Your heart is racing, your palms are clammy, and all the right words seem to be missing in action. Sitting at a table full of senior leaders, waiting for your turn to speak, you feel like a guest at a fancy party: not quite dressed for the occasion, unsure if anyone knows your name, polite and tentative, careful not to spill the wine. All the while, that familiar whisper rises inside you: Do I belong here?
We all know this moment. I’ve coached many executives and senior leaders who’ve felt it too. The irony is that it shows up most often when we’ve already earned our seat: we got the promotion, the board role, the invitation to join the executive table. What's with that?
The bad news: that whisper may never fully go away.
The good news: you get to decide how to respond to it.
FROM GUEST TO HOST
That feeling of belonging doesn’t come from a title, a business card, or a corner office. It’s shaped by your stance at the table, built through the contributions you make once you’re there. Ask yourself in those moments: "Am I showing up as a guest, or as a host?"
I used these powerful metaphors with an executive I coached, who was recently promoted to the Executive team, and who was working on building her confidence. In her first few months, she rarely spoke up. She waited to be asked for her input, believing that restraint would signal professionalism. Instead, her peers interpreted her silence as disengagement or aloofness.
Things began to shift when she started observing herself in action, specifically looking for how she was showing up as a guest, and then intentionally stepping into the role of a host. A guest is tentative, waiting to be invited, careful not to impose. Guests are polite and reactive, hoping not to stand out for the wrong reasons. By contrast, a host sets the tone, sparks conversation, and takes responsibility for creating an experience where everyone feels included. When she began preparing a few thoughtful contributions before executive meetings, she was no longer just occupying a seat. She was shaping the conversation and beginning the shift from guest energy to host energy, and towards her aspirational future state as an executive.
THE CURRENCY OF CONTRIBUTION
Think about the difference between passively taking a seat and actively shaping the table. Holding back, being overly careful about overstepping, or waiting for an invitation can keep us small and safe, but it also keeps us from having real influence.
Leaders who thrive step into their host energy. They don’t just sit at the table, they set it. They frame the conversation, draw others in, and make sure the best ideas get amplified. Hosting isn’t about control, it’s about responsibility. Hosts don’t wait to be asked, they create the conditions where others can flourish.
And here’s the twist: once you step into host energy, belonging stops being only about you. You start generating it for others. When you model confidence, welcome diverse voices, courageously challenge, and guide dialogue with intention, you create a ripple effect of belonging that strengthens the entire room.
FROM WHISPER TO BELONGING
That whisper of “Do I belong here?” probably won’t disappear. But the answer doesn’t come from waiting for reassurance or hoping someone else will validate you. It comes from practice: showing up prepared, contributing consistently, and daring to claim your space. Each time you step into host energy rather than guest energy, you strengthen your confidence and reshape the dynamic around you.
Your confidence will grow in the doing: it's forged when you speak even with shaky hands, when you extend an invitation for others to contribute, when you steady the table instead of waiting for someone else to do it. Those small choices compound into presence, credibility, and trust.
Every time you do, you reinforce a deeper truth: you don’t just belong here. You are actively shaping what “here” becomes for everyone at the table.
YOUR COACHING CHALLENGE
At your next high-stakes meeting, pause and ask yourself: Am I showing up like a guest, or a host?
If you’re sitting quietly, waiting for the right moment, experiment with contributing earlier: offer an insight, frame a key question, invite opinions, or connect threads others haven’t linked.
If you usually focus only on your own points, try curating: draw someone else in, amplify a quieter voice, or summarize the room’s emerging consensus.
Notice how these shifts not only change your own sense of belonging but also elevate the experience of everyone at the table.
Because having the confidence to belong isn’t a gift; it’s a practice. And when you practice it well, you won’t just whisper “I belong here.” You’ll embody it and set an example that invites others to do the same.
Reach out for a free exploratory conversation at www.leslierohonczy.com.