by Leslie Rohonczy, Executive Coach, IMC, PCC | ©2024 | www.leslierohonczy.com
As a leader, your role often involves sharing your wisdom and experience with employees, peers, partners, and superiors. But before offering advice, ask yourself a powerful question: “How might I help this person to create insights and grow awareness through asking a powerful question?”
You’ll know you’re on the receiving end of a powerful question by the impact you feel from its weight. A powerful question sparks significant "a-ha" moments, suddenly illuminating new perspectives, provoking insight and new awareness, and acting as a catalyst for personal and professional growth. The power of a powerful question is undeniable.
When we’re on the receiving end of a powerful question, our brains naturally go looking for an answer. We’re wired for it. But the effectiveness of this process largely depends on how, when, and what type of question is asked.
One of the most common questions I encounter in my coaching and leadership training sessions is, “What makes a question ‘powerful,’ and where can I find them?” Unfortunately, there’s no standard cheat sheet of powerful questions you can tuck into your back pocket and whip out when you need a good one – it just doesn’t work that way. The most powerful questions are created in the moment, born of genuine curiosity, emerging from what we’re hearing, and intended to create new insights.
THE NATURE OF POWERFUL QUESTIONS
Powerful questions prompt people to think in new ways, leading to new insights, actions, or commitments. They are delivered with a keen sense of timing and rapport, respecting the individual's current state. For instance, consider asking, “I understand this is a big decision for you and that it naturally causes some anxiety. How do you think you’ll feel once the decision is made and you’re ready to move forward?” This question acknowledges the present concern and guides the person towards visualizing a positive outcome.
Questions can vary greatly in their effectiveness. Closed-ended questions typically yield yes or no answers and may not encourage deeper thought. On the other hand, 'good enough' questions offer some value, helping individuals explore their feelings or instincts. For example, asking a colleague, “What does your instinct tell you to try next?” might help them tune into their intuition. However, the most impactful questions expand awareness while inspiring action. Avoid questions that merely suggest a course of action or present a laundry list of possible solutions without engaging deeper thinking.
WHAT MAKES A QUESTION POWERFUL?
The intention behind your question is critical; it should be to create new awareness in the other person. This requires genuine care and curiosity, with questions often starting with "What," "When," "How," "Who," or "If." Notice that “Why” isn’t listed. If you ask your employee "Why haven't you made a decision?", they may not know why. A more powerful question might be, “What are you most concerned about in making this decision?” This encourages the person to reflect on underlying fears or concerns.
DISCOVERING POWERFUL QUESTIONS
To find powerful questions, you must listen carefully to uncover the real issue and what's beneath the surface of what's being said. Stretch your thinking and encourage others to do the same. Often, the simplest questions are the most powerful. “What’s next?” “How will you do that?” “What might get in your way?” and “What do you want?” Listening attentively allows you to tailor your questions to the person's unique situation.
But not all questions are created equal. Avoid closed-ended questions and those that suggest solutions disguised as questions. For instance, asking, “Why don’t you try X?” is not as effective as asking, “What options have you considered?” Additionally, avoid multiple-choice questions that can overwhelm the person with choices. The most effective questions are open-ended and invite exploration, without fishing for specific answers.
EXAMPLES OF POWERFUL QUESTIONS
"What would you like to achieve by the end of this 1:1 coaching conversation?"
"What would you like more of in your life? Less of?"
"If you could change just one thing right now, what would it be?"
"What's the first (or easiest) step you could take within the next week?"
“What are you avoiding? What do you NOT want to look at or talk about?”
"How does that serve you?"
“How might you show up differently if you weren’t worried about being judged”?
"How will you celebrate reaching that milestone? Describe how it will feel to achieve it."
“What do you need to see, feel, have, or do, in order to be brave?
"What are you taking away from this conversation today?"
CHARACTERISTICS OF GREAT QUESTIONS
Three aspects make questions great: curiosity, authenticity, and fluidity. Great questions are curious: they reflect a genuine interest in the person’s experiences, beliefs, and assumptions. It’s essential to be comfortable with silence after asking a question and avoid filling the space with more words. Great questions are authentic: they do not lead the person to a preconceived answer.
Instead, they are open and exploratory. And great questions are fluid: they adapt, based on the responses you receive as the conversation evolves. If a question doesn’t yield a clear answer or deeper insight, approach the issue from a different angle.
TIPS FOR ASKING POWERFUL QUESTIONS
Minimize "why" questions: These can often be unproductive for two reasons: they may put the person on the defensive; or the person may not know ‘why’ they behave a certain way. Instead, get more specific in your question.
Avoid sharing similar experiences: Resist the ‘me too’ urge and stay in exploration mode with your employee. Their experience may feel familiar, but it’s not the same as your experience. Sharing your experience may come across as ‘counterfeit empathy’, stealing the learning opportunity away from your employee, and the coaching opportunity away from you.
Embrace silence: Give the person time to think and respond without rushing to fill the gap. This is especially true for more introverted types, who prefer to think before speaking. If you ask a great question, and then add more details to fill the silence, you’re interrupting their think time. Learn to sit in silence while someone processes your question.
Avoid multiple-choice questions: It isn’t helpful to offer potential ‘right answers’ (e.g.: “Did you miss the deadline because you’re over-capacity, or just not interested in this project?”). The truth may be completely different than the two choices you offered, but the question has them focused on which choice is closest to their truth. Multiple-choice questions can limit exploration and overwhelm the person.
THE COURAGE TO ASK QUESTIONS
Asking questions rather than offering advice takes courage. It requires you to resist the urge to provide solutions and instead foster a space where others can develop their own understanding and solutions. This process not only helps them grow, but also strengthens your mentoring and coaching abilities.
While there is no handy, back-pocket list of powerful questions (because they arise from what you’re hearing), Michael Bungay Stanier’s book "The Coaching Habit" is an excellent resource for learning how to amp up your question game. It delves into the various question types and provides practical examples to enhance your skills.
SEVEN AWESOME QUESTIONS TO GET YOU STARTED
While there isn’t a handy ‘cheat sheet of powerful questions’ to pull out when you’re stuck, thanks to Michael Bungay Stanier, author of The Coaching Habit, here are seven CATEGORIES of questions that can be super helpful:
The KICKSTARTER Question: It's a great opening question that replaces small talk with something a little crunchier. For example, ‘So what's on your mind today?’ This question says, "Let's talk about the thing that matters most to you."
The AWE Question: That's A.W.E., which is an acronym for ‘and what else?’ This magic little question creates a lot more wisdom, insight, self-awareness, and possibilities out of thin air. ‘And what else’ can also be ‘and who else’, or ‘and why else’, or ‘how else’.
The FOCUS Question: This helps you to help someone focus on and solve the right problem. It can help them grow a new problem-solving muscle while demonstrating that you're really interested in their input and can also help drive accountability and engagement.
The FOUNDATION Question: Sometimes this can cause a deer-in-the-headlights reaction in that the person may not be able to answer your question. That's okay… ask it anyway. It's planting a seed that they can reflect on which will create new insight for them and help them untangle their wants from their needs. For example, ‘What do you want and what is really driving that want?’
The LAZY Question: Sometimes, in our good intentions to be helpful, we can kind of get in the way. If, for example, we step in and take over or become too directive, it can create an unintended but uncomfortable power dynamic between the two of you. Instead, simply ask, ‘How can I help?’ An even more direct version of this is ‘What do you want from me?’ Just make sure that your tone is positive on that one.
The STRATEGIC Question: This is focused on what NOT to do. It helps your employee to be really clear and committed to their yeses, bringing clarity to both of you. For example, you can ask, ‘So if you're saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?’
The LEARNING Question: According to neuroscience research, most classroom learners will not retain most of the content they’re taught, unless they can put it into action quickly, actively processing and integrating the information. You can help to create the space for those learning moments when meeting with your employees. When they return from a conference, training session, or workshop, ask what was most useful to them in that learning experience. This helps them really make the connection between new information, and what's already within their awareness.
