WHY DO YOU REALLY WANT TO LEAD? 5 Uncomfortable Questions to Ask Yourself

By Leslie Rohonczy, IMC™, PCC

Executive Coach | Leadership Development Expert | Author | Speaker | ©2026 | www.leslierohonczy.com

Ask someone why they want a bigger leadership role, and you'll usually hear the standard answers: "I want to make a difference" or "I want to help people grow." Both may be completely sincere; admirable even, and definitely plausible. Also, probably not the whole story.

Perhaps you really want greater influence, recognition, money, authority, or challenge. Perhaps the promotion would prove something to a former boss, a parent, a colleague, or yourself. There's no shame in any of these drivers, and they don't make you unfit to lead. They make you human.

The risk begins when we refuse to examine those motivations more deeply. An unacknowledged need doesn't disappear when the promotion is announced. It just gets a larger office, a bigger budget, and more people to influence.

YOUR AMBITION IS DATA

Leadership researchers Kim-Yin Chan and Fritz Drasgow introduced the term ‘motivation to lead’ in their research on the three sources of leadership motivation: we may be drawn to leadership because we enjoy it and see ourselves as leaders; because we feel a duty to step forward; or because we're willing to accept the costs and responsibilities involved. Their findings also showed that motivation to lead adds meaningful information when predicting leadership potential.

In other words, the motivation for why we lead deserves more attention than a common question during a promotion interview.

Most of us have a mix of motives, not just one. We can care deeply about helping others, enjoy being influential, and appreciate the salary increase. Self-awareness asks us to recognize what's driving us, so those motives don't take over when pressure rises.

The more useful question, then, isn't simply, “Do I want the job?” It’s, “Do I want the work the job will require of me?” That work comes with a few uncomfortable tests.

FIVE POWERFUL QUESTIONS

Here are five questions that can help you look beneath those standard polished reasons for wanting to lead and examine what may also be driving you. Whether you’re considering a leadership role or already in one, reflect on them with curiosity rather than trying to produce “right” answers. They can help you distinguish between wanting the title and wanting the work that comes with it. They can also help you anticipate where your motives could shape your behaviour, and make more deliberate choices about the kind of leader you want to be.

1. WOULD YOU STILL WANT TO LEAD WITHOUT THE RECOGNITION?

Imagine that your new title will impress no one. There's no spotlight, no special recognition, caché, or fancy office that comes with this promotion. And you'll still have to address poor performance, defend an unpopular decision, absorb pressure from above, and support people through uncertainty.

Does the work still interest you? Not the title, but the day-to-day work required. This simple question can help you separate attraction to the role from appetite for its actual, although less glamorous, responsibilities.

2. ARE YOU WILLING TO GIVE AWAY DECISIONS AND CREDIT?

Many people earn leadership roles because they're excellent operational problem-solvers. They're great at doing the work, and they often get fulfillment from it. Then they're promoted as a reward for doing it so well, only to discover that the promotion has taken them away from the very work that made them happy and successful.

Their value used to come from doing and solving problems exceptionally well. But on the other side of a promotion, their value as leaders must now come from building other people's judgment, coaching and guiding them for development and performance, and getting the work done through others.

That can be a tough pill to swallow for someone who loves the doing part. Suddenly, they're standing outside the fun stuff like a kid looking in a candy shop window. Solving the problem themselves would be faster. Rewriting the work would be easier. Making the decision would feel satisfying. Being in the action would be juicy. And without realizing it, they become the bottleneck.

Leadership asks us to let someone else wrestle with a problem, try new things, explore solutions, make a sound decision, implement it, and receive the credit. If your identity depends on being the person with the answers, leadership can expose that dependency pretty quickly.

3. CAN PEOPLE DISAGREE WITH YOU SAFELY?

Authority changes conversations. Even warm, approachable leaders underestimate how much people edit themselves around power. Gallup has reported that managers account for approximately 70% of the variance in employee engagement across business units. How a leader listens, responds, delegates, recognizes, and corrects has enormous consequences.

As your authority grows, people are less willing to risk candour. You can make it safer by receiving feedback openly while resisting the urge to explain it away. You can also reward people who surface risks, and allow disagreement to influence your thinking. If everyone agrees with you, it may be because your judgment is consistently sound, but it may also be because people don't feel safe challenging you. That possibility deserves investigation too.

4. DO YOU WANT TO GROW PEOPLE, EVEN WHEN IT SLOWS YOU DOWN?

“I want to develop others” sounds splendid until development becomes inconvenient. Real development requires time, clarity, stretch, experimentation, unintended consequences, feedback, and room to learn. Sometimes it means watching someone take the scenic route to a conclusion you reached ten minutes ago. Sometimes it means coaching a capable person who may eventually outgrow your team.

“Developing people” can't survive as a slogan. It has to appear in calendars, assignments, actions, conversations, and decisions about who gets opportunities, recognition, and visibility.

5. WHAT DO YOU EXPECT LEADERSHIP TO PROVE?

This may be the most revealing question of all. Complete these sentences from your own individual perspective, without answering on behalf of your organization, your team, or the interview panel:

• When I reach the next level, I'll feel...

• I'll finally know...

• Other people will see me as...

• I'll no longer have to...

• I'll have proved...

Read your answers with curiosity. Look for the emotional contract you may be trying to sign with the role or title. A promotion can give you more authority. It can't permanently settle whether you're intelligent, valuable, respected, or enough. When we ask a title to do that for us, we get unintended consequences: we may hoard decisions to feel essential, avoid feedback to preserve a feeling of certainty, or overwork to justify our place. Those patterns are costly, but they're coachable once we become aware of them.

THE QUESTION BEHIND THE QUESTION

Wanting to lead isn't evidence that you should. Some uncertainty about whether leadership is right for you may reflect a healthy respect for what the role will require of you.

Before pursuing the next title, we might ask a more demanding set of questions: Do I want to hold power, and how would I use it responsibly? Can I help others become less dependent on me? Am I willing to hear what authority makes harder for people to say? Can I remain curious about my impact when my intentions are good?

The strongest motivation for leadership may not be pure selflessness or naked ambition, but the willingness to keep examining both, while accepting responsibility for what our motives produce in other people.

YOUR COACHING CHALLENGE

Write down every reason you want your current leadership role, or the next one. Include the obvious reasons, and also include the private reasons you would choose to edit out of an interview answer. Then ask: When this motive is healthy, how does it strengthen my leadership? When it takes over, what might other people experience from me? You don't need perfectly selfless motives to lead well. You need to understand what is driving you, recognize how those motives shape your decisions and relationships, and take responsibility when they begin to lead you instead of serving the people you lead.

SOURCES

Chan, K. Y., and Drasgow, F. (2001). Toward a theory of individual differences and leadership: Understanding the motivation to lead. Journal of Applied Psychology, 86(3), 481 498. Gallup (2015). Managers Account for 70% of Variance in Employee Engagement.

THE SIX ENGINES OF AMBITION: Do You Know Your Ambition Profile?

by Leslie Rohonczy, IMC, PCC, Executive Coach & Author

(LISTEN TO NARRATED AUDIOARTICLE VERSION)

If you're like most ambitious leaders, you probably know where you want to go. And also like many leaders, you may never have stopped to ask yourself what's pulling you there.

Promotion conversations usually revolve around readiness. Do you have the experience? Have you demonstrated executive presence? Can you think strategically? Are you ready to lead at the next level? These are important questions, and organizations should absolutely be asking them. They're just not the questions that intrigue me most.

When a client tells me they're hoping to become a Vice President, a C-suite executive, or even to make the move into their first leadership role, I'm curious about something else: "What is it about that role that's so appealing to you?"

At first, the answer is usually broad, and typically, "I want to make a difference." It's a perfectly reasonable answer. It just isn't the whole answer.

As we continue the conversation, something fascinating almost always emerges. Two leaders can be pursuing the same promotion for completely different reasons. One is captivated by the opportunity to shape the organization's future. Another lights up when talking about developing people. A third is excited by the challenge of operating at a completely different level. Someone else feels a responsibility to step forward because they know they can help. From the outside, they appear to be travelling the same road. Under the hood, though, they're powered by very different engines.

After seeing this pattern again and again over the years, I began sketching what eventually became the Six Engines of Ambition model. These engines represent the motivations that create the horsepower behind our ambition. We all have all six within us, but each contributes a different amount of power. That mix is unique to each person, and it often shifts as our careers evolve.

Before reading further, resist the temptation to decide which engine you are. That's a bit like asking which instrument matters most in an orchestra. Almost nobody is powered by a single engine. Instead, notice which descriptions resonate most strongly with you. You're not looking for one answer; you're discovering the mix of engines in your profile.

Calling is the engine of purpose. If this is one of your strongest engines, the organization's mission matters deeply to you. You're less attracted to leadership itself than to the opportunity to advance something you genuinely believe deserves your energy. Ask yourself what excites you most about the next promotion. If your answer begins with the organization's purpose rather than your own career, then your Calling Engine is probably doing a lot of the work. Its shadow appears when the mission becomes so intertwined with your identity that disagreement starts feeling personal.

Contribution is the engine of service. These leaders gain enormous satisfaction from making other people's lives better. They enjoy coaching, mentoring, removing obstacles, and creating environments where others can thrive. They're often the people who leave a meeting thinking less about how they performed and more about whether everyone else left feeling heard, supported, or inspired. Their shadow is over-functioning. Helping gradually becomes rescuing, and before long, they're carrying responsibilities that belong to someone else.

Vision is fueled by possibility. These leaders naturally look over the horizon. They become energized imagining what the organization could become three, five or ten years from now. They enjoy building, transforming, and creating. If you find yourself becoming impatient with conversations that never seem to move beyond today's operational issues, the Vision Engine may be one of your dominant drivers. Its shadow appears when tomorrow becomes so exciting that today starts feeling like an inconvenience.

Adventure is the engine of growth. Some people see uncertainty and instinctively think, that sounds interesting. New challenges, unfamiliar situations, and bigger problems energize them rather than intimidate them. Every promotion is another chance to discover what they're capable of. Their shadow appears when climbing becomes more rewarding than contributing, leaving them constantly searching for the next mountain before fully appreciating the one they're already standing on.

Obligation is fueled by responsibility. I've coached many leaders who never set out to become senior executives. They simply looked around, saw a need, and concluded that someone had to step forward. They care deeply about doing the right thing and are often the people organizations depend on during difficult times. If you've ever caught yourself thinking, If I don't do this, who will?, there's a good chance the Obligation Engine is one of your strongest drivers. Its shadow is becoming indispensable. Delegation becomes difficult because being the dependable one has become part of your identity.

Ego is the engine most people are reluctant to acknowledge. There is often a degree of shame attached to admitting it's one of our drivers because we associate ego with being egotistical or self-aggrandizing. I don't believe that's true. Recognition matters. Achievement matters. Titles matter. Human beings have always cared about status, and healthy ambition has fueled extraordinary careers. There's nothing inherently wrong with wanting to accomplish something significant or being proud when others recognize your contribution. The shadow appears only when the title becomes more important than the work, or when your sense of self becomes defined by the title on your business card.

One of the things I find most fascinating is that these engines rarely stay in the same proportions throughout a career. I coached a newly promoted manager early in my coaching career. About fifteen years later he called me again because he was trying to decide whether to pursue an executive role. On paper, it looked like the obvious next step. He had the experience, the credibility, and the support of his organization. Yet something just didn't feel quite right.

As we explored what was creating the hesitation, he said, "I don't actually want the title. I want the chance to shape where we're going." That moment changed the conversation. Until then, he believed he was pursuing a promotion. What he eventually discovered was that, unlike fifteen years earlier, he was now being driven by the Vision Engine. Once he understood that, he also realized there were several ways to influence the organization's future, only one of which involved the executive role he'd been focused on.

I've watched similar discoveries unfold many times. Leaders realize they've been driven primarily by the Contribution Engine without ever recognizing it. Others discover that their Obligation Engine has been making career decisions for years. Some come to appreciate their Ego Engine for giving them the confidence to pursue opportunities they might otherwise have avoided, while realizing it no longer needed to be their dominant engine. The engines themselves aren't the problem. The problem is allowing them to operate without ever noticing which one is doing most of the driving.

The goal isn't simply to identify your ambition engine; it's to understand your Ambition Profile. Once you do, career decisions become clearer, and you begin recognizing why certain opportunities immediately excite you while others, despite offering more money or prestige, leave you feeling meh. That's when you stop measuring your ambition against someone else's and begin making choices that are genuinely aligned with your own motivations.

Your next promotion may change your title. But understanding your Ambition Profile may change your career.

YOUR COACHING CHALLENGE

BUILD YOUR AMBITION PROFILE: Spend some time with the Six Ambition Engines definitions above, and estimate your current profile by assigning a percentage to each one. You may have a sense of your strongest, and your weakest engines – fill those in first. Don't answer based on who you aspire to become. Base your answers on the choices you've consistently made in your career. Your total should equal 100%.

• Calling: _____%

• Contribution: _____%

• Vision: _____%

• Adventure: _____%

• Obligation: _____%

• Ego: _____%

Now ask yourself three questions:

1. Which ambition engine has generated most of the horsepower that got me where I am today?

2. Which engine may be revving higher than it should be?

3. Over the next five years, which engine do I want fueling this next chapter?

Your answers may reinforce the career path you're already on, or they may point you in an entirely different direction. Either way, you'll gain insights into yourself that many ambitious leaders never stop to examine.

HOW OLD IS THE PERSON STEERING YOUR CAREER? Your Destination Was Chosen by Someone Who No Longer Exists

Leslie Rohonczy, IMC, PCC, Executive Coach & Author

 (LISTEN TO NARRATED AUDIOARTICLE VERSION)

The first few years of my adult life were the striving years. Striving to make ends meet, striving to get noticed in my career, among a sea of other young professionals who always seemed to be better at standing out from the crowd than I was; striving for a promotion to the next level, without ever really asking myself why a title was my end game; striving to feel my own worth, when I didn’t feel at all worthy.

And when I finally got that hard-fought promotion, and found myself in that shitty little clapboard office in the middle of the advertising department at our local newspaper, I had a sphincter-shifting moment of clarity: “Was THIS what I had been working so long and hard for? This office with no window and no purpose? How could all of my striving, motivation, blood, sweat, and tears really have been about THIS?!”

That experience, and that question, changed my career. The promotion was exactly what I'd wanted, which was precisely the problem. I'd spent years chasing a destination chosen by a version of me who no longer existed.

At the time, I couldn't have explained what was happening. I just knew something felt profoundly off. Looking back now, I realize it was the first time I'd noticed that somewhere between the striving and the arriving, it was me that had changed, not the destination.

That experience isn't unique to me. I've heard versions of this experience in many of my executive coaching conversations. The offices are usually much nicer than mine was, and the titles on the business card are more impressive, but eventually the same uncomfortable question appears: Now what? Or sometimes: Is this really all there is?

Life reshapes us while we are busy building our careers. The destination we chose at twenty-eight no longer fits the person we've become at forty-eight, but we may not see it if we don't pause long enough to notice the mismatch.

A few weeks ago, I found myself watching a YouTube video of a single sculler crossing a perfectly calm lake. There was something mesmerizing about how the boat cut through the glassy water. Every stroke looked powerful yet effortless, as it glided across the water with absolute purpose.

I find rowing kind of a strange way to travel. The boat moves confidently forward while the rower faces the opposite direction. Rowers can clearly see where they've been. They can study the wake they've left behind, and can appreciate every kilometer they've already travelled. The one thing they can't actually see is where they're going.

Hey, that also describes many leadership careers! Early in our careers we choose a direction that makes complete sense at the time. We pursue promotions, bigger teams with more span of control, financial security, influence, recognition, and the opportunity to prove ourselves. We want to make our parents proud, build something meaningful, provide for our families, or finally settle that relentless inner voice insisting we're still not enough.

There is nothing wrong with any of those motivations. In fact, they often provide exactly the fuel we need during those demanding early years. But life has a habit of changing us while we're busy rowing.

Successes often turn out to be less satisfying than we imagined. We experience illness, burnout, unexpected opportunities, disappointments, and moments of clarity we never saw coming. And over time, our definition of success begins to evolve. Status starts giving way to significance. Recognition becomes less important than contribution. Freedom matters more than prestige.

The person holding the oars today isn't the same person who first climbed into the boat and set the direction. Yet many of us continue rowing toward the same destination simply because that's where we pointed the boat years ago.

One of my favourite coaching questions catches people completely off guard: How old is the person currently steering your career?

Sometimes it's the twenty-five-year-old you who's desperate to prove she belongs. Or the young father determined to build financial security for his new family. Sometimes it's the ambitious new executive convinced that one more promotion will finally deliver the satisfaction they've been chasing.

That younger version of ourselves deserves enormous respect. They worked hard, took risks, made sacrifices, and created opportunities that today's version of us benefits from every single day. But they couldn't possibly have known who we would become. They didn't know which experiences would shape us, what losses we would endure, what relationships would change us, or how dramatically our understanding of a meaningful life would evolve.

So why are they still deciding where we're headed?

I think this is where many can get stuck. It might feel like lost ambition after decades of investment and building up our expertise, relationships, credibility, and identity. Changing direction can begin to feel like admitting those investments were mistakes. They weren't. They just brought us to the place where we're finally experienced enough to ask a better question.

Instead of asking, “Can I get there?” the question becomes, “Do I still want 'there'?”

That may be one of the hardest career questions we'll ever ask ourselves because the answer often asks us to loosen our grip on a destination we've carried for years; one that feels like our encoded mission, because we've been chasing it so long.

One of the greatest gifts coaching has ever given me is permission to pause before pushing forward. We're conditioned to believe that success comes from rowing harder. Sometimes it does. But sometimes, the wisest thing a rower can do is lift the oars from the water, let the boat glide, and take some time to turn around and really study their trajectory.

Only then can you answer the question, "does this destination still belong to the person I am today?" I encourage leaders to ask themselves uncomfortable questions as part of the process. Questions like, "If you were choosing your career today, would you choose the same destination?" "Which ambitions genuinely belong to you, and which belong to a younger version of yourself?" "What are you continuing simply because you've already invested so much?" "What gives you energy today that barely mattered ten years ago?" "If nobody else's expectations mattered, where would you point the boat?"

Sometimes the answers are deeply reassuring. You discover you're exactly where you're meant to be, and you begin rowing again with conviction because your destination has been consciously chosen by the person you are today, and not inherited from someone you used to be.

Other times the answers lead somewhere entirely different: a new awareness, a different role, a revised definition of success, a shift in priorities, or a career that finally reflects the person you've become instead of the person you once were.

Neither outcome means your younger self got it wrong. That version of you did exactly what they were supposed to do: they got you this far. But at some point, every leader deserves to ask a simple question: Who is this person holding the oars now?

The younger version of you chose a destination with the wisdom they had at the time. You don't owe them blind obedience. You owe them gratitude.

Now it's your turn to decide where the boat goes next.

YOUR COACHING CHALLENGE

This week, spend ten uninterrupted minutes with a blank sheet of paper. Across the top, write this question: How old is the person currently steering my career?

Don't answer it too quickly. Think about the ambitions you're pursuing right now, the goals you're sacrificing for, the opportunities you're saying yes to, and the ones you're turning down.

Then ask yourself: If I were starting my career today, with everything I've learned about myself over the past twenty years, would I still choose this destination?

If the answer is yes, you've just reaffirmed that you're rowing with purpose. If the answer is no, don't panic. You don't have to change direction tomorrow. You simply need to acknowledge that the person holding the oars today deserves a voice in deciding where your boat goes next.

IS THIS YOUR 'TRAPEZE MOMENT'? Release the Death Grip On Your Current Bar

By Leslie Rohonczy, IMC™, PCC

Executive Coach | Leadership Development Expert | Author | Speaker | ©2026 | www.leslierohonczy.com

Most of us can picture the glamour and excitement of a trapeze act: the elegant swing, the release and heart-pounding flight through the air, the satisfying grab onto the new trapeze bar, followed by thundering applause. But hold the phone… what about that awkward, slightly terrifying bit in between? The part where the flyer has released their grip on the trapeze bar and, for what feels like forever, is suspended in open air with no connection to anything solid. It’s a hold-your-breath, hope-your-timing-is-good, please-let-this-work kind of moment.

It can feel safer to keep swinging on the same bar we already know. Real change shows up in that split second when we decide to let go and hurtle through the air toward something we can’t yet grab.

If we’ve ever found ourselves staring at our work and thinking, “I can’t keep doing this,” while also having no tidy answer for what comes next, we’re likely there. It doesn’t arrive with fireworks or a perfectly drafted resignation letter. It tends to show up in far less cinematic ways, more like a persistent signal that something no longer fits, like a favourite jacket that used to fit perfectly and now sits just a bit off, no matter how many times we try to adjust it.

WHEN EVERYTHING LOOKS FINE BUT ISN'T

I was coaching a leader recently who had built a strong and credible career over many years. If we were looking for someone who was steady, thoughtful, dependable, respected, capable, and a great people person, he’d be at the top of the list.

From the outside, everything looked… fine. Solid, even. No crisis to solve; no burning platform. No one tapping him on the shoulder saying, “You know what, now would be a great time to blow all this up and see what happens.”

Internally, though, the story was different. He knew, deep down in that ‘knowing place’ we all have, that he needed a change. But the problem was that he couldn’t clearly articulate what he wanted next. There was no neat plan or polished narrative about a bold new chapter. What he did have was a growing awareness that his current situation no longer fit him in the way it once had, and that awareness was only going to become more inconvenient and uncomfortable. So he stayed, gripping tightly to something that had stopped feeling right.

We tend to celebrate decisive moves, promotions, and bold pivots that look great in hindsight. We applaud the hero’s journey once the arc is clear and the ending makes sense. What we tend to skip over is the long, ambiguous stretch in between, when we know it’s time for something different but can’t yet name what that something is without sounding like we’re just making sh*t up as we go.

For many of us, when we find ourselves in that space, we do what we’ve always done well: we use our big brains to analyze and rationalize, believing that we can think our way out of our discomfort. We reflect, analyze, crunch the data, gather perspectives, read articles like this one, and generate insight after insight. It feels productive, and to be fair, it can be helpful as a starting point, but it isn’t a plan of action. Then we pause, often for reasons that sound responsible and strategic in the moment. We wait for a clearer signal, collect a bit more data, and tell ourselves timing matters. All of that can be true, and it also gives us a very comfortable place to remain when things feel uncertain.

Over time, a pattern starts to take shape. Insight leads to hesitation. Hesitation leads to retreat. Retreat leads back to reflection. Around and around we go, often with more sophisticated language each time and less actual movement.

INSIGHT IS CHEAP. EMBODIMENT IS EXPENSIVE

Insight is cheap. Acting on it is what costs us the most, in time, resources, energy, and focus. Think about it this way: we can generate insight by having a conversation, writing a journal entry, or taking a reflective moment to process. These insight-generation acts give us language, perspective, and the sense that we’re getting somewhere, and bonus, it doesn’t require us to change anything yet. What costs us is the moment we decide to act on what we already know to be true.

It might show up as saying the thing we’ve been rehearsing in our heads for months, stepping away from a role we’ve outgrown, or loosening our grip on an identity that no longer fits. These are familiar comforts, and they keep our hands firmly wrapped around the current trapeze bar. And this is where we tend to stall, not because we don’t understand what’s happening, but because acting on that understanding has consequences.

THE MYTH OF READINESS

There’s a psychological layer worth naming. Research in behavioural economics, including the work of Daniel Kahneman, shows that we experience potential losses more strongly than equivalent gains. Leaving a familiar role or identity can feel like a real loss, even though it doesn't fit anymore, and even when we can see the possibility of a new trapeze bar dangling up ahead. From that perspective, staying can feel entirely reasonable. It will also keep us exactly where we are.

Then readiness enters the picture. We assume that at some point in the future, we’ll feel clear, certain, and fully prepared to make a big move. In practice, that feeling rarely shows up in advance. More often, we move first, and then tell ourselves, “I guess I was ready after all.” At the time, it feels more like uncertainty, discomfort, and a slightly unsettling level of exposure, paired with a decision to move anyway.

Which brings us back to the trapeze metaphor, and to a line from a song I wrote called Trapeze, inspired by this exact moment:

Reaching out into the mist you close your eyes

That’s when you discover you can fly

 That’s the reality of it. We don’t reach the next bar by stretching harder while holding on to our current one. The transition becomes possible when we release our grip, even though the next bar isn’t yet in our hands.

THE COST OF STAYING

First, let's look at what we are holding onto. Maybe it's a role that we’ve mastered, a reputation we’ve earned, or an identity that’s been reinforced over years. All that effort, discipline, and contribution we put in over time is precisely what can take up the exact space we'll need to reach for something new. The longer we hold the old bar, the harder it becomes to loosen our grip and engage with what comes next; not because the opportunity disappears, but because our hands are already full.

When clarity is missing, we often try to create it before we move, as if the perfect plan will make everything obvious. In moments like this, honesty tends to be more useful. Honesty about what no longer fits, even if we can’t yet name what would fit better. Honesty about what we’re tolerating, and why. Honesty about what we’re concerned about losing if we let go. Honesty about that whisper of yearning for something different for ourselves.

YOUR COACHING CHALLENGE

Find a quiet place where you won't be disturbed for about 20 minutes. Take a few deep breaths, allow yourself to relax, and fully arrive to this practice.

Listen to the recording of Trapeze here: https://youtu.be/6q_4Tj4nbqg (you can follow along with the lyrics below the video.)

Now consider your own career and what might be calling you toward a new bar. Answer the following questions in your journal:

• Where are you feeling that pull of something that’s asking more of you right now, even if it’s not fully formed?

• What has started to feel too small, too tight, or simply no longer yours?

• When you imagine letting go, what part of that feels energizing, and what part of that feels uncertain or exposed?

• What are you holding onto that still works, and what does it give you that makes it hard to release?

• And what could you loosen your grip on (not necessarily a total release), that could help you take a first step in that direction?

If you're experiencing this in-between moment, or are hurtling through that untethered space between bars, this is exactly the kind of transition I can help you navigate in executive coaching. If you'd like to build your capacity to leap while things are still unfolding, reach out for a free exploratory Executive Coaching conversation at www.leslierohonczy.com.

WHAT’S DRIVING YOUR STRIVING? The High Cost of Relentless Achievement

(LISTEN TO THE NARRATED AUDIOARTICLE VERSION)

The first few years of my adult life were the striving years. I worked hard... very hard. I chased credentials, opportunities, accomplishments, experiences, titles, recognition. If there was a ladder nearby, I was halfway up it. If there wasn’t, I would build one.

From the outside, it looked like I was productive, ambitious, and disciplined; the kind of person that people describe as 'driven,' and in some ways, that was accurate. I had energy, curiosity, and a willingness to work hard.

Inside, though, something else was going on. Beneath the ambition was a voice that I hadn’t yet learned to question. It carried a simple message that kept showing up in my thinking: 'you’re not enough'. That belief became the fuel behind my striving behaviour, even though I didn’t recognize it at the time.

Striving became the strategy I used to soothe the 'not good enough' feelings. Adding another achievement felt like a solution. Another milestone appeared, then another goal reached, and surely the next one would finally be the moment when I felt capable, complete, and secure. But that imagined moment of relief never quite materialized, and the finish line just seemed to push further away every time I got close to it.

Some high performers recognize this pattern once they slow down long enough to examine it, because what appears to be ambition on the surface is often something quite different underneath.

THE STRIVING TRAP

There's no doubt that ambition can be healthy. It can push us to learn, create, contribute, and improve. It’s often fueled by curiosity and purpose, and it can produce remarkable outcomes when it’s aligned with meaning.

Striving, however, is often fueled by something else entirely: fear. It could be fear of failure, fear of being exposed, and fear of not measuring up to some invisible standard that lives inside our heads. And sometimes the driver runs even deeper: a belief formed long ago that our worth can only be earned through achievement. I had an executive coaching client who uncovered the limiting belief that if she wasn't working herself to the point of exhaustion, she didn't deserve to relax or be joyful. What she eventually realized was that her exhaustion wasn’t the problem; it was the proof that, as long as she was depleted, she had earned the right to feel okay about herself. The exhaustion wasn’t just about the work anymore; it had become the evidence of her worth.

Researcher Brené Brown has written extensively about the relationship between shame, worthiness, and perfectionism. She describes perfectionism not as a healthy pursuit of excellence, but as a strategy people use to avoid criticism and judgment. In that sense, perfectionism isn’t really about doing great work. It’s about protecting ourselves from feeling inadequate. And that's an incredibly important distinction.

THE INVISIBLE DRIVERS OF RELENTLESS ACHIEVEMENT

Over the years, I’ve coached hundreds of leaders, many operating at the highest levels of their organizations. From the outside, these leaders often appear confident, accomplished, and highly capable. Their colleagues admire them, their teams rely on them, and their organizations reward them.

Once the coaching conversation begins, however, the internal story often begins to emerge, and a more complicated picture comes into view. Some leaders grew up in families where achievement was the price of approval. Others learned early that praise appeared mainly when they performed well. Some internalized the message that being valuable meant being exceptional. These experiences don’t disappear when someone becomes an executive. They simply follow them into the boardroom.

Those early lessons become powerful internal engines. Add perfectionism into the mix, and you get a drive that rarely switches off. The leader becomes productive, respected, and admired. At the same time, the internal experience can feel like a treadmill that keeps accelerating.

I came across some interesting research about the distinction between work engagement and workaholism (Wilmar Schaufeli & Arnold Bakker, 2008; Clark, Michel, Zhdanova, Pui, & Baltes, 2016), which shows that when people are driven by internal pressure rather than genuine engagement with their work, the long-term results are often less positive than expected. Studies examining compulsive work patterns have linked them to emotional exhaustion, stress, and reduced well-being, even among highly successful professionals.

In other words, relentless achievement carries a hidden cost that leaders only begin to see once they pause long enough to examine the forces driving their striving behaviour.

WHEN SUCCESS DOESN’T FEEL LIKE SUCCESS

One of the most revealing moments in coaching often happens after a major success; perhaps a promotion, a major project delivered, or a milestone that took years to reach.

We would expect to feel a level of achievement or celebration. What some leaders feel instead is relief. That reaction can feel surprising, yet what happens in that moment is that the internal critic finally goes silent. We proved something. We cleared the bar that had been looming over us. Then, before long, the voice returns and introduces the next challenge, asking the inevitable question that follows on the heels of every achievement: what comes next?

This is one of the clearest signs that striving is being driven by insecurity. The finish line keeps moving. Not because we lack discipline or ambition, but because the real goal was never the achievement itself. The real goal was feeling worthy, and no external accomplishment can permanently answer that question.

AMBITION WITH AWARENESS

Many remarkable things in the world have been built by ambitious people. Innovation, progress, and creativity often come from individuals who are willing to pursue bold ideas and difficult goals. The important distinction lies in the motivation behind the drive, because the source of that motivation determines whether ambition expands possibility or ultimately traps a leader on a moving treadmill of achievement.

Ambition says that we want to build something meaningful or explore what’s possible. Striving, driven by insecurity, says that we need to prove something about ourselves so that we can feel acceptable. Ambition expands possibility. Striving often narrows it.

When we begin examining our internal drivers, something interesting happens. We don’t lose our drive. In some cases, the opposite happens, and the drive becomes more powerful because it’s no longer fueled by pressure or fear. Instead, it starts drawing energy from curiosity, contribution, and purpose. The engine remains strong, but the fuel source changes.

YOUR COACHING CHALLENGE

Today's challenge requires about 20 minutes of reflection, so grab your journal and favorite pen, and find a quiet place where you can relax into this practice. Take a moment to reflect on your own striving tendencies, and allow yourself to be genuinely curious about what might be driving it.

Step 1: Identify a current goal. Choose something you're actively pursuing right now. Perhaps it's a promotion, a project, a business milestone, or a personal achievement that really matters to you.

Step 2: Examine the emotional energy behind that goal. Ask yourself what is truly motivating it. Notice whether the energy feels expansive, such as curiosity, purpose, contribution, or the excitement of building something meaningful.

Step 3: Look for a second layer of motivation beneath this. Ask yourself whether any part of the drive is connected to proving something about your worth, gaining approval, avoiding criticism, or quieting an internal voice that says you are not yet enough.

Step 4: Step back, review, and discover themes. Many leaders notice that their motivation contains more than one driver, and simply seeing those drivers clearly is often the beginning of greater freedom and choice.

Step 5: Use your new awareness to guide your choices. What adjustments might bring your striving back into alignment with the future you want to create? If the goal is fueled mostly by purpose and curiosity, then pursue it with renewed energy. But if you notice that insecurity or the need for approval is doing most of the driving, how could you approach the goal differently? What healthier boundaries do you need? How would you redefine success? What is the deeper reason this goal matters so much to you?

Ambition and insecurity often travel together, and recognizing that mixture is part of becoming a more conscious leader. There is no judgment required in that realization. Human beings are complex, and the forces that shape our drive rarely come from a single source.

What matters is awareness. When we understand the true engine behind our striving, we gain the freedom to decide whether that driver is still serving the future we want to create, or whether it is simply repeating an old story about our worth. 

That moment of clarity is often where the real shift begins. Striving doesn't disappear, but it becomes more intentional, more grounded, and more aligned with the life and leadership we actually want to build.

Reach out for a free exploratory Executive Coaching conversation at www.leslierohonczy.com.

FREEDOM ISN'T WHAT I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE: A Surprising Truth at This Stage of My Career

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Freedom has been a recurring theme in my life, long before I named it as my 2026 guiding word for the coming year. It’s felt less like something I was living, and more like something I was moving toward, an ideal future state that existed somewhere up the road, just slightly out of reach. I see it most clearly in my ongoing negotiation with that other slippery concept: time. Freedom and time are uneasy dance partners. When time feels compressed, freedom tends to shrink. When time is reclaimed, even in small ways, freedom expands.

Sometimes this shows up in the practical ways I try to keep my days from becoming overscheduled, through small, deliberate acts of resistance, and by blocking space in my calendar that’s just for me. I notice how quickly my energy refills when I resist the pull to say yes simply because I can, and give myself space for creativity.

Other times, the tension shows up less neatly. In moments when I technically have control over my schedule, but still feel rushed or obligated in some way, when the calendar is lighter, yet my mind is crowded, or when I realise that freedom isn’t just about having time to and for myself, but about how I inhabit that time.

Now, you and I may have different ideas about what freedom actually means. For me, freedom doesn’t mean escape; it’s an insistence on unrestrained breathing room. I can usually identify it by asking a question I’ve learned to keep close to my heart: what actually needs my attention, and what can be left alone? Freedom is my word for the year because this theme is still a work in progress, something I practise imperfectly in small, ordinary moments rather than claim as a finished state.

For years, I thought freedom would feel louder. More dramatic. Like a big reveal or bold pivot that would signal I’d finally figured things out. What I didn’t expect was how understated freedom often is, or how ordinary it looks from the outside, and how deeply relieved I feel on the inside when I’m in it.

Freedom is my word this year, not the aspirational kind you tape to a vision board with good intentions, but the lived, slightly messy, sometimes uncomfortable kind that shows up daily in real decisions, real boundaries, and real letting go. For me, this isn’t about tuning out or stepping back. It’s about choosing more deliberately what I step into, how I show up when I’m there, and what I intentionally choose not to carry.

WHEN FREEDOM MEANT PROVING SOMETHING

Earlier in my career, freedom meant proving something. More opportunity. More visibility. More momentum. Saying yes felt like oxygen. Saying no felt risky, even reckless.

Many leaders I work with are still living inside this version of freedom. It sounds like choice, but it feels like pressure. You’re technically free to choose yet emotionally tethered to expectations you didn’t consciously agree to, including your own.

The unspoken rule operates beneath our awareness: if you can do something well, you probably should. And if people want you, you should want that too. It’s rarely questioned, yet it trains us to override our own well-being in favour of usefulness, approval, and momentum.

That version of freedom is exhausting.

The hardest expectations to loosen aren’t external; they’re the ones that sound like common sense. “You should be further along by now.” “You should want more.” “You should capitalize on every opportunity.” “You shouldn’t waste your experience.” These are polite, well-intentioned expectations, often reinforced by praise. Letting go of them can feel oddly disloyal, as if you’re turning your back on the version of yourself who worked so hard to get here.

What I’m learning is that freedom sometimes looks like honouring that earlier version of myself, without continuing to let her drive the bus. She got me here, and I respect what it took to do that, but she doesn’t get to decide what actually deserves my energy now.

FREEDOM AS DISCERNMENT, NOT DISENGAGEMENT

There’s a fear that lurks below the waterline in most of us, and if you’re a seasoned leader, you’ll likely recognise it instantly. It sounds like this: “If I loosen my grip, will I lose relevance?” And this: “If I stop striving so hard, will I be left behind or disappear altogether?”

Freedom, at least the kind that lasts, isn’t about disengaging from meaningful work. It’s about engaging with it differently.

Discernment asks different questions than ambition does. Where ambition asks, “Can I do this?”, discernment pauses to ask, “Do I want to?” Ambition’s “Will this look good?” becomes, “Will this feel aligned six months from now?” And when ambition wonders, “Is this expected of me?”, discernment asks a more consequential question: “Is this mine to carry?”

This is where freedom gets practical. It shows up in calendars that breathe a little more, in work that feels chosen rather than endured, and in fewer performative yeses and more grounded nos that don’t require a long explanation.

WHAT FREEDOM LOOKS LIKE NOW

Freedom at this stage of my life and career isn’t something I perform. It’s felt internally first in my body, long before it ever shows up externally, in my visible choices. That distinction matters, especially for those of us who’ve spent years chasing freedom outside ourselves, as if external signals like more flexibility, more autonomy, better opportunities, or more control would arrive once the conditions were just right. What I’ve learned is that freedom doesn’t work that way. When it’s pursued solely as an external state, it remains elusive.

Freedom is an inside job first. It begins with how I relate to my time, my energy, and my sense of enough, long before it shows up in my calendar or my work. From there, it becomes visible. It shows up when I stop rushing to fill silence with answers, when I allow an idea to mature instead of rushing off with it prematurely, when I choose depth over reach, even when reach is tempting, and when I trust my own rhythm more than the algorithm. It also shows up when I no longer contort myself to be legible to everyone, and instead focus on being genuine with the right people. None of this is flashy, but it’s deeply consequential, because it changes how I experience my work and my life from the inside out.

If there’s any permission embedded here, it’s this: you’re allowed to want less noise, to refine rather than expand, and to redefine success in ways that make sense for your nervous system, not just your résumé. This isn’t about opting out or lowering the bar; it’s about opting in with clearer eyes.

Freedom, as I’m living it now, isn’t a finish line or an identity to perform. It’s a posture I return to, one that says I’m still engaged, still curious, still contributing, and no longer willing to confuse pressure with purpose. And that shift changes everything.

YOUR COACHING CHALLENGE

Awareness is often the first real experience of freedom: noticing where choice becomes available again, before anything external has changed. 

Over the next week, pay attention to moments where you feel a subtle sense of pressure rather than a clear sense of choice. This often shows up as a tightness in your body, a low-level urgency, a sense of obligation, or a reflexive yes before you’ve fully considered the scope of what’s being asked. Notice where you’re responding automatically, out of habit, expectation, or a desire to be useful, rather than from intention.

Choose one commitment, conversation, or expectation that catches your attention. Don’t change it yet; simply pause and notice it. Then spend a few minutes reflecting on these questions:

1. What am I afraid might happen if I don’t say yes here?

2. Which part of me is responding right now: habit, ambition, loyalty, fear, or discernment?

3. If I were deciding in service of my freedom, rather than from a place of pressure, what would I choose?

You don’t need to act on your answers right away. This is not about fixing or optimizing. It’s about building awareness. And greater awareness is often where our experience of freedom begins.

Freedom doesn’t require a grand exit. Sometimes it begins with a truer, more grounded yes.

Reach out for a free exploratory Executive Coaching conversation at www.leslierohonczy.com.

WHAT'S YOUR 2026 WORD OF THE YEAR? Look Back to Leap Forward

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Another year-end, another full calendar, and a to-do list that somehow multiplied overnight. Between closing out projects, prepping for 2026 strategy sessions, and pretending you still enjoy Mariah Carey in November, it’s easy to barrel into the new year without pausing to think about what this one actually meant.

Reflection isn’t a luxury. It’s a leadership practice that sharpens awareness, strengthens perspective, and gives shape to what comes next. A proper year-end review connects the dots between what happened, why it mattered, and how you want to grow from it.

In my work with senior leaders, I’ve noticed a pattern: the most grounded, effective leaders are the ones who create space to look back before they leap forward. They don’t just plan the next year; they design it, informed by what they’ve learned.

So before the year fully slips away, take a breath, clear a bit of space, and use these three steps to bring focus, insight, and intention to the year ahead, with this updated version of one of last year’s most-read articles.

STEP 1: REFLECT ON YOUR YEAR

Set the stage for deep reflection: Find a quiet space where you won’t be interrupted. Bring something to capture your thoughts: a journal, tablet, or voice recorder. Give yourself at least an hour. No multitasking.

Think of your year as a chapter in your leadership story. In this first step, reflect on the themes that defined it, the standout moments, and what this chapter reveals about the way you lead.

Now, broaden your reflection by answering the questions in each of these four lenses:

1. What worked? Where did you feel most in alignment, energized, creative, effective, or proud? What conditions made that possible? A senior VP client once discovered that her best results came not from working harder, but from delegating smarter. Her success story inspired a new talent-development framework for her division.

2. What didn’t? This isn’t about blame; it’s about pattern recognition. What created friction? Which choices drained you or your team? Another client noticed that every January, he overloaded himself with projects that didn’t advance his long-term goals. His takeaway: “If it isn’t essential to my strategy, it’s a no.”

3. What surprised you? Growth often hides in the unexpected. What moments tested or stretched you? What strengths surfaced under pressure that you hadn’t recognized before? One of my clients told me she was surprised by how well her team handled a crisis while she was away on vacation. It revealed the depth of trust she’d built and helped her see she didn’t need to control every detail for things to run smoothly.

4. What will you leave behind? Progress requires subtraction as much as addition. What beliefs, habits, or commitments no longer serve you? What is ready to be retired so something better can take its place? A few years ago, I realized I was hanging on to an old assumption that productivity equaled value. Letting go of that mindset opened the door to more creative, higher-impact work and helped me redefine what progress really looks like.

STEP 2: CHOOSE YOUR WORD OF THE YEAR

After sifting through your reflections, distill what matters most into a single word: your North Star for the year ahead.

This word isn’t a goal. It’s a compass that anchors your decisions, priorities, and mindset when life gets noisy.

How to find it: Notice recurring themes in your reflection. Ask what feeling, value, or intention you want to embody next year. Pick a word that feels alive, not trendy but meaningful.

For one CFO client, balancing an intense workload with parenting, the word was Presence. It reminded her to show up fully wherever she was, whether in the boardroom or at the dinner table. Another client leading a manufacturing firm chose Innovate, inspired by a bold pilot that exceeded expectations and revealed the creative depth of his team.

Once you’ve chosen your word, make it visible. Write it on the first page of your planner, set it as your phone wallpaper, or put it somewhere you’ll see every day.

Need inspiration? Here’s a curated list of words leaders often choose, each carrying its own focus and significance:

Abundance: seeing opportunity rather than scarcity. Alignment: bringing goals, actions, and values into harmony. Authenticity: leading as your truest self. Balance: finding your rhythm between work and life. Bravery: taking intelligent risks and making bold calls. Clarity: communicating and deciding with precision. Collaboration: creating shared success instead of silos. Compassion: leading with humanity and understanding. Confidence: backing your judgment and your voice. Connection: building trust and relationships that matter. Creativity: thinking differently and experimenting often. Curiosity: staying open, asking questions, and learning relentlessly. Discipline: doing what matters even when it’s hard. Focus: protecting your attention from distraction. Freedom: simplifying commitments to create more space. Generosity: giving time, knowledge, or mentorship freely. Gratitude: finding joy and recognition in everyday wins. Growth: stretching beyond comfort zones. Impact: contributing something meaningful and lasting. Integrity: doing what’s right, not what’s easy. Joy: rediscovering lightness and energy in your work. Learning: staying a student of your own leadership. Presence: being fully engaged in every conversation. Resilience: staying steady through turbulence. Simplicity: cutting through clutter to what truly matters. Trust: building confidence in yourself and others. Vision: leading toward something bigger than today.

STEP 3: TURN INSIGHT INTO ACTION

Reflection without movement is just rumination. Here’s how to turn insight into traction:

1. Turn lessons into systems. If you noticed overcommitment, build a “decision filter.” One of my clients now asks herself before saying yes: Will this move me closer to or further from my vision?

2. Embed your word into habits. If your word is Balance, maybe it means no emails after 8 p.m. or saying yes only to projects that energize, not deplete. Whatever your word, find a way to live it through daily choices.

3. Share it. Accountability creates traction. Share your word with a colleague, coach, or your team. I once worked with a leader who revealed her word, Transparency, to her staff and invited them to hold her to it. That act alone shifted her team’s communication culture.

WHY THIS MATTERS

Leadership isn’t only about achieving outcomes. It’s also about evolving. A year-end review helps you see the through-lines in your growth: the moments when your instincts were right, when you adapted, and when you learned something worth carrying forward.

When you understand where you’ve been, you lead yourself and others with greater clarity and conviction.

Before the December noise takes over, take that pause. Reflect. Choose your next chapter with intention.

YOUR COACHING CHALLENGE

Book a one-hour meeting with yourself. Use the reflection questions above, choose your Word of the Year, and then identify one concrete shift you’ll make in January that aligns with it. Reach out for a free exploratory Executive Coaching conversation at www.leslierohonczy.com.

And to all of you who’ve been reading my articles this year: thank you for being part of this growing community of leaders who reflect deeply, speak honestly, and stay courageous in their commitment to evolving with integrity. Thank you for your continued engagement, inspiration, and thoughtful messages that keep these conversations alive. Wishing you a peaceful holiday season, time to recharge, and a New Year filled with clarity, connection, and courage.

THE MIDLIFE PIVOT: Redefining Ambition in the Second Act

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I worked at the local newspaper in my 20s and 30s, and was hungry to make progress in my career. I wanted the office, the title, and the nameplate on the door that would surely tell me I had ‘arrived.’ When I finally got a hard-fought promotion and found myself in that crappy little clapboard office in the middle of the advertising department, I had sphincter-shifting moment of clarity: Was this what I had been working so long and hard for? This office with no window and no purpose? How could all of my striving, motivation, blood, sweat, and tears really have been about this?!

Years later, in my executive coaching work with leaders, I’ve heard similar stories from clients describing their moments of clarity: when the goals that once excited them no longer light them up. The visible symbols of success are still there of course, but for them, something feels off. The motivation that once fueled them now struggles to spark.

They’re not in crisis. They’re not even unhappy. They’re just… restless. In the spaces between deadlines and deliverables, a question begins to echo: Is this it?

If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. More and more leaders are confronting what I call the midlife awareness pivot; the moment we realize that our ambition has changed its shape.

THE MYTH OF LINEAR SUCCESS

For most of our careers, we’re taught to think of success as a straight line: more responsibility, bigger budgets, progressive titles and offices on higher floors. It’s a climb, and each rung on the ladder is supposed to bring more satisfaction.

Except that often, it doesn’t.

I've worked with executive coaching clients at the mid-points of their careers, who had achieved what they set out to do, but who were feeling oddly disengaged. This often surprised or embarrassed them. Their resumes were impressive, but the goals that used to light them up didn't inspire them anymore. Their energy felt depleted, and they maintained some momentum because stopping felt dangerous.

If you can relate, know this: it isn’t a failure or a flaw; it’s evolution. You’ve simply outgrown your previous version of 'ambition'.

Economists David Blanchflower and Andrew Oswald (2008, Social Science & Medicine) documented what’s now called the U-shaped curve of happiness: career and life satisfaction tend to dip in midlife, not because we’ve done something wrong, but because our definition of fulfilment is catching up with who we’ve become. Harvard’s long-running Grant Study echoes this, showing that satisfaction tends to rebound later in life when people align work and purpose.

In other words: the problem isn’t the ladder. It’s that we’ve been climbing it without asking whether it’s still leaning against the right wall.

THE REAL ISSUE ISN’T BURNOUT, IT’S MEANING DEBT

Burnout is about exhaustion. But the emptiness we experience due to the erosion of purpose is what I call 'meaning debt': chasing goals without reflecting on what really matters to us.

Many leaders in their forties and fifties tell me they’re “fine.” Their teams perform, their calendars are full, and they keep checking the boxes. But inside, they feel an undercurrent of disconnection, like they’re performing competence instead of experiencing it.

That’s meaning debt. It builds up slowly over years of pursuing the next thing without asking why. The debt comes due when that next thing no longer satisfies.

One client put it beautifully: “I keep running faster toward goals that aren’t even mine anymore.”

The good news? Meaning debt can be repaid. And not through more exhaustive effort; but through reflection.

THE IDENTITY RECKONING

The midlife awareness pivot isn’t really a career crisis; it’s an identity recalibration. The traits that once made you successful, like drive, control, perfectionism, can eventually become the very things that hold you back. The identity you built to succeed in your thirties may no longer fit the person you’re becoming in your fifties.

It’s a bit like wearing a tailored suit from ten years ago: nice quality material, but a little too tight in all the wrong places. This is where the work of coaching becomes powerful. We peel back the professional persona to rediscover who’s underneath it. I often ask clients a simple but powerful question:

“Who are you, when you’re not performing the role of leader?”

That’s where they begin reconnecting to their -ness; the unique essence that makes them who they are, beyond their title or achievements.

REIMAGINING AMBITION

Ambition doesn’t disappear in midlife; it transforms. Early ambition is about proving ourselves. Mature ambition is about expressing ourselves. It moves from upward to inward, from climbing to contributing. This doesn’t mean giving up drive or downsizing dreams. It means aligning them with what actually matters now.

Some of my clients channel their experience into mentoring or teaching. Others pursue roles that focus on purpose-driven impact instead of prestige. A few take creative or entrepreneurial leaps they’d shelved for years. Their common thread? They’re no longer chasing validation. They’re pursuing vitality.

And the irony is that once they stop performing ambition, they become more inspiring than ever.

HOW COACHING HELPS LEADERS NAVIGATE THE PIVOT

The hardest part of the midlife awareness pivot is that you can’t think your way out of it; you have to feel your way through. That’s where executive coaching helps. Together, we slow the internal noise long enough to surface what’s truly shifting underneath. We unpack the tension between old success patterns and core values. We design small, practical experiments to explore what “the next chapter” might feel like before committing to larger changes.

Research supports this process. The International Coaching Federation (2023) reports that 80% of coaching clients experience improved self-confidence and 73% report better relationships. Harvard Business Review and McKinsey have both highlighted coaching as a key driver of leadership adaptability and purpose alignment at senior levels.

This isn’t about tearing down what you’ve built. It’s about renovating it to fit who you’ve become.

YOUR COACHING CHALLENGE: “WRITE YOUR FUTURE BIO”

If you’re feeling the restlessness of a midlife awareness pivot, try this:

1. Imagine it’s five years from now. You’ve made the decisions that align with your truest self; your most important values; your authentic purpose.

2. Now write the opening paragraph of your professional bio as if it were already true.
   What are you known for? What are you proud of? What have you stopped doing?

3. Read it back slowly. Notice what lights you up as you speak it. That’s where the spark of your next ambition lives.

The midlife awareness pivot isn’t the end of ambition. It’s the moment it becomes yours again.

If you’re standing at your own crossroads and ready to explore what’s next, reach out for a free exploratory Executive Coaching conversation at www.leslierohonczy.com.

THE FEMALE EXODUS: Why Ambitious Women Are Walking Away

Leslie Rohonczy, IMC™, PCC, Executive Coach, Leadership Expert, Speaker, Author

Something strange is happening in leadership circles.

Talented, ambitious women, the ones who exceed their targets, who juggle the complexities, and make it all look seamless, are quietly stepping away. Not in protest. Not amid scandal. They’re just… done. One day, they’re leading strategy sessions; the next, they’re posting a warm ‘thank-you and goodbye’ on LinkedIn, as they head off into something “new.”

 And you may notice the quiet that usually follows. No raised eyebrows; no real post-mortem. Just another departure, tidily wrapped in gratitude and discretion. But these exits aren’t just personal choices. They’re signals.

 Across Canada, women in senior roles are opting out, not because they lack ambition, but because they’re tired of carrying it alone. They’re stepping back from leadership paths that reward over-functioning and downplay values.

 These departures aren’t dramatic - they’re deliberate. Thoughtful. Carefully curated. And under the polished, optimistic “grateful-for-the-opportunity” posts, something important is happening.

SOMETHING IS SHIFTING

 If it feels like more women are quietly disappearing from leadership pipelines, it’s because they are. According to McKinsey’s Women in the Workplace report (2024), women leaders are exiting their roles at the highest rate ever recorded. Grant Thornton reports that female CEOs in Canada dropped from 28 percent to 19 percent in just one year. A 2023 article in Forbes highlights how misaligned values, persistent bias, and burnout are causing women to step away before they even reach the top.

Yet these stories often go untold. Why? Because most of these women leave well. No drama. No takedowns. Just a respectful goodbye and a professional fade to black.

WHY THEY WALK

Burnout doesn’t always come with a breakdown. Often, it looks like a woman who still shows up, still performs, still keeps the wheels turning, but feels like she’s holding everything together with invisible thread.

She’s the one who gets it done. The one who absorbs the emotional load, smooths the conflict, mentors the junior staff, remembers the context, and catches what others drop. She’s indispensable, until she’s depleted. And when she finally says, “I can’t keep doing this,” it’s not because she’s weak. It’s because she’s done the mental math and realised the cost.

Sometimes there’s a defining moment: the promotion that goes to someone else, the boardroom idea she raised that’s applauded when someone else repeats it. But more often, it’s an accumulation; a slow wearing down. One woman I coach described it as “death by a thousand cuts.” Another said, “I don’t like who I become when I’m working so hard just to be heard.”

More and more women are starting to question whether leadership, as it currently stands, is worth the trade-offs. Whether the relentless pace, the narrow metrics of success, and the unspoken expectations are aligned with the life they want to live.

Many are concluding they’re not.

THE COST OF EXITING GRACEFULLY

Because women are trained to leave respectfully, to minimise disruption, to protect relationships, to make things easier for those left behind, their departures rarely spark reflection.

People assume they left for balance, or family, or something new. But in fact, they didn’t leave to slow down. They left because they weren’t seen. Or because they were asked to stretch further and give more, without the authority or recognition that would make it sustainable.

And when they leave quietly, the system stays the same.

WHAT COACHING CAN OFFER

Executive coaching creates the space to think clearly and make deliberate choices. Some women use coaching to stay on their own terms, by setting new boundaries, recalibrating how they lead, and reconnecting to their purpose. Others realise it’s time to move on, not in defeat, but with clarity and intention. For them, it’s not just ‘what’s next,’ but ‘what’s true for me now?’

Coaching also helps leaders inside organisations to spot the signs that someone is considering an exit. It helps to surface invisible friction points and patterns that never make it into engagement data or exit interviews.

IF YOU’RE READING THIS AND WONDERING…

Maybe you’ve had that quiet internal conversation too: “Am I just tired, or am I ready for something else? Do I still believe in what I’m building here, or am I just holding it together out of habit? If I took away the guilt, would I choose this for myself?”

These are deep, reflective questions that go right to the centre of how we lead, and who we are while doing so.

We need to talk about the exodus, not in whispers, but out loud. We’re not just losing great women; we’re losing the future they could shape if organisations make room for their full leadership presence, not just their performance.

WHEN THE LADDER BREAKS: Four Pillars of Career Transition

Turning Turbulence Into Opportunity

Career transitions are among the most challenging moments in our professional journey. Whether we’re stepping into a new role, considering a significant pivot, or facing the unexpected disruption of being let go, the emotional and practical demands can feel overwhelming. And on top of all that, the uncertainty of “what is,” the grief of “what was,” and the fear of “what’s scary” often collide, leaving us unsure how to move forward into “what’s next”.

This is why I created the Career Transition Model. Grounded in four core qualities – Curiosity, Compassion, Courage, and Honesty – this framework provides a structured, human-centered approach to navigating the complexities of career change. By focusing on each section of this model, we can transform a tumultuous experience into an opportunity for clarity, growth, and meaningful next steps.

Let’s explore the model in depth and uncover the benefits of focusing on each element in the transition.

1. COMPASSION: Accepting "What Is"

This is a tough time – it’s time to be gentle with yourself. When faced with career disruption, it’s natural to feel a range of emotions: grief, frustration, shame, or even anger. Compassion invites us to sit with these feelings without judgment. Instead of rushing to act or denying our emotions, this stage encourages us to:

• Acknowledge and honor what we’re feeling.

• Give ourselves the grace to process our grief or disappointment.

• Treat ourselves with the same kindness and understanding we would extend to a friend.

Compassion is about being present with our reality, no matter how uncomfortable it may feel. It’s the foundation for healing and ensures that our next steps come from a grounded and intentional place. Compassion creates space for emotional processing and clarity, reduces self-criticism, promotes self-acceptance, and prevents burnout by prioritizing emotional well-being.

2. HONESTY: Reflecting on "What Was"

Transitions are an opportunity to reflect on the past with clarity and honesty. This doesn’t mean dwelling on what went wrong, but rather assessing what worked and what didn’t in our previous role or career, so that we can identify limiting beliefs, behaviour patterns, strengths to be leveraged, and areas for growth to close gaps. It required us to ask ourselves tough but valuable questions like: “What lessons can I carry forward?” “What was I good at that I want to do more of?” “What gaps do I need to address?”

Honesty with ourselves – or what I like to call ‘accurate self-assessment’ – requires us to reflect on our past performance and engagement, so that we can move forward with a deeper understanding of what we need in order to thrive in our next chapter. This level of honestly with ourselves is a key step in the process because it promotes self-awareness and growth, provides clarity on what’s truly important to us, helps us identify gaps to be closed, and aligns our next steps with our values.

3. COURAGE: Facing "What’s Scary"

Fear often accompanies career transitions. The fear of failure, rejection, or making the wrong decision can feel paralyzing. Courage is about acknowledging our fears, leaning into them, and taking action that helps us overcome them. It’s about asking ourselves: “What am I afraid will happen?”, “What risks am I willing to take to move forward?” “What do I need to have / feel / believe in order to face this uncertainty with resilience?” “What’s one small step I can take today to address my biggest fear?”

Courage doesn’t mean eliminating fear; it means not letting fear dictate our choices. By taking small, intentional steps, we build momentum and confidence, even in the face of uncertainty. Acting with courage empowers us to take action despite our fear, builds resilience and confidence over time, and helps us confront challenges head-on, rather than avoiding them.

4. CURIOSITY: Exploring "What’s Next"

Curiosity invites us to lean into the unknown with a sense of openness and possibility. Rather than viewing this transition solely as a loss, curiosity encourages us to ask, “What opportunities might this open up for me?” “What have I always wanted to explore but haven’t had the chance to?” “What skills or passions can I leverage in new ways?”

This mindset shift allows us to see beyond the immediate turbulence and imagine our ideal state, and the potential of what could be. Curiosity is not about having all the answers – it’s about giving ourselves permission to wonder and explore, and cultivating the courage to dream without the pressure of immediate certainty. Maintaining our curiosity through this process encourages creative thinking and new possibilities, helps us shift from a reactive to a proactive mindset, and opens doors to opportunities we might not have considered before.

THE POWER OF INTEGRATION: The Intersections of the Model

Here’s where the Career Transition Model gets exciting: the intersections between these four qualities take us deeper, where meaningful action and transformation happen:

• COMPASSION + COURAGE = Process your grief and other uncomfortable emotions before acting.

• COURAGE + HONESTY = Self-reflect and identify the changes you want to make.

• HONESTY + CURIOSITY = Consider how you will close the gaps you’ve identified, and what you’ll need in your next role.

• CURIOSITY + COMPASSION = Combine expansive thinking with self-compassion as you dream boldly, and right-size what’s next.

WHY COACHING MATTERS DURING CAREER TRANSITIONS

It can be challenging to navigate career transitions alone. Working with an Executive Coach to help guide you in navigating the Career Transition Model can provide a deeply transformative, supportive, and human-centered program.

Executive coaching provides:

• A safe, judgment-free space to explore your emotions and aspirations.

• Tailored strategies and support to help you stay focused and grounded.

• Practical tools and accountability to move forward with confidence.

If you’re navigating a career transition, coaching can help turn uncertainty into clarity and fear into opportunity. Whether you’re an executive seeking career guidance, or an HR professional looking to support an exiting employee, this model and coaching approach can make a transformative difference.

Career transitions are rarely easy, but they don’t have to define us. By focusing on Curiosity, Compassion, Courage, and Honesty, we can navigate this time with resilience, intention, and hope. The Career Transition Model is a roadmap through the turbulence, helping you emerge stronger, wiser, and ready for what’s next.

If you’re ready to take the next step or want to offer meaningful support toy our team, let’s connect.

For more information on executive coaching or to explore how this model can support you or your team, contact me at www.leslierohonczy.com.

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