BAG OF STONES Practice

By LESLIE ROHONCZY, Executive Coach (PCC), Integral Master Coach (IMC); Author of Coaching Life: Navigating Life’s Most Common Coaching Topics


PRACTICE: ‘BAG OF STONES’

When we experience overwhelm, it can feel like we’re carrying the weight of the world on our back. I wrote ‘Bag of Stones’ (see video below), as a powerful coaching practice to help us navigate our overwhelm and figure out how to lighten our load. Give this guided visualization a try, to help you identify what’s most important to you, what you no longer find useful, and what you can let go of. You’ll need a pen and your journal to answer the following questions:

Imagine you are a traveler walking along a path, and you’re wearing a large backpack. It’s uncomfortably heavy, and the longer you wear it, the more your back aches. You know it’s time to lighten your load, so you place it on the ground, open the top, and inside you discover three bags. The first one is made of the finest silk; the second is made of sturdy cotton, and the third is made of old burlap.

1.       You open the silk bag and discover that it contains riches beyond your wildest dreams: diamonds, rubies, and emeralds. These precious items represent the things that are most important in your life; things that fill you up and make you feel nourished, grounded, connected, and fulfilled. For me, these are my family, my music collaboration, and my creativity. What are your treasures? Name them, and then imagine repacking each precious item one at a time, pausing to deeply feel gratitude for each one before you place it back in the silk bag. Imagine placing the silk bag back into your backpack to bring along with you.

2.       You open the second bag and discover that it contains many smooth stones that have been polished by time. These represent the things that may have been useful in the past, but no longer serve you anymore. However, they may be valuable for somebody else who is not as far along the path as you are. For me, it was striving for career achievement. I’m done with this kind of striving, but it could be useful to someone at the beginning of their career who is trying to make their mark in the world. What stones are you ‘done’ with? Name them, and then visualize yourself leaving them at the side of the road to offer to another traveler. Visualize placing the empty cotton bag back in your backpack.

3.       You open the burlap bag, and discover it’s full of dirty, jagged rocks that represent your limiting beliefs, bad habits, unproductive behaviors, negative or painful experiences, self-judgment, and unhealthy relationships that you don’t need to carry around anymore. These rocks just create pain that distracts you from the true treasures in your life. What do your jagged rocks represent? Name each one, and then visualize throwing them over a nearby cliff, one by one. Place the empty burlap bag back in your backpack. Then strap this lighter backpack on your back and continue your journey, feeling a sense of lightness in your body and spirit.

Top Ten LEADERSHIP Truths

By LESLIE ROHONCZY, Executive Coach (PCC), Integral Master Coach (IMC); Author of Coaching Life: Navigating Life’s Most Common Coaching Topics

1. Become a leader for the right reasons

Make sure your main motivation is about developing others to be the best versions of themselves. Striving for a title is about you. Inspirational leadership is about serving your employees.

2. Speaking truth to power

The higher you rise in the leadership ranks; the less comfortable employees will be to tell you what they really think. Make it safe for them to tell you the truth, no matter how uncomfortable it may be to hear.

3. Get to know your leadership ‘presence’

How you show up really matters. Look for the ‘shining eyes’ in your people, as evidence that they are inspired and engaged. If you don’t see their engagement, ask yourself who YOU are being as a leader, that your employees are not engaged.

4. It’s not all up to you

Don’t expect yourself to have all the answers, or to be right every single time. Be humble and understand that you don’t have to make all the decisions, it’s not your job to make everyone happy, and you don’t need to be the smartest person in the room. It’s not all up to you.

5. Be authentic

It’s a lot easier to be your authentic self than to keep track of multiple versions of yourself curated for different audiences. People are much better at sniffing out a phony than we may realize. Walk your talk; share your values; be transparent about what you think and how you feel.

6. Grow your people

Leaders get their work done through others, so build your people, not your empire. Delegate assignments with the intention to develop someone; to give them profile and recognition; to let them prove something to themselves; to help them build a new skill and experience. Don’t delegate just to get more shit done.

7. Grow your leadership EQ

It will serve you, your employees, and your bottom line much better than your IQ ever will. Accept that you’re never done learning. Invest in, grow, and regularly update your leadership toolbox. And make the time to get to know the humans who work for you. They will teach you the most valuable leadership EQ lessons.

8. Create a psychologically safe environment

If there’s lack of trust on your team, you may have a ‘nice problem’: people not willing to challenge each other or to share their questions, failures, or ideas (a.k.a. cordial hypocrisy). Make your team a judgment-free zone where employees (and leaders) can be vulnerable, fail and learn, experiment, share authentic results, and mentor each other.

9. Get out of the weeds

This is especially important at higher levels of leadership. If you love the weeds, then do the weeds work and accept that leadership is probably not for you. And don’t confuse management (planning, organizing, supervising, controlling) with leadership (inspiring your people to contribute their best).

10. Lead by example – always

Modelling behaviors can inspire employees to embrace change, innovate, and improve. Modelling accountability can increase clarity, transparency, and engagement. Modelling self-care can help with employee wellbeing and retention.