You can deliver flawless results and still stall your career. You can ace the big presentation and still erode trust. You can check every box on the leadership competency list and still be overlooked. Why? Because invisible habits can quietly chip away at your credibility, until they become silent dealbreakers.
A STORY CLOSE TO HOME
Years ago, I was the Director of IT Strategy at one of Canada’s Crown corporations. One of my peers, who I considered a good friend, pulled me aside after I presented to the executive team and said, “Leslie, do you realise you often end your thoughts with, ‘Does that make sense?’ It’s killing your credibility a little bit each time.” I was so surprised! I had no idea I was doing it. To me, it just seemed like a friendly, humble way to check in, but in reality, it was diluting my voice, and making it sound like I was doubting myself, or worse, doubting my audience’s ability to follow along.
Within weeks of paying attention to that little phrase and what was driving it, I was able to drop the habit. Mostly. (Full disclosure, it still creeps into my conversations now and then... does that make sense?) And something unexpected happened as a result: I noticed others leaning in more, opening up to me in new ways, asking me to expand on my points, trusting me with their difficult issues.
THE PERCEPTION GAP
Tasha Eurich’s research in Harvard Business Review found that while 95% of people believe they are self-aware, only about 10–15% actually are (HBR, 2018). In fact, many leaders significantly overestimate how positively they are perceived by their peers, and more than half of us assume we are coming across stronger than we are. This perception gap is where silent dealbreakers thrive.
We have perception gaps because people often feel uncomfortable pointing out our weaknesses or blind spots. It’s not often that someone and has our back enough to tell us, “Hey, your hedging language is eroding trust.” Instead, they keep that valuable information to themselves, affecting their perception of us, and that’s going to have an impact: a peer stops inviting you into early-stage brainstorming because they sense hesitation; a direct report chooses not to share an innovative idea with you because they’re unsure how you’ll respond; a board member wonders why you don’t speak with more conviction; a client feels less trust in you with the bigger piece of their business.
This pattern is rarely named. But you will feel the consequences later; the missed opportunities, the roles or projects that quietly go to someone else, the sense that your influence is not growing at the pace it should.
THE BRAIN’S ROLE IN MICRO-MOMENTS
Since I’m a neuroscience factoid junkie, let’s unpack a few principles to understand how our brain signals can betray us, what silent signals it monitors, and why small habits matter so much.
Mirror neurons: These fire when we observe behaviour in others. If you appear disengaged, colleagues unconsciously mirror it, and the whole room’s energy drops.
Amygdala sensitivity: The amygdala, our threat-detection system, is highly attuned to incongruence. If you promise something and then fail to follow through, others’ trust circuits register it as a red flag.
Prefrontal fatigue: Our prefrontal cortex tires quickly, especially under stress. That’s when we slip into filler language, avoidance, or multitasking. Others notice these lapses, even when we’re unaware of them.
Oxytocin and trust: Oxytocin is a chemical released in our brains and bodies during positive, consistent social interactions. It supports bonding, reliability, and connection. When our behaviour feels inconsistent or unpredictable, the social signals that trigger oxytocin are disrupted, and people feel less inclined to trust us deeply.
These insights matter because they explain why small, often invisible behaviours carry so much weight. Your brain’s signals are constantly broadcasting cues about presence, reliability, and congruence, and everyone else’s brains are tuned to receive them. That’s why the micro-moments you think no one notices can shape the story people tell about your leadership. Understanding what drives those signals gives you the power to recalibrate them intentionally, before they become silent dealbreakers.
A WATCH LIST OF INVISIBLE HABITS
Here are a few examples of the most common silent dealbreakers I see in coaching leaders:
Hedging language: “I might be wrong, but…” (which is similar to my old ‘Does that make sense’ line). It was said by a senior VP in a merger meeting. His team later stopped fighting for his ideas because he didn’t sound confident in them.
Dropping commitments: A Director who routinely promised to “circle back tomorrow” but rarely did. Her reliability rating tanked with the other Directors in her group, even though she saw herself as responsive.
Unintentional interrupting: An executive who habitually cut people off mid-sentence thought he was helping the conversation to move along faster (his communication style preference). His team described him as dismissive and over-bearing.
Being physically present but mentally elsewhere: A leader in a hybrid meeting who often answered text messages while her team presented their project updates. Employees stopped tracking their progress, which created an unnecessary risk to the team’s key projects. “Why bother, if she is not listening?”
Inconsistent tone: A VP who alternated between being approachable one week and grumpy the next. People stopped confiding in him because they never knew which version they would get, and his unpredictability felt risky.
CULTURAL RESEARCH
Gallup’s State of the Global Workplace 2023 found that employees are nearly four times more likely to be engaged when leaders consistently follow through on their promises. Consistency, even in small commitments like returning a call when promised, matters more than grand gestures.
And it turns out that reliability is a stronger predictor of engagement than charisma or vision. A Deloitte Insights survey on trust in leadership (2022) reported that 79% of employees who viewed their leaders as reliable also rated their organisations as “highly engaging places to work.”
Research from the Center for Creative Leadership has also shown that leaders who demonstrate behavioural consistency are rated significantly higher in effectiveness by both peers and direct reports. Those small patterns, like showing up prepared, or keeping one’s word, compound into reputational capital.
Put together, the message is clear that organisations reward leaders who eliminate silent dealbreakers. Reliability is not just a personal virtue; it is cultural currency.
YOUR COACHING CHALLENGE
Spot Your Silent Dealbreakers
Doing:
For the next week, ask two trusted colleagues to observe you in meetings and interactions. Invite them to share one or two small habits that might unintentionally dilute your credibility (hedging language, inconsistent tone, multitasking, etc.). Choose one of these habits and commit to experimenting with it for seven days.
What to Notice:
How often does the habit show up when you are under stress or pressed for time?
What changes in the energy of the room when you catch yourself and shift?
Do colleagues respond differently when you deliver a point with clarity instead of hedging, or when you follow through consistently?
Reflection Questions:
Which micro-habit surfaced most often this week, and do you notice any themes or patterns?
What impact did you observe in others’ responses when you shifted it?
How did it feel internally to hold yourself differently?
What would it take to make this shift sustainable?
Which other micro-habit might be worth experimenting with next?
This practice is not about eliminating every habit at once. It is about raising awareness and testing whether small, consistent shifts create visible changes in how others experience you.
Your leadership brand is not built in keynotes or strategy decks. It is built in micro-moments. The question is, are your moments compounding your credibility or eroding it?
If you’re interested in executive coaching to help you address your silent deal-breakers, reach out for a free exploratory conversation at www.leslierohonczy.com.
