"I'M SO BUSY!" How Our Busyness Attachment Kills Trust & Impact

Leslie Rohonczy, IMC™, PCC, Executive Coach, Leadership Expert, Speaker, Author

“I’m just so busy.” We say it, hear it, and even wear it like a badge. But somewhere along the way, busy stopped being impressive – and started becoming a liability.

It’s time to challenge one of leadership’s most quietly damaging blind spots: the cult of busyness.

For years, “busy” has been shorthand for “important.” It signals hustle, responsibility, leadership weight. But there’s an uncomfortable truth beneath this 4-letter word: when busy becomes your default, your credibility takes the hit. Your team gets your leftovers. Strategy disappears. And trust is the first casualty.

Believe me, this is NOT a productivity article. Think of it more like a leadership reckoning. One that calls on high-performing, high-capacity professionals to stop hiding behind full calendars, and start showing up with full presence.

WHEN BUSY ISN’T BRAVE – IT’S BLIND

Many of the senior leaders I coach are smart, committed, and wildly capable. But they’re also often stuck, drowning in meetings, firefighting and problem-solving all day long, running from one obligation to the next with barely a breath in between. And when we dig into the research about this, something strange emerges: they often can’t remember what strategic work they actually did that week.

They’re not failing because they’re lazy. They’re failing because they’re too busy to lead. Here’s what that kind of busyness costs you:

  • Trust erosion: When your team sees you rushing, cancelling, or distracted, they stop bringing you their best. They assume you don’t have time for real conversation.

  • Tactical tunnel vision: Your attention is spent reacting, not shaping. Urgent wins. Important waits.

  • Missed influence moments: Strategic presence isn’t just about being in the room. It’s about how you show up. If your energy is thin and transactional, so is your impact.

  • Credibility creep: Leaders who are constantly busy but rarely available get labelled as unreliable, scattered, or avoidant – even if their intentions are solid.

The busyness bias tells you that filling your calendar is the same as fulfilling your role. It’s not.

A TIME ISSUE – OR A TRUTH ISSUE?

Let’s get clear: busyness isn’t always about workload or external pressure. More often, it’s an emotional decoy – a polished distraction that protects us from something deeper and more uncomfortable.

In coaching sessions, when I ask leaders what might be underneath their relentless pace, I often hear a pause. Then something raw emerges:

  • "If I’m not busy, am I still valuable?"

  • "If I slow down, will everything fall apart?"

  • "If I delegate, will people realise I’m not as indispensable as they think?"

Busyness can serve as armour. It shields us from vulnerability. It lets us avoid the hard work of confronting our worth, our fear of irrelevance, or our struggle with control. But here’s the truth: filling your calendar won’t fill the gap left by uncertainty, self-doubt, or the need for external validation.

This isn’t a time management issue. It’s a mindset and meaning issue. And until we start asking better questions about what our busyness is really doing for us, we can’t lead with full presence.

So let me ask you the real question: What is your busyness protecting you from?

  • “If I’m not busy, am I still valuable?”

  • “If I slow down, will everything fall apart?”

  • “If I delegate, will they realise they don’t need me?”

These are mindset issues, not time issues. And they’re incredibly common. We don’t just have a time management problem. We have a permission problem.

Permission to focus.

Permission to say no.

Permission to stop doing and start leading.

THE LEADERSHIP COST OF BUSY CULTURE

High-output cultures often reward busyness, but rarely examine its downstream impact.

Ask yourself:

  • Do I equate visibility with value?

  • Am I filling space or creating value?

  • Do my actions signal strategic focus – or survival mode?

Because here’s what’s really happening in most “too busy” leaders:

They’re reactive, not responsive. They move fast but think shallow. And over time, they erode the trust, creativity, and collaboration that leadership depends on.

SO, WHAT’S THE ALTERNATIVE?

What does it look like to unhook from busy – and step into something more powerful?

It looks like this:

  • A leader who blocks white space in their week to think, not just react.

  • A VP who finishes meetings early to give people breathing room.

  • An executive who says no with clarity, because strategy is about choosing.

And it sounds like this:

“Let’s revisit what matters most this quarter.”

“If I step back here, what does the team step into?”

“Where is my presence needed – not just my time?”

This isn’t about working less. It’s about leading more intentionally.

THREE PRACTICES TO BREAK THE BUSY BIAS

You don’t need a sabbatical. You need a reset. Here’s where to begin:

1. Audit Your Leadership Calendar

For one week, track your time. Label it: Operational? Relational? Strategic? Then ask yourself: What am I doing out of habit or fear? What am I avoiding? What am I missing? If your calendar doesn’t reflect your priorities, it’s time to renegotiate.

2. Notice the Story Underneath

Ask yourself: What am I afraid would happen if I weren’t so busy? What belief is driving your behaviour? Often, it’s about worth, fear of irrelevance, or discomfort with delegation. Awareness is the first step to choosing differently.

3. Create a Weekly White Space Ritual

Block 90 minutes each week to step out of the churn. No meetings. No messages. Just think, reflect, recalibrate. Ask: What does the organization need from me this week? What does my team need from me? Who haven’t I been fully present with?

BUSY ISN’T A BADGE. IT’S A BARRIER.

Let’s stop rewarding chronic overload like it’s leadership gold. Busyness isn’t your brand. Presence is. Trust doesn’t grow in chaos. Strategy doesn’t emerge from noise. And your influence doesn’t deepen when you’re double-booked and distracted. So the next time you’re tempted to lead with “I’m so busy,” try this instead:

“I’m focused on what matters most.”

“I have the space to think about that properly.”

“I’ve made time for this conversation because it’s important.”

Now that’s leadership impact.

Ready to Reclaim Your Strategic Presence?

If you’re ready to break free from busy and build a leadership brand based on clarity, trust, and presence – let’s talk. Executive coaching can help you rewire your leadership approach, redefine how you spend your time, and refocus your energy on what creates real impact.

Schedule a complimentary discovery session at www.leslierohonczy.com. Let’s stop being busy – and start being bold.

IN PURSUIT OF BETTER METRICS: Why KBIs (Key Behavioural Indicators) Matter More Than You Think

Leslie Rohonczy, IMC™, PCC, Executive Coach, Leadership Expert, Speaker, Author

Everyone loves a good performance dashboard – the glowing greens, the cautionary yellows, the urgent reds. We track revenue, sales targets, service levels, and customer retention like our business lives depend on it. But you can be hitting all your Key Performance Indicators (KPIs) and still have a toxic, disengaged, or dysfunctional team. Why? Because they measure outcomes. But KPIs don’t measure what creates them.

 

WHEN NUMBERS TELL HALF THE STORY

 A while back, a senior leader reached out, asking for help to shift the culture of his sales team. On paper, they looked like a dream team: quarterly targets crushed, major wins celebrated, and high fives all around. But just beneath the surface of those headline-grabbing KPIs, things were quietly falling apart. Trust had eroded, as the team operated in silos, each member focused on their own scoreboard. Collaboration had all but disappeared, with team members undercutting each other and poaching each others' deals. And two of their top performers had already walked out the door.

What was missing? Visible behavioural accountability.

 

KEY BEHAVIOURAL INDICATORS (KBIs)

How many KBIs should be on a leader’s scorecard? Ideally, no more than 3 to 5. That range strikes the right balance between focus and effectiveness. Behaviour change requires intention, and tracking too many indicators at once dilutes both attention and impact. A short list allows teams to align more easily, reinforces clarity, and ensures measurement is actionable – not just performative. Behavioural psychology research supports this: leaders are more likely to embed new habits when they work on a small set of consistent behaviours rather than trying to change too much at once. Choose the few KBIs that truly reflect your current strategy, leadership goals, or cultural priorities – and then reinforce them consistently.

If KPIs are the “what,” then KBIs are the “how.” KBIs track the behaviours that drive sustainable high performance – things like collaboration, accountability, emotional intelligence, feedback-seeking, curiosity, and trust-building.

A Key Behavioural Indicator is a clearly defined, observable behaviour that drives a desired outcome. It’s something you can see, name, and coach. It links directly to your strategic goals, not just in theory, but in practice.

Notice the pattern? KBIs aren’t vague character traits like “be collaborative" or "focus on accountability.” They are actions – micro-moves that signal culture, reinforce values, and drive strategy forward.

Start by identifying the observable behaviours that matter most to your strategy or high-level objectives. Then ask yourself:

  • What does it look like when someone is doing this well?

  • What does it look like when they’re not?

  • How can we observe or measure it (qualitatively or quantitatively)?

  • What actions will reinforce it – recognition, coaching, feedback, reflection?

Even simple tracking methods like peer observation grids, pulse surveys, or team retrospectives can surface valuable data.

For example:

  • In a high-accountability culture, someone doing this well might complete their own deliverables and check in on teammates to ensure alignment. High-performing teams show mutual support and shared ownership.

  • Someone not doing this well may avoid difficult conversations or stay silent in meetings. These behaviours often show up in low-trust environments and correlate with disengagement.

  • To observe it, try pulse surveys with prompts like “I feel safe raising concerns in team meetings,” or track feedback exchanges in retrospectives.

  • Reinforce it through peer recognition in meetings, group coaching debriefs, or leadership modeling. For instance, Microsoft’s “Growth Conversations” drove a 76% increase in meaningful manager-employee dialogue by reinforcing learning-focused behavioural habits.

 

To support your design process, here’s a list of high-impact KBIs that most leaders can start using immediately:

  • Shares feedback directly, constructively, and with compassion

  • Offers support to a peer without being asked

  • Admits a mistake and shares the lesson learned

  • Asks for input before making a team decision

  • Pushes back respectfully when something feels misaligned

  • Speaks up when timelines, quality, or morale are at risk

  • Recognises a colleague for their contribution in a public setting

  • Delegates stretch assignments with built-in feedback loops

  • Raises risks or early warning signs proactively

  • Speaks truth to power; willing to give the leader feedback

  • Actively listens without interrupting or steering the conversation

  • Seeks feedback from peers or direct reports

  • Encourages multiple perspectives in meetings

  • Invites a quieter team member into the conversation

  • Follows through on commitments without being chased

  • Shares bad news transparently with proposed next steps

  • Clarifies priorities when requests feel conflicting

  • Reflects on a tough interaction and brings insights back to the team

  • Practices presence in high-stakes or high-conflict discussions

  • Asks open-ended questions to promote solution-focused dialogue

  • Makes space for emotional responses without shutting them down

 

These behaviours are subtle, but powerful. And when woven into a team or organisation’s cultural fabric, they create the conditions for trust, innovation, and high performance.

 

READY TO CREATE YOUR OWN SET OF KBIs?

 Start with the observable behaviours that matter most to your strategy. Remember that a behaviour is something visible and specific (for example, 'acts as a team player' is pretty generic and open to wide interpretation; instead, try 'offers specific feedback to peers that helps improve performance'). You can also look at simple tracking methods like peer observation grids, pulse surveys, or team retrospectives to help you surface valuable data.

How many KBIs should be on a leader’s scorecard? Ideally, you should have no more than 3 to 5. That range strikes the right balance between focus and effectiveness. Behaviour change requires intention, and tracking too many indicators at once dilutes both attention and impact. A short list allows teams to align more easily, reinforces clarity, and ensures measurement is actionable – not just performative. Behavioural psychology research supports this: leaders are more likely to embed new habits when they work on a small set of consistent behaviours rather than trying to change too much at once. Choose the few KBIs that truly reflect your current strategy, leadership goals, or cultural priorities – and then reinforce them consistently.

Once you've defined a few KBIs, ask yourself these questions:

  • What does it look like when someone is doing this behaviour well? In a high-accountability culture, this could mean a team member who not only completes their own deliverables, but also checks in on teammates to ensure interdependencies are on track. High-performing teams consistently exhibit behaviours like mutual support and peer-to-peer ownership.

  • What does it look like when they’re not doing this behaviour well? It's equally important to define what behaviours we don't want. In low-trust environments, team members may defer to silence in meetings, avoid difficult conversations, or hesitate to raise risks – all behaviours that reduce innovation and team development. A disengaged team might say ‘yes’ to the leader in the room, but avoid meaningful follow-up or accountability between peers.

  • How can we observe or measure it (qualitatively or quantitatively)? Try short pulse surveys that ask, “In the past two weeks, I’ve received constructive feedback from a peer,” or “I feel safe raising difficult issues in team settings.” Look for patterns over time, and talk about the observed trends during team meetings.

  • What actions, systems, or learning activities will help to reinforce it (recognition, coaching, feedback, reflection)? Publicly recognise peer-accountability behaviours during team meetings. Use team coaching circles to collectively reflect on what helped (or hurt) the group’s dynamic in a recent project. Beginning in 2015, Microsoft adopted a regular ‘Growth Conversations’ framework as part of its performance management overhaul, which led to a whopping 76% improvement in manager-employee dialogue by shifting the focus from evaluation to ongoing development.

 

WHEN A TEAM CULTURE TURNED AROUND

One of my executive coaching clients was grappling with a culture of passive-aggression on her leadership team. Meetings were marked by polite agreement, but that surface harmony masked real avoidance. Critical issues went unspoken, tensions were redirected into side conversations, and ownership was minimal. The team was stuck in a loop of performative collaboration and declining results. Their stagnating KPIs were a direct reflection of the underlying behaviours.

We introduced a simple dashboard with five KBIs tied to her goals. My favourite one was “When I don't agree, I say why.” At first, the team said it felt awkward and a bit risky to behave differently. But as the leader started modelling the ideal behaviours she was expecting from the team, and reinforcing it with others, the change in their culture was obvious. After six months, collaboration scores were up by 32%, and project delivery improved significantly.

 

THE INVITATION

If your leadership metrics are missing something, if you’re chasing numbers without seeing the culture that fuels them; if you're seeing less-than-ideal behaviours you didn't expect, it might be time to add KBIs to your dashboard. Because performance isn’t just about what you do; it’s about how you show up while doing it. 

If your organisation is ready to make behaviour as measurable and meaningful as outcomes, let’s connect. I help leaders align their strategy with the impactful behaviours that will deliver it.

Visit www.leslierohonczy.com to book a free discovery call.