THE VULNERABILITY OF LEADERSHIP: Embracing Vulnerability & Authenticity for High-Performance Success

by Leslie Rohonczy, Executive Coach, IMC, PCC | ©2024 | www.leslierohonczy.com

In the realm of leadership, vulnerability is often perceived as a liability, a chink in the proverbial armor of strength and authority. We see this represented in media, movies, and television shows, like the inept and self-aggrandizing Michael Scott from ‘The Office’, whose misguided attempts at leadership and constant need for validation provide a stark contrast to the notion of vulnerability. His fear of being seen as incompetent leads him to maintain a facade of confidence, often at the expense of his team's well-being and morale.

Or the ruthless and uncompromising Frank Underwood from ‘House of Cards’’. Frank’s Machiavellian tactics and manipulative demeanor exemplify the dark side of leadership, where vulnerability is perceived as a threat to his dominance and authority.

Then there’s the exacting and brutal Miranda Priestly from ‘The Devil Wears Prada’. Her perfectionism and icy personality create a culture of fear and intimidation at ‘Runway’ magazine, stifling any semblance of vulnerability or authenticity among her subordinates.

These characters epitomize the traditional archetype of leadership, where vulnerability is viewed as a weakness to be concealed, rather than embraced. Their portrayals serve as cautionary tales, highlighting the pitfalls of prioritizing power and control over authenticity and connection.

Are these just fictional characters in some of our favourite shows? Well, yes. But also no. These caricatures of leadership are reflections of how our culture interprets and even underscores the message that vulnerability is antithetical to effective leadership, which in turn perpetuates the myth that to be a good leader, you must be invulnerable; impervious; unmoved; unflappable.

Not only is this a terrible way to lead because it ultimately undermines trust, collaboration, and engagement within organizations, but it also is a terrible way to live! Constructing an inauthentic, performative version of yourself can create physical and mental health concerns, career challenges, fractured relationships, poor results, and limited options.

But take a deeper dive into the complexities of leadership, and we see that true strength lies not in the absence of vulnerability, but in the willingness to embrace it. Yet, a growing body of research suggests that embracing vulnerability is not just courageous; it's paramount to becoming a high-performing, successful leader.

Let’s delve deeper, and explore the significance, benefits, and implications of embracing leadership vulnerability, and how it drives personal, team, and organizational success.

 

Rethinking Leadership: From Strength to Authenticity

When you think about strong leadership, who springs to mind? Our traditional ideas of leadership have often glorified decisiveness, assertiveness, strength, confidence, and even invulnerability. In this myopic, narrow definition, leaders are expected to project an image of unwavering confidence and infallibility, creating a facade of invincibility that leaves little room for doubt, uncertainty, or grace.

However, the landscape of leadership is evolving. In today's complex, dynamic business environment, where uncertainty and change are constants, the need for authentic leaders who aren’t afraid to show vulnerability, acknowledge their limitations, admit mistakes, and openly express their true thoughts and emotions has never been greater.

Consider the character of Captain Jean-Luc Picard from ‘Star Trek: The Next Generation.’ Despite his position of authority as the captain of the USS Enterprise, Picard is depicted as a leader who values empathy, compassion, and open communication. He is not afraid to seek advice from his crew, admit when he's wrong, or express his emotions when faced with difficult decisions. Picard's vulnerability humanizes him as a leader, earning the respect and loyalty of his team.

Or President Josiah Bartlet from "The West Wing" who is admired for his authentic leadership style. Bartlet's response to crises and moral dilemmas exemplifies empathy, compassion, and humility. He has open, transparent dialogue with his advisors, seeks diverse perspectives, and grapples with the ethical implications of his decisions. Bartlet's vulnerability as a leader resonates with audiences, inspiring them to believe in the possibility of principled and compassionate governance.

And let’s include the master of all things vulnerable, the wonderfully goofy human called Ted Lasso from the series of the same name. Ted provides another compelling example of vulnerable leadership. Despite being a fish out of water in his role as a soccer coach in England, Ted Lasso leads with unwavering optimism, kindness, and vulnerability. He openly acknowledges his lack of expertise in the sport and relies on his emotional intelligence and interpersonal skills to connect with his team and foster a supportive environment. Ted's vulnerability allows him to form genuine connections with his players and staff, ultimately leading to their success on and off the field.

These examples challenge the notion that vulnerability is a weakness in leadership and illustrate how embracing vulnerability can foster trust, collaboration, and resilience within organizations. Authentic leaders like Picard, Bartlet, and Lasso inspire others to do the same, creating a culture where authenticity is valued, and leadership is defined by empathy, integrity, and humility.

 

The Power of Vulnerability: Research Insights

Research in psychology and organizational behavior has shed light on the transformative power of vulnerability in leadership. Recent studies have shown that leaders who exhibit vulnerability are perceived as more authentic, relatable, and trustworthy by their followers. This authenticity fosters deeper connections and stronger relationships within teams.

A study published in the Journal of Applied Psychology (2020, Leroy et al) found that leaders who displayed vulnerability were seen as more approachable and were able to build stronger bonds with their team members.

And, embracing vulnerability has been linked to the creation of a culture of psychological safety within organizations. According to research published in the Journal of Management Development (2019, Day and Fleenor), leaders who create an environment where it's safe to take risks and share ideas foster a sense of belonging and empowerment among employees which, in turn, fuels innovation, creativity, and resilience, driving organizational performance and adaptability in the face of challenges.

 

Leading with Vulnerability: Strategies for Success

But embracing vulnerability doesn't mean relinquishing authority or competence; rather, it requires a shift in mindset and behaviors towards greater authenticity and humility.

Here are some strategies for integrating vulnerability into your leadership approach:

  • Lead by Example: Sharing personal stories, challenges, and failures with your team fosters empathy and trust, and creates a culture where vulnerability is celebrated rather than stigmatized.

  • Share Your Interior: Allow your employees to see your internal thought processes and emotional reactions, what lights you up, and what makes you nervous or uneasy. And when you don’t know something, just say so. These glimpses of your humanness foster empathy and help you create a culture of trust, where vulnerability is celebrated rather than stigmatized.

  • Encourage Open Communication: Create opportunities for honest and transparent dialogue within your team, and make sure you’re creating psychological safety for them to be transparent, to share feedback, and to speak truth to power. Listen actively and acknowledge your own areas for growth. This sets the tone and promotes a culture of continuous learning and improvement.

  • Embrace Failure as a Learning Opportunity: Share personal stories of your challenges and failures with your team. Instead of hiding mistakes or shortcomings, openly acknowledge them and use them as teachable mentoring moments. Cultivate a growth mindset that views failure not as a setback but as a learning opportunity.

  • Empower Others: Remind your employees (and peers and leader, for that matter) to be authentic and vulnerable in their own interactions, fostering a culture of mutual support and accountability. Using vulnerability in this way is a sign of strength. Recognize your team members when you see them being vulnerable – it’ll help others to step into their power, too.

 

The Lasting Impact of Embracing Leadership Vulnerability

In this tumultuous modern business world, vulnerability isn't just a buzzword, it's a strategic imperative. It's time to shatter the myth that vulnerability is a weakness; in fact, consider it one of the most important indicators of true leadership potential.

By embracing vulnerability, leaders wield a powerful tool to cultivate authenticity, trust, and resilience within their organizations, igniting a chain reaction of success.

 

As you continue to lead, remember this: vulnerability isn't a sign of weakness; it's a badge of emotional maturity, courage, and authenticity. It's about daring to show up, flaws and all, and inviting others to do the same. By leading with vulnerability, you set the tone for a culture where authenticity thrives, and trust propels success.

So, let's make a bold commitment to leading with vulnerability, and create a workplace where authenticity isn't just valued—it's celebrated. Let's inspire our teams to embrace their vulnerabilities, take risks, learn by trying, and realize their full potential. The path to lasting leadership impact begins with embracing our own vulnerability first and then empowering others to do the same.

It's time to lead with courage, authenticity, and boldness. Are you ready to take the leap?

FREE COACHING PRACTICE: JAR MEDITATION

 by Leslie Rohonczy, Executive Coach, IMC, PCC | ©2024 | www.leslierohonczy.com

In our fast-paced world, finding moments of stillness and clarity can seem like a luxury. Yet, these moments are essential for our mental and emotional well-being. One powerful practice that can help us cultivate a sense of inner peace and allow for new insights to drop into us, is meditation. Today, we're going to explore a technique that will help you experience meditation in a different way.

Imagine yourself standing in the middle of a huge room. It's spacious, and completely empty, except for one thing—a large glass jar. This jar represents your mind, and it holds your thoughts, represented by different colourful bubbles.

As you stand in the room, allow yourself to become aware of your thoughts. Just notice them, as you think about your day, your life, your worries, your dreams—anything that happens to float by or that typically occupies your mind.

Now, as these thoughts pop up, one by one, imagine that you are gently placing each thought bubble into the jar. Visualize each thought taking on this round shape as you do this—positive or negative, it doesn't matter. Once you've filled the jar with your thoughts, step back and observe. Notice that you're not engaging with the thoughts anymore; you're simply watching them, neutrally observing.

Now, imagine yourself slowly backing away from the jar. You move towards the door and can still see the jar with your swirling thoughts, as you step outside through the door. In this state of neutral observation, you're detached from the thoughts, just observing without judgment or analysis.

Spend a few peaceful moments (30 seconds, or 30 minutes; it’s up to you) in this calm state, then allow yourself to say thank you to the day, and return into the large room. Thank the room for holding this space for you, and send your gratitude to the jar that is holding all of your thoughts.

And if there are some thoughts that you feel would be better off remaining in the jar, leave them there. You can always come back for them another time if you really need them. But for now let them remain here. Feel the lightness in your body; in your heart; in your mind.

Remember, meditation is not about suppressing or controlling your thoughts. It's about cultivating awareness and acceptance of whatever arises in your mind. By focusing outside the jar of your thoughts, and observing them from a distance, you'll gain valuable insight into your inner world.

So, the next time you feel overwhelmed or stressed, find a quiet space, close your eyes, and visualize yourself in that vast room, with your jar of thought bubbles. Allow yourself to become aware of your thoughts, then gently place them into the jar where you can just observe them, as they are. With practice, you'll find yourself feeling more centered, grounded, and able to tap into your wisdom and find greater clarity in your life.

WOOHOO CAREER MOMENTS: Embracing the Power of Courage

 by Leslie Rohonczy, Executive Coach, IMC, PCC | ©2024 | www.leslierohonczy.com

 

Last week, two coaching conversations left me cheering with joy, and celebrating the courage and determination of two remarkable individuals.

As an executive coach, I have the privilege of witnessing the leadership development journeys of clients who find themselves at a crossroads, wondering how to advance their careers or navigate difficult work environments. And whether they’re looking for strategies to get promoted, or for ways to protect themselves in a toxic culture (or for help in making the difficult decision to leave), the journey towards career fulfillment demands courage.

Recently, I had the pleasure of celebrating with a coaching client who, after months of deep dives into leadership EQ and coaching, bravely addressed a gap identified by her leader. At the beginning of our coaching session, she proudly announced that she had gotten the promotion to a leadership role she’d been working so hard for! I was so excited, a resounding "WOOHOO!" flew out of my mouth!

That same afternoon, I had a very different conversation. It was a heartfelt coaching chat with a senior leader, who shared that she’d finally found the courage to leave her toxic work environment. She spoke with such brave resolve about her pivotal decision, and I was truly inspired by her. And, you guessed it, another resounding "WOOHOO!"

To be clear, I’m not a habitual “WOOHOO-er”. But I had the same reaction to these two very different situations because I was so thrilled by their courage.

Coaching clients invest in their own growth and development with the willingness to take a courageous look at their gaps, assumptions, aspirations, strengths, and shortcomings. They embrace and explore the gift of feedback. They identify and work hard for what they most want from their career. They set boundaries, and then enforce them when those boundaries are crossed. They bravely make a change when opportunity comes calling their name. And they make empowering decisions like these two examples, putting themselves well on the path to healthier, fulfilling, personal and professional growth opportunities!

 

Unlocking Your "WOOHOO" Moment:

There will be many triumphs, rough patches, and transformations throughout our careers, and no matter whether we’re trying to secure a long-awaited promotion, or to navigate a change in pursuit of greater fulfillment, our courage and resilience will be the cornerstones of our success.

Through personalized guidance and support, coaching programs are tailored to address individual unique needs, personalities, and aspirations. Imagine what might be possible for you if you invested in honing your essential leadership skills, growing your emotional intelligence, and mastering the art of effective communication. From cultivating resilience in the face of adversity to fostering a growth mindset that fuels innovation, coaching equips you with the tools and mindset to overcome obstacles and seize opportunities. By investing in executive coaching, you are investing in your future success, unlocking new possibilities for advancement, fulfillment, and leadership excellence.

If you’re navigating a career decision, or coaching someone who is, here are 5 aspects of the career journey with questions to help you reflect on your own courageous career aspirations (hot tip for leaders: you can use these questions to coach your employees during career development discussions):

1.      DEFINE CAREER SUCCESS

  • What is your definition of ‘career success’? How does this definition support you? And how might it limit you?

  • Imagine your ideal work environment where you feel most fulfilled and energized. What values and culture would it embody, and how does this differ from your current situation?

  • Reflect on the values, priorities, and culture dynamics in your current workplace. How do they align with your personal values, priorities, and working style preferences?

2.      ADDRESS GAPS

  • What feedback have you received in your current role about an area for growth or improvement?

  • How are you leveraging this feedback to propel your career forward?

  • What strengths do you possess that can help you address your gaps, and how will you leverage them?

3.      DECISION-MAKING

  • If you’re facing a challenging career decision, what factors are influencing your choice?

  • What outcomes are you hoping to achieve?

  • What decision would your ‘head’ make? Your ‘heart’? Your ‘gut’? How does each perspective inform or influence your decision?

4.      TAKING ACTION

  • What would you do if you felt more ‘brave’? What’s holding you back from doing that?

  • What do you need to see/hear/feel/do, in order to take more courageous action? What steps can you take today, this week, and this month?

  • Who could help you build the professional skills and experience you need, including stretch assignments or additional training opportunities?

  • Reflecting on your long-term career aspirations, how can you align your actions today with your future goals?

5.      COURAGEOUS MINDSET

  • Considering the importance of a courageous mindset in career choices, when navigating career decisions and transitions, how will you cultivate and maintain your resilience in the face of uncertainty or setbacks?

  • What personal reward will you give yourself for your bravery?

  • What self-compassion messages will you give yourself when you feel uncomfortable, or when things don’t go the way you hoped they would?

 

If you want to pursue your own ‘WOOHOO” career moment, visit www.leslierohonczy.com to learn more about how my executive coaching and leadership development services can help propel you towards success.

WHAT LIMITING BELIEFS ARE HOLDING YOU BACK?

by Leslie Rohonczy, Executive Coach, IMC, PCC | ©2024 | www.leslierohonczy.com

 

In a recent coaching session, I worked with a client who had made an important career decision. Together, we explored how certain unconscious, limiting beliefs can silently influence our experiences, behaviors, and perceptions. These beliefs often lurk beneath the surface, shaping our lives without us even realizing it.

What I’ve noticed is that it doesn’t matter whether my client comes from the business or music world; emerging or seasoned professional; CXO or entry-level employee; limiting beliefs can keep us small, stuck, and blocked from living our best lives.

Research by Dr. Carol Dweck, the renowned psychologist who coined the terms "fixed mindset" and "growth mindset", highlights the pervasive nature of limiting beliefs. She describes how beliefs about our abilities can profoundly impact our success. Those with a fixed mindset have the limiting belief that their abilities (or lack of abilities) are innate and unchangeable, leading them to shy away from challenges. Conversely, those with a growth mindset view challenges as opportunities for growth and embrace them wholeheartedly.

Take, for instance, a common limiting belief I’ve seen with clients: expecting other people to react with the same emotions WE would have in a similar situation. The reality is that we’re all wired differently, and we can’t rely on our own emotional wiring and internal perceptions to map how others will react.

Another limiting belief that many of us unconsciously hold is believing that we can somehow control others' thoughts or opinions about us. As I've written in my book, ‘Coaching Life: Navigating Life’s Most Common Coaching Topics’, what others think of you is simply none of your business. Others’ reactions to you – negative or positive – just shows you how others are wired, and what THEY pay attention to. It doesn’t reveal any more to you about who YOU are, your worth, or your value.

If, like many others, this topic of limiting beliefs resonates for you too, here's a powerful four-step coaching practice to tackle limiting beliefs head-on.

 

Challenge Assumptions with Evidence

1.      Identify the Limiting Belief: Start by pinpointing the belief that is underlying a behavior you wish to change. What limiting belief prevents you from acting they way you want to, or causes you to second-guess yourself? Reflect on past experiences and patterns to uncover the root cause of your limiting belief.

2.      Seek Supporting Evidence: Ask yourself: what evidence can I find that reinforces this belief? Considering both internal experiences and external influences, what evidence or proof confirms this belief to be true? And how do you know they’re true?

3.      What Evidence Proves the Opposite is True: Seek out evidence to challenge or disprove your limiting belief. Challenge yourself to adopt a curious and open-minded approach, striving for as many other perspectives as you can find. The simple act of looking for opposite examples to our limiting beliefs creates relief from the anxiety of harsh self-judgment. (When we go looking for this contrary evidence, we have a pretty good chance of finding it.)

4.      How Would You Behave Differently: Finally, envision how you would behave if this limiting belief were not holding you back, and the opposite were in fact true. Visualize yourself taking bold and confident actions aligned with your true desires and values. Experiment with showing up in this new way, and notice what is more accessible to you as a result – inside of you in the moment; in the room with others; how people respond differently to you; and how you feel differently about yourself, as a result.

 

Remember, while beliefs shape our reality, they are not immutable truths. By ferreting out our limiting beliefs, one at a time, and then challenging and reshaping them with a growth mindset, we transform our experiences, and have more resources available to realize our true potential.

AFTER THE STORM: INSIGHTS FROM THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD

POLARIZATION, ENTITLEMENT, AND THE POST-COVID MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS

by Leslie Rohonczy, Executive Coach, IMC, PCC | ©2024 | www.leslierohonczy.com

 

I have an insatiable curiosity. I love to immerse myself in human behavior and neuroscience research, books, and podcasts. I try to tie threads of understanding together, to make sense of the world at a deeper level. In fact, this intrinsic longing for sense-making is what drives blog posts like this one. I am curious about the myriad factors that influence our behaviours, and what makes us humans behave the way we do, and… how in the hell we wound up here.

Over these past four years, I have sometimes felt like Dorothy in the tornado scene from The Wizard of Oz, swept up in the swirling funnel cloud of fear and chaos that threatens what I care about most. I know I’m not alone.

The mental health ramifications of the Covid-19 pandemic are profound and well documented. In mid-2020, when I was part of the Covid-19 response team at one of Canada’s crown corporations, I recall reading forecasts from mental health experts warning of an impending ‘mental health pandemic’ that would surely come on the heels of Covid, and that the trauma and isolation inflicted by this global crisis would create mental health challenges the likes of which we’ve never seen. Fast forward four years, and we find ourselves here, amidst a relentless upsurge in entitlement, polarization, depression, anxiety, and societal upheaval.

We can’t claim to be surprised. They warned us it was coming.

We are collectively navigating this tumultuous aftermath, often reacting instinctively, without fully understanding the underlying forces driving our restlessness, fear, suspicion, or entitled behaviour. We’re all walking this metaphorical yellow brick road, trying to figure out how we as individuals, and as a society, can get back home to the familiarity and comfort of our ‘normal’ lives.

The ferocity of the Covid-19 tornado, swirling with ideological polarization, has torn a swath of devastation through the fabric of our society. While some of our well-worn societal structures were already decayed and better off levelled to the ground – the notion that 'workers need to be physically present in an office to be productive', for example – countless facets of our society now resemble battlegrounds torn up by irreconcilable ideological divides. It's as if the tornado has knocked down some of our pillars of reason and cooperation, leaving us standing in the rubble, on separate islands.

The polarization that has gripped us as a society is fueled by misunderstanding and a rapid rise in ideological divides. Some estimates I’ve read stated that it’ll likely be ten years before the effects of this crisis level out. In this heightened state, we tend to dismiss people and ideas that don’t align with ours, and gravitate toward like-minded people, as a defense mechanism. It just feels safer, and validating, especially in a world where so little feels safe or assured.

And the media – both social and traditional – play a significant role in the storm. We see a proliferation of polarizing platforms who exploit and exacerbate this division, while balanced news outlets struggle with shrinking budgets, resources, and workforces. Social media platforms in particular are a breeding grounds for conflict, with blame and misinformation spreading faster than the Wicked Witch’s flying monkeys.

And behind the proverbial curtain, politicians and world leaders furiously spin dials and flip switches in response. Some manipulate the levers of power to exploit polarization for their own political and personal gains, while others genuinely try to create a sense of normalcy for their people. What the heck is ‘normal’ now, anyway?

Polarization shows up in different ways. In some countries, political parties are so polarized that violence and vitriol between people with different alliances and opinions is commonplace. At work, we see employees blaming leaders; protesters blaming police; and even within our own families, there are things we’re no longer able to discuss without spitting venom all over each other. You may have noticed that people seem to be on high alert more than ever before, constantly on the lookout for how they’ve been victimized. And when they find something, whether warranted or not, it becomes an opportunity to unleash righteous indignation and fury. Toto, we’re definitely not in Kansas, anymore.

Meanwhile, a sense of entitlement seems to have emerged as a pervasive force, with some individuals and groups laying claim to privileges previously unimagined in the pre-Covid era – again, ‘working from home’ springs to mind, albeit from the perspective of some employees demanding fully remote work arrangements. Entitlement, driven by a sense of injustice and fear, has only deepened our divisions.

Yet, amidst this cacophony of political rhetoric and societal discord, a glimmer of hope emerges. Beneath the surface, there is a growing desire to dispel misunderstandings and foster dialogue, to help us realize that, like the Scarecrow who longs for a brain, we can challenge our unconscious beliefs, and make informed decisions. As Maya Angelou famously wrote, “when we know better, we do better.”

And like the Tin Man who longs for a heart, we yearn for compassion in a world gripped by fear. Despite pervasive divisions and animosity, a collective human heart beats within us, craving connection and understanding. Through empathy, patience, curiosity, and kindness, we can find ways to melt the icy barriers of polarization and build bridges of understanding.

And, like the Cowardly Lion in our story, we seek courage in the face of adversity – not just for the physical threat posed by the Covid virus, but courage to navigate the mental health fallout in its wake. Like the Cowardly Lion finding his roar, we too can summon the courage to confront the storm head-on.

By standing up to our fears, challenging assumptions, growing our emotional intelligence, bravely and compassionately challenging limiting beliefs, and embracing dialogue and compromise, we will not only weather this current storm; we will emerge stronger from it.

Let’s start conversations at the dinner table. Let’s encourage teachers and coaches to help our kids understand the emotional reactions they’re experiencing. Let’s make it safe for people to explore beliefs or opinions that are different than our own. And let’s help each other get curious about what nuggets of truth these differing perspectives are built upon.

Just like Dorothy’s quest to find her way home, amid the longing for a return to a sense of stability and normalcy, what we’re seeking may lie inside of us, not outside.  

There’s no place like home.

There’s no place like home.

There’s no place like home.

FOREBODING JOY

by Leslie Rohonczy, Executive Coach, IMC, PCC | ©2024 | www.leslierohonczy.com

 

Have you ever experienced a moment in time when you are filled with joy, and then all of a sudden, you are overcome by a sense of impending doom as a result? It’s almost as if we expect to have to pay a toll for the good thing that’s happening to us.

This is called ‘foreboding joy’, and it may sound a bit paradoxical at first, but understanding this emotion can be a game-changer in life and leadership.

So, what exactly is foreboding joy? Well, it’s a complex emotion that often leaves us feeling torn between the desire to fully embrace the happiness in a specific moment, and the fear of something bad happening as a result. In fact, joy our most vulnerable human emotion! And when we can no longer tolerate the vulnerability that joy brings us, it becomes foreboding.

At its core, foreboding joy is rooted in this vulnerability – that innate human experience of exposing ourselves to the unknown, of opening our hearts to the possibility of both joy and discomfort. Brené Brown, a leading researcher in the field of vulnerability, describes it as the birthplace of courage, compassion, and connection. Yet, when we encounter moments of pure joy, our aversion to feeling vulnerable kicks in, which only intensifies a feeling of vulnerability, which then triggers a sense of foreboding that feels threatening and can overwhelm us. And it often happens in a split second, catching us unaware or unprepared.

So, how do we navigate this delicate dance between joy and fear? One of the most effective tools I’ve seen is mindfulness – the practice of being fully present and engaged in the moment. When we experience foreboding joy, our minds tend to spiral into thoughts of what could go wrong, or what will inevitably come along and take this delicious joy away.

Mindfulness offers us an anchor; a way to ground ourselves in the here and now. By tuning into our senses, our breath, and our experience of the moment, we can quiet the anxious whispers of fear and fully immerse ourselves in the richness of joy.

But mindfulness is just the beginning. To truly navigate foreboding joy, we must also cultivate self-compassion, the ability to feel gratitude within our joy, and discernment to helps us challenge the disaster-izing that commonly accompanies foreboding joy.

Too often, we berate ourselves for feeling fearful or anxious, judging our emotions as weaknesses to be overcome. Yet, true resilience lies in embracing our humanity – in recognizing that it's okay to feel vulnerable, even in moments of joy or triumph. When we treat ourselves with kindness and understanding, we create a space for healing and growth, allowing ourselves to move through this fear with courage and grace. We also create the ability to deepen the experience of our joy-filled moments, as a result.

As we journey deeper into the heart of foreboding joy, self-reflection becomes our compass. When we feel the familiar tug of vulnerability, we can pause and ask ourselves these powerful questions to help us stay connected to our joy:

  • What am I most grateful for in this moment of joy? What else? And what else?

  • How might you challenge your fear with evidence that proves the opposite is actually true?

  • What does my fear tell me about how meaningful this is to me?

By exploring these questions with curiosity and openness, we unearth hidden treasures of resilience and strength, reclaiming our power to fully embrace life's joyful moments.

But perhaps the most profound lesson of foreboding joy is this: joy is a spontaneous eruption of intoxicating emotion. In a world filled with uncertainty and unpredictability, we can’t control what the future holds. We can’t orchestrate it to happen when we want (or need) it most. What we can control is how we choose to show up in our present moments – with courage, with compassion, and with an unwavering commitment to living life authentically.

So, the next time you find yourself suppressing joy, as a ‘hedge’ technique, or hesitate to fully embrace a joyful moment, remember this: recognizing, naming, and understanding this emotion as ‘foreboding joy’ is the first step towards overcoming it. It's about acknowledging that it's okay to feel joy… simply as it is… without the fear of it costing us something precious in return. You don't need to earn your joyful moments or prove your worthiness of them – joy is your birthright as a human being! Embrace your vulnerability and lean into your joy with abandon. Then see what you notice about how that changes your experience of it.

In the end, it's not the absence of fear that defines us, but our willingness to dance with it – to embrace the full spectrum of our human emotion and emerge stronger, wiser, and more alive than ever before. So, the next time you notice the feeling of foreboding emerging through your joy, take a deep breath, and remember this: you deserve to live a life of happiness and fulfillment – without the need to pay a toll for your joy.

WHAT’S HIDING UNDER YOUR WATER LINE?

by Leslie Rohonczy, Executive Coach, IMC, PCC | ©2024 | www.leslierohonczy.com

Have you ever noticed how many iceberg models there are? We see them everywhere: training videos, corporate strategy, technology rollouts; just take a scroll through LinkedIn, and you’ll see what I mean! It's like the Swiss Army knife of metaphors (ah, a metaphor about a metaphors – how meta!)

But amidst the sea of diverse interpretations and representations, you may notice one similar principle that connects all iceberg models:

What we see on the surface is just a fraction of what's truly available to us if we get curious!

Leadership can sometimes feel like we’re navigating the ocean. It demands a keen understanding of the prevailing winds, knowledge of ocean currents, and awareness of the topography and hidden formations underwater.

Think about it—every decision we make, every action we take, and every outcome we achieve, has been influenced by what’s typically under the water line, hidden from awareness. In a similar way, unless we intentionally go exploring, we’re not usually aware of the deeper aspects below the water line that are driving our behaviours above it; things like a limiting belief, a fixed mindset, or a past challenge that feels similar.

We each have our own personal version of an iceberg model, with easy and frequent access to what’s within our awareness above our water line. But often, we are unaware of what’s below it, unconsciously influencing us, until when we notice discomfort, or get feedback from our partners, friends, leader, peers, or employees about our actions or behaviours.

As leaders, we also need to leverage this iceberg awareness with our employees. Taking a tandem dive below the water line with each person on your team can help them uncover the beliefs, values, and emotions that shape their behaviors and outcomes. If you're not paying attention to what's going on below the water line, you're missing out on some significant insights that could help you and your employees build self-awareness, resilience, trust, and confidence. The bonus prize in diving below the surface together is that it also builds vulnerability-based trust between you and your people.

Leaders who grasp the significance of delving beneath the surface (their own, and alongside their employees) are better equipped to navigate the turbulent waters of organizational dynamics. They recognize that beneath every action, decision, and outcome lies a complex interplay of beliefs, values, and emotions—elements that shape behaviors and drive results.

But here's the thing: in our fast-paced world, where time is a precious commodity and speed often trumps everything else, many leaders find themselves skimming the surface, hesitant to delve into the depths below, where a richness of insights awaits exploration.

But the ability to dive deeper, occasionally hopping into their submarine to do a deep dive below what’s known, obvious, or common is one of the markers of a high-performing leader.

Imagine you're dealing with a team conflict. On the surface, it may show up as a clash of personalities or conflicting agendas. But if you dig a little deeper, you might uncover some juicy nuggets — like unresolved tensions, unmet needs, or divergent values—that are fuelling the discord. And here's the kicker: if you ignore what's going on beneath the surface, you're not only missing out on valuable insights, but the situation will only get worse.

Take a moment to reflect on a leadership challenge that you're facing right now. Here are three questions to help you explore the situation more deeply:

  1. How could taking a deep dive, beneath the surface information you currently have, help you better understand what's really happening?

  2. Who do you need to have a deeper conversation with?

  3. How will you create a sense of safety during these deeper conversations, so that people can open up without fear of judgment?

The bottom line: what you see is just the tip of the iceberg. By embracing the depths, we can become better leaders, colleagues, friends, parents, and better humans overall.

MASTER YOUR CAREER SEARCH WITH 8 POWERFUL QUESTIONS

by Leslie Rohonczy, Executive Coach, IMC, PCC | ©2024 | www.leslierohonczy.com

In the fast-paced and competitive landscape of the current job market, standing out from the crowd is crucial. Here’s a powerful coaching practice that can give your career search the edge it needs.

Let’s explore career searching from four different perspectives, each represented by the Integral Theory quadrants. Grab your pen and journal, and spend some quality time with yourself, reflecting on the following powerful questions, as you embark on a journey of self-discovery and strategic planning.

VALUES-DRIVEN PURPOSE

This first quadrant focuses on what’s ‘inside you’: your sense of purpose, the values that you hold firmly, and your unique perspective on yourself and the world around you. Delving into your internal values and understanding the driving forces behind your career aspirations can provide a solid foundation. By aligning your career goals with your values, you'll not only find more fulfillment, but you’ll also present a genuine and authentic version of yourself to potential employers. From this values perspective, take a moment to ponder:

  1. What personal core values drive my career aspirations?

  2. What specifically draws me to a target role or company?


PEOPLE & RELATIONSHIPS

Building meaningful connections is a key aspect of any successful career search. Identifying and overcoming barriers to networking while strategically leveraging your existing support network can open doors to opportunities you may not have considered. With the relationships perspective in mind, answer these thought-provoking questions:

  1. What limiting beliefs, opinions, or feelings about networking can typically hold me back from reaching out to others?

  2. How might I leverage my biggest fans differently in my job search?


SYSTEMS & DETAILS

Having an efficient, organized process, an effective strategy, and tools to measure progress are all essential components of a successful career search. Assessing and adapting your approach based on measurable metrics can enhance your effectiveness, ensuring that your efforts yield tangible results. thinking about your formal and informal systems, reflect on:

  1. What do I need to adapt to be more efficient, targeted, or proactive in my networking, applications, and follow-ups?

  2. How will I measure the effectiveness of my career efforts?


ACTIONS & DOING

Finally, let's explore the 'Action' quadrant. Setting clear goals and taking actionable steps is the cornerstone of any successful career journey. By breaking down your goals into manageable actions and timelines, you'll create a roadmap for success and maintain momentum throughout your search. Reflect on your action orientation, and how you’re getting into action, with these questions:

  1. What career goals and targets have you set for yourself?

  2. What specific actions do you need to take today? This week? This month?


Exploring these eight reflection questions provides a holistic approach to your career search, helping you be more able to articulate your values, build relationships, create effective systems, and take strategic actions.

Wishing you great success in your career search – may your path be fulfilling and prosperous!

LEADERSHIP STRATEGIES FOR MULTI-GENERATIONS

by Leslie Rohonczy, Executive Coach, IMC, PCC | ©2024 | www.leslierohonczy.com

In this article, we’ll explore leading and managing individuals from various generations, each with unique strengths, weaknesses, motivations, and preferences. Great leadership recognizes and leverages the uniqueness that each generation brings to the workplace, and also acknowledges that each employee has a unique personality that is also a factor in how to lead them most effectively.

UNDERSTANDING EMPLOYEES BY GENERATION

BABY BOOMERS (1946-1964)

Baby Boomers are valuable assets to their organizations, characterized by unparalleled loyalty and dedication. Their extensive tenure in the workforce equips them with a wealth of institutional knowledge, making them indispensable contributors. Boomers thrive when they have a clear understanding of their roles and feel their opinions are valued by both managers and peers, resulting in heightened engagement.

 Despite their significant institutional knowledge, tenure alone does not guarantee peak performance. Constructive feedback becomes pivotal in refining their contributions. When providing feedback to Baby Boomers, consider their preference for control. Offering transparent feedback and practical tools for improvement empowers them to feel more able to address the identified areas. Boomers exhibit a goal-oriented mindset, making coaching conversations more effective when centered around specific goals or objectives. Although they may avoid conflict, positioning feedback as an avenue for personal growth ensures a positive reception.

 Occasionally, feedback may address a Baby Boomer's critical attitude towards younger colleagues, as some may perceive Millennials or Gen Zs as entitled and unwilling to put in hard work. Managers, particularly Millennials in leadership roles, should acknowledge Boomers' experience at the outset of coaching conversations, to help build trust.

 Boomers prefer regular and conventional feedback methods, such as routine performance reviews. In the absence of feedback, they will rely on their interpretation of behavioral cues, so ensure your communications are timely.

 Positive feedback resonates profoundly with this generation, and whenever possible, public acknowledgment of achievements enhances their sense of value and contribution.

 Leaders managing Baby Boomers can tap into their strong work ethic and value for loyalty. Recognizing their experience and contributions over the years is crucial. Acknowledging their desire for job security, leaders can offer stability and emphasize the long-term impact of their work. Tools like in-person training sessions and face-to-face communication can be effective, as Baby Boomers often prefer direct interaction.

 SUMMARY: BABY BOOMERS

  • STRENGTHS: Team-oriented, service-driven, goal-focused.

  • WEAKNESSES: Resistance to feedback, potential challenge adapting to rapid change.

  • MOTIVATION CHARACTERISTICS: Desire for personal fulfillment, value collaboration.

  • FEEDBACK PREFERENCES: Regular and constructive feedback, recognition of achievements.

 

GENERATION X (1965 -1980)

An informal managerial style resonates well with Gen Xers. This generation values learning and skill development, expecting employers to provide resources and hands-on learning experiences with immediate feedback and coaching. When you’re coaching Gen Xers, leverage their desire for skill enhancement as a motivating factor.

 Feedback is most effective when delivered in a casual work environment, emphasizing teamwork and solidarity, and recognizing their commitment to their profession and the pursuit of opportunities that enhance essential skills for career advancement.

 Leaders of Generation X employees should appreciate their independence and resourcefulness. Managers should break down long-term goals into manageable targets, ensuring progress towards objectives and a sense of accomplishment. Using technology (eg: online collaboration tools) aligns with their tech-savvy nature. Encourage a collaborative and inclusive work culture and demonstrate how you value their input and expertise.

 Recognizing the equality of all team members is crucial when providing feedback, considering their upbringing in self-reliant environments where they learned to be active participants in discussions from an early age.

 Gen Xers often bring awareness of unique skills to the team and may need coaching to appreciate the expertise of their colleagues fully. Acknowledging these skills fosters receptivity to further learning and collaboration.

 You can help them define a clear career path and offer insights about available support offered by your organization to help them meet their career goals. Regular teaching and coaching sessions are essential, aligning with Gen Xers' commitment to their professions and their pursuit of continuous skill development.

SUMMARY: GENERATION X

  • STRENGTHS: Adaptability, independence, entrepreneurial mindset.

  • WEAKNESSES: Skepticism, potential for work-life balance struggles.

  • MOTIVATION CHARACTERISTICS: Appreciation for autonomy, results driven.

  • FEEDBACK PREFERENCES: Clear and concise feedback, opportunities for skill development.

 

MILLENNIALS (1981-1996)

Leadership for Millennials involves fostering a sense of purpose and social responsibility. Leaders can inspire Millennials by aligning organizational goals with a broader societal impact, emphasizing the value their work brings to the world.

 Millennials place a high value on continuous feedback in the workplace, seeking assurance that their contributions are appreciated. Providing regular feedback and recognition aligns with their desire for instant gratification and personal development.

 Unlike previous generations, Millennials often find it challenging to handle negative criticism due to their upbringing in positive and supportive environments. While others may have grown up in a culture of negative reinforcement, Millennials expect a more positive and respectful approach to feedback.

 Adopting a coaching approach is effective when providing corrective feedback to Millennials. This approach aligns with thier desire for respectful language while offering a constructive path for performance improvement. Millennials appreciate leadership who play the role of a coach, mentor, and teacher, fostering a positive and developmental mindset.

 Respect Millennials' preference for constructive language and try to avoid unnecessary confrontation and harsh criticism. Respectfully address and issues, provide guidance on the correct approach, and motivate them toward continual improvement.

 Effectively managing Millennials involves connecting to their purpose and positioning corrective feedback as an investment in their personal and career development goals, resulting in positive reactions and improved performance.

  SUMMARY: MILLENIALS

  • STRENGTHS: Tech-savvy, optimistic, collaborative.

  • WEAKNESSES: Impatience, potential for job-hopping if unfulfilled.

  • MOTIVATION CHARACTERISTICS: Thrive on innovation, value work with a purpose.

  • FEEDBACK PREFERENCES: Regular feedback, mentorship, and opportunities for continuous learning.

 

GENERATION Z (1997 and later)

As the newest demographic entering the workforce, Generation Z brings unique qualities that demand a fresh perspective from their older counterparts. Known for their assertiveness and confidence, their inclination to be blunt can be misinterpreted. Gen Z individuals are hard workers who may challenge their supervisors without intending disrespect.

 Managing Generation Z employees requires adaptability and a focus on innovation. Leaders should leverage technology in communication and task management. Encouraging creativity and providing opportunities for skill development are vital for this generation. Recognizing their entrepreneurial spirit and desire for autonomy, offering project-based assignments and opportunities to take the lead can inspire and drive employee engagement.

 Despite their strong connection to mobile devices, Gen Z thrives on communication, making feedback crucial. Studies indicate that 60% of Gen Z workers desire multiple check-ins from their managers weekly, with 40% preferring daily interactions. While they appreciate digital communication, the frequency of check-ins poses a challenge for some managers. Responding promptly is essential, as Gen Z seeks instantaneous feedback, both positive and constructive. Regular check-ins and feedback sessions using digital platforms can ensure effective communication.

 Creating a diverse and inclusive workplace resonates well with Generation Z, and they appreciate a workplace that values social and environmental responsibility.

 To effectively provide feedback to Gen Z employees, a coaching management style proves most beneficial. This approach encourages self-reflection and improvement, posing questions like, "What challenges are you facing?" and "How can I help you?" Managers can enhance communication by practicing active listening, ensuring that their feedback is well-understood. Even when delivering disciplinary feedback, highlighting the employee's positive contributions is essential.

SUMMARY: GENERATION Z

  • STRENGTHS: Tech-native, entrepreneurial, socially conscious.

  • WEAKNESSES: Potential for shorter attention spans, reliance on digital communication.

  • MOTIVATION CHARACTERISTICS: Desire for meaningful work, value diversity and inclusion.

  • FEEDBACK PREFERENCES: Instant and digital feedback, mentorship, and collaborative platforms.

 

LEADERSHIP STRATEGIES

  • Adaptive Leadership: Tailor your leadership style to meet the needs of each generation. Recognize and appreciate diverse working styles, fostering an inclusive and adaptable environment. Be careful of any generational biases that may be influencing your perception of performance (negatively AND positively).

  • Effective Communication: Recognize the importance of communication and tailor your approach accordingly. Acknowledge that Boomers may prefer a more formal style, while Millennials and Generation Z thrive in casual, collaborative settings. Utilize diverse communication channels to accommodate generational preferences and ensure team-wide communications include information that will resonate with each generation.

  • Recognition and Feedback: Acknowledge and celebrate achievements across generations. Provide constructive feedback in a manner that aligns with individual preferences. Timely, clear, and supportive feedback ensures a positive and growth-oriented atmosphere.

  • Mentorship Programs: Implement ‘mutual mentorship’ initiatives that encourage cross-generational collaboration. Pairing experienced Baby Boomers and Gen Xers with tech-savvy Millennials and Generation Z individuals can create a mutually beneficial learning environment that benefits the individuals, the team performance, and the organization as a whole.

  • Flexible Work Policies: Recognize the diverse work-life balance needs among different generations. Offer flexible work arrangements and benefits to accommodate varying lifestyles and preferences, ensuring a more inclusive and supportive workplace.

  • Invest in Professional Development: Invest in continuous learning opportunities. Recognize that Generation X may value skill-building courses, Millennials may be seeking opportunities for career advancement, and Generation Z may prioritize avenues for social impact. Tailor professional development initiatives to meet the diverse needs of each generation.

 

Regardless of generational differences, every employee desires and deserves feedback to facilitate learning, growth, and a sense of value. Successfully leading and managing a multi-generational workforce requires a nuanced understanding of the strengths, weaknesses, motivations, and preferences of each generation. By embracing adaptability, effective communication, and tailored leadership strategies, leaders can foster a collaborative and inclusive environment that leverages every individual’s potential, regardless of their generation.

LEADERSHIP STYLES

by Leslie Rohonczy, Executive Coach, IMC, PCC | ©2024 | www.leslierohonczy.com 

 Here are descriptions for six distinct leadership styles that you have likely seen in action. Some of these styles are best practices, and some should die off as the dinosaurs they are. Leaders will likely toggle between these seven styles over their careers, depending on the situation. As you read the descriptions, see if any names come to mind, based on your own career.

 

ALL STICK, NO CARROT

This is a short-horizon leadership style with the primary objective of achieving immediate compliance. This leader gives directives rather than direction, by telling employees what to do and how to do it. They expect immediate, unquestioning compliance, and micro-manage tightly to maintain control. This style is ideal for the battalion commander under siege in a military conflict, who must ensure that every soldier comes home alive. Of course, business challenges are rarely life-and-death, but some leaders still believe this is what good leadership looks like. Their feedback is corrective, often brutal, with little recognition of what employees do right, and they wield threats of negative consequences for non-compliance. Turnover is typically high as employees endure this leader only until they can get the hell out. And that hits the bottom line with higher recruitment and training costs.

 

VISION & STANDARDS

This style of leadership provides inspirational long-horizon vision and inspires employees by connecting them with the ‘why’ behind that vision. Vision and Standards leaders chart the course and are usually powerful storytellers whose passion for their vision is contagious. They invite employees to share their perspective on the vision and they set clear standards of performance for how their organization will move forward towards their visionary objectives. Vision and Standards leaders use a balance of positive and constructive feedback as a motivation tool. Employees rarely leave leaders who can inspire them.

 

ALL CARROT, NO STICK

This leadership style seeks harmony on the team and is focused on building and recognizing positive interactions. These leaders place a lot of importance on employees’ personal needs, providing recognition, and boosting employee morale. While that sounds great on the surface, beware of the downside: these leaders sometimes settle for ‘adequate’ performance because they avoid providing corrective feedback that could help employees grow and propel the business towards their goals faster. Not only does it promote artificial harmony, but by avoiding productive conflict, the team misses out on diverse thinking, challenging assumptions, building conflict resolution skills, and creating authentic team cohesion. Employees leave this type of leader not because they’re being mistreated, but because they perceive their leader is not investing in their own growth and development or not treating everyone fairly because they are too soft on nonperforming employees.

 

TASK MASTER

This leadership style has a task-focused short-term horizon, with the goal of getting the maximum amount done, and done perfectly. There are similarities with the ‘All Stick No Carrot’ type, but the difference is that Task Masters require employees to spend significant time and resources to provide a rationale every step of the way, and they withdraw responsibility and support when employees fail to meet their exacting standards. This leader enjoys leading by example – but not in a good way: they set their own bar unreasonably high, and then admonish their employees for ‘poor performance’. They avoid delegation, often leaping in to rescue a project or situation with detailed task-based instructions. The Task Master leader typically has little empathy and will only focus on collaborating at the task level, where they work in the weeds, rather than on business strategy and values. This leadership style can create high absenteeism, continuous employee turnover, burn-out, and medical stress leaves.

 

M.I.A.

This ‘missing-in-action’ leadership style is so hands-off that they become virtually invisible to their employees. Some M.I.A. leaders prefer to spend their time on their own pet projects; others are so focused on themselves that they spend most of their time positioning themselves with their peers and leaders, to the detriment of their teams; still others are afraid to be perceived as directive or micromanaging, preferring to let their employees lead. This style of leadership can be a great growth opportunity for the right employee to lead an initiative, but the direction and wellbeing of an entire team requires leadership presence. In all three of these scenarios, they are abdicating their leadership responsibilities for oversight of their teams in some way. The M.I.A leadership style often creates confusion, silos, lack of collaboration, overlaps and conflict, capacity challenges, and disengagement.

 

LEADER-COACH

The goal of this ‘gold standard’ long-term leadership style is the growth and professional development of employees and peers. Leader-Coaches help grow employees’ awareness of their unique strengths and limiting weaknesses, and work with them to establish long-term developmental goals. They seek the participation of their people in the process of leadership by trusting their employees to interpret and develop appropriate direction – both for themselves and for the organization – and they welcome diverse perspectives in decision-making. They seek commitment and create new, innovative ideas. They also look for opportunities to achieve alignment, as they listen to concerns and feedback from employees. By focusing on the holistic growth of the individual human (note I didn’t say ‘worker’), they provide ongoing feedback and support to help their employees be all they can be. They may even loosen current performance standards to help employees develop into a new role (and sometimes that new role is not even on their own team), because it’s the best thing for the employee. For them, the tradeoff is worth it. The Leader-Coach style creates empowerment, transparency, engagement, productivity, knowledge-sharing, and the space for employees to show up authentically. Sometimes, the downside is slower outputs while employees are learning, but the return on that investment is exponential.

 

PRACTICE: LEADERSHIP STYLE REFLECTION

  1. Based on the descriptions above, which leadership style is your ‘center of gravity’; your go-to preferred style? If you typically toggle between two, list them both.

  2. How does your predominant style affect your employees’ experience of your leadership? Answer this question from each individual employee’s point of view.

  3. Employees typically have three questions on their minds when meeting with their leader: 1) do you care about me? 2) can you help me? and 3) can I trust you? How might your employees evaluate you on these three aspects?

  4. What other styles might you experiment with to grow as a leader and help your team achieve success, and what styles might you dial down as you experiment?

  5. How will you track, reflect on, and measure your progress on these experiments?

 

If you’re curious to explore more about your leadership style, contact me for a free coaching consultation. I’d love to help you grow your leadership skills.

www.leslierohonczy.com | 613-863-8347 | leslierohonczy@live.com