My first career mentor was a petite powerhouse of a woman named Marie-Lyne. She didn’t hand me a checklist or a script. She encouraged me to get curious about my ‘wiring’, and what makes me tick. She saw my potential before I did. And she held up a mirror that changed how I saw myself and the people I was leading. That single experience transformed my leadership, and it taught me a lesson I return to often: the ally you choose doesn’t just matter; it can shape the leader you become and even change the course of your career.
I know this won’t come as a shock, but not all help is created equal. And if you’ve ever mixed up the role of a mentor with a coach, or a teacher with an advocate, you’re not alone. The lines can blur easily, so let’s get clear on who’s who in the zoo and what they do.
THE MENTOR: WISDOM ON LOAN
Mentors are the wise guides who share their lived experience. They’ve walked further down the road you’re on, and they can shine a light on what’s ahead, to help you see the potholes and boulders. The best mentors share their experiences navigating them by giving you their perspective on what worked for them, what didn’t, and what to watch out for.
Mentors can be inside your organization, offering insight into the culture, hidden rules, and landmines, or outside your company, bringing a broader industry or leadership perspective. Either way, the mentoring relationship is usually long-term and fluid, often lasting years.
Context: Let’s say you’re getting ready to deliver your first board presentation, and you’re nervous. A great mentor can tell you about when they were learning how to present in high-stakes situations, and the techniques they used to structure their presentation, and to calm their nerves.
Best moment to seek a mentor: when you’re at an inflection point in your career and need stories and context from someone who has already wrestled with the decisions you’re facing.
THE COACH: YOUR UNBIASED MIRROR
Coaching is different from mentoring in that the Coach doesn’t give you their experience or answers; they help you find your own. A qualified coach has a deep understanding of human development, and they use exploratory techniques like deep listening and powerful questions to create a safe, non-judgmental, structured space where you can unpack patterns, blind spots, and assumptions that no longer serve you, and experiment with new ways of approaching your coaching topic.
Where mentors lean on their experience, coaches focus on the process of self-exploration, awareness-building, and identifying limiting beliefs. Coaching is structured, with a well-defined topic, a clear aspirational future state, specific developmental goals, regularly scheduled sessions, and measurable outcomes. Unlike mentors or sponsors, a coach isn’t judging your performance or lobbying for your promotion. They walk alongside you, helping you bridge the gap between how you’re approaching your topic now and the vision you’re aiming for.
Context: One of my executive coaching clients explained our relationship to their leader this way: “My coach doesn’t give me advice. She gives me better questions than I was asking myself.” That’s the essence of coaching. In our board presentation example, a good coach will help you explore the limiting belief that triggers your nerves, and to develop techniques that quiet your inner critic in the moment.
Best moment to seek a coach: when you have a specific topic that you need to address, to shift not only what you’re doing but how you’re showing up.
THE TEACHER: BUILDING NEW KNOWLEDGE
When you have a knowledge gap, you need instruction. Teachers, trainers, and facilitators give you structured knowledge, practical tools, frameworks, techniques, and practice, so you can build your skills and capability.
Context: When you’re learning to deliver a board presentation, a teacher can show you the mechanics: how to structure slides, how to pace your delivery, how to manage Q&A. It’s skill-building, plain and simple.
Best moment to seek a teacher: when your gap is tactical and you need proven methods to close it quickly.
THE ADVOCATE: YOUR VOICE IN THE ROOM
Advocates, often called sponsors, open doors. They’re the senior leaders who mention your name when promotions or assignments are being discussed. They stake their reputation on your potential, and they make introductions that change the trajectory of your career.
Here’s the catch: you might not even know you HAVE a sponsor. You don’t usually choose an advocate the way you choose a mentor or coach. They choose you, based on what they’ve seen and the trust you’ve built. You can’t force it, but you can improve the odds by doing excellent work, making your contributions visible, and cultivating relationships with leaders who have influence.
Context: Your sponsor may have been tracking your progress for years, and when a board seat or a major assignment comes up, they’re the one who puts your name forward.
Best moment to seek an advocate: when you’re ready for the next level and need someone with power to clear the path.
A SIMPLE DIAGNOSTIC
Most leaders will need all four types of allies at different times in their career journeys. The mistake isn’t choosing the wrong ally once. It’s assuming one ally can fill every role forever.
So when you’re wondering “Who do I need right now?”, ask yourself:
Do I need stories from lived experience? Mentors give hindsight.
Do I need clarity and self-awareness? Coaches offer foresight and development.
Do I need tactical skills? Teachers help you build skills.
Do I need doors opened? Earn the trust of an advocate who can create access.
Marie-Lyne was the first person to show me how powerful the right ally can be. Over the years, I’ve had the privilege of learning from some wonderful mentors, coaches, teachers, and advocates. Their impact reminds me daily that the right support, offered at the right time, can transform a leader’s path.
If you’re at a crossroads and wondering what kind of support you need next, I’d be glad to have that conversation. And if it turns out that executive coaching is the ally you’re looking for, I’d love to explore how we can work together to help you move forward with confidence.