Congratulations on the big promotion! The kudos are rolling in, your calendar has exploded with meeting invitations, and you’re now attending meetings that used to feel slightly mysterious and intimidating. The scope has expanded, the mandate is bigger, and people are paying closer attention to what you say, and what you don’t.
And then you start to notice that something feels... off.
What used to get you noticed no longer carries the same weight at this level. It feels like familiar instincts are misfiring. The rooms feel different. Even the elevator rides feel awkward, heavier somehow, but you can’t quite put your finger on why.
This is a moment many newly promoted senior leaders don’t expect. Authority has arrived, but the internal shift is still catching up. Wouldn’t it be great if this promotion came with a briefing note explaining how approval works differently now, why growth often feels more like loss for a while, and how you’re expected to grow those elusive leadership characteristics called 'leadership presence' and 'strategic thinking'.
It’s a lot.
Consider this a working version of that briefing note, or at least some useful company for your next elevator ride.
WHEN APPROVAL STOPS WORKING
For most of your career, you look for specific signals to know that you were on the right track: approval, positive feedback, visible appreciation, recognition for being capable or collaborative.
Then you step into senior leadership and the usual signals stop working.
Approval becomes inconsistent, delayed, or occasionally, even nonexistent. Some of the most important decisions you now make will frustrate people you respect. It just comes with the territory. Praise drops off and ambiguity creeps in. Judgment, not agreement, becomes the real currency of the role.
This can be deeply unsettling, especially for leaders who’ve built their identity around being effective and well-regarded. It’s not that those qualities no longer matter. It’s that they can no longer carry the full load of this new role on their own.
At this level, leadership starts asking something different of you. Less reassurance. More internal steadiness. Better self-awareness. It’s not about picking up a new skill set. It’s about letting go of the version of leadership that got you here.
WHY GROWTH FEELS LIKE LOSS FIRST
Almost every leader I coach through this career transition talks about loss before they talk about growth. Loss of certainty. Loss of ease. Loss of the familiar rhythm of being unquestionably right or genuinely appreciated.
Leadership growth at this level starts with subtraction. You're going to need to let go of some behaviours that once kept you safe. You'll surrender approaches that helped you belong. You'll have to loosen your grip on proving your value through responsiveness, polish, or sheer effort.
At times, it can feel like you’re getting worse at your job. You’re not. This discomfort isn’t automatically a warning sign. It’s a normal part of your leadership evolution, as your nervous system, leadership identity, and expectations recalibrate around this larger role. Things feel unstable because they are, and that instability is part of the passage.
I see a familiar theme in my executive coaching work with clients: when leaders hit this phase, they instinctively reach for what’s always worked. That's a normal human reaction, of course. They get a bit tighter. More controlled. More certain on the surface. More performative. Not because they’re doing it wrong, but because those strengths and habits were what made them successful in the past. At this level, though, I see those same moves start to constrain them rather than help.
And this is an important distinction: I'm not saying that those familiar strengths must disappear. They’re still important tools in your leadership toolbelt. The difference is that this role calls for using them more selectively, not by default. As you rely on them a little less, it creates room to build new muscles and capabilities that this level actually demands; things like steadier presence, broader horizon awareness, more expansive judgment, and greater comfort holding complexity. The leaders I see navigate this most effectively are the ones who pause long enough to notice this shift, loosen their grip a little, experiment and adjust. They're also the ones who are willing to extend themselves more self-compassion as they learn their way into the role.
THE COST OF PERFORMING LEADERSHIP
One of the less obvious shifts I notice as leaders move into senior roles is how certainty starts to change shape.
Earlier in a career, sounding sure is often rewarded. It signals competence, keeps things moving, and reassures others that someone has a handle on the work. Those instincts don’t disappear with a promotion, and for good reason: they worked. At more senior levels, though, certainty can start to work against you.
In my coaching conversations, I often hear leaders describe a growing pressure they feel to have a clear point of view at all times, even when the situation is complex, politically charged, or genuinely unresolved. The performance of certainty can keep things tidy on the surface, but it also narrows the conversation. Fewer questions get asked. Fewer assumptions get tested. People start editing themselves in real time.
What’s tricky is that this doesn’t feel like overconfidence. It usually feels like responsibility. Leaders know decisions land with them, so they feel compelled to sound decisive, even when the best thinking is still emerging. Over time, that habit can limit both judgment and range. Certainty becomes something to maintain, rather than something to earn through sensemaking.
The leaders I see navigate this shift most effectively are the ones who notice when certainty has become reflexive rather than useful. They allow themselves to stay open a little longer, to think out loud, to name what isn’t clear yet. That doesn’t weaken their authority. In fact, in most cases, it strengthens it.
INHABITING AUTHORITY WITHOUT ARMOUR
Real authority is less dramatic than most people expect. It shows up as staying present and grounded when the room is tense. It shows up in decisions that carry long-term consequences, even when short-term clarity or approval is unlikely. It shows up when leaders allow others to have reactions without rushing in to manage them.
This kind of authority doesn’t come from the theatre of performing confidence. It comes from self-trust, emotional regulation, and the capacity to stand in ambiguity without rushing to tidy it up.
The leaders who navigate this transition well aren’t the ones who never doubt themselves. They’re the ones who stop using performance as a substitute for presence. They understand that leadership at this level is less about being seen a certain way, and more about being able to hold complexity without armour.
If you’ve recently stepped into a senior role and things feel harder rather than easier, that’s not a personal failure. It’s a predictable passage point. Authority changes the internal job description before it changes anything else.
Growth often arrives disguised as loss, so if you're feeling it, take heart. Depth tends to follow discomfort. Leadership becomes more sustainable, and even, dare I say, more enjoyable, when it stops being something you perform.
YOUR COACHING CHALLENGE
Over the next week, notice the moments when you reach for leadership behaviours that used to serve you well, but don’t seem to land the same way at this level.
Pay attention to situations where you reach for certainty too quickly, decisions where approval feels tempting but misaligned, and moments where you hold back to protect your image.
Don’t correct anything yet. Simply observe. Ask yourself what you’re being asked to let go of at this level, what familiar strengths you may be leaning on out of habit rather than choice, and where you might experiment with a steadier, less performative way of leading. Where does certainty feel reflexive rather than useful right now, and what might change if you stayed open a little longer?
If this transition feels heavier than you expected, you’re not alone. This is the terrain where executive coaching does its deepest work.
Reach out for a free exploratory Executive Coaching conversation at www.leslierohonczy.com.