WHAT LIMITING BELIEFS ARE HOLDING YOU BACK?

LESLIE ROHONCZY | MARCH 2024

In a recent coaching session, I worked with a client who had made an important career decision. Together, we explored how certain unconscious, limiting beliefs can silently influence our experiences, behaviors, and perceptions. These beliefs often lurk beneath the surface, shaping our lives without us even realizing it.

What I’ve noticed is that it doesn’t matter whether my client comes from the business or music world; emerging or seasoned professional; CXO or entry-level employee; limiting beliefs can keep us small, stuck, and blocked from living our best lives.

Research by Dr. Carol Dweck, the renowned psychologist who coined the terms "fixed mindset" and "growth mindset", highlights the pervasive nature of limiting beliefs. She describes how beliefs about our abilities can profoundly impact our success. Those with a fixed mindset have the limiting belief that their abilities (or lack of abilities) are innate and unchangeable, leading them to shy away from challenges. Conversely, those with a growth mindset view challenges as opportunities for growth and embrace them wholeheartedly.

Take, for instance, a common limiting belief I’ve seen with clients: expecting other people to react with the same emotions WE would have in a similar situation. The reality is that we’re all wired differently, and we can’t rely on our own emotional wiring and internal perceptions to map how others will react.

Another limiting belief that many of us unconsciously hold is believing that we can somehow control others' thoughts or opinions about us. As I've written in my book, ‘Coaching Life: Navigating Life’s Most Common Coaching Topics’, what others think of you is simply none of your business. Others’ reactions to you – negative or positive – just shows you how others are wired, and what THEY pay attention to. It doesn’t reveal any more to you about who YOU are, your worth, or your value.

If, like many others, this topic of limiting beliefs resonates for you too, here's a powerful four-step coaching practice to tackle limiting beliefs head-on.

Challenge Assumptions with Evidence

1.      Identify the Limiting Belief: Start by pinpointing the belief that is underlying a behavior you wish to change. What limiting belief prevents you from acting they way you want to, or causes you to second-guess yourself? Reflect on past experiences and patterns to uncover the root cause of your limiting belief.

2.      Seek Supporting Evidence: Ask yourself: what evidence can I find that reinforces this belief? Considering both internal experiences and external influences, what evidence or proof confirms this belief to be true? And how do you know they’re true?

3.      What Evidence Proves the Opposite is True: Seek out evidence to challenge or disprove your limiting belief. Challenge yourself to adopt a curious and open-minded approach, striving for as many other perspectives as you can find. The simple act of looking for opposite examples to our limiting beliefs creates relief from the anxiety of harsh self-judgment. (When we go looking for this contrary evidence, we have a pretty good chance of finding it.)

4.      How Would You Behave Differently: Finally, envision how you would behave if this limiting belief were not holding you back, and the opposite were in fact true. Visualize yourself taking bold and confident actions aligned with your true desires and values. Experiment with showing up in this new way, and notice what is more accessible to you as a result – inside of you in the moment; in the room with others; how people respond differently to you; and how you feel differently about yourself, as a result.

Remember, while beliefs shape our reality, they are not immutable truths. By ferreting out our limiting beliefs, one at a time, and then challenging and reshaping them with a growth mindset, we transform our experiences, and have more resources available to realize our true potential.

AFTER THE STORM: INSIGHTS FROM THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD

POLARIZATION, ENTITLEMENT, AND THE POST-COVID MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS

LESLIE ROHONCZY | MARCH 2024

I have an insatiable curiosity. I love to immerse myself in human behavior and neuroscience research, books, and podcasts. I try to tie threads of understanding together, to make sense of the world at a deeper level. In fact, this intrinsic longing for sense-making is what drives blog posts like this one. I am curious about the myriad factors that influence our behaviours, and what makes us humans behave the way we do, and… how in the hell we wound up here.

Over these past four years, I have sometimes felt like Dorothy in the tornado scene from The Wizard of Oz, swept up in the swirling funnel cloud of fear and chaos that threatens what I care about most. I know I’m not alone.

The mental health ramifications of the Covid-19 pandemic are profound and well documented. In mid-2020, when I was part of the Covid-19 response team at one of Canada’s crown corporations, I recall reading forecasts from mental health experts warning of an impending ‘mental health pandemic’ that would surely come on the heels of Covid, and that the trauma and isolation inflicted by this global crisis would create mental health challenges the likes of which we’ve never seen. Fast forward four years, and we find ourselves here, amidst a relentless upsurge in entitlement, polarization, depression, anxiety, and societal upheaval.

We can’t claim to be surprised. They warned us it was coming.

We are collectively navigating this tumultuous aftermath, often reacting instinctively, without fully understanding the underlying forces driving our restlessness, fear, suspicion, or entitled behaviour. We’re all walking this metaphorical yellow brick road, trying to figure out how we as individuals, and as a society, can get back home to the familiarity and comfort of our ‘normal’ lives.

The ferocity of the Covid-19 tornado, swirling with ideological polarization, has torn a swath of devastation through the fabric of our society. While some of our well-worn societal structures were already decayed and better off levelled to the ground – the notion that 'workers need to be physically present in an office to be productive', for example – countless facets of our society now resemble battlegrounds torn up by irreconcilable ideological divides. It's as if the tornado has knocked down some of our pillars of reason and cooperation, leaving us standing in the rubble, on separate islands.

The polarization that has gripped us as a society is fueled by misunderstanding and a rapid rise in ideological divides. Some estimates I’ve read stated that it’ll likely be ten years before the effects of this crisis level out. In this heightened state, we tend to dismiss people and ideas that don’t align with ours, and gravitate toward like-minded people, as a defense mechanism. It just feels safer, and validating, especially in a world where so little feels safe or assured.

And the media – both social and traditional – play a significant role in the storm. We see a proliferation of polarizing platforms who exploit and exacerbate this division, while balanced news outlets struggle with shrinking budgets, resources, and workforces. Social media platforms in particular are a breeding grounds for conflict, with blame and misinformation spreading faster than the Wicked Witch’s flying monkeys.

And behind the proverbial curtain, politicians and world leaders furiously spin dials and flip switches in response. Some manipulate the levers of power to exploit polarization for their own political and personal gains, while others genuinely try to create a sense of normalcy for their people. What the heck is ‘normal’ now, anyway?

Polarization shows up in different ways. In some countries, political parties are so polarized that violence and vitriol between people with different alliances and opinions is commonplace. At work, we see employees blaming leaders; protesters blaming police; and even within our own families, there are things we’re no longer able to discuss without spitting venom all over each other. You may have noticed that people seem to be on high alert more than ever before, constantly on the lookout for how they’ve been victimized. And when they find something, whether warranted or not, it becomes an opportunity to unleash righteous indignation and fury. Toto, we’re definitely not in Kansas, anymore.

Meanwhile, a sense of entitlement seems to have emerged as a pervasive force, with some individuals and groups laying claim to privileges previously unimagined in the pre-Covid era – again, ‘working from home’ springs to mind, albeit from the perspective of some employees demanding fully remote work arrangements. Entitlement, driven by a sense of injustice and fear, has only deepened our divisions.

Yet, amidst this cacophony of political rhetoric and societal discord, a glimmer of hope emerges. Beneath the surface, there is a growing desire to dispel misunderstandings and foster dialogue, to help us realize that, like the Scarecrow who longs for a brain, we can challenge our unconscious beliefs, and make informed decisions. As Maya Angelou famously wrote, “when we know better, we do better.”

And like the Tin Man who longs for a heart, we yearn for compassion in a world gripped by fear. Despite pervasive divisions and animosity, a collective human heart beats within us, craving connection and understanding. Through empathy, patience, curiosity, and kindness, we can find ways to melt the icy barriers of polarization and build bridges of understanding.

And, like the Cowardly Lion in our story, we seek courage in the face of adversity – not just for the physical threat posed by the Covid virus, but courage to navigate the mental health fallout in its wake. Like the Cowardly Lion finding his roar, we too can summon the courage to confront the storm head-on.

By standing up to our fears, challenging assumptions, growing our emotional intelligence, bravely and compassionately challenging limiting beliefs, and embracing dialogue and compromise, we will not only weather this current storm; we will emerge stronger from it.

Let’s start conversations at the dinner table. Let’s encourage teachers and coaches to help our kids understand the emotional reactions they’re experiencing. Let’s make it safe for people to explore beliefs or opinions that are different than our own. And let’s help each other get curious about what nuggets of truth these differing perspectives are built upon.

Just like Dorothy’s quest to find her way home, amid the longing for a return to a sense of stability and normalcy, what we’re seeking may lie inside of us, not outside.  

There’s no place like home.

There’s no place like home.

There’s no place like home.