? Who referenced your idea a week later in a different setting?

Here are a few micro-practices you can experiment with that build momentum:

• Pre-socialize the idea. Share early thinking with a few trusted voices before bringing it to a larger group. Let them react. Adapt based on what you learn.

• Ask for input, not agreement. "How does this land with you?" goes further than "Do you agree?"

• Name the trail markers. Say, "It sounds like you're not on board yet, but you're open to exploring." That creates space for evolving commitment.

• Celebrate the half-yes. Recognize movement, even if it’s not a full endorsement.

THE REAL WIN

Micro-Yes Leadership isn't about manipulation or slow-walking people into things. It's about building trust, and recognizing that real influence is built in informal moments that can feel quiet, impromptu, and unimportant at the time. Until they're not.

If you're waiting for the 'big meeting' to make your case, you might be too late. The decision has often already been made in fragments, in hallways, and in those micro-yes moments you didn’t see. But when you know what to look for, you start to notice how influence actually works: quietly, relationally, and while in motion. You may be amazed at the opportunities you find to shape momentum in small ways that stick.

So look hard. Listen closely. And start where great leadership always starts: with one person, one conversation, and one well-earned yes.

RADICAL SELF-COMPASSION: How High-Achieving Leaders Tame Their Inner Dialog

You’ve got the title, the credentials, and the career wins. And still, a voice in your head whispers, “Not good enough.”

 You’re not alone. I hear some version of this almost daily from the brilliant, high-performing leaders I coach. They’ve led multi-million-dollar transformations, delivered record-breaking quarters, built respected teams, and still feel like they’re faking it.

 Not all the time, of course. But sometimes, in the quiet moments. Or in the Boardroom. Or when getting unexpected feedback. I’ve often said that this harsh inner dialog seems to exist in epidemic proportions. Leadership is hard enough; being your own worst critic makes it exponentially harder.

 Let's look at some of the dangerous myths we find in leadership cultures about the harsh messaging we inflict on ourselves. See if you have any of these limiting beliefs:

1. If I stop being hard on myself, I’ll lose my edge.

2. Self-compassion is indulgent or weak.

3. Without my inner drill sergeant barking in my head, I won’t perform as well.

 These myths need to be retired pronto, because self-compassion is a leadership advantage, not a weakness.

YOUR INNER DIALOG

Most of us have an internal narrative that runs in the background, until that uncomfortable moment when we're feeling vulnerable, and it leaps onto center stage. It's usually the result of a limiting belief that’s been rolling around inside of us (perhaps unexamined), influencing how we perceive ourselves and others. 

 Your inner dialog might sound like “You should’ve known that.” Or “They’re going to figure out you’re not as good as they thought you were.” This persistent mental commentary typically has an uncomfortably pointed message and zero nuance, all delivered via shame, comparison, and second-guessing. And while it might feel like this is a key part of how you protect yourself from failure or humiliation, what it’s really doing is just keeping you small.

 If you’ve ever held back a comment in a senior meeting, over-prepared out of fear of looking incompetent, or felt like a fraud despite plenty of positive feedback to the contrary, you’re familiar with this inner dialog.

HOW INNER DIALOG HIJACKS YOUR LEADERSHIP

For many leaders, the inner dialog gets louder as they climb higher, where the risks are greater, and the expectations are higher.

 Here’s what I often see with my coaching clients:

• Perfectionism posing as excellence: You rework the presentation ten times, not because it’s not good, but because that narrative says it’s never good enough.

• Silencing yourself in the room: You hold back bold ideas because that limiting belief says, “Say that, and you’ll look foolish.”

• Over-functioning for approval: You carry too much for your team. You hustle for validation instead of leading from a centred, grounded stance.

• Withholding feedback: You avoid tough conversations because you tell yourself that you're not experienced enough to deliver them well.

 And as if that weren't compelling enough, know this: your inner dialog isn't just harsh; it’s contagious. As leaders, when we operate from self-judgment, we unintentionally create cultures where others do the same.

THE RADICAL SELF-COMPASSION ANTIDOTE

I use the word “radical” deliberately. Not because it’s trendy, but because it feels radical to treat ourselves with compassion in a world that trains us to be relentlessly hard on ourselves.

 To be clear, self-compassion isn’t self-pity. And it’s not letting yourself off the hook. It’s the quiet discipline of truthfully acknowledging your intentions, your effort, and your limits, and leading yourself the way you’d lead someone you deeply respect.

 Dr. Kristin Neff, Associate Professor of Educational Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin and pioneer in the field of self-compassion research, defines self-compassion with three elements:

1. Mindfulness: noticing when you’re struggling

2. Common humanity: remembering that imperfection is part of being human

3. Self-kindness: responding to your mistakes with understanding instead of judgment

 And the data backs it up. Leaders who practice self-compassion are more resilient, more adaptable, and more likely to take bold risks because they aren’t afraid that a mistake will destroy their credibility.

PRACTICES TO DIAL DOWN THE DIALOG

When you catch yourself in the grip of a limiting belief or a harsh inner dialog, try this practice:

 1. Identify the Message.
Write down your inner dialog’s message, exactly as you hear it. Use the same tone and words that arise in you. For example, "You haven't prepared enough, and now the Board is going to see how incompetent you really are." This simple act of writing down the message creates needed distance and clarity.

2. Rewrite the Script.

Reframe the harsh message with one that is more positive and less judgmental. For example, “I might mess up. And I’ll recover. I’ve done it before.”
“I’ve prepared for this. I’ve earned my seat at this table.”

3. Switch the Lens.

Consider, “If a colleague or friend said this about themselves, what would I say?”
Now, say that to yourself.

4. Bring in the Body.
Unclench your jaw. Soften your shoulders. Ground your feet. Take some deep breaths all the way to the bottom of your lungs. These micro-shifts signal safety to your nervous system and help reduce your uncomfortable emotions.

5. Remember Who You Are.
You don’t have to become someone else to lead powerfully. You need to become more you. Lead from the place of authenticity: your values, wiring, and presence.

WHAT THIS MEANS FOR YOUR LEADERSHIP

When we practice self-compassion, we don’t lower the bar, we raise it. We stop wasting energy in a constant war with ourselves. We show up bolder. We recover faster. We create psychological safety by modelling it. And we give the people around us permission to do the same.

 You don’t have to bully yourself into better performance. You don’t need to wait until you feel 'worthy' to speak up. And you certainly don’t have to silence your doubts or needs to be taken seriously.

 There’s a better way. If you’re ready to explore how to identify limiting beliefs that are getting in your way, let’s talk. It might be the most radical (and effective) move you make this year.

THE INVISIBLE RULEBOOK: What Women Should Know About the Politics of Visibility

Leslie Rohonczy, IMC™, PCC, Executive Coach, Leadership Expert, Speaker, Author

A few months ago, I had a free exploratory conversation with a senior leader who was looking for an executive coach. She was smart, strategic, and deeply respected by her team. But her frustration was real. “I’m doing everything I’ve been told to do,” she said. “I work hard, I deliver results, I’m easy to work with. And... someone else keeps getting the spotlight.”

If you’re a career-oriented woman, you’ve likely had some version of that conversation with yourself. Or with a friend, or a coach. And it’s not your imagination. You can do everything right, exceed expectations, lead with integrity, even deliver exceptional results, and still watch someone else get the promotion, the credit, the opportunity, or the decision-making authority.

As women, we likely have been told to speak up more. And to speak less. To be assertive. But not intimidating. To show confidence. But not too much confidence, or we'll be seen as arrogant. And most of all, to trust that the results will speak for themselves and our hard work will be rewarded. But results don’t speak; people do. And the people who tend to be heard, seen, and promoted are the ones who’ve learned to navigate the invisible rules of power and influence. They’ve figured out how 'visibility politics' works, when it’s most useful, when it’s risky, and how quickly it can be used against them.

THE MYTH OF MERITOCRACY: HARD WORK ISN’T ENOUGH

There’s a deeply ingrained narrative that if you just put your head down and focus on doing good work, good things will follow. But at the senior leadership level, performance is only one part of the equation. The rest is about power dynamics, relationships, sponsorship, perception, and visibility: do people know who you are, associate your name with strategic value, and see you as someone who belongs in the next-level room?

The traditional old-school leadership pipeline wasn’t designed with women’s experiences, responsibilities, or communication styles in mind. So it’s no wonder that playing by the old rules doesn’t always get us in the game.

Does this feel unfair? Of course it does, because it is! But acknowledging this doesn’t mean we accept it; it means we stop pretending it doesn’t exist. This simple move gives women a clearer picture of the landscape they’re operating in, so they can make some strategic choices about the power dynamics they’re navigating.

What I see too often are brilliant women opting out of the political layer of leadership because it feels manipulative and inauthentic. They just don’t want to play the game. But opting out doesn’t make the game go away. It just means someone else is influencing the outcome.

I'm not suggesting you become someone you’re not, of course. But what about becoming more familiar with how power flows and how to work with it, without compromising your values?

EXECUTIVE INFLUENCE ISN’T LOUD. IT’S STRATEGIC

Executive presence isn’t just about the content of your messages in meetings. It’s also about how you carry yourself, how you build trust, challenge others, and how you calibrate your message for the room you’re in.

Real influence happens through three key channels:

• TRUST: People believe in your judgment and character because you consistently demonstrate credibility, reliability, and a deep commitment to your work and values. You follow through on your promises, own your decisions, and show up with integrity, even when it’s difficult. That kind of consistency builds trust over time.

• ALIGNMENT: You understand and speak to what matters most to others and to the mission of the company. While others may get caught up in details, urgency, or distractions, you’re able to zoom out, see the bigger picture, and help others make meaningful connections between priorities, strategy, and outcomes.

• VISIBILITY: Your work, presence, and voice are known, valued, and repeated in the right rooms. And others carry your message forward even when you’re not in the room. You are seen as influential and strategic, even in your absence. Visibility is not the same as exposure. Women are often visible in the sense of being busy, productive, and praised, but exposure is about being seen by the right people, in the right context, connected to the right conversations.

This isn’t about self-promotion. It’s about strategic participation: knowing when to lean in, when to amplify others, when to ask the hard question, and when to plant a seed and let it grow.

HEALTHY POLITICS VS. TOXIC POWER PLAYS

Let’s define some terms. Office politics, at its best, is just the art of working with people, navigating competing priorities, influencing decisions, and building alliances.

Toxic politics, on the other hand, thrives in environments where trust is low and ‘playing the game’ is rewarded. And unfortunately, when women step into influential roles in these toxic cultures, they often face double standards or are labelled as ‘too much.’

Women are often asked to take on support roles and to help smooth conflict, in order to keep teams functioning, but these roles rarely get rewarded. Meanwhile, access to off-the-record conversations or informal sponsors often happens in places they don’t have access to, or are not invited.

So is the system flawed? Hellya it is. But waiting for the system to change isn’t a viable career strategy. Learning how to work within it, authentically, wisely, and strategically, is a leadership imperative.

WHO GETS CREDIT, WHO GETS HEARD, AND WHO GETS SEEN

One of the most frustrating dynamics I hear from the women leaders I coach is this: they share an idea in a meeting, and no one responds. Ten minutes later, a man repeats it, and suddenly, it’s a brilliant idea.

This is not your imagination. Multiple studies show that men are more likely to be given credit, airtime, and perceived authority, even when women bring equal or better ideas to the table. By the way, this happens to racialized leaders, too. And it’s a double-whammy if you’re a woman of colour.

So what can you do?

• Take up your full space. Not just physically, but vocally and energetically. Speak early. Speak with intention. Don’t qualify your points with “I could be wrong but…” or “just my two cents…” Those seemingly humble and deferential qualifiers are credibility-killers.

• Own your ideas. If someone piggybacks off your contribution without acknowledging you, follow up with: “I’m glad that point resonated. Building on what I shared earlier, here’s how I think we could move it forward…”

• Leverage your allies. Front-load where you can by previewing your ideas with trusted colleagues who can reinforce and validate your input in the room.

HOW COACHING HELPS

Learning to navigate visibility, without apology, performance anxiety, or burnout, is not something most of us were taught. But it can be practiced, built, and even enjoyed.

Many women I coach don’t realize how often they’re unconsciously opting out of influence, minimizing their contributions, avoiding strategic visibility, or underestimating their political capital.

Coaching helps surface these blind spots and offers real-time practice to help you speak with more conviction, hold your power in a room, ask for sponsorship without apology, and decode the invisible rules that are specific to your workplace, all without betraying your values.

In coaching sessions, we work on presence, mindset, on the micro-moves that shift perception. And most importantly, we work on what feels authentic, because influence is not about being louder; it’s about being clear, intentional, and visible in the moments that matter.

Ready to stop waiting to be noticed and start leading on purpose? Reach out for a free exploratory conversation at www.leslierohonczy.com. You don’t need to change who you are to lead powerfully. You just need to stop sitting on the sidelines of your own influence.

WHAT’S ‘RIGHT’ WITH YOUR LEADERSHIP: Focusing on 'What’s Strong', Not ‘What’s Wrong'

Leslie Rohonczy, IMC™, PCC, Executive Coach, Leadership Expert, Speaker, Author

I read a comment recently on LinkedIn that hit me like a brick: “Every article I see is about what NOT to do.”

It's true! We spend a lot of time on this platform talking about what leaders need to improve: gaps to close, skills to develop, behaviours to fix, limiting beliefs to ferret out and overcome. I have read an endless stream of articles promising to help leaders improve all different aspects of their leadership skills. Hell, I've even written a pile of those articles!

It's not just LinkedIn; so many leadership posts, podcasts, and frameworks focus on what we’re doing wrong and how to do better. Now, I love a good stretch goal. But what if the secret to growing as a leader isn’t focusing solely on fixing what’s wrong, but it’s in noticing what’s right.

When we only ever start with what’s missing, we miss something important: the opportunity to build on what’s already strong, to get more of what’s already working. What’s already in you.

So, let’s try something different. Let’s take a short detour from the relentless pursuit of self-optimisation, and take a good, generous look at what’s already right. Not because you’ve “arrived”. But because that’s where the gold is.

WHAT IF YOUR STRENGTHS ARE HIDING IN PLAIN SIGHT?

Here’s something I’ve seen again and again in coaching sessions: people often don’t recognise their own brilliance. Why? Because it comes so naturally to them, they assume it’s nothing special.

I had a coaching client who was struggling to identify her leadership superpowers. “I’m just doing my job,” she said, genuinely baffled. But when I interviewed each person on her team, as part of a coaching observation program, they all talked about how deeply they felt seen and heard by her; how she was able to synthesize competing priorities into clear action steps; and how she made people feel calm in the midst of the chaos of change they were navigating.

When I pointed out that none of this made it onto her self-assessment, she started to see herself differently. It took some digging, but eventually she could acknowledge that while her leadership wasn't flashy, it was stabilising and quietly powerful; the kind of leadership that people trusted.

She hadn't realised that it was a strength because it didn’t feel 'hard'. When something feels easy, it’s easy to overlook. But often, that’s the sign that it’s one of your strengths.

THE EXPERIMENT: ‘REFLECT + RECOGNISE’ PRACTICE

Grab a pen, and let’s take five minutes and experiment with flipping this script.

Instead of asking what you need to fix, try these instead:

• What have I done in the past month that felt satisfying or energizing?

• When did I feel most like myself as a leader?

• What feedback have I received that surprised me in a good way?

• What comes easily to me that others find difficult?

• Where have I had a positive impact recently, even if it wasn’t in my job description or span of control?

You might be surprised by what emerges. The goal here isn’t to build a brag list. It’s to surface the invisible strengths that are already part of your leadership fabric.

TURNING UP WHAT’S WORKING

There’s a place for closing gaps and learning new skills, of course. But if you want to grow your leadership skills quickly and sustainably, start by turning the dial up on what’s already resonating.

Ask yourself:

• What’s one thing I do consistently well?

• How might I use that strength in a new or more intentional way?

• Where is that strength underused right now?

For example, if you're naturally great at drawing people into a shared purpose, how might you apply that gift to a new cross-functional initiative that’s been stalling? If your team always feels heard in 1:1s, but you’re less visible in larger meetings, what would it look like to bring that same presence to group settings?

This isn’t about perfection. It’s about intention and precision.

THE ‘BLIND SPOT’ OF YOUR OWN GENIUS

Here’s a simple coaching question that I’ve used hundreds of times:

“What do people often come to you for?”

Not what’s in your job description. Not what you think your value is. But what people actually seek you out for.

Sometimes the answer is strategic clarity, or empathy, or decisiveness, or storytelling. Sometimes it’s humour, or calmness under pressure, or the ability to translate ideas into action.

Whatever it is, that’s your gold. And once you know what it is, you can choose to lean into it even more deliberately.

You might even start to enjoy your leadership more.

FROM SELF-IMPROVEMENT TO SELF-RECOGNITION

The leadership development world doesn’t often say this out loud, but I’m going to: You’re probably doing better than you think.

And even if you have areas you want to grow, that growth becomes easier when it’s built on a foundation of confidence, awareness, and strength.

So take a breath. Notice what’s already working. And give yourself permission to get really good at more of that. Because sometimes the best way to grow is to notice what’s already working for you and others.

Would you like a powerful framework to uncover your own invisible strengths and learn how to use them more intentionally in your leadership? Reach out. That’s the kind of conversation I love to have.

THE FEMALE EXODUS: Why Ambitious Women Are Walking Away

Leslie Rohonczy, IMC™, PCC, Executive Coach, Leadership Expert, Speaker, Author

Something strange is happening in leadership circles.

Talented, ambitious women, the ones who exceed their targets, who juggle the complexities, and make it all look seamless, are quietly stepping away. Not in protest. Not amid scandal. They’re just… done. One day, they’re leading strategy sessions; the next, they’re posting a warm ‘thank-you and goodbye’ on LinkedIn, as they head off into something “new.”

 And you may notice the quiet that usually follows. No raised eyebrows; no real post-mortem. Just another departure, tidily wrapped in gratitude and discretion. But these exits aren’t just personal choices. They’re signals.

 Across Canada, women in senior roles are opting out, not because they lack ambition, but because they’re tired of carrying it alone. They’re stepping back from leadership paths that reward over-functioning and downplay values.

 These departures aren’t dramatic - they’re deliberate. Thoughtful. Carefully curated. And under the polished, optimistic “grateful-for-the-opportunity” posts, something important is happening.

SOMETHING IS SHIFTING

 If it feels like more women are quietly disappearing from leadership pipelines, it’s because they are. According to McKinsey’s Women in the Workplace report (2024), women leaders are exiting their roles at the highest rate ever recorded. Grant Thornton reports that female CEOs in Canada dropped from 28 percent to 19 percent in just one year. A 2023 article in Forbes highlights how misaligned values, persistent bias, and burnout are causing women to step away before they even reach the top.

Yet these stories often go untold. Why? Because most of these women leave well. No drama. No takedowns. Just a respectful goodbye and a professional fade to black.

WHY THEY WALK

Burnout doesn’t always come with a breakdown. Often, it looks like a woman who still shows up, still performs, still keeps the wheels turning, but feels like she’s holding everything together with invisible thread.

She’s the one who gets it done. The one who absorbs the emotional load, smooths the conflict, mentors the junior staff, remembers the context, and catches what others drop. She’s indispensable, until she’s depleted. And when she finally says, “I can’t keep doing this,” it’s not because she’s weak. It’s because she’s done the mental math and realised the cost.

Sometimes there’s a defining moment: the promotion that goes to someone else, the boardroom idea she raised that’s applauded when someone else repeats it. But more often, it’s an accumulation; a slow wearing down. One woman I coach described it as “death by a thousand cuts.” Another said, “I don’t like who I become when I’m working so hard just to be heard.”

More and more women are starting to question whether leadership, as it currently stands, is worth the trade-offs. Whether the relentless pace, the narrow metrics of success, and the unspoken expectations are aligned with the life they want to live.

Many are concluding they’re not.

THE COST OF EXITING GRACEFULLY

Because women are trained to leave respectfully, to minimise disruption, to protect relationships, to make things easier for those left behind, their departures rarely spark reflection.

People assume they left for balance, or family, or something new. But in fact, they didn’t leave to slow down. They left because they weren’t seen. Or because they were asked to stretch further and give more, without the authority or recognition that would make it sustainable.

And when they leave quietly, the system stays the same.

WHAT COACHING CAN OFFER

Executive coaching creates the space to think clearly and make deliberate choices. Some women use coaching to stay on their own terms, by setting new boundaries, recalibrating how they lead, and reconnecting to their purpose. Others realise it’s time to move on, not in defeat, but with clarity and intention. For them, it’s not just ‘what’s next,’ but ‘what’s true for me now?’

Coaching also helps leaders inside organisations to spot the signs that someone is considering an exit. It helps to surface invisible friction points and patterns that never make it into engagement data or exit interviews.

IF YOU’RE READING THIS AND WONDERING…

Maybe you’ve had that quiet internal conversation too: “Am I just tired, or am I ready for something else? Do I still believe in what I’m building here, or am I just holding it together out of habit? If I took away the guilt, would I choose this for myself?”

These are deep, reflective questions that go right to the centre of how we lead, and who we are while doing so.

We need to talk about the exodus, not in whispers, but out loud. We’re not just losing great women; we’re losing the future they could shape if organisations make room for their full leadership presence, not just their performance.

INFLUENCE MAPPING: A Tool for Strategic Career Growth

Leslie Rohonczy, IMC™, PCC, Executive Coach, Leadership Expert, Speaker, Author

I started working with a senior leader a few months ago, and was excited to help him explore his coaching topic. He wanted to become a high-performing executive and strengthen trust with his peer group. His intention was clear and his commitment seemed high.

In one of our early sessions, I asked him to walk me through his key relationships; the people whose support, trust, and collaboration would be essential to his success. He paused, then said, “Well… I think I have good relationships with most people.”

It wasn’t a bad answer. But it was vague, which told me we’d struck a golden coaching opportunity. I walked him through a powerful tool I developed called the Influence Map. This deceptively simple visual tool helped us map out who mattered most, how much trust existed, whether the influence flowed one way or both, and what kind of emotional cost each relationship carried.

Within minutes, the picture was clear. He was pouring energy into a relationship that wasn’t strategic, avoiding a critical alliance because it felt hard, and underestimating how much invisible credibility he’d already earned in a few places where he’d assumed indifference. He realized that, when it came to strategic relationships, he didn’t need more effort; he needed more precision.

Influence mapping makes visible the invisible social ecosystem you’re leading in. And once you see it, you can lead inside it with far more intention and confidence.

 WHY INFLUENCE MAPPING MATTERS

Influence at the executive level doesn’t follow job titles or org charts. It moves through the channels of trust, clarity, alignment, and shared purpose. If you're trying to drive change, shape culture, or lead cross-functionally, you need more than positional authority. You need strategic influence.

 The Influence Map helps you:

• Clarify who matters most to your success

• Diagnose the quality and direction of those relationships

• Get conscious about where you're spending too much or too little energy

• Make behavioural choices that improve trust and impact

Many leaders don’t realise until they map it out that they’re overspending influence capital in the wrong places, under-investing in key allies, or coasting in relationships that are quietly draining their credibility.

HOW TO USE THE INFLUENCE MAP

STEP 1: IDENTIFY THE KEY PLAYERS
Using the Influence Map template, place your name in the centre. Then, in the surrounding circles, add the names of individuals who significantly impact your ability to succeed, grow, and lead effectively. Think beyond your immediate team: include your boss, cross-functional partners, direct reports, key external stakeholders, or influential board members. Influence is about proximity to power and perception, not just title.

 STEP 2: TAKE A RELATIONSHIP SNAPSHOT
For each individual, reflect on these four indicators:

• Trust Level (Low, Medium, High): Is this relationship built on mutual trust?

• Influence Flow (One-Way or Two-Way): Do you influence each other, or is the flow lopsided?

• Current Currency: What do you bring to this relationship that earns you influence? Clarity? Calm? Creativity? Reliability? Insight?

• Emotional Cost (Low, Medium, High): How much energy does this person require from you?

This step alone can surface powerful insights. I’ve seen clients realise that the person they’re working hardest to impress doesn’t actually influence the outcomes that matter most.

STEP 3: DEFINE YOUR STRATEGIC INTENT
Ask yourself:

• What is the strategic purpose of this relationship?

• What would make this connection more effective?

• What’s one behavioural shift I could try to improve it?

Maybe it’s slowing your pace with a fast-moving peer. Or being more transparent with a cautious, trust-sensitive stakeholder. Or having clearer asks with someone who always offers support but rarely follows through.

 STEP 4: PRIORITISE YOUR INFLUENCE
Use simple symbols to code your map:

• STAR = Needs your attention

• CHECKMARK = Strong and stable

• TRIANGLE = Draining without enough return

 Then ask:

• Who are your allies and advocates?

• Who represents active friction?

• Where is there untapped opportunity?

Mapping this visually helps you spot patterns. Maybe all your strong relationships are downward, and you’ve neglected peer or upward influence. Or maybe one draining connection is hijacking your attention and causing unproductive spirals.

EXPLORE POWER DYNAMICS AND POLITICAL ACUMEN

Influence is relational, but it’s also political. Not in the Machiavellian sense, but in the sense of understanding where power lives and how decisions are made.

For each person on your map, ask:

• What motivates or unsettles them?

• How do they like to receive information?

• How is power expressed in this relationship, and how do I tend to respond?

• What other relationship could help me improve this one?

One client discovered that his most difficult cross-functional partner was deeply influenced by someone he hadn’t built a strong connection with – a surprising but powerful pivot point. Strengthening that second relationship softened the resistance in the first.

ACTION PLAN: WHERE TO START

Choose one relationship on your map that is costing you significant energy but yielding low influence or trust in return. Ask yourself:

• What am I trying to get from this relationship?

• Is that realistic, or am I overplaying it?

• Could a shift to curious diplomacy help? Or is a strategic withdrawal more appropriate?

Influence is rarely about pushing harder. It’s about choosing where and how to invest, creating conditions where trust can take root, and where alignment becomes possible.

READY TO MAP YOUR INFLUENCE?

You don’t need to overhaul your entire relationship strategy overnight. But you do need to look at it. Influence is one of your most valuable leadership assets, and yet most executives don’t take the time to map, audit, or recalibrate it.

Try the Influence Map. Get curious. And if you want help unpacking the patterns or crafting a game plan to lead with more impact and less friction, let’s talk.

I coach senior leaders to build trust, navigate power dynamics, and lead with clarity, confidence, and connection. Reach out today to grow your leadership influence, at www.leslierohonczy.com.

THE CANADIAN ADVANTAGE: What the World Can Learn from Canadian Leadership

Leslie Rohonczy, IMC™, PCC, Executive Coach, Leadership Expert, Speaker, Author

Happy Canada Day, my fellow Canucks!

 It’s Canada Day, eh? If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably got a red shirt on today. Maybe you have a fondness for butter tarts and backyard barbecues, too. As a Canadian, you probably pitch in without being asked; thank the delivery driver; and hold the door for someone three steps behind you. And, like many Canadians, you likely carry the quiet conviction that you don’t need to chase the spotlight to make an impact.

So in tribute to Canada Day, I’d love to shine a light on what makes Canadian leadership so unique, and why our quieter, people-first style is a genuine advantage. This article isn’t just flag-waving (although I’m ferociously proud to be Canadian); it’s an invitation to take a fresh look at how we lead, why it works, and what the world could learn from our human-focused way of doing business.

THE QUIET POWER OF CANADIAN LEADERSHIP

Canadian leadership isn’t loud, brash, or headline-hungry, and that might just be its greatest strength. We’re not known for chest-thumping declarations or viral TED Talk mic drops. We’re not out there “crushing it” or reinventing the future in a flash of hype and hashtags.

We lead the way we live: thoughtfully, quietly, and preferably after a proper cup of coffee. And, under our modesty is a powerful leadership ethos that’s quietly driving some of the most stable, emotionally intelligent, and collaborative workplaces in the world. Maybe it’s time we started owning that, instead of whispering it into our double-doubles. Because we don’t have to be loud to be strong. We don’t need to mimic anyone else’s style to be influential. And we definitely don’t need to pretend to be someone we're not or put on a show to lead well.

LIVING NEXT DOOR TO THE STADIUM

Leading a Canadian company right next door to the U.S. can feel a bit like living beside the stadium on game night. The music’s pounding, the crowd is fired up, and it's a media spectacle of hyped commentators and TV cameras hunting for the next highlight reel. With all this energy and attention, it’s easy to feel like we should crank up our own volume to be noticed.

But Canadian leadership has never been about fighting for the front row or showing off to the halftime cameras. We’re focused on playing the long game with purpose. It’s about earning trust, and nurturing the kind of innovation that quietly changes the game.

We make space for diverse voices and build cultures that people actually want to stay in. We don’t bulldoze, we build; we don’t bluster or dominate the conversation; we ask better questions and then really listen. That’s not a flaw or a gap; that’s wisdom, and it’s what next-generation leadership looks like.

COLLABORATION IS OUR COMPETITIVE ADVANTAGE

Canadians are known for being good at teamwork, and I think it's because our culture has naturally wired us to collaborate. Not just the “check a box” version of teamwork, but the real kind that makes people feel like they matter, and that their voice counts.

Canadian leaders tend to prize collaboration over competition. We like to find common ground. We’re wired to build coalitions, to include, to invite people into the process instead of barreling through it alone. Of course, we’ve been doing this for years. It’s not new to us. But it’s just not usually something we brag about.

SO WHY DON’T WE TALK ABOUT IT MORE?

Because we’re Canadian, and we don’t like to blow our own horns. We’d rather let our results speak for themselves. That’s noble, and also, occasionally, too humble for our own good. The tricky part is, if you never say what makes you great, people might assume you don’t know it yourself.

 So let’s be clear. Canadian leadership is grounded, strategic, and emotionally intelligent. It’s collaborative, adaptable, and fiercely people-first. And it’s exactly what the world needs more of right now.

If you’re a Canadian leader who’s ever felt the pressure to show up differently, to crank up your charisma or dial down your humility, you’re not alone. But you don’t need to become someone else. You need to become more authentically you.

THIS CANADA DAY, STAND TALLER

Go ahead and fly the Maple Leaf with pride. Spell 'neighbourhood' with a 'u'. And say your favourite Canadian letter with pride, 'eh?' And also, take a minute to recognise your Canadian leadership. What makes us great is not that we're the loudest in the room, but that we make the room better by asking the tough questions, modelling our Canadian values, and building the trust needed for true collaboration. That’s not performative; it’s powerful. And that’s the kind of leadership the world needs more of, now more than ever.

If you’re ready to lead with more clarity, confidence, and impact, without turning into a caricature or abandoning your actual values, reach out for a free consultation about how executive coaching can help you build your next leadership chapter. Visit www.leslierohonczy.com to get started.

LEADING LEADERS FOR THE FIRST TIME? Your Old Leadership Playbook Just Expired

Leslie Rohonczy, IMC™, PCC, Executive Coach, Leadership Expert, Speaker, Author

You’ve just been promoted, and you're now leading other leaders. Congratulations!

There’s a moment that comes for every newly minted 'leader of leaders' that’s rarely discussed and seldom taught. Your calendar is fuller, your meetings are longer, and suddenly the job of leading that once felt so natural now feels... oddly slippery.

 You’re still a great leader. But something has shifted. You’ve moved from leading individual contributors to leading other leaders, and that changes everything. It messes with your rhythm, rewrites your role, and forces you to lead in ways that might feel unfamiliar, at least at first.

 Most organizations (even the progressive ones) still treat this promotion like an upward hop, rather than a leadership leap. They assume that the skills that got you here (coaching, prioritizing, and delivering results) will automatically translate to success at the next level.

 But if you're now managing people who manage people, let me be blunt: what got you the promotion is not what will make you successful in the new role.

THE JOB YOU HAD IS GONE.

Let’s name the real challenge: the stuff that made you feel competent, effective, and trusted, like knowing the details, solving problems, jumping in to fix things, can now get in the way.

 You can’t be the fixer anymore. That’s no longer your job. Now, your focus is to grow exceptional leaders who can drive results through their people, while creating the kind of culture others want to be part of.

 Let that land.

 Your value isn’t in knowing everything. It’s in building strong people leaders who can both deliver results and foster inspired, healthy, high-performing teams of their own. That requires a specific mindset shift, some new skills and self-awareness, and healthy doses of humility and self-restraint.

FIVE THINGS THAT MATTER MORE NOW

Based on years of research, coaching leaders and their teams, and delivering in-the-trenches leadership development training, here are five critical shifts for leading other leaders well:

 1. Coaching Matters More

This isn’t about performance feedback. It’s about capacity-building. You’re no longer coaching for technical skill or task execution; you’re coaching leaders to lead. That means helping them think strategically, build trust, hold others accountable, and develop their teams. It’s a different kind of conversation. And it’s the most powerful tool you have.

 2. Thinking Matters More

You’re no longer paid for how much you do; you’re paid for what you think about. This means carving out space for strategic reflection: What’s coming around the corner? What’s not being said? Where are we leaking energy? And yes, that means letting go of firefighting to make room for longer-range, proactive thinking.

 3. Your Example Matters More

If you’re still checking your team’s work, showing up to meetings you should have delegated, or reacting emotionally in a crisis, your managers are learning the wrong things. People don’t just listen to what you say, they watch what you model. What are you unconsciously teaching?

 4. Conversation Matters More

At this level, there are fewer updates and deeper dialogue. Your one-on-ones are coaching conversations, not status reports. Your team meetings build cross-functional trust, and break down silos. Ask more powerful questions; talk less. Create the space where both ideas and people can grow.

 5. Influence Matters More

At this level, your impact isn’t just vertical. It’s lateral and diagonal. How you show up with peers, the way you manage relationships across the organization, and how you model accountability will ripple outward. The power of your new position doesn’t come from proximity to the work; it comes from the strength of your insight and influence.

 COMMON PITFALLS (AND HOW TO AVOID THEM)

From my coaching work and years of delivering leadership development training, here are the five traps newly promoted leaders of leaders fall into most often, and what to do instead:

• Doing Instead of Delegating: Ask yourself daily, “Should I be doing this, or coaching someone else to own it?”

• Managing Individual Contributors Instead of Managers: Step back. Let your managers manage. You’re building capability, not substituting for it.

• Under-Leveraging Your First Team: Treat your leadership team (your peer group) like a team, not a collection of silos. They are your 'first team' now, not your direct reports, and you can leverage the hell out of each other to help you all lead more effectively (see my article on the power of PEER COACHING CIRCLES here).

• Staying Too Operational: In this new role, you're flying at a higher altitude now, which allows you to see further ahead, and take in a wider horizon line. So look up! Think system. Zoom out before you zoom in.

• Hiring Mini-Me’s: Resist the urge to hire people who think and act like you. Diversity of style, thought, and experience makes your team stronger.

A QUICK CHECK-IN FOR NEW LEADERS OF LEADERS

• Are you coaching leadership skills or correcting deliverables? If so, what's driving your need to stay in the weeds? What might help you raise your altitude?

• Do you spend more time on strategy or task triage? How is your natural preference helping or hindering the people leaders reporting to you?

• How are you creating a true leadership team, and not just a collection of people who report to you?

• What behaviours will you intentionally model, to let your managers know what great leadership looks like?

• How might you be helpful, without getting involved in the working level weeds?

 THE SELF-MANAGEMENT SHIFT

At the 'leading leaders' level, the biggest development gap isn’t skill; it’s self-management. It's learning to tolerate the discomfort of not knowing, not jumping in, and not being the hero. And it’s also the shift from delivering value to creating value. From knowing the answer to asking the better question.

That’s not just a promotion. That’s a transformation.

 If you're stepping into the new world of leading leaders, here's your invitation to recalibrate. If you're ready to grow your confidence, build your strategy muscles, and develop the leaders below you, reach out for a free consultation conversation. Let’s make sure you’re ready for one of the biggest mindset shifts you'll ever make in your leadership journey.

COLD DATA, WARM MEANING & ROI: Relevant Leadership in the AI Age

Leslie Rohonczy, IMC™, PCC, Executive Coach, Leadership Expert, Speaker, Author

The bots are coming! The bots are coming!

Actually, they're already here, and they're forever changing the very fabric of how we work. But if you’ve been wondering whether Artificial Intelligence might someday replace your role as a leader, let's look at what leadership truly calls for in this new machine-learning era. AI may change how we work, but the beating heart of leadership remains profoundly human.

As AI continues to transform how businesses operate, streamlining workflows, crunching complex data, and making rapid decisions, it’s easy to imagine that our human value could be diminishing. But if leaders want to remain relevant, there's one area to double down on, where machines still can’t compete: emotional intelligence.

Hey, good news! It turns out, being human is your competitive advantage.

COLD DATA MEETS WARM MEANING

AI excels at what we might call 'cold data': facts, figures, patterns, research, and probabilities, all processed at a speed that boggles the mind. This ability to process vast amounts of information, find efficiencies, and surface insights is immensely valuable, especially where timely decisions matter.

But leadership decisions don’t happen in a vacuum 

Leaders also rely on 'warm meaning': the emotionally rich, human context we pick up through connection with each other: tone, silence, body language, relationships, intuition, and trust. This isn’t abstract or fluffy woo-woo stuff; it’s grounded, perceptive intelligence.

Warm meaning is what tells you when your team is nearing burnout, when a conflict is quietly gaining momentum, or when someone’s underperformance is rooted in fear, not laziness. When leaders rely only on the available cold data, without tuning in to the emotional dynamics that shape behaviours, they're missing out on half of the critical information they could be using, the kind of information that doesn’t show up on a dashboard, but that shows up in people.

In leadership, 'warm meaning' is about how we connect, how we listen, and respond to the emotional reality around us. AI can inform you that productivity is dipping. But it won’t tell you that your top performer is quietly job-hunting after being passed over for a promotion.

High-impact leaders use both cold data to sharpen their decisions, and warm meaning to ensure they land in ways that inspire, motivate, align, and sustain. 

In fact, it’s not just about what you know – it’s about how wisely and humanely you apply it. Future-ready leaders are experimenting with a new equation: AI + EI = ROI. But more on this in a minute

WHY AI ISN’T YOUR ENEMY

I've talked to many leaders about how AI is impacting their teams, and their roles. Some are excited by the possibilities and are willing to embrace it. Others are fearful that they'll become irrelevant, replaced by this technology altogether. While there's no way to predict exactly how the future will unfold, one thing is already clear: AI isn’t the enemy; it’s a powerful ally that, when used well, enhances decision-making, accelerates innovation, and frees up capacity for higher-value work.

According to McKinsey’s 2023 Global Survey, 55% of organisations have adopted AI in at least one function, up from 20% just five years ago. That number will keep rising. Today’s AI tools are being used to:

• Predict customer behaviour with remarkable accuracy

• Personalise employee learning and development pathways

• Improve hiring processes with less bias (when designed properly)

• Monitor operational performance

• Optimise pricing strategies based on real-time market data

• Identify emerging market trends ahead of competitors

• Streamline back-office operations such as scheduling, forecasting, and logistics

• Assist with regulatory compliance by flagging anomalies and generating audit trails

• Provide frontline customer support through natural language chatbots and virtual assistants

Here’s the part that makes me hopeful, even excited, for the future: the World Economic Forum has identified emotional intelligence as one of the top 10 skills of the future. I'm excited about this because, as machines take over routine tasks, the human differentiators – empathy, influence, relationship-building, and self-awareness – become more valuable, not less.

THE EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE EDGE

High-performing leaders make people feel seen; they pause before reacting, ask the question no one else thought to ask (or was brave enough to ask). They’re the ones who can read the tension in a room without a word being spoken, who notice when someone’s holding back, and who can name what others are skirting around. That’s emotional intelligence in motion, and in the mad scramble to hire the best and brightest, corporate recruiters look for leaders with high EQ, which is quickly becoming the most powerful differentiator that can set you apart from the pack. 

Daniel Goleman, who helped bring emotional intelligence into the leadership spotlight, found that nearly 90% of the difference between star performers and average ones comes down to EI – not technical expertise. 

And in 2020, a study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that leaders with high emotional intelligence had teams with significantly higher performance, well-being, and engagement scores.

AI + EI: THE NEW LEADERSHIP BALANCE

The future of leadership isn’t about becoming more robotic. It’s about becoming more human. It’s about blending AI’s cold precision with your own warm presence. Here’s how:

1.      Use AI to inform, not replace, your judgment. Let the data shape your understanding, but not override your wisdom. If AI says productivity is down, ask your team what’s going on before assuming laziness. Trust the numbers, but verify the narrative.

2.      Lead with emotional context. When making decisions with AI input, add the layer that only you can: what’s the emotional temperature of your team? How will this land with them? What invisible variables might be in play?

3.      Practice strategic empathy. Anticipate emotional responses and design your communication with care, especially during change, uncertainty, or conflict, to meet people where they are. Emotionally intelligent leaders don’t just feel for others; they act on that understanding.

4.      Build human-centred cultures in tech-driven environments. AI doesn’t build culture, people do. Use your emotional intelligence to create environments where curiosity, learning, feedback, and collaboration flourish, even when bots are doing half the work.

5.      Model emotional self-regulation. Leaders set the emotional tone. If you’re short-tempered or avoidant under pressure, your team will mirror that. Use self-awareness tools, mindfulness techniques, and coaching to manage your own triggers and stay grounded in tough moments.

One of my current coaching clients is a senior executive in the tech sector, with 7 regional teams in her span of control. She started using AI-powered dashboards to track team performance, and the data was clear: one region was underperforming. The 'cold data' conclusion? This was an under-performing team not focused on delivery. And the 'warm meaning' conclusion? She held skip-level one-on-one conversations with the Director, Team Leaders, and employees, and discovered that the region had lost two key members and was working overtime just to stay afloat. She shifted resources, offered her appreciation to the overwhelmed employees, put well-being supports in place, and helped reset expectations with upper management. Three months later, their performance surged, not because of the dashboard, but because of the human decisions that followed.

OUR HUMANITY WON'T BE AUTOMATED

So what does it actually look like when cold data and warm meaning work together in leadership? It comes down to a simple, but powerful formula: AI + EI = ROI: AI gives you insight, and EQ gives you impact.  

It’s one thing to know what’s happening across your systems, teams, and markets. It’s another to understand how those changes are felt, absorbed, and responded to by real people. While AI can highlight performance dips or flag process gaps, it takes emotionally intelligent leadership to uncover the why behind them, to challenge limiting beliefs that are driving less-than-ideal behaviours, and to navigate the human side of change. 

The return on investment in this equation isn’t just financial, although financial benefits are likely. ROI also shows up in stronger team engagement, faster adaptation to change, higher trust, better retention, and decisions that actually stick because people feel heard, involved, and supported. That’s the kind of return AI can’t fully generate on its own.  

Some AI tools are getting better at mimicking empathy or providing grief support scripts. But let’s not confuse simulation with understanding. Leaders still need to build trust, gauge emotional undercurrents, and respond in the moment to subtle cues that aren’t captured in any dataset. That’s not soft; that’s high-performing leadership. 

If you want to stay future-ready, don’t try to outthink the bots. They can’t lead people with wisdom, presence, and heart. But you can. And that becomes your leadership edge.

"I'M SO BUSY!" How Our Busyness Attachment Kills Trust & Impact

Leslie Rohonczy, IMC™, PCC, Executive Coach, Leadership Expert, Speaker, Author

“I’m just so busy.” We say it, hear it, and even wear it like a badge. But somewhere along the way, busy stopped being impressive – and started becoming a liability.

It’s time to challenge one of leadership’s most quietly damaging blind spots: the cult of busyness.

For years, “busy” has been shorthand for “important.” It signals hustle, responsibility, leadership weight. But there’s an uncomfortable truth beneath this 4-letter word: when busy becomes your default, your credibility takes the hit. Your team gets your leftovers. Strategy disappears. And trust is the first casualty.

Believe me, this is NOT a productivity article. Think of it more like a leadership reckoning. One that calls on high-performing, high-capacity professionals to stop hiding behind full calendars, and start showing up with full presence.

WHEN BUSY ISN’T BRAVE – IT’S BLIND

Many of the senior leaders I coach are smart, committed, and wildly capable. But they’re also often stuck, drowning in meetings, firefighting and problem-solving all day long, running from one obligation to the next with barely a breath in between. And when we dig into the research about this, something strange emerges: they often can’t remember what strategic work they actually did that week.

They’re not failing because they’re lazy. They’re failing because they’re too busy to lead. Here’s what that kind of busyness costs you:

• Trust erosion: When your team sees you rushing, cancelling, or distracted, they stop bringing you their best. They assume you don’t have time for real conversation.

• Tactical tunnel vision: Your attention is spent reacting, not shaping. Urgent wins. Important waits.

• Missed influence moments: Strategic presence isn’t just about being in the room. It’s about how you show up. If your energy is thin and transactional, so is your impact.

• Credibility creep: Leaders who are constantly busy but rarely available get labelled as unreliable, scattered, or avoidant – even if their intentions are solid.

The busyness bias tells you that filling your calendar is the same as fulfilling your role. It’s not.

A TIME ISSUE – OR A TRUTH ISSUE?

Let’s get clear: busyness isn’t always about workload or external pressure. More often, it’s an emotional decoy – a polished distraction that protects us from something deeper and more uncomfortable.

In coaching sessions, when I ask leaders what might be underneath their relentless pace, I often hear a pause. Then something raw emerges:

• "If I’m not busy, am I still valuable?"

• "If I slow down, will everything fall apart?"

• "If I delegate, will people realise I’m not as indispensable as they think?"

Busyness can serve as armour. It shields us from vulnerability. It lets us avoid the hard work of confronting our worth, our fear of irrelevance, or our struggle with control. But here’s the truth: filling your calendar won’t fill the gap left by uncertainty, self-doubt, or the need for external validation.

This isn’t a time management issue. It’s a mindset and meaning issue. And until we start asking better questions about what our busyness is really doing for us, we can’t lead with full presence.

So let me ask you the real question: What is your busyness protecting you from?

• “If I’m not busy, am I still valuable?”

• “If I slow down, will everything fall apart?”

• “If I delegate, will they realise they don’t need me?”

These are mindset issues, not time issues. And they’re incredibly common. We don’t just have a time management problem. We have a permission problem.

Permission to focus.

Permission to say no.

Permission to stop doing and start leading.

THE LEADERSHIP COST OF BUSY CULTURE

High-output cultures often reward busyness, but rarely examine its downstream impact.

Ask yourself:

• Do I equate visibility with value?

• Am I filling space or creating value?

• Do my actions signal strategic focus – or survival mode?

Because here’s what’s really happening in most “too busy” leaders:

They’re reactive, not responsive. They move fast but think shallow. And over time, they erode the trust, creativity, and collaboration that leadership depends on.

SO, WHAT’S THE ALTERNATIVE?

What does it look like to unhook from busy – and step into something more powerful?

It looks like this:

• A leader who blocks white space in their week to think, not just react.

• A VP who finishes meetings early to give people breathing room.

• An executive who says no with clarity, because strategy is about choosing.

And it sounds like this:

“Let’s revisit what matters most this quarter.”

“If I step back here, what does the team step into?”

“Where is my presence needed – not just my time?”

This isn’t about working less. It’s about leading more intentionally.

THREE PRACTICES TO BREAK THE BUSY BIAS

You don’t need a sabbatical. You need a reset. Here’s where to begin:

1. Audit Your Leadership Calendar

For one week, track your time. Label it: Operational? Relational? Strategic? Then ask yourself: What am I doing out of habit or fear? What am I avoiding? What am I missing? If your calendar doesn’t reflect your priorities, it’s time to renegotiate.

2. Notice the Story Underneath

Ask yourself: What am I afraid would happen if I weren’t so busy? What belief is driving your behaviour? Often, it’s about worth, fear of irrelevance, or discomfort with delegation. Awareness is the first step to choosing differently.

3. Create a Weekly White Space Ritual

Block 90 minutes each week to step out of the churn. No meetings. No messages. Just think, reflect, recalibrate. Ask: What does the organization need from me this week? What does my team need from me? Who haven’t I been fully present with?

BUSY ISN’T A BADGE. IT’S A BARRIER.

Let’s stop rewarding chronic overload like it’s leadership gold. Busyness isn’t your brand. Presence is. Trust doesn’t grow in chaos. Strategy doesn’t emerge from noise. And your influence doesn’t deepen when you’re double-booked and distracted. So the next time you’re tempted to lead with “I’m so busy,” try this instead:

“I’m focused on what matters most.”

“I have the space to think about that properly.”

“I’ve made time for this conversation because it’s important.”

Now that’s leadership impact.

Ready to Reclaim Your Strategic Presence?

If you’re ready to break free from busy and build a leadership brand based on clarity, trust, and presence – let’s talk. Executive coaching can help you rewire your leadership approach, redefine how you spend your time, and refocus your energy on what creates real impact.

Schedule a complimentary discovery session at www.leslierohonczy.com. Let’s stop being busy – and start being bold.

IN PURSUIT OF BETTER METRICS: Why KBIs (Key Behavioural Indicators) Matter More Than You Think

Leslie Rohonczy, IMC™, PCC, Executive Coach, Leadership Expert, Speaker, Author

Everyone loves a good performance dashboard – the glowing greens, the cautionary yellows, the urgent reds. We track revenue, sales targets, service levels, and customer retention like our business lives depend on it. But you can be hitting all your Key Performance Indicators (KPIs) and still have a toxic, disengaged, or dysfunctional team. Why? Because they measure outcomes. But KPIs don’t measure what creates them.

WHEN NUMBERS TELL HALF THE STORY

 A while back, a senior leader reached out, asking for help to shift the culture of his sales team. On paper, they looked like a dream team: quarterly targets crushed, major wins celebrated, and high fives all around. But just beneath the surface of those headline-grabbing KPIs, things were quietly falling apart. Trust had eroded, as the team operated in silos, each member focused on their own scoreboard. Collaboration had all but disappeared, with team members undercutting each other and poaching each others' deals. And two of their top performers had already walked out the door.

What was missing? Visible behavioural accountability.

KEY BEHAVIOURAL INDICATORS (KBIs)

How many KBIs should be on a leader’s scorecard? Ideally, no more than 3 to 5. That range strikes the right balance between focus and effectiveness. Behaviour change requires intention, and tracking too many indicators at once dilutes both attention and impact. A short list allows teams to align more easily, reinforces clarity, and ensures measurement is actionable – not just performative. Behavioural psychology research supports this: leaders are more likely to embed new habits when they work on a small set of consistent behaviours rather than trying to change too much at once. Choose the few KBIs that truly reflect your current strategy, leadership goals, or cultural priorities – and then reinforce them consistently.

If KPIs are the “what,” then KBIs are the “how.” KBIs track the behaviours that drive sustainable high performance – things like collaboration, accountability, emotional intelligence, feedback-seeking, curiosity, and trust-building.

A Key Behavioural Indicator is a clearly defined, observable behaviour that drives a desired outcome. It’s something you can see, name, and coach. It links directly to your strategic goals, not just in theory, but in practice.

Notice the pattern? KBIs aren’t vague character traits like “be collaborative" or "focus on accountability.” They are actions – micro-moves that signal culture, reinforce values, and drive strategy forward.

Start by identifying the observable behaviours that matter most to your strategy or high-level objectives. Then ask yourself:

• What does it look like when someone is doing this well?

• What does it look like when they’re not?

• How can we observe or measure it (qualitatively or quantitatively)?

• What actions will reinforce it – recognition, coaching, feedback, reflection?

Even simple tracking methods like peer observation grids, pulse surveys, or team retrospectives can surface valuable data.

For example:

• In a high-accountability culture, someone doing this well might complete their own deliverables and check in on teammates to ensure alignment. High-performing teams show mutual support and shared ownership.

• Someone not doing this well may avoid difficult conversations or stay silent in meetings. These behaviours often show up in low-trust environments and correlate with disengagement.

• To observe it, try pulse surveys with prompts like “I feel safe raising concerns in team meetings,” or track feedback exchanges in retrospectives.

• Reinforce it through peer recognition in meetings, group coaching debriefs, or leadership modeling. For instance, Microsoft’s “Growth Conversations” drove a 76% increase in meaningful manager-employee dialogue by reinforcing learning-focused behavioural habits.

To support your design process, here’s a list of high-impact KBIs that most leaders can start using immediately:

• Shares feedback directly, constructively, and with compassion

• Offers support to a peer without being asked

• Admits a mistake and shares the lesson learned

• Asks for input before making a team decision

• Pushes back respectfully when something feels misaligned

• Speaks up when timelines, quality, or morale are at risk

• Recognises a colleague for their contribution in a public setting

• Delegates stretch assignments with built-in feedback loops

• Raises risks or early warning signs proactively

• Speaks truth to power; willing to give the leader feedback

• Actively listens without interrupting or steering the conversation

• Seeks feedback from peers or direct reports

• Encourages multiple perspectives in meetings

• Invites a quieter team member into the conversation

• Follows through on commitments without being chased

• Shares bad news transparently with proposed next steps

• Clarifies priorities when requests feel conflicting

• Reflects on a tough interaction and brings insights back to the team

• Practices presence in high-stakes or high-conflict discussions

• Asks open-ended questions to promote solution-focused dialogue

• Makes space for emotional responses without shutting them down

These behaviours are subtle, but powerful. And when woven into a team or organisation’s cultural fabric, they create the conditions for trust, innovation, and high performance.

READY TO CREATE YOUR OWN SET OF KBIs?

 Start with the observable behaviours that matter most to your strategy. Remember that a behaviour is something visible and specific (for example, 'acts as a team player' is pretty generic and open to wide interpretation; instead, try 'offers specific feedback to peers that helps improve performance'). You can also look at simple tracking methods like peer observation grids, pulse surveys, or team retrospectives to help you surface valuable data.

How many KBIs should be on a leader’s scorecard? Ideally, you should have no more than 3 to 5. That range strikes the right balance between focus and effectiveness. Behaviour change requires intention, and tracking too many indicators at once dilutes both attention and impact. A short list allows teams to align more easily, reinforces clarity, and ensures measurement is actionable – not just performative. Behavioural psychology research supports this: leaders are more likely to embed new habits when they work on a small set of consistent behaviours rather than trying to change too much at once. Choose the few KBIs that truly reflect your current strategy, leadership goals, or cultural priorities – and then reinforce them consistently.

Once you've defined a few KBIs, ask yourself these questions:

• What does it look like when someone is doing this behaviour well? In a high-accountability culture, this could mean a team member who not only completes their own deliverables, but also checks in on teammates to ensure interdependencies are on track. High-performing teams consistently exhibit behaviours like mutual support and peer-to-peer ownership.

• What does it look like when they’re not doing this behaviour well? It's equally important to define what behaviours we don't want. In low-trust environments, team members may defer to silence in meetings, avoid difficult conversations, or hesitate to raise risks – all behaviours that reduce innovation and team development. A disengaged team might say ‘yes’ to the leader in the room, but avoid meaningful follow-up or accountability between peers.

• How can we observe or measure it (qualitatively or quantitatively)? Try short pulse surveys that ask, “In the past two weeks, I’ve received constructive feedback from a peer,” or “I feel safe raising difficult issues in team settings.” Look for patterns over time, and talk about the observed trends during team meetings.

• What actions, systems, or learning activities will help to reinforce it (recognition, coaching, feedback, reflection)? Publicly recognise peer-accountability behaviours during team meetings. Use team coaching circles to collectively reflect on what helped (or hurt) the group’s dynamic in a recent project. Beginning in 2015, Microsoft adopted a regular ‘Growth Conversations’ framework as part of its performance management overhaul, which led to a whopping 76% improvement in manager-employee dialogue by shifting the focus from evaluation to ongoing development.

WHEN A TEAM CULTURE TURNED AROUND

One of my executive coaching clients was grappling with a culture of passive-aggression on her leadership team. Meetings were marked by polite agreement, but that surface harmony masked real avoidance. Critical issues went unspoken, tensions were redirected into side conversations, and ownership was minimal. The team was stuck in a loop of performative collaboration and declining results. Their stagnating KPIs were a direct reflection of the underlying behaviours.

We introduced a simple dashboard with five KBIs tied to her goals. My favourite one was “When I don't agree, I say why.” At first, the team said it felt awkward and a bit risky to behave differently. But as the leader started modelling the ideal behaviours she was expecting from the team, and reinforcing it with others, the change in their culture was obvious. After six months, collaboration scores were up by 32%, and project delivery improved significantly.

THE INVITATION

If your leadership metrics are missing something, if you’re chasing numbers without seeing the culture that fuels them; if you're seeing less-than-ideal behaviours you didn't expect, it might be time to add KBIs to your dashboard. Because performance isn’t just about what you do; it’s about how you show up while doing it. 

If your organisation is ready to make behaviour as measurable and meaningful as outcomes, let’s connect. I help leaders align their strategy with the impactful behaviours that will deliver it.

Visit www.leslierohonczy.com to book a free discovery call.

DOES EMOTION HAVE A PLACE IN LEADERSHIP? How High-Performing Leaders Use EQ

Leslie Rohonczy, IMC™, PCC, Executive Coach, Leadership Expert, Speaker, Author

A few days ago, my son-in-law, a psychology student, asked me a deceptively simple question as part of his research project: “How do you define emotion?” It stopped me in my tracks, not because I didn’t have an answer, but because I realised that, when anyone asks me about emotion, it's usually in the context of "how do I stop feeling these uncomfortable emotions, and get more of the feel-good ones?"

 We often use the word emotion, assuming that everyone knows what we mean. Yet most of us would struggle to pin down exactly what emotion is, especially in the context of leadership. I sat with his question for a moment, recognising that this was more than just a question for a student paper. It was a doorway into one of the most misunderstood aspects of being human, and one of the most underutilised leadership assets.

 Ask a thousand people what emotion is, and you’ll get a thousand different definitions. But here’s the one I gave my son-in-law, and it’s the one I’ve come to believe as an executive coach, after years of witnessing leaders, teams, and organizations grow and thrive because of what emotion makes visible.

Emotion is data. It is the body’s first response to a stimulus, often milliseconds before our conscious mind has time to interpret it. From a neuroscience perspective, our amygdala (the emotional processing centre) activates more quickly than our prefrontal cortex (our logic and analysis centre). In other words, emotion is faster than logic, louder than reason, and inconveniently immune to our efforts to suppress or ignore it. That can feel unsettling, particularly for those who pride themselves on rational decision-making and derive their leadership credibility from cognitive mastery.

 But emotion is also meaning. It’s how we register what matters. Whether it’s joy lighting us up, anger alerting us to a boundary, or fear waving a bright red flag, emotion helps us locate ourselves in the world, and in leadership, in real time.

 And yet, despite being one of the most common and trustworthy internal indicators we have, emotion has long been treated like a professional liability. Too unpredictable. Too messy. Too… human.

THE CULTURE OF EMOTIONAL SUPPRESSION

 Most of us were taught to manage emotion by suppressing it: Don’t take it personally. Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve. Don't be 'too much'. Don’t let them see you sweat. In other words: don’t feel. Or, at least, don’t show that you feel.

 We’ve been sold the myth that emotional neutrality equals professionalism; that stoicism is strength. But that approach often backfires because when leaders minimize emotion, they don’t actually regulate it, they repress it. And repressed emotion doesn’t disappear. Ever. It goes underground, festering, until it leaks out sideways, in sarcasm, defensiveness, and passive-aggressive emails, contributing to a culture of fear and silence. The result is disconnected leaders, disengaged teams, and decisions that lack empathy, context, and alignment.

EMOTION AS BUSINESS INTELLIGENCE

 Let’s reframe the story. Emotion isn’t just a personal experience; it’s a form of business intelligence, a critical input to high-quality decision-making, strategy, and leadership effectiveness.

 When we learn to tune into emotion with curiosity rather than judgment, we begin to access a deeper form of intelligence: emotional intelligence. But to make that shift, we first need to understand what emotion actually is from a scientific and leadership lens. Here are four key insights:

 1.      The body feels it first. Neuroscience confirms that the brain’s emotional system (particularly the amygdala) reacts to stimuli milliseconds before the logical prefrontal cortex kicks in. Researchers like Joseph LeDoux and Antonio Damasio have shown that bodily sensations and gut feelings often precede conscious awareness. So yes, your body does feel it before your brain can make sense of it.

2.      Emotions aren’t sent by a signal; they are the signal. While it's poetic to say emotions "send us a message," what’s actually happening is that emotions are the message. They are automatic responses designed to draw our attention to something important. Emotions arise to prepare us for action, not to confuse us. They're not disruptive, but they're not directions for action just yet.

3.      The story follows. Once the body responds, the brain interprets the emotional signal by constructing a narrative. This is how we make sense of the feeling: we assign it meaning based on past experiences, current context, and our personal wiring. Sometimes the story is accurate. Sometimes it isn’t. But it's always our brain’s best attempt to explain what we’re feeling based on what we already know.

4.      There’s a moment of choice, if we’re trained to notice it. Viktor Frankl famously wrote that between stimulus and response there is a space, and in that space lies our power to choose. While not everyone has easy access to this space automatically, research shows that self-awareness practices like mindfulness and coaching can expand it. Leaders who are trained to pause, reflect, and regulate their emotional response gain tremendous power to act with intention instead of reacting out of habit.

 When leaders learn to interpret emotion as data, in themselves and in others, they gain access to vital, often overlooked business signals: early warning signs of disengagement, shifts in culture, misalignment in values, or momentum behind innovation. When emotion and reason are aligned, we make sharper business decisions with greater clarity, integrity, and human impact. When we ignore one or the other, we miss half the picture.

THE LEADER’S ROLE: EMOTIONAL FLUENCY

So what does this mean for leadership, specifically? It means that the most effective leaders don’t try to suppress or avoid emotion; they learn to work with it intentionally and strategically, integrating it into their decision-making and leadership presence. They become emotionally fluent, able to recognise what they are feeling, accurately name it, and use that information wisely. But emotional fluency isn’t just about personal regulation; it’s also about leadership effectiveness in action.

 Emotionally fluent leaders use emotion in two essential ways:

1.      With Themselves: They notice what they’re feeling in real time, pause before reacting, and use those internal cues as insight into what matters most. For example, if a surge of frustration arises in a meeting, they pause to consider what boundary may have been crossed or what expectation may have been missed. Instead of ignoring or rationalising the feeling, they investigate it, from a calm and curious stance. This helps them lead with intention rather than impulse.

2.      With Others: Emotionally fluent leaders are attuned to emotional cues in their teams. They notice when morale dips, when someone’s energy shifts, or when a room suddenly goes quiet. They ask thoughtful questions like, “How did that decision land for you?” or “What are we not saying out loud right now?” They listen not just for content, but for emotional subtext. They know that emotional safety is a precondition for innovation, collaboration, and trust.

 This is the difference between reactivity and presence, between saying “I’m fine” with a clenched jaw, and pausing to say, “I’m frustrated by how this landed; let’s talk it through,” between powering through and quietly burning out.

 Emotionally fluent leaders don’t just model composure; they model the courage to feel, to acknowledge, to navigate complex human dynamics with openness and clarity. They create cultures where feelings are acknowledged, not feared; where feedback isn’t a threat, it’s an opportunity; and where humanity is not a weakness, but a leadership asset.

 And the impact is profound: trust increases, innovation grows, psychological safety expands, and teams become more cohesive and resilient because individuals feel seen, heard, and valued, not just for what they do, but for who they are as people.

THE COST OF EMOTIONAL ILLITERACY

 Let’s flip the script again. What happens when leaders don’t engage with or allow for the full range of human emotion?

 We see defensiveness instead of accountability, silence instead of honest feedback, leaders who bulldoze through meetings, wondering why no one speaks up, cultures that reward perfection over progress, and compliance over creativity and innovation. Do you notice any of these in your culture?

 That gap, or ‘leadership disconnect’, is what happens when a leader’s self-perception is out of step with how they’re actually experienced by others. And it often stems not from a lack of awareness, but from a resistance to the vulnerability required to acknowledge, express, and work with emotion, both in themselves and in those around them.

TURNING AWARENESS INTO ACTION

 So, how do we shift this and move from emotional avoidance to emotional fluency? We start by understanding that feeling is thinking. Emotional fluency isn’t just about managing discomfort. It’s also about amplifying insight from the moments when things feel aligned; when we’re proud, inspired, grateful, joyful, or at ease. These so-called positive emotions are often overlooked, but they hold vital clues about what’s working, what matters most, and what we want more of in our leadership.

 Take a minute right now to reflect on your leadership journey, where you've come from, and where you're going. Then use these questions to help translate emotional awareness into practical insight:

• What emotion am I experiencing right now? Name it clearly. Is it frustration, anxiety, hope, pride? Here's a handy tool to help you identify your emotions: WHEEL OF EMOTIONS

• Where do I feel it in my body? Notice the sensation. Is it tension in your shoulders, heaviness in your belly, a tight jaw, flutters in your chest, tingling on your scalp, or something else?

• What is this emotion telling me? Is it pointing to a value being challenged, a boundary that was crossed, a need for reassurance, an opportunity to be explored, gratitude to be expressed, or something else?

• What’s the story I’m telling myself about this situation, and is it true? Could there be a different interpretation, a limiting belief, or an assumption to challenge?

 Once we’ve created some space between the feeling and the action, we can choose the response that aligns with who we are, and the impact we want to have. Emotionally intelligent leadership is the ability to feel fully and respond wisely. We are emotional beings who think, not thinkers who happen to feel. And if we want to lead with clarity, connection, and courage, we treat emotion not as a liability but as the leadership superpower it truly is.

WHEN LEADERS FEEL ALONE: A Case for Peer Coaching & Truth Circles

Leslie Rohonczy, IMC™, PCC, Executive Coach, Leadership Expert, Speaker, Author

Every day, I carve out time to reflect on the leadership challenges my clients are facing, so that I can write about the real, messy, rewarding work of leading with presence, self-awareness, and courage. My hope is that these insights help others navigate the complexities of leadership and life with a little more clarity and a little more heart.

But tonight is different.

It is 10:45 p.m. I just got home from dinner with a dear friend, a senior executive whose words have been echoing in my mind ever since: "I’ve got over 300 people reporting up to me, and some days, I feel like I’m alone on an island, shouting into the wind."

She is not alone. In fact, she is the second leader this week who has shared something similar. Leadership, especially at the top, can be profoundly isolating. You carry the weight of decisions that impact careers, livelihoods, industries, and futures. You absorb pressure from boards, shareholders, regulators, markets, your peers, and your teams. You understand the unspoken expectation that no matter what hits the fan, you will respond with poise, clarity, and good judgment.

While everyone else sees your title, your strategy, and your calm exterior, few ever glimpse the toll it can take on the human being inside.

THE LEADERSHIP ARMOUR

Most senior leaders I work with are superbly competent. Many are also quietly exhausted. They have mastered the art of appearing composed while navigating relentless complexity, protecting others from uncertainty, and showing up as strong, steady, strategic leaders, even when they are carrying the full weight of the unknown on their backs.

The higher you climb up the leadership ladder, the harder it becomes to say simple, human things like "I don’t know," "I am not sure I handled that well," or "I am struggling." Vulnerability may be a popular leadership buzzword right now, but not every boardroom is a psychologically safe place to take off your leadership armour. In some environments, showing uncertainty is still risky business.

So leaders learn to wear the armour. Not because they are inauthentic, but because it feels necessary. Protecting others often comes at the quiet cost of denying themselves. And that cost can be steeper than it looks from the outside.

THE COST OF ISOLATION

Speaking of cost, recent research suggests that leadership loneliness is more common, and more costly, than we may know. A 2023 report by Odgers Berndtson found that one in five employees worldwide feel lonely at work, and nearly half of CEOs report feeling the same way. It is not just about feelings. Loneliness erodes performance, resilience, and well-being, at every level of leadership.

The cost of loneliness is not just personal; it is organisational. Isolated leaders are more likely to second-guess decisions (their own, and others’), are less likely to seek critical feedback, and are slower to course-correct when something is not working.

And leadership isolation does something worse: it dulls instinct. It disconnects leaders from their own wisdom, and from the human signals around them. That’s why creating space for honest sharing without fear of judgment is essential.

PEER COACHING AND TRUTH CIRCLES

A well-structured Peer Coaching Circle is not a gripe session. It is a professionally facilitated conversation where senior leaders drop their armour, share the truth about challenges they are facing, and receive powerful questions and unvarnished insights in return.

Imagine stepping into a circle where, for once, you do not have to perform or protect. A room where your peers meet your honesty not with judgment, but with curiosity. Where questions spark new awareness, and shared wisdom means you walk away with new ideas and solutions to your problem. Where you are reminded that your struggles are not a weakness; they are part of the work of leadership itself.

In these confidential conversations, trust is sacred, peers understand the stakes, and participants are committed to mutual growth and support. They are coaching-based, designed to spark reflection, accountability, and courageous growth. Most importantly, they are deeply humanising: these shared leadership moments of truth remind leaders that their struggles are normal, not shameful.

WHY THEY WORK

Peer Coaching Circles work because they invite participants to share challenges without judgment, and without the layer of armour that often gets in the way. They collapse the exhausting illusion that you are supposed to figure it all out alone and create a shared space where real conversations help leaders grow. They also address what traditional leadership development often misses: that growth is not just about learning new skills; it’s also about dropping old armour that no longer serves you.

Research from the Centre for Creative Leadership (CCL) confirms that peer networks are among the most effective methods for senior leader development, particularly in fostering adaptive leadership, cross-boundary collaboration, and decision-making agility. In one study, CCL found that structured peer learning initiatives significantly outperformed individual learning in terms of sustained behaviour change and performance improvement.

REAL TALK, REAL RESULTS

I have facilitated hundreds of executive coaching circles over the years and have seen what happens when the armour comes off. The dedicated VP who said to his team, "I feel like I have lost my leadership mojo." The seasoned CFO who finally asked, "Why has no one been willing to tell me this?" The newly minted SVP who said, "I’ve tried everything I can think of, but nothing is working."

What followed was not judgment. It was clarity. Support. Cohesion. And next-level leadership.

RE-THINK LEADERSHIP SUPPORT

Leadership doesn’t have to be lonely. We have to stop pretending that senior leaders have all the answers and don’t need support; not just in theory, but in practice.

If you are a senior leader reading this, ask yourself:

• Where do you go to be fully honest, where you do not have to ‘perform’ for others?

• Who holds up the mirror for you when no one else will?

• When was the last time someone challenged your thinking, not your authority?

• How would it feel to be armed with new awareness and real solutions?

If you don’t have answers, maybe it is time to try something different, and find your circle. Even the strongest leaders need a soft place to land occasionally. And in the right circle, with the right people, you will remember: you were never actually alone.

If you are interested in exploring a facilitated Peer Coaching Circle for your leadership team, reach out for a free discovery conversation at www.leslierohonczy.com.

THE UNSCRIPTED LEADER: When Over-Preparing is Under-Performing

Leslie Rohonczy, IMC™, PCC, Executive Coach, Leadership Expert, Speaker, Author

 You’ve done the prep. Nailed the slides. Practiced every line. But if you’re being honest, there’s still that low buzz of anxiety in your body, making you feel unsettled, as if you’re holding your breath, hoping nothing goes off-script.

 It makes sense. When the stakes are high, over-preparing feels like a smart move. But trying to control every variable can quietly choke off your impact. Leaders who script everything often miss the moments that matter most; those unscripted, human, real-time moments where connection, trust, and credibility are built.

 And the leadership landscape today is anything but predictable. We’re navigating this post-pandemic, post-election, mid-polarization, emerging recession time that impacts every aspect of our businesses: supply chains, staffing, climate, policy, trade, employee wellness, and shareholder value. Everything is in flux. Leaders are asked to make bold decisions with often blurry or incomplete information, and to communicate clearly and confidently amid constant change. It's a big ask to show up with poise when predictability has left the building.

 But the greatest pressure may not be coming from 'out there'. It’s likely an 'inside' job.

 Feeling the need to over-prepare, over-script, and rehearse every move to avoid being seen as anything less than polished is a common executive coaching topic. One client, a brilliant and capable executive, would script every communication, rehearse for days, and second-guess himself constantly. He wasn’t lacking competence; in fact, he was overflowing with skills, capability, and drive. But he was trapped by a perfectionist inner critic. Wired for achievement and image-conscious, the more he tried to get it right, the more disconnected and stressed he became.

 This is the moment we’re in: external turbulence colliding with an internal craving for control and validation. But here’s a little nugget to hold onto the next time you’re feeling the urge to over-prepare:

 Detouring into uncertainty doesn't take you off the path. It is the path.

 So, how do you lead without a script? How do you stay fully present and in your body, in the moment, and in relationships, when the certainty you usually rely on isn’t there? How do you keep your voice clear and grounded when the pressure is rising and the path ahead is anything but obvious?

 As an executive coach, I meet clients right at this crossroads. It’s not that they need more information; they’re already swimming in data. Through coaching, they develop integration; a clearer sense of who they are as leaders; a vision for how they want to lead; and a way to tap into their internal compass to help them explore new paths with genuine curiosity. Most of all, they learn how to trust that they will find the words, the insightful perspectives and ideas, the next step, and their confidence in the moment; not because it was rehearsed, but because it was real.

 What Over-Preparing Steals from You

It might feel like you're taking the responsible approach, and of course, some preparation is necessary! But too much of it can dull your leadership edge.

 Here’s what can get lost in the process due to over-preparation:

• Spontaneity. Over-scripting blocks the kind of responsive, in-the-moment connection that builds trust.

• Presence. If you're focused on remembering your lines, you're not actually in the moment with your people, and they can often (more often than you may realize) feel the distance.

• Curiosity. Over-prepared leaders tend to stick to their script, rather than listening for new data or perspectives that might improve outcomes or understanding.

• Authenticity. This might be the most important one of all. When everything is polished and pre-planned, the unique qualities that make you you often disappear. And in times of change, that's exactly what people want to follow: realness, not rehearsed perfection.

 In other words, over-preparing might feel safe, but it quietly erodes the very things that make your leadership impactful.

 Here’s what I’ve learned: Leading without a script requires three things that coaching builds powerfully over time:

1.      VOICE CLARITY: Knowing What You Stand For
In times of uncertainty, people don’t just need direction, they need anchoring. Coaching helps leaders articulate their core values, strengths, and leadership principles so they can speak from a place of alignment, not performance. When your inner clarity is strong, you don’t need a script. You just need to show up.

 One leader I coached said, "I kept looking for the 'right' message. What I needed was to say something true, not perfect." Once she found the courage to name what she did know, and what she didn’t, her team leaned in, not away.

2.      PRESENCE UNDER PRESSURE: Staying Regulated When Others Are Spinning
When tension is high, people look to leaders not just for answers, but for energy regulation. Coaching helps leaders understand their own emotional wiring, build tools for emotional regulation, and manage their inner state so they can model calm in the chaos.

 One VP I worked with love the coaching practice that she called her "One-Minute Reset", a quick breathing practice combined with a reset phrase that she used before tough town halls or uncertain board presentations. She stopped trying to deliver the perfect answer. She showed up grounded, and her credibility soared.

3.      STRATEGIC EXPERIMENTATION: Leading with Curiosity Instead of Control
Leaders often think their value comes from having the answers. But in today's environment, it's more valuable to ask the right questions. Coaching supports a mindset shift: from prediction to experimentation. From control to curiosity.

 Instead of locking into a brittle plan, great leaders run their leadership like an innovation lab. They test. They learn. They adjust. Coaching provides the space to reflect on what’s working, what’s not, and what to try next.

Leading Without a Script

Leading without a script isn’t the same as leading without a net. In fact, leading without a script might just be your next level of leadership development. It is certainly a call to deepen your self-awareness and build a stronger presence through bolder experimentation. In an era of uncertainty, the leaders who rise aren’t the ones who always have the perfectly polished answer. They’re the ones who keep showing up, grounded, human, and clear on who they are.

 Leadership without a script isn’t a sign of failure. It’s an invitation to lead with more clarity, more presence, and more courage than ever before. If you’re tired of performing and ready to lead from a place of confidence and real connection, Executive Coaching can help. Let's talk about how to develop your leadership to be less filtered, more comfortably unscripted, and authentically you. 

 Reach out for a free exploratory conversation at www.leslierohonczy.com.

LEADERSHIP BOUNDARIES: How Setting Them Helps You Lead Better

Leslie Rohonczy, IMC™, PCC, Executive Coach, Leadership Expert, Speaker, Author

If you had to write your current leadership job description, would it look more like a recipe for burnout? Deliver outstanding results. Develop every employee. Wow the board. Oh, and by the way, still have a personal life. No wonder so many leaders are overwhelmed. But real leadership isn't about doing more. It's about protecting the space to think, connect, and guide others wisely, and that starts with the boundaries you set… and keep.

I know... easier said than done. Let's dive in.

THE INVISIBLE BURDEN OF LEADERSHIP

If you’re a senior leader trying to do it all, you’re not alone. Many of my coaching clients describe their days as a blur of meetings, decisions, endless MSTeams conversations, strategy pivots, performance conversations, and late night emails before bed. They want to lead well, delegate decisions, grow their people, and focus on strategy. But the gravitational pull of "just getting it done" can be relentless.

I'm currently working with a senior leader who came to our coaching program showing classic signs of executive burnout: chronic sleep disruption, decision fatigue from being the go-to for every issue, and the heavy emotional load of being both the informal mentor and the motivational poster boy for the entire executive team. He was expected to guide his peers, champion innovation, and stay relentlessly positive for his employees. It wasn’t sustainable. And it wasn’t healthy and effective leadership, either.

When we explored his patterns, it became clear: he had no boundaries. We spent the next several sessions talking about how important it is for leaders to develop this skill, and how boundaries don’t restrict leadership; they enable it.

WHY LEADERS NEED BOUNDARIES

A healthy boundary isn’t a wall. It’s more like a fence with a gate; it lets you decide what you let in and what you keep out.

Without boundaries, your calendar fills with other people’s priorities. Your mind starts tuning into problems that don’t belong to you, like a radio stuck on someone else’s station. Before long, your leadership becomes reactive instead of strategic.

And neuroscience tells us that when your cognitive load is maxed out, your ability to think strategically and regulate your emotions drops like a stone. Without boundaries, even the most well-intentioned leaders lose their edge.

WHEN BOUNDARIES MATTER MOST

Lack of leadership boundaries are often visible to the naked eye (and to your colleagues) and show up in more ways than we realise. In fact, they often hide in plain sight, and can show up as:

• Chronic overcommitment and unrealistic workloads

• Micromanaging or difficulty delegating

• People-pleasing and conflict avoidance

• Constant urgency and inability to prioritise

• Blurry role expectations or lack of clarity about who the decision-maker is

• Emotional over-responsibility for others' stress or performance

These behaviours are clear signals that leadership boundaries have broken down. By naming the most common categories where boundaries fail, we can start to make clearer, more deliberate choices about what to reinforce, what to release, and what to reframe.

1. Decision-Making Boundaries: Not every decision should land on your desk. Get clear on what decisions belong to you, and what belongs at other levels. If your team is coming to you with every minor decision, you haven’t delegated – you’ve just distributed tasks.

2. Time and Attention Boundaries
Strategic thinking needs white space. Block it. Guard it. And stop glorifying back-to-back days as evidence of effectiveness. The best leaders protect time to think, reflect, and prepare.

3. Emotional Boundaries
Empathy is essential. But caring doesn’t mean carrying. Leaders who absorb everyone's stress eventually become the stressor. Learn to support without overidentifying.

4. Role Boundaries
Are you leading the work, or doing the work? The higher you go, the more your value lies in thinking, direction-setting, and people leadership. If you're still the fixer, you're limiting your team's growth and your own impact.

WHY SETTING BOUNDARIES FEELS SO HARD

While we're at it, let’s name the elephant: what often makes boundary-setting hard is the corporate culture itself. Many leaders work within management systems that reward over-functioning. Inside an over-achieving culture, people often wear their workaholism as a badge of honour ("Look at me! I'm SO busy!").

And as if that wasn't enough, leaders don’t just have to wrestle with their own beliefs about boundaries – they also face pushback from above. The boss who frowns at you for blocking thinking time in your calendar. The praise lavished onto the ones who work late or respond instantly; always 'on'. This creates a culture of conformity, where boundary-setting feels like rebellion or even dereliction of duty. 

When leaders are so steeped in this culture that they feel there's no choice but to grind themselves into the ground, what should they do?

• Frame boundaries in terms of business impact. (“I block two hours a week to think deeply about our strategy. It helps me bring sharper insight to our executive meetings.”)

• Find allies who are also hungry for a healthier way to lead, and have leadership culture conversations with each other. A rising tide lifts all boats.

• Get curious about the nature of this culture you’re part of, and what's driving it. What stories are being told about what leadership should look like? Who benefits from that story staying in place?

Remember: your organisation may not change overnight, but your choice of boundaries can influence the system more than you think. Boundaries sound simple, but our resistance is real, because many leaders have limiting beliefs about setting them; that saying no means you're not a team player; that availability equals leadership; and that if they don’t do it, it won’t get done right.

These beliefs aren’t loyalty, and they are certainly not serving you or your organization. They’re over-functioning habits dressed up as commitment. And they cost us trust, team development, innovation, and time we’ll never get back.

THREE STRATEGIES TO BUILD STRONGER LEADERSHIP BOUNDARIES

If you're ready to experiment with boundaries but aren’t sure where to begin, here are three practical starting points.

1. Frame Boundaries as a Leadership Service
The next time you’re tempted to jump in and solve a problem, ask yourself: Am I helping them grow? Or am I rescuing them because it's faster? Boundaries create space for others to learn, decide, and lead.

2. Practice Micro-Scripts for Protecting Boundaries
Have a few simple phrases at the ready, to pull out when you need them:

• “That decision belongs with you. What are you leaning toward?”

• “I’m booked right now. Can we talk tomorrow when I can give you my full attention?”

• “Let’s clarify where this decision lives on our team.”

• "My capacity is full at the moment, but I can take that on next month."

Boundaries don’t have to be dramatic. They just need to be consistent.

3. Create a Boundary Map
Try this exercise:

• List your current commitments.

• Label them: Keep, Delegate, or Revisit.

• Then ask: What boundary would protect and ensure my best contribution?

Small boundary shifts create big ripple effects. 

If you want to dig deeper, you can check out the resources in my previous articles. Each offers additional practices and insights that complement this one:

• THE DELEGATION UPGRADE: What Most Over-Functioning Leaders Get Wrong (and a Free Tool!)

• LEADERSHIP STRENGTH AT FULL VOLUME: The Strength vs Overstrength Paradox

• BREAKING BUSY: Toxic Productivity and the Dark Side of Hustle Culture

• MICROMANAGER DETOX: The Career-Killing Habit You Need to Break Now

HERE'S YOUR INVITATION

Boundaries aren’t just a self-care practice. They’re a discipline of high-performing leadership. Your boundaries model what’s healthy for your team. And your organisation. (And yes, for your family, too.) Boundaries don't make you less available, they make you more impactful. 

So here's your invitation: define your role not by what you can handle, but by what only you should handle. Think of your leadership boundaries not as 'selfish', but as the highest form of respect: for your team, your mission, and yourself.

Want to explore how setting healthy leadership boundaries could transform your leadership impact? I offer a free discovery conversation to help you explore how executive coaching can strengthen your boundaries, resilience, and strategic leadership. Let's connect.